Take a deep breath in. Take a deep breath out. Inhale, exhale. Do this for a couple of times until you finally calms down. "You need to calm down," is what he tells himself. 

Lu Han drinks half of his beer in one go. 

It sort of help—calming him down that is—and with the onslaught of memories attacking him, never had he realized how much he needed it.

Don't look at him. He tells himself, but then he quickly realizes that it's harder than one would say. He's there and of all the available chairs in their table, he chosen to sit directly in front of him. 

He's there. He thinks and tries his hardest to not look, to not take in the beautiful set of feline-like eyes before him, and not be blown away with the face which haunted his dreams for lo how many ing years. Don't look. He repeats and drinks the rest of his glass' contents. Only, the moment he puts down his glass is also the same moment he finally catches the pair of eyes which are looking at him. 

Lu Han forgets to breathe then because Kim Minseok is still ing lethal to his health. And when he flashes him that smile, he swears that everything else disappears and there's only the two of them.

And that everything's back to when it was ten years ago, that they're ten years younger and instead of a chicken house, they're in an old Chinese restaurant eating their heart out, smiling and learning about one another little by little.

But the feeling is fleeting, and sooner than later Baekhyun's loud mouth comes in and Lu Han is partly thankful and partly disappointed. Thankful because it saves him from the conversation with the man, disappointed because as much as he denies it, he wants to hear that voice be directed to him. 

"So tonight, after for ten ing years, we are finally complete again! I'm feeling emotional right now." Baekhyun, with a glass in the air, says and fakes cry with Jongdae hooting from seat. It is also this moment when Yixing emerges from the kitchen holding a platter of honey and butter chicken wings. If the man finds Baekhyun's dramatic display strange, he doesn't show it. Instead he simply smiles his dimpled smile as he places the platter on top of their table. Baekhyun thanks him with a grin and takes one chicken wing. 

"But anyway, that isn't the only reason why we've gathered here this evening." Baekhyun continues after devouring the wing and waves the bone around. "Tonight we are here to celebr—Yixing dear, please take a seat, your presence is also very much needed. Yes that's right, thank you." blowing a kiss to no other than the owner himself (who has no choice but to sit down next to Jongdae because he knows better than to go against the great Byun's orders). 

Satisfied that he finally has everyone on their seats—including Kyungsoo, who's later than Yifan and Minseok and didn't even apologized—Baekhyun once again raises his glass to the air. "Tonight, we celebrate as two of our long time friends finally decided that they had enough and it's about time that they tie the knot." He grins. 

"To you two," Baekhyun smiles at his friends as genuine joy glimmers in his eyes. "who deserve all the happiness the world has to offer, I, Byun Baekhyun, congratulates you. May you live the rest of your lives together with nothing but pure joy and that not even death breaks you apart. Please be happy." He ends and everyone else in their table raises their glasses in the air. 

But Lu Han whose eyes drifts to a certain person's ring finger simply softly exhales—an unknown emotion flashing on it—and he takes in, slowly, the silver ring with a single snowflake in the middle adorning a blue small crystal. He looks up and again, he catches his eyes. Yet this time Minseok doesn't holds his gaze, instead, he turns to his right and smiles at the person whom Lu Han knows so well:

Do Kyungsoo.

Backtrack: Ten Years Before

"Give me one last chance." 

The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them. His eyes are opened wide and he can perfectly see that Minseok is obviously caught off-guard by his words. In reality, he himself could not believe that he's here—holding onto the other boy's wrist tightly—and he's pleading someone to give him another chance. Never in a million years had he thought that he would do so. He promised he'd never do so. 

Yet, here he is. 

His promise of not asking for any favor or a second shot of something is quickly thrown away just because he was suddenly so afraid to see Kim Minseok go. Kim Minseok who is nothing but a target, nothing but a boy whom he paid no attention to just a month ago. And it frightened him. As much as how it shocked the other boy, it is nothing compared to the mixture of emotions that's happening in him. 

Lu Han doesn't understand any of it. 

(Or maybe, he simply couldn't accept the reality that is standing in front of him. Which is why he's letting the monster of Denial blind him instead of opening his eyes and see what's already there.)

"What do you think you're doing?" 

Minseok continues to not say anything. It isn't him who cuts through the awkward silence that came along Lu Han's bizarre request. It isn't him who pushes him away with a force that nearly makes him fall back down. It isn't him who is throwing the deadliest glare that he's ever seen. 

It isn't Minseok, but it is Minseok who stops the intruder from blowing more punches onto Lu Han's face. 

