I had good intentions with this story (to finish and post within a couple of months of starting), but you know what they say about good intentions. Apologies for the delay and *fingers crossed* I can get back on track with the storyline.

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You are the light,

To my soul

//

You steal my heart,

And you take my breath away

“Everything” by Lifehouse

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Growing up Daehyun, like most kids on the planet are similarly hardwired to do, loved his birthday. It was the one day in all the year he looked forward to the most and he’d count down the days in eager anticipation. In the kitchen a calendar would hang and after learning to write he would take a bright red ink pen to circle the date and officially announce the very important event — the spelling errors decreased the older he got, but his carefree overuse of exclamation points remained unchanged.

Birthdays were amazing. It was a day centered on celebrating him (after his sister was born, he appreciated this fact more so) and he got cake and presents. His mother made all his favorite dishes and he got to have a party where he could invite as many friends as he wanted to.

At such a young age, he never thought he would learn to hate his birthday but that’s exactly what happened.

The last time he celebrated with friends was when he turned nineteen. They went out to dinner and then clubbing after where he consumed a suitable amount of alcohol to commemorate the fact he could legally drink but not enough that it would result in bad decisions that would either land him in jail or leave him with an embarrassing tattoo.

His group of friends could always be counted on to turn a good party into an even better one, and his nineteenth was no exception.

It was toward the end of their evening out when it happened.

Before collectively calling it a night, he wanted to buy everyone one last round of drinks (they insisted on buying all the other rounds so this one would be on him). When he returned, he planned to make some sappy — sappy because that’s how he rolled, and because alcohol (always always blame the alcohol) — speech about how he had the best friends ever, no really he did, and how much he loved them, and how clearly they had amazing taste because they were friends with him.

Since he only had two hands, he roped his best friend into helping him carry back drinks.

A hot up-and-coming deejay had started to play shortly after midnight struck which meant two things: a hopping party atmosphere and a club so crowded it’d give a claustrophobic person nightmares. On their way to the bar, his friend saved a girl from falling after she got shoved in the club’s chaos. It was as she turned to thank him that Daehyun saw the realization on both their faces that they’d just met their mate.

After that night, birthdays no longer held the same kind of magic and excitement. Instead they became an unwanted reminder that another year passed and he was still alone.

If he had it his way, he’d much rather ignore the day completely, but that would never happen with his family. They wouldn’t let him. And so it was because he loved his family dearly, and because he knew they loved him just as much, that he showed up every year for a family birthday dinner and did his best to keep his smile bright and cheerful the entire time. He didn’t want to disappoint or worry them.

Later if he went home to an empty apartment and felt an equally overwhelming emptiness inside of him, it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like there was anyone around to notice.

*

Youngjae sees the strain on Daehyun. It’s subtle, so subtle that even those who have known Daehyun longer might miss it, or the very least not understand its inner depths.

He’s always been sensitive to the emotions of those around him. It’s why even though he’s a bit introverted by nature, he tries to speak first when meeting new people so they will be comfortable, or when a conflict arises in a friend group, he’s quick to crack a joke to clear the tension.

With Daehyun, because he is his soulmate, his sensitivity is heightened to an even higher degree. If Youngjae could view emotions in color — he can’t but he thinks it would be a pretty cool trick — he’s certain that Daehyun’s would be the brightest, most vivid of all.

He can tell that it’s hard on Daehyun, not being with him and his alpha. How not having them both, not in the way he needed, is taking its toll. He doesn’t think of Daehyun as selfish or greedy, like he wants to have his proverbial cake and eat it too; it’s more akin to a physiological need he cannot control. Just as much as his soul is connected to Daehyun’s — as much as Yongguk’s alpha blood surely sings for his omega — the need Daehyun feels for him and Yongguk is something fundamentally part of his DNA.

But Daehyun is stubborn and will not say anything.

Daehyun seems (and it’s the key word here, seems) perfectly content to keep acting like everything is fine. That he is fine. Youngjae is starting to hate the word ‘fine’. It’s not that he doubts his or Yongguk’s ability to make Daehyun happy. They can, and they do.

It’s just— as humbling and as hard as it is to admit, it’s not enough.

He’s perfectly aware that Daehyun will deny it if given the chance, he fully expects that even, but he can clearly see it. And beyond seeing it, he can feel it. He can feel what the separation, the compartmentalization of having an alpha and a soulmate, is doing to Daehyun.

It pains him as much as it pisses him off because he knows Daehyun will continue down his path of stubbornness, which is why he decides to do something about it.

