__________

Open up to me, open up to me

I will always be your resting hour

Give it all to me, give it all to me

Maybe I can be your resting hour

“Resting Hour” by Green River Ordinance

__________

After leaving Youngjae’s place with a bag that’s packed with half the cheesecake (he protested, but it had been weak he’ll admit) and a few other pastries Youngjae wanted him to try — breakfast, he said with a smile, it’s the most important meal of the day, while encouraging him to eat fruit with it too— Daehyun stops back by his apartment to unload everything and to try and unwind a bit.

Youngjae hadn’t said much while he talked. He asked a couple of questions and Daehyun answered them, then he asked if he could have a few days to think about things. Which what else could he possibly say to that, other than to agree? The consideration is more than he deserves, and it’s the very least he can offer after turning Youngjae’s orderly life into one giant mess. Something as simple as finding your soulmate had, because of him, become something complicated.

Right before he left, he turned back to ask if it would be okay for him to visit the bakery over the weekend. Youngjae replied that he would look forward to it.

Daehyun still feels unsettled though, and it’s easy enough to figure out why. He’d been putting off this conversation since that morning he first met Youngjae, and now after today, especially after today, he knows it’s something he can no longer keep from Yongguk.

Today is, for better or for worse (and it’s the for worse part that terrifies him and has caused him restless nights), the day of his confessions.

It’s not like Yongguk hadn’t noticed his strange behavior. His tendency of late to blankly stare off into space, needing to have questions repeated more than once, his sporadic appetite. The way he slept with a shirt on at night when usually he complained of being hot. The way when Yongguk would kiss him, he’d clutch onto him tightly, desperately, like he was afraid of letting go; afraid that if he did, Yongguk would disappear.

Yongguk had asked him a week ago, his eyes full of concern and love, and he almost spilled everything to him right then. But he hadn’t felt ready — the fear of not knowing how the conversation would turn out had been too high of a wall for him to overcome — and that’s what he told Yongguk. He promised though to confide in him soon.

He still doesn’t feel prepared, but he can’t put the conversation off any longer. Yongguk needs to know. He deserves the truth.

It’s a little after eight by the time he arrives at Yongguk’s apartment. He uses the key to let himself in, shrugging off his jacket and winter gear to hang in the closet. Once finished, he turns to see Yongguk coming from the hallway that leads to his bedroom.

“Daehyun.”

In return greeting, he walks straight toward Yongguk, hugging him, and Yongguk’s arms wind around his waist to comfort. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he murmurs the question. “Will you tell me what’s bothering you?”

He can hear the plea in Yongguk’s voice and the worry in his tone, and he knows there can be no turning back. Stepping out of the embrace that provides him refuge, he nods slowly and takes Yongguk’s hand in his, leading him to the sofa. He sits first then tugs Yongguk down next to him.

To gather courage, he leans forward, kissing Yongguk, praying it won’t be the last time. The kiss starts heated, fueled by passion and desperation, but changes gradually into something softer and sweeter. Using his lips he writes the melody of a love song he never wants to end against Yongguk’s mouth, hoping even without words his alpha can feel how much he needs him.

He wants so much, too much almost, to give into temptation and let Yongguk take him to bed. To let Yongguk erase all his worries, emptying his mind of every little thing, until his only focus is the touch and feel of skin against his own, until Yongguk’s name is the only sound that spills forth from his lips.

Desiring that, he still backs away. His hands fall from where they circled Yongguk’s neck moments earlier. He doesn’t allow himself time to have second thoughts, instead he quickly rolls his sweater sleeve up and shows Yongguk his left arm.

He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. Yongguk would know exactly what the words, their placement, signified.

“How? When?”

“I don’t know,” he says, answering the first. It’s something he’s been asking himself for two weeks, and he’s no closer to understanding it. Despair evident in his voice, coating his words, his shoulders slump, weighed down by exhaustion and dealing with too many emotions. He works hard to keep his eyes on Yongguk’s, to not give in and look away because of the fear of what he may find in his lover’s eyes. “It’s been two weeks,” his confession starts, determined to be open and honest, even if it costs him everything. “When I met him, I froze. I-I didn’t understand what was happening, I couldn’t. I just left. But I met him again today for the first time.”

It seems utterly surreal that a few hours before he’d been sitting in Youngjae’s apartment, and he had felt the bond that tied them together as strong as if it had been something tangible he could touch. And now, sitting here with Yongguk, mere inches separating them, he can feel the power of their connection just as vividly.

It should not be possible, yet it is.

“He’s my soulmate, Guk. Even if I didn’t have these words written on my wrist as proof, I would know,” he says quietly. And it’s like once he breaks the dam, words come rushing out like water. “His name is Youngjae, and he owns a pastry shop that’s close to my school. He’s perfect and wonderful, and we have a connection I can’t deny. It’s this emotional pull that’s… it’s different. It’s so strangely different and similar and it’s confusing.”

Yongguk reaches out to clasp his hand, like a lifeline for him to grasp onto to keep from drowning, and he squeezes it back grateful for the touch.

“But you are my alpha, we’re mated. I’m your omega, I’m yours…” Daehyun feels the hysteria coming, rolling in like a storm, tears threatening to fall like rain. He trembles as his breaths become shallower and more rapid. “I am yours,” he says, needing to repeat the words to comfort himself, to make it more real because the thought of it not being true terrifies him to the core. “I’m yours, Yongguk, and you are mine. But then, there’s Youngjae. There is Youngjae who is my soulmate. You’re my alpha, he’s my soulmate, and I’m… I don’t know… I don’t know what I am,” he cries, his voice rising in panic, distress fully taking over. “It doesn’t make sense but meeting him today and talking to him, and then being here with you… it’s undeniable. I have a connection to you both.”