Do Kyungsoo is still as angry as how he'd been earlier before, and it if it wasn't for Minseok whose arms are wrapped around the younger boy's waist, Lu Han has a hunch he'd be sent to the hospital once the boy is done with him. "I thought I specifically told you to stay away? Are your bruises not enough, ?!" he growls and like how he was when Yixing was holding him, he struggles within the elder's hold. 

Lu Han could simply stagger back and doesn't say a word. 

"Kyungsoo, don't! Let's just go!" Minseok says while he tries his best to pull the boy to the door. Seeing that the younger is insistent on ripping off the skin on Lu Han's face, Minseok let go off Kyungsoo. Only to hold onto his wrist the last second. In the softest voice that he could, the elder shows his exhaustion by saying (pleading to be more precise) the following words: "please, that's enough. Let's just go home." 

And that seems to do the trick. 

Kyungsoo visibly relaxes at the sound of his voice. He turns his head to the elder and his face—which held the look of pure anger not so long ago—softens, especially with the expression Minseok is making. With a resigned sigh escaping his lips, the younger nods before the glare is back to his face as he turns his attention once again to Lu Han. " off will you?" he snarls then removes the hand on his wrist, choosing to hold it instead. He pulls Minseok out of the classroom without saying anything else, leaving Lu Han to stand there—taking in the elder's soft "sorry"—until their forms are completely out of his sight. 

They're gone. He thinks. 

He feels alone, suddenly. The clouds are still blocking the sun and while it doesn't really changes anything much—especially to his surrounding—Lu Han, for some reason, sees everything in black and white. Like suddenly, he looses his sense of colors and that the sudden heaviness of his heart affects the way he sees things. 

It . He inhales deeply. I don't like this at all. 

The image of that woman flashes his mind and Lu Han closes his eyes and clenches his hands. "I don't like this a bit." Biting his lower lip, he opens his eyes and focuses it to the still open door. He could almost still see Minseok standing there—in his same old uniform, same old black rimmed thick glasses, same old mussed hair, and same old distinct pair of eyes—and he's looking at him with what he would like to believe as concern. 

"This ," he murmurs before he exhales. 

And then he runs out of the room. 

He runs as fast as he could, ignoring all the school rules and simply orders his legs to move, move as if all that every matters relays solely on its ability to find and close the distance between him and the reason behind his heavy heart. 

He sees them when he takes a turn. Everything is still in black and white, everything is still in monotone, and yet the moment his eyes catches their back—his back—he takes in the dull navy blue color of Minseok's bag. It stands out from the rest of the world's monotonous color and as he comes closer, and closer, and closer, the colors are slowly returning. The dark blue of his school vest, the yellow lines that adorns its neck area, the stark white of his short-sleeved uniform underneath it, and the pale skin on the back of his neck. 

And as he finally takes a hold of his hand, everything burst into colors and Lu Han finds himself unable to stop. 

For the second time, he catches Minseok off guard but he doesn't give him a time to react. He holds his hand tightly before tugging him to the direction of the exit. 

Kyungsoo screams at him to stop, yet he doesn't. He pulls Minseok away as far as he could and ignores all the looks they're getting for his mind is set to only one thing: to get that one last chance and prove that he deserves that one last chance. 

He ignores them all. All the strange look, Kyungsoo's voice screaming at him to stop, Yifan who calls out to him as they passes him by, and simply drags Minseok until they're out of the school grounds. Yet, he doesn't stop just there. He needs to find a place where he can talk to the elder, a place where there's no Do Kyungsoo interfering, or Wu Yifan taunting him, a place where he can have Kim Minseok all by himself. 

And after for lo-how many minutes of aimlessly running, they finally stops on a bridge.

Below them the water is running peacefully—creating a small wave of sort on its surface while fishes swims in their own little word—a contrast to the way they are breathing heavily and how Lu Han's heart is pounding with exhilaration, exhaustion, and of course, that emotion that is always lingering whenever Kim Minseok is around. Gulping a huge breath, he straightens his posture and tries to calm his beating heart down and even out his breathing at the same time. He manages to after a couple of minutes but Minseok is still wheezing. 

He waits until the elder regains his breathing, yet, when he finally does, Lu Han finds himself unable to produce a single word out of his mouth. 

What was he supposed to say? He already asked him for a second chance—pathetically so—and all that's left was to wait for Minseok's response. And what if he'll say no, what would he do then? 

What would he do if Kim Minseok denies his request, just like how that woman did?

"You can't let that happen. You promise yourself you won't let that happen again." A part of him whispers and it's like a barrel of cold water is poured onto him and all of his senses finally comes back. "What are you doing?" he questions himself before he let go of Minseok's hand like he's been burned. "This isn't like you. He's just a target." 

