Reflection
Till Next TimeSeulgi has always been known for her undying cheerfulness and unwavering optimism. She was the famous sociable kid everyone wanted to hang out with. In elementary school, she was a bundle of joy and never had troubles with other children. She was the little girl everyone dreamt to have as a friend, really. The one you contemplate while secretly wanting to be admired by.
Indeed, she attracted boys and girls without knowing how influential she was. One day, the girl was left clueless when they cheered louder for her in a race competition contrary to the other contestants. She didn’t know why they all wanted to know when she was going to prepare a birthday party she never intended to organize. She never understood the excitement they had when she had better grades than the previous semester. She never realized how loved she was.
Seulgi was a slow kid.
She was popular among the others, but they were just a bunch of comrades. It was fun to play with them, but they were nothing more than playmates. This is what the nine-year-old girl always thought. She never had a real friend. The one you call best friend, the confidant you share secrets with, and the shoulder you can lean on : Seulgi had none of these. Everyone assumed she was the never troubled kid, the always smiling girl and the ball of sunshine who had too many friends that made her life so perfect. They were all lies.
Seulgi was lonely.
“ Seulgi, want to come to my birthday party ? I really want you to ! “, a boy asked her during recess. A kid she has spoken to once or twice, she couldn’t recall.
Of course, she was the girl everyone wanted to hang out with. The one who never refused an invitation and came to every birthday party possible with the present tagging along. Sometimes, she would like to decline and screw up her kindness. But she couldn’t.
Seulgi was weak.
When she arrived at the boy’s party, everyone greeted her. They seemed so nice towards her. Everyone was having fun, from playing games to eating snacks. Loud laughs could be heard in the neighborhood. Well, everyone was having fun, apart from Seulgi. She was left in the corner, watching them doing things friends usually do. She bared a small smile, but she wished the party was soon over to erase it. Believe it or not, Seulgi has always been the famous kid everyone wanted to be with, because it looked cool.
Until this day.
A petite girl, brown eyes and dark hair, pale face with pink lips followed by an undeniable charm. The freshly arrived had all the children kneeling for her, wanting to be noticed by the beauty who just moved to the capital city. They acted like puppies with their mistress and Seulgi never had the courage to introduce herself among the group of desperate children. She watched them from afar, remembering how she used to be at the other girl’s place before. It was incredible how people’s mind could effortlessly change.
“ Joohyun, do you want to play video games in my house tomorrow ? “
They were already asking the new student to be their friend, their best friend, their girlfriend, everything possible with “ friend “ in the end. And like Seulgi, she never declined. It only took several days for the former adored girl to be a forgotten past who only smiled when the others briefly greeted her. She was left at the corner, remembering that she actually didn’t feel any different.
She was lonely before, and she still was.
During break time, Seulgi was habitually followed by five or six pupils who sat with her on a bench of the playground. Now, she was taking a bite of her sandwich alone, appreciating the calm that was offered to her. Nothing really changed, apart from the fact that no one was eating with her. She didn’t mind though. Seulgi just never really cared. She was just there at school, listening to the teacher and letting herself flow along the others.
And yet not far from her, another girl was on her own.
Joohyun was sitting in the classroom, as she told the other kids she would join them outside once she finished copying what was on the board. Actually, she didn’t like being constantly surrounded, feeling oppressed and obliged to answer with a smile. Well, it was the only way to make friends after leaving her hometown and as an introvert, it was easier to be approached than to approach.
Writing the last words on her copybook as a sigh of satisfaction escaped from her lips, she placed the pen on the table and stretched out a little. She wasn’t hungry yet and laziness filled her as she put her chin in the palm of her hand. Nonchalant eyes slowly turned towards the window. It was oddly calm.
She noticed this lone girl balancing her feet which couldn’t reach the ground outside. She was always alone, Joohyun thought. Alone during break time, alone in the classroom, alone on her way to school. And a swirl of pity invaded her soul as she slightly frowned at her solitude. Seulgi was like a reflection of her past self. Something Joohyun's always tried to run away from.
Maybe I should play with her.
As the thought crossed her mind, she saw Seulgi giving bits of her bread to the birds gladly accepting it. The new student remarked that the little girl’s grin was truly precious. It was a genuine one, something she never predicted to see from her. This rare sight was incredibly comforting. And her unexpected generosity surprised Joohyun who, as well for the first time, sincerely smiled since she arrived in this school.
