Contemplation
Till Next TimeSince she entered this school, Joohyun never had time for herself. She was already so popular and tried to tone down the excess of love coming from every student she came across. It forced her to avoid the crowded hall, to come later in class than usual or to excuse herself by pretending wanting to spend time in the study room alone. She was thankful for their kindness but truth is, she knew it was only because of her looks.
Joohyun was overwhelmed by the unreasonable attention.
They feigned listening to her when she was talking about her life. And when she started to discuss a topic dear to her, they faked awkward smiles and laughs. Nobody was interested in photography like her. Sometimes she would feel dumb because they would say nothing when she shares how she always ends up looking at the sky because she loved clouds and stars. They would just look at her with this stupid smile of theirs.
And then it was her turn to fake an awkward smile and laugh.
It’s been three days and she didn’t know how she already ended up exploring each corner and recess of the high school. Maybe she knew more about this school than anyone else there. This is also how she discovered an empty and silent area where there was not a trace of a single student here.
It was the stairwell leading directly to the rooftop. There was no one to be found and the unusual calm made Joohyun’s mind.
“ Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo.. “, she started to hum as she put her jacket on the floor and sat down to make herself comfortable.
It was a bit dark, maybe that’s why no one dared to come here. Though Joohyun didn’t mind because all she was asking for was a bit of alone time.
But when she heard footsteps coming towards her new-found area, she suddenly stopped singing and intently looked at the stairs to see who was bold enough to disturb her haven of peace. She only needed to see the top of the intruder’s head to recognize who it was and when their eyes met, Joohyun didn’t wait to resume her previous activity.
“ Seulgi shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo.. “, she started to sing again and kept staring at the other student who seemed too shocked to react.
“ J-Joohyun ? What are you doing here ? “, Seulgi immediately asked as she wasn’t expecting to see the new student sitting in the desert stairwell.
And most importantly, why was she singing this song for kids ?
“ I just found this place. It’s great because no one’s here to disturb me. “, she answered with a wide smile. “ Until you came. “
The darkness in her voice and the sudden disappearance of her lovely smile petrified Seulgi with a jolt of shiver. “ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you ! I’m going back. Sorry ! “, she bowed at least twice before Joohyun stopped her.
“ I was joking. “
When Seulgi looked up, Joohyun was already staring back at her without the glimpse of a decipherable facial expression and they stayed there for awhile, and they both didn’t know how much time has passed as Seulgi was awkwardly half-bending and Joohyun still had her eyes glued on the clumsy girl.
“ Ah.. hahaha. “, Seulgi laughed. Well, she tried to laugh it off but it was obvious she lacked some acting skills capable of impressing anyone. And when she received no response from her interlocutor, not even a smile, she looked down with a guilty face. “ I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t laugh. I.. don’t know. “
Seulgi was embarrassed and Joohyun was even more embarrassed by their awkwardness. She saw how Seulgi bit her bottom lip and looked everywhere on the floor when she was nervous, or the way the tip of her ears became redder by the growing discomfort.
“ Anyway, where’s Seungwan shark ? “ Joohyun cleared and asked as she made a hand sign for Seulgi to come and sit next to her.
“ Seungwan ? “, Seulgi executed herself and sat near her, still at a proper distance.
“ Yes. She’s your friend, right ? I always see you together. “
“ Oh. “
Right, she forgot Seungwan and Joohyun were in the same class. Deep in Seulgi’s heart, she felt a bit happy by how Joohyun noticed that about her. Thinking that Joohyun has watched them more than once felt like she was somehow existing through someone else’s eyes other than Seungwan's.
“ She’s in the English section so she has classes at this hour every Thursday. “, she explained. “ And I also don’t have class at this hour, that’s why I’m here. Alone. Without her. “
Seulgi was looking at her legs laid on the ground, moving her feet in a regular motion as she had this serene face while talking about her best friend and Joohyun stared at her with a caring smile, thinking about the beautiful friendship they shared. It must be nice to have real friends.
Joohyun was envious of this kid but she couldn’t bring herself to be jealous.
“ You sound like a baby who lost her mom. “, she laughed and Seulgi frowned at the insult and somehow, Joohyun really couldn’t bring herself to be jealous. “ But don’t worry, you have me now ! “
“ How so ? “, the innocent girl raised an eyebrow and Joohyun gives her the thumbs up.
“ I’ll be your baby-sitter every Thursday. “
The same awkward, quiet and interminable staring contest never felt so understandable in this situation as Seulgi was gazing back blankly and Joohyun still had this ridicule pose with her thumbs up and idiotic smile of hers.