Daehyun’s twenty-ninth birthday is coming up on Monday, and he made weekend plans for them after subtly checking with Daehyun that he didn’t already have a prearranged date with Yongguk.

(He would have loved for it to be a complete surprise but some things can’t be helped.)

It’s only a short two-night trip and they would have to return Sunday, but he’s determined to make it the best birthday celebration he can for Daehyun. A couple of months ago, Daehyun had mentioned how much he loved the ocean and that he hadn’t been in years so he booked a room at a bed-and-breakfast type of place that overlooked the sea. He had been there once before because it was a halfway point between Seoul and where his parents live, but he had been alone then. It had been lovely and beautiful and yet the whole time he couldn’t ease the ache in his chest as he thought about how much nicer it would be to share the view with someone he loved.

It’s why he wants to take Daehyun there.

Come morning they can walk along the beach, barefoot and blissful with sand between their toes, inching closer and closer to the water’s edge until waves start to lap at their ankles. Laughing and content they’ll watch the sun rise, bringing with it a fresh new start. And later, much later, after sand castles have been built and knocked down and the sun sets and the moon lights the darkened sky, he’ll take Daehyun to bed and leave no doubt in his mind how much he loves him.

*

It’s their last morning at the hotel, and the morning before his twenty-ninth birthday and Daehyun wakes first. The little spoon to Youngjae’s big spoon, Youngjae’s arm around his middle keeps him tucked securely against him, making Daehyun breathe out a soft sigh of pleasure.

Thinking back to this time last year, how much he dreaded marking another year alone and with dwindling hope of finding love, he marvels at how drastically his life has changed. For the first time in a very long time, he feels the same fervent excitement that he did as a child bubbling up inside of him. He’s certain that he’s never been happier to celebrate his birthday. He’s not alone, not anymore, and it’s an exhilarating rush of emotions to realize that.

The clock that sits on the nightstand shows it’s just past eight, which explains why he still feels sluggish considering how late he and Youngjae had stayed up. Memories fresh from the night before come back and bring a satisfied simper to his face.

After telling him that he wanted to make sure the first birthday they shared together would be a memory Daehyun never forgot, Youngjae had been on a one-man mission to celebrate every inch of his body. Inscribing birthday wishes and sweet nothings onto his skin with skilled fingers, Youngjae’s lips followed with kisses designed to arouse and unravel him slowly, surely over and over again until Daehyun’s mind was filled with nothing but the taste and feel of Youngjae. Helpless to do anything else, he surrendered fully, soaking up all the attention and love until his heart was so full he felt it would burst.

Carefully extracting himself from Youngjae’s hold, he turns to face his soulmate. He presses a sweet kiss to Youngjae’s lips and the other man’s eyes flutter open, delicately like a butterfly’s wings in springtime.

“Good morning.” Youngjae’s voice is still heavy with sleep, but his lips curve into an easy smile.

Daehyun grins in return. “Good morning, sunshine.” He can’t resist and steals another kiss. In the morning light, as if he’s the sun’s personal muse and reason for rising, Youngjae is always so damn beautiful. “Love you,” he whispers softly as if he’s sharing a secret, his hand coming up to gently caress Youngjae’s cheek in adoration. “You know we could have stayed home all weekend and I wouldn’t have cared… but you wanted to make my birthday special for me, and it was. It is. This place is so beautiful and perfect and it’s not because of the scenery at all. It’s because I’m here with you.”

Youngjae thinks back to the last time he had been here, how empty his heart had felt. And now here he is with Daehyun, his soulmate, who is looking at him like he’s some kind of wonderful, and his heart aches again. Not because he’s lonely, but because his heart is so full with love for Daehyun. “Thank you for being here with me.” Turning his head his lips leave a kiss against Daehyun’s palm, before drawing his hand down to lace their fingers together. “Happy birthday.”

*

Later that afternoon (because Youngjae easily persuaded Daehyun against going downstairs for breakfast and instead listed the benefits of having room service delivered to them, the most important benefit being that they needn’t get fully dressed which then led to certain activities involving syrup and a few feathers — the feathers were accidental, thanks to a pillow that’s now a little less full — and required a long hot shower after), they’re at the beach again at Daehyun’s request. He wanted to walk along the beach wriggling his toes in the sandy shores one last time before heading back to the concrete jungle of the city.