He takes a step back. 

Right, this isn't like him. Why is he acting like this? Why is he suddenly acting like that snotty little boy from years ago? 

"Snap out of it."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." he says and looks away. "I shouldn't have dragged you all the way here... It was a stupid move, just forget it. Forget what I said in the classroom." he adds before walking to the corner of the bridge, eventually taking a sit on the cold hard ground. He knows Minseok is looking at him and Lu Han finds himself unable to look up, somewhat a little afraid that he'd see annoyance—worse, pity—reflecting on his eyes. 

"I'll leave you alone, you don't have to worry anymore..." murmuring the last part, Lu Han pulls his knees closer to his chest and buries his face on top of it. He feels the wind picks up its pace, ruffling his hair and uniform in the process of doing so, and he shivers a bit. He knows he shouldn't be there, he shouldn't show so much vulnerability to this boy, that he shouldn't let him or anyone else see just how much of a weak person he is in reality (a huge contrast to that boy everyone is so used to) but maybe, he thinks, he could be as vulnerable as he wants today. 

That for the last time—as he let go of the only person who he didn't managed to "conquer" despite of what everyone believes—he could show the side of him that he had always kept hidden from the world. 

The sound of feet shuffling away makes a soft bitter smile form on his hidden face, and he stops himself from staring at Minseok's disappearing silhouette. He's afraid that if he do so, he'd just repeat what he had done in the classroom. 

Once is already enough. He can't make a complete fool out of himself in front of the same person twice. He simply can't. He promised he'd not do so anymore, not after the pain that crushed him from the very first time he had done so. 

Once... Is more than enough.

Time ticks by slowly while he stays there—small and vulnerable, back pressed on the railing of the bridge and head rested on top of his knees. The fishes continues to swim below him, uncaring, unbothered by the waves of emotion that is swirling around Lu Han like a goddamned hurricane. Time doesn't stop, no matter how miserable you are, it simply doesn't. It gives no care of what you're feeling, or what you're going through. Nothing stops and all you could do is to continuously sit there and wait, until you stop being so damn miserable.

"Can I ask you a question?" 

Or until somebody pulls you out of that deep black pit of unwanted loneliness that you're in. 

The voice is soft—unsure even—but Lu Han recognizes it, hears it clearly. He looks up, not believing that that person could be here despite him saying that he'd finally leave him alone. That he'd be dumb enough to not take a run when he's given the chance. But then, he's here. He's here and he's standing before him, hands clutching the straps of his back pack tightly, his lower lip caught in between his teeth, like he's contemplating if this is okay. That if it's fine for him to be standing before Lu Han after he'd told him that he can finally go, go back to how he's always been. 

Maybe not.

"Why are you still here?" the younger manages to question in a hoarse voice. 

The light reflects on Minseok's glasses as he tips his head lower. He let go of the lip that's been trapped in between his teeth and shuffles his right foot. When he looks at Lu Han again, he's crouching down so that he could be eye level with the boy. The thing he does first is his lips before he sighs, his eyes transparent as ever and shows all the emotions he conveys within him. He's uncertain that moment, but at the same time, Lu Han could see the determination in them. 

"... There's just something that I want to ask." he says in a small voice, so small that it could easily be taken by the wind, could be disregarded as nothing. And yet, for Lu Han it is the loudest he'd heard. It's so clear and it rings in his ears like a melody. So beautiful, so clear. "I just want to know..." Minseok continues when the younger doesn't speak. "Why did I became a target?" he finally questions and his tone is laced with undeniable sadness. 

"Why did I became a target?" 

The question echoes in his head. The way the elder said it, the way his lips quirked into a sad knowing smile—almost as if he already know why, that he simply want to hear the truth from Lu Han's mouth—the way each syllable fell off his mouth, all of it are being replayed like a cinematic piece on a white cloth. And it's exactly the type of a movie that Lu Han find himself not liking yet can't stop from watching over and over again. Like there's something about it that simply draws him in. 

(That there's something about Kim Minseok that simply draws him in.)

"Because of a bet." Lu Han, whose silence lasted for a good amount of time, finally admits and says it while looking straight into Minseok's eyes. "Because you were simply at the wrong place and at the wrong time." he adds and the way the elder blinks, smiles sadly, and sigh, is enough to make his heart to clench painfully. 