“ Uh. Help me there, I feel really dumb right now. “, Joohyun didn’t budge and neither Seulgi.
“ What can I say when you’re telling me weird things ! “ Seulgi suddenly exclaimed as Joohyun’s behavior really contrasted with what she was used to.
“ Wait, I was just trying to be funny ! “, the other girl replicated but was lightly hit on the arm.
“ You sounded like a ert ! “
“ What ?! I’m not ! “ Joohyun was looking at her with wide eyes. And before Seulgi could even reply, Joohyun gave her the the most apologetic face the other girl ever saw. “ I.. I was just trying to befriend you. Sorry. “
The guilt punched right into Seulgi’s heart when she realized she was a bit harsh with her words. And she was’t even serious herself, because she didn’t know how she felt so comfortable with Joohyun to be able to reply like that and even jokingly hit her. But Joohyun, not knowing Seulgi’s character, genuinely thought the brunette was totally repulsed by her behavior and was sincerely ashamed.
“ It’s funny. We’re apologizing for everything we do. “, Seulgi stated with a reassuring smile and scratched the back of her neck. “ We kind of.. look alike. “
“ Me, looking like a lost baby ? “, Joohyun laughed again and Seulgi’s never felt so much insulted in such a short time. “ And a frowning baby. “
“ Hey ! “ Seulgi tried to hit her again but Joohyun easily stopped the fist with her hand.
The sudden touch made Seulgi gasp and she hastily retracted her arm as she watched Joohyun’s smiling face. She didn’t pay much attention before but seeing it up close, Seulgi understood why everyone loved her. The black-haired girl was beautiful, she really was. And Seulgi tried to act cool by smiling back but she knew she was doomed this exact moment.
“ Hey, Seulgi. “
Joohyun’s voice alone had Seulgi gulping.
“ Yeah ? “
Victory. Her voice didn’t crack.
“ Do you like the sky ? "
She still had this angelic face, this soothing voice and this harmless question. Her sole sin was to be too close to Seulgi when she sat nearer to her and was smiling oh so innocently.
And when Seulgi replied and she was listening to her, so attentive, so careful, she realized the way Joohyun was gazing at her was unusual. It wasn’t the way she used to look at the other students when she was casually talking or when she was trying to smile at them, it was a way which made Seulgi twitch by the slow blink of the eyes, or the glint in them which made them much more captivating and mesmerizing than before.
“ I’m sorry, I think I spoke too much. “, Seulgi awkwardly laughed as she became aware of the passing of time.
“ It’s okay. It was interesting, listening to you. “ Joohyun gave her a light tap on the shoulder, reassuring, comforting. “ We kind of look alike. “, she smiled again and the brunette felt another twitch, right from her heart. “ Can I ask you a favor, Seulgi ? “
“ What is it ? “, she asked and was immediately intrigued by her request.
“ Can you draw the sky for me ? “
That was an odd request, she didn’t expect that. But seeing Joohyun a bit nervous while waiting for an answer, noticing the little and unconscious frown she had and the insistent eyes penetrating Seulgi’s with such force. The latter avoided her gaze because she couldn’t resist.
“ The sky, huh.. “, Seulgi looked at the ceiling, deep in thought. “ Okay. “, she met Joohyun’s eyes again and she clearly wasn’t prepared by the explosion of joy coming from her.
“ You’re so cool Seulgi ! I didn’t think you would accept ! “
Seulgi scratched the back of her neck again, but this time with a shy smile. “ We’re friends, aren’t we ? “
She didn’t know how long it’s been since she made someone else happy by doing them a favor. When she was still a little girl, she was so generous and kind, but it disappeared so rapidly. She grew up ignoring the others, building invisible walls between her and them. She knew it was a waste of time to befriend anyone, because they’ll always end up abandoning her without a proper reason. She was loved back then, just like Joohyun. And when Joohyun arrived in her class, she lost this love so easily. She decided she’ll stay friends with those who really were genuine with her.
Till this day there was only Seungwan.
And now there was this girl named Joohyun.
This same Joohyun who changed Seulgi’s life back then by the simple fact that she was solely a transferred student, and Joohyun, this same girl who tried to change it again today by making Seulgi feel things she shouldn’t for her.
Joohyun didn’t have the rights to be jealous. Because there was no reason to be jealous of someone who looked at you with so much consideration and attention, caring eyes she forgot could still pierce through her feelings and above all, Seulgi’s bubbly smile.
A smile Joohyun could contemplate all day long, just like the sky.
Thank you for reading and don't hesitate to tell me what you think, it's always appreciated !
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