A comfortable silence has settled between them as they enjoy the beauty surrounding them and the simplicity of being here together. It also helps strengthen Youngjae’s resolve that there’s no time or place better than now to bring up the idea that’s been circling in his mind more and more often. He waits though until they walk a sufficient distance, wanting to ensure they’re far enough away from beach-goers so they can have an uninterrupted conversation.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about us lately,” Youngjae starts, just as Daehyun comes to an abrupt stop. He realizes his phrasing makes Daehyun think the worst, and he quickly leans forward to brush his lips against Daehyun’s in a quiet apology and in reassurance, wanting to ease his soulmate’s fears. “And I’ve been thinking about you and Yongguk.” Daehyun’s eyes widen hearing his alpha’s name. Plunging forward without giving himself a moment to change his mind (or to wonder if, perhaps, he’s losing his mind to suggest such a thing), “I think the three of us should move in together.” He says it with all the confidence in the world, even if his insides feel the polar opposite.

“Wh-what?” Daehyun stumbles back, almost losing his balance over being caught off-balance by Youngjae’s simple declaration. Youngjae reacts fast though and saves him from falling, grabbing his hand to steady him (physically at least).

“You’re not happy, Daehyun-ah. You can’t keep fooling yourself like this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The denial is quick and sharp like a knife’s edge. “I’m happy,” — he stops to take both of Youngjae’s hands into his own to hold tightly before kissing him sweetly — “I am so, so happy. I love you. I really, really love you, you have to know that,” Daehyun says low and soft, a quiet urgency and plea for Youngjae to believe him.

“I love you, too.” The words that Daehyun has said many times now never fail to make him smile and make him feel the same fluttering excitement and happiness as they did the first time he heard them. Love is, by nature, a principal part of their soulmate bond but it doesn’t diminish the joy that Youngjae feels every time Daehyun repeats those three words. “And I’m sorry, it seems like I’m wording things poorly. You are happy, but you’re not as happy as you could be… as you should be, and that is what matters to me.”

Daehyun lets go of Youngjae’s hands, ready and itching to use his hands and voice to protest the validity of his soulmate’s statement, but Youngjae forges on, not giving him the chance.

“I know you love me, I can feel it.” Daehyun’s always said the words wrapped up in such a genuine sincerity that Youngjae has never for a single second doubted the depths of Daehyun’s feelings for him.

“So then? I don’t— I don’t…” He doesn’t understand. Feeling flummoxed and not sure he can handle the conversation while standing, Daehyun drops to the sand. He doesn’t care that later he’ll need to shower and change clothes again.

Youngjae follows Daehyun’s lead, sitting down next to him, and takes Daehyun’s hand in his, needing the comfort the skinship provides him as much as he wants to give comfort back to his soulmate. “This is… it’s unconventional what we have. There is no denying that, but I love you. I love you, Jung Daehyun,” he repeats the words slowly and with a steady voice, his eyes never wavering once from Daehyun and he sees Daehyun’s gaze and face soften hearing his declaration. “I can see how it’s affecting you to not be with Yongguk all the time, and before you try and counter that, I realize if you were with Yongguk all the time, you’d still have the need for me.”

“Your solution is to move in together?” Daehyun asks, his voice full of disbelief. He’s not sure how to even try and wrap his head around what Youngjae seems to be so casually suggesting. “How can you…” He can’t finish the question. He is that stunned. He’s already asked more of Youngjae, of Yongguk, than he should ever ask of his soulmate, of his alpha. How can he ask that of either of them, to give more than they’ve already freely given?

It’s not right.

He… can’t. He can’t do that.

He isn’t completely blind either. Youngjae may be extra sensitive to emotions, but Youngjae’s also his soulmate which means that even if Youngjae thinks he’s hiding it well, Daehyun knows it’s not been easy for Youngjae either, having the knowledge that he’s with Yongguk too. He hates himself that he’s hurting this precious, perfect human being that sincerely gave him his whole heart.

It cuts him deep that he can’t say the same. His heart is with Youngjae. But it’s also with Yongguk.

“I thought a lot about it.” Youngjae knew Daehyun wouldn’t agree immediately, would even be reluctant to say he’ll think about it, but he wants the conversation to at least start. He wants Daehyun to know it’s okay. “This is not something I mentioned lightly, some spontaneous spark of an idea. And you ask how can I? I ask you then, how can I not? It’s easy, Daehyun. I love you. I love you enough, more than enough, more than all the water in the seas and all the tiny grains of sand scattered throughout the world… you are my soulmate and I want you to be happy. That’s it. That’s my birthday wish for you now and for every year in the future. All I want is your happiness.”

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*Youngjae’s birthday wish for Daehyun makes me emo af. (Let Me Live, Yoo Youngjae, Let Me Live!)

Constructive criticism and honest thoughts about this chapter are much appreciated. Thank you!