I met you for the first time in spring at the bar I was working at. You came looking to cool some steam off after having a fight with your girlfriend, I was looking for ways to make more money for my ill mother. You asked for the strongest drink possible to drown your misery away. I complied. You drank it in one go and asked for another one repeatedly. After a few more I told you, you had enough but you laughed. You said, "Nothing will be enough to make me forget this." I told you I knew of a way. You looked at me wanting the answer, desperate to find a way. I said, "It will cost you." And you said, "Name the price." So I did. I may have looked fearless and probably had gone on my knees for a hundred of guys before but I haven't. You were my first. You took the only thing I had left that was really mine. But I gave it away to you. For a price. I so desperately needed it. My mother's life depended on it and I would do anything in my willpower to save her. 

I smirked at you and told you to follow me. You did. I led you to the back where no one would be able to hear us. As soon as we were out of eyesight you grabbed me into your muscular arms and captured my innocnet lips on your skilled ones. You looked so innocent with your hazel brown eyes, and bunny toothed that it surprised me when you touched me so professionally. You teared at my barely there costume and shoved me down the bed. I was scared. Scared but excited. There was just something about you and I didn't even know your name. If I knew the outcome of that day, I would have stopped myself before anything happened. 

You made me feel loved for the first time in my life that it was almost unbelieveable what you could do to me. I've never felt so good in my life. You looked at me with full of passion, kisses trailing down my neck. I still shiver at the thought of that day. When I looked into your eyes after we fell, exhausted at the intense session, that's when I knew I fell.I fell in love. Yet I didn't even know your name. How was this possible? 

"Eomma?" I turned to see Seojun rubbing his sleepy eyes clutching onto his bunny. "Yes baby? Why are you still up Jun-ah?" He toppled onto my lap and hugged my waist. "I want to sleep next to you eomma." I laughed and kissed his head. "Me too eomma. I want to sleep next to you too." Seoeon wobbled his way over to where his brother and I sat plopping his little self into my arms, next to his brother. "Of course baby." I kiss him and wrap my left arm around his little body. They look like the exact replica of you with a little of me in them. Yes, these adorable bundle of joy were the product of you and me the night we met. I wish you could meet them, you'd love them. "I gather them both in my arms and walked towards my bedroom and tried to sleep. But throughout the night I keep thinking about you. Were you married? Did you have a girlfriend or did you get back with her? Were you even around? A part of me regrets that night, my boys growing up without a father. I feel my tears coming down. It must be hard for them. I, too went through the same thing. I didn't want my kids going through what I did but I couldn't help that. But a part of me feels as if that night is a blessing. You gave me the best gift I could've gotten. Yes, it was hard trying to raise twins as a single teen mother with everyone judging, and shunning and making you feel worthless but when I see my boys, I know that everything will be fine. Every sweat, every sacrifice, every sleepless night, every day working double shifts at two jobs was all worth it for my boys.

"Eomma, why are you crying?" They asked surprising me as I thought they were fast asleep. They began to cry and I couldn't help but feel guilty. "Don't cry my love, it's okay. Mommy's not crying, see? Don't cry baby. Mommy's fine. I'm just so happy that God gave me you two." I kiss them each and pull them closer to my body. Then they asked the inevitable question to which I had no answer to. "Why don't we have a appa, eomma? Sungjae has an eomma and appa. He's always telling us how his appa buys him lots of toys and take him on trips with his eomma. Where is he eomma? Is he hiding? If he is then he's hiding for a really long time. Do you think we can find him?" It was like a bullet through my heart hearing Seojun and Seoeon ask about you. How can I answer them when I don't even have the answer myself? I blink away tears threatening to come down. No, I couldn't let them see my tears again or else they'll cry too. 

I ruffle their hair softly trying to make up an answer. I don't even know what to say. "Appa's not here yet but if you sleep maybe you can see appa one day okay?" They eagerly nodded their heads and drifted off to sleep. There I let my tears flow freely, sobbing quietly, afraid of waking them up. Life went on, another day without you. So far it's been 3 years, 1096 days, 36 months, and 26,280 hours without you. "Seoeon-ah! Baby, can you please wake your baby brother up for eomma?" He salutes at me and rush to wake Seojun up. I smile and continue to work on their lunchbox and outfits for their stay at their aunt. As soon as I finish I head to the bathroom and help them(Seo