He starts sobbing in earnest, unable to stop the tears from spilling forth as his heart breaks at the thought of hurting Yongguk, of hurting Youngjae.

“So tell me, please. What am I supposed to do?”

Yongguk answers by pulling him into his arms, and Daehyun goes willingly, letting him console him like a small child. Yongguk murmurs sweet words to soothe, softly his back and pressing tender kisses along his skin, as two weeks worth of pent-up emotions pour out of him.

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,” he chokes out, crying harder in apology. “I love you.”

*

It’s been almost four months since he told Yongguk and Youngjae about being bonded to both of them. It’s been almost four months and it still feels like he’s floating through life, not quite believing everything that had happened.

Against all odds, both Yongguk and Youngjae accept the fact that there’s another person in the picture. That they’re not the only one he belongs to.

It’s something he never hoped for, because it was too unimaginable to begin to with.

The bond that ties together an alpha and omega and the bond between two soulmates is something engrained into their very DNA.

He is a teacher, a lover of knowledge and learning. He’s conducted dozens of science experiments for his kids, to teach them things like simple physics and weather phenomena, to make learning fun for them.

Never before had he considered he would become the subject of a study, but that’s exactly what he does. He reverts back to the basics. It’s been almost four months and during that time, he’s noted the ways his bond with Yongguk and his bond with Youngjae differ and how they’re alike.

Alpha-omega bond

High emphasis: physical, protection

Soulmate bond

High emphasis: emotional, happiness

Love forms the foundation of both, while the traits are not solely unique to one bond.

Because Yongguk makes him feel desired and safe, it brings the emotional aspect into play and makes him happy. For the emotional side of things, being content and happy makes the physical connection with Youngjae deeper and knowing he’s loved provides him a sense of security.

He, an omega, has an alpha and a soulmate.

Neither of them ask about the other very much — though Youngjae does question him a little about his heats, because as a soulmate he doesn’t know much about the alpha-omega world — and Daehyun isn’t keen to bring up Yongguk to Youngjae, or Youngjae to Yongguk. Yongguk knows that when he’s not with him chances are high that he is with Youngjae, and likewise Youngjae knows the same. It’s something implied but not explicitly said aloud.

There is no particular rhyme or reason to when he ends up at Youngjae’s pâtisserie or over at Yongguk’s place. The one time period that is always, exclusively Yongguk’s is during his heats.

Despite his best efforts to try and keep his relationships separate (because he feels like he has to, that he should), it doesn’t always work out. They end up colliding in unexpected ways.

For Yongguk, it’s likely due to some evolutionary trait that had remained heightened in the alpha’s DNA.

The first night he spent with Yongguk had led to (his heat had been on the verge of starting), but with Youngjae, it had been different. It had been a school night, but he hadn’t cared much. They spent the night together in bed, talking and cuddling into late-night hours, stealing kisses in between laughter and teasing. The next morning he had woke up late, not having time to shower since he needed to backtrack to his apartment for a fresh change of clothes. He only managed the hygienic basics, like brushing his teeth and shaving.

Later that night, he stopped by Yongguk’s studio to take him food, because he knew Yongguk had a deadline coming up and wouldn’t stop to feed himself. Even though he didn’t say anything to him, Yongguk hadn’t been fast enough to mask his initial reaction that he could smell another on him.

After that incident Daehyun makes sure to always shower before heading over to Yongguk’s.

Then with Youngjae, it’s after his heats are over that Daehyun notices the changes in his soulmate’s touch. Youngjae is a considerate lover, who always makes sure he’s well taken care of before satisfying his own desires. But he’s also one to tease, liking to draw out the nights they spend together until Daehyun is nothing but a pliant mess trembling underneath him. But when he sees Youngjae next after his heat has passed, Youngjae kisses him more gently than ever, as if he’s afraid of hurting him. He treats him carefully, so carefully full of tender affection and whispered devotion, as if he’s some kind of precious treasure that needs to be worshipped.

Daehyun knows some would envy him, would even go as far as asking if he saved the country in another life. He doesn’t need someone to spell it out for him; he knows how incredibly lucky he is to have not one but two people in his life that care so much about his happiness that they’re willing to give him the freedom to see them both without putting pressure on him.

That, however, does nothing to lessen the guilt he feels.

Being mated to him means that Yongguk and Youngjae are exclusive to him, but he’s unable to extend the same courtesy back. Monogamy is the fundamental building block of both a soulmate and alpha-omega bond. It’s the most essential, necessary element of their connection, and he cannot promise that to either of them.

He hates that he’s this way, that he’s different. That he cannot give Yongguk or Youngjae what they deserve. They deserve so much more than what he can offer, and yet they never make him feel that way.

A month ago, with the guilt slowly eating away at him, he tried to make it up to them the only way he could think of.

The idea of it pained him, physically hurt his heart, but it was only fair he thought, or as fair as he could try to make this situation that wasn’t very fair to begin with. He told them they could see and sleep with other people, that he would be okay with it.

It was the first time he saw either of them so visibly upset with him.

__________

* For those interested because yes I did get out a calendar to figure out specific details for this story, Daehyun’s heats are every two months (Jan, March, May, July, Sept, Nov) lasting two days (dates ranging from 8-10, 9-11, or 10-12).

Other dates you may find of interest:

Daehyun’s birthday is June 28, he met Yongguk July 8

Youngjae’s birthday is January 24, he met Daehyun February 3

Since this story is a first for me in many ways, I spent a lot of time considering, contemplating, and debating bonds. How they’re similar, how they’d be different. Would one be stronger, or more important? Or are they equally essential to Daehyun? I would love to hear what you think — do you agree with my thoughts, or do you have a different opinion on the bonds?

Comments/feedback/constructive criticism are very much appreciated and help me grow as a writer. Thank you!