"Because people like me are always at the wrong place and at the wrong time, right?" Minseok clarifies with that same smile still in place. The way Lu Han sees it, it seems like he already knows—knows why would the Lu Han spared him any attention in the first place, probably, he knows it from the start. Exhaling a deep breath, the elder looks down to his feet and adds: "everyone's always at the wrong place and at the wrong time." then sits directly in front of him. 

He stays there—much to Lu Han's disbelief—sitting quietly, eyes focused on something on the ground, the wind messing his already unruly hair. 

The apology is out of his mouth before he could stop it but the elder doesn't react. He simply raises his eyes from the ground and directs it Lu Han's large doe ones. Shaking his head, Minseok pulls his knees closer to his chest. "It's fine... I think? I was already expecting it, really, it's just kind of different hearing it straight from you." he murmurs then shivers when a cold wind passes them by. "It's always different when you're faced with reality." Minseok adds before he mimics Lu Han's earlier action by burying his face on his knees.

To a spectators point of view, it might look weird seeing them. Two high school boys sitting on a bridge, knees drawn to their chest with one whose face is hidden and the other whose expression is adorned with that of guilt. 

It's a strange sight. Something that people usually doesn't see on a regular basis. 

But for those two it's a start of something new; despite of the fact that they possibly don't know it yet. That they're highly unaware of how much of their hearts are they wearing on their sleeves, of how much they're breaking through the others' stone cold walls. Lu Han and Minseok doesn't know it yet, but it is when they are finally starting to form a bond that even time could not possibly break. 

"I promise," with his softest voice, Lu Han says his next words and hopes to God that Minseok could hear just how sincere he is in them. "I won't bother you anymore. I'm sorry for those rumors that I've caused, I'll do what I can to clear them. I'll leave you alone, I promise. I'm sorry that I drag you into this." he says, his words making the elder raise his head from his knees. 

But instead of simply accepting his words, Minseok surprises him—to why it's such a surprise, he can't tell—by asking him a simple: "why?" then adding a more elaborate question of "why are you suddenly giving up when you were so insistent on winning me over? What changed your mind?" Two questions which hold nothing but genuine curiosity in them. Two questions which usually wouldn't be thrown at him without any underlying emotions.

Why indeed? 

"Because you're a good person." Lu Han replies. He says the first thing that crosses his mind—the image of Minseok washing his brother's clothes, him letting Lu Han into their home, feeding him, giving him a place to stay for the night, and that how much of a selfless person he is. 

A person who this world doesn't deserve. Someone who Lu Han certainly doesn't deserve.

"What about the others that came before me? Were they not good people?" Minseok retorts and all Lu Han could do is to smile. Smile because he honestly doesn't know, that he realizes that he never really took the time to know those people he had labelled as "targets". 

"They probably were." he says before standing up. "I'm guessing you know I didn't gave them that much of attention. I guess that was my biggest fault with you. You were so difficult in comparison that I ended up giving you so much attention..." Lu Han confesses and swings his back pack to his shoulder. "But you don't have to worry anymore, I won't be bothering you."

"Let's go back to what we used to be..." Strangers... Acquaintances... Friends? No. Definitely not friends. 

Certainly not friends. 

They were never friends, Minseok quoted so. They were merely classmates, faces that are familiar to the other but they has no significant memories to tie them together. A bond of sort that could earn them a label that can't named as "stranger" but still not crossing the boundaries and be called as "friends". 

Minseok is right, they were never friends. 

Looking behind his shoulder, he flashes the elder one last smile. "See you around, Minseok." Is the last thing he says before he looks forward and takes a step.

He's walking forward, and yet, it feels like everything's in backwards instead. It's like he's seeing the world rewind itself, that the blocks that fell off his walls are all returning to their respective places like a puzzle piece, and soon enough he know he'd be back to where he was before he agreed to his cousin's bet: a robot incarnate who smiles because he should, who sleeps around with people because it somewhat makes him feel an emotion that is closer to "happiness", someone whose world is in dull monochrome because try as he may, he don't know what else to do or what could true happiness be.  

Everything is rewinding, everything is returning back to how it's supposed to be, to how it should be—

"Lu Han, wait!" 

But, is that what he really want? 

Kim Minseok is still there when he turns around. He's still there, only a few steps behind him, and deny as he may, Lu Han knows, feels, wants him to say something, that he wants him to stay, that not everything should return back to when they were more than strangers but less than friends. He wants him say it. 

(Wants anyone to say that they want him to stay. 

And it's foolish to want so because he never gave people the chance to be close enough to him for him to long that they say the simple sentence: "please stay." 

He never let anyone...

Until today.)