Thus the nine-year-old kid made up her mind that she was going to talk with the little Seulgi. At the end of the day, the latter could be seen walking in the corridor by heself, unaware of the pair of dark eyes following her. She was putting her books in the locker and Joohyun hesitated to approach her, looking at her back from afar. She didn’t even know what she would tell her once she'll be in front of her.
Taking all her courage, she eventually decided to take a step forward and stood behind the oblivious child.
“ Seulgi ? “ Joohyun tried to initiate a conversation.
The person in question turned around and hardly believed who was currently addressing her. Right before her was the prettiest girl of her class, too famous for her own taste but also too kind to be able to hate. Seulgi put a hand on her own forearm and rubbed it with anxiety, not knowing what to do in this situation.
“ Hello, Joohyun. “, she bowed her head.
Joohyun didn’t mind the excess of politeness, solely busy to form correct words. “ I- uh.. “
Obviously, she really didn’t know what to say. She should’ve thought of at least a topic before randomly talking to the girl, but she couldn’t hide the fact that she was actually excited and pressed to converse with her. And when Seulgi tilted her head to the side with an interrogative face, Joohyun felt a rush of nervousness she rarely experienced.
“ Oh. “ Seulgi eventually said after what seemed hours. “ I think they want to walk with you. “ Joohyun turned her head towards the direction she was pointing at and saw a bunch of students approaching them. Seulgi knew right away they were here for Joohyun and the latter felt guilty for her.
“ Are you coming, Joohyun ? “, one of them asked. “ We’ll miss the bus if we’re too late. “ The way they looked at her made her feel guiltier because they were already convinced she’d go with them.
“ I’m sorry. “, she replied quietly. “ I need to say something to Seulgi. Go without me. “
The students gave her a weird look, something she could compare to incomprehension but they eventually walked away, leaving Seulgi and her behind them.
“ What did you need to tell me ? “, the curious kid immediately asked after watching the others go.
“ Nothing actually. “, Joohyun simply replied. “ Where do you live ? Maybe we can walk together a bit ? “
Well, if that wasn’t suspicious, Seulgi didn’t know what this kind of behavior was. “ Why so suddenly ? “
“ W-why so suddenly ? “, she repeated with embarrassment. Joohyun had this habit of repeating things when she was taken off guard because it let her search for better words to use. “ Well, I’m a sudden person ! “
Seulgi blinked twice and Joohyun’s forced smile sufficed to understand that she didn’t know herself what kind of crap she was abruptly telling her. A sudden person ? What does it even mean ? Joohyun regretted right away. She shouldn’t have made the bold move to talk with this kid, what was the point anyway ? She should’ve stayed alone in her corner, keeping faking a smile to those students who wanted to go home with her, laughing at their stupid jokes which were actually not even funny, and being someone she wasn’t.
“ S-sorry, I didn’t want to say that. It just slipped out of my mouth and- “
“ It’s okay. “, Seulgi laughed at her statement. “ I understand. “
She understood, because Seulgi was a bit like her as well. When she was nervous, it wasn’t new for her to say some nonsense even her couldn’t decipher. But it was fine, Seulgi always told herself. She knew she’ll progress later, she had time to grow up, to be someone who’ll stop stuttering and learn to dissociate herself from being a slow kid.
“ I live near the library ! “, Seulgi broke the silence which was starting to creep in as she cheerfully exclaimed. “ I’ll show you, it’s not far from school. “ When Joohyun heard that, she didn’t comprehend why the brunette had no friends. Seulgi’s such an adorable girl, everyone should love her and she was so kind as well. Actually, Joohyun didn’t have to know it was all since she entered this school that everyone forgot about Seulgi and her old bubbly self.
The dark-haired girl widely smiled at her.
I should play with her.
Because Seulgi really reminded her of her past self. Someone who used to be genuine with the others but was easily influenced and slowly lost herself.
But it was maybe a bit too much to ask.
Joohyun only spent one month with her new friends before having to move again. Her father was a business man who had enough money, enough power, but never enough attention for his daughter. This is why she never made real friends because once she did, they were already gone. When she was told that they had to leave the city, she hated her parents for that. They warned her the day before their plane had to take off and she couldn’t properly say goodbye to her comrades. Nor see Seulgi for the last time and play with her for the first time.
Seulgi was lonely after all.
Hope you liked this first chapter.
See you !
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