"If..." Minseok starts, he himself is a little unsure of what he's about to do. "If it's friendship that you want, I can always give it to you." he says before a small smile crosses his features. "So long that there's no bet of sort that is involved... You and I can always be friends. So long that you genuinely want us to be, we can always be..." Sticking his hand out, he looks at the younger with what could be hope. 

"We can always do a fresh start," the smile on his face tells Lu Han that he's a little embarrassed but even still, he doesn't pulls his hand away. "For instance, how about we start with an introduction? Hello, my name is Kim Minseok. I just turned eighteen last March and I, uh, I'm not interesting." And with a slight tilt of his head, his smile turns into a full grown grin as he wiggles his finger, urging Lu Han to take it. 

And Lu Han—who can't believe that it's Kim Minseok himself who is asking him to be friends, a role that is his—could only gape at the boy. 

"I appreciate you telling me the truth, really I do. I honestly wasn't expecting that you'd admit it and I just... I decided that if you would, maybe we can be friends for real this time. When there's no secrets involved, no hidden agenda of sort, maybe you and I could... Because.... Having another friend doesn't sound so bad to be honest." Minseok murmurs the last part with a faint pink tinting his cheeks. "So... Lu Han, will you be my friend?" 

"Will you be my friend?" 

It has a nice ring to it. It really does. And it's mostly like due to it—and the warmth that is with Minseok's words—that he walks closer to the elder and slowly, almost like he's afraid that he'd break him with the touch of his fingertips, he takes the waiting hand to his. 

"Lu Han," he starts. "My eighteenth birthday was just last april... And I'm an , the worst type but—but if you still want us to be then yes, let's be friends... For real this time." The grin on Minseok's face is no doubt blinding, especially when the sun shines on him after the clouds finally scatters away and let its rays shower the once gray world. 

Maybe—as hope bubbles in his chest—that maybe, for the first time in his life, after for what feels like forever, he could finally and truly feel what happiness is. 

(He doesn't realizes it yet, but the blocks on the walls he'd built are once again crumbling down and this time, it leaves a big opening. An opening that is enough for Kim Minseok to enter.)

Do Kyungsoo hates the world. 

Hates how it's all in black and white. Hates how at one point it makes you believe that everything's going to be alright, only to douse you with the reality that nothing's ever going to be fine. He hates how it slowly kills a person's color—how a once full of life human degrades into nothing but a dull little puppet when the world is done breaking them. And he specially hates that he let the world do exactly just that to him. 

He loathes how it toyed him over and over again until he's beyond repair, until he started to hate not only those who are around him but as well as the boy he sees whenever he looks in the mirror. 

He hates the world... Which is why he promised himself that if he could, if he ever could, he'd save as many person that he can and not let them end the way he did. 

Which is why he promised to save Kim Minseok.

Kim Minseok whose color stands out from the black and white the world painted itself with. Kim Minseok who is the single person that he knows he has the chance to save. Kim Minseok who is the only one that isn't damaged, the only one who never judged him or Baekhyun or Jongdae, the only one who he could... He could... He could truly trust. 

He vowed to protect him and that's exactly what he'll do. 

The chains of his bike is beyond saving, broke two hours ago with how hard he had been pedalling and Kyungsoo had long since threw it away, choosing to simply walk his way to his house. He tried to find them. Find where that bastard Lu Han took Minseok, where he ran off dragging the elder by the hand but by the time he got out of their school gate, all traces of them had vanish completely into the thin air. 

Lu Han is going to ruin Minseok, he knows.

And Kyungsoo is not about to let that happen. 

Stopping in front of a pedestrian walk, he sees a familiar face on the other side of the road. He takes in how he is laughing at whatever his companion had said and Kyungsoo wonders, if he is even aware just how much his brother is doing for him, or if he even appreciate them. Kyungsoo envies him. Envies how he could be so carefree, how he could do whatever it is that he wanted, how he could be so so... So selfish. 

Because those are the things that he could never do.

He catches the boy's eyes the moment he looks away from his friend and the younger visibly turns rigid. Kyungsoo sees this as his cue to finally cross the road. He doesn't hold his gaze, doesn't acknowledge his presence, doesn't pretend to be happy to see him. He simply walks his bike silently and when they are finally side to side, the elder murmurs, loud enough for the other to hear but soft enough just so his friend wouldn't, the words that he knows would sting a whole lot. 

"I hope you're happy thinking only about yourself." 

He doesn't wait for a reply. He never did, and he simply continues to walk away, never looking back. 

Hi, yes. I have no idea what I'm doing. 

This will probably end at chapter 12 or 15? Idk we'll see. _(:з」∠)_