Taehyung sits by the long row of mixer boards and audio interfaces, dangling feet crossed and up by the edge of the boards. A thin vaporizer is tucked between his fingers precariously, its chromed surface gleaming under the dimmed studio lights.

It feels cold and smooth on his lips. There's no smoke when he inhales deeply, but the hazy tendrils fill his mind, clouding it and turning all the incessant chatters into a pleasant dullness.

A hand reaches over, and Taehyung passes the vape on wordlessly. With a deep yawn, he curls into the chair more, head rubbing on his own shoulder wearily.

Hmm, should really bring a blanket here next time.

The studio is small and intimate. Instead of the typical album art and posters on the wall, there are a few vintage style watercolour drawings, nautical themed and idyllic. And lots of plants everywhere - palms, succulents and bamboos. It's a cozy and organic place, just like the owner.

The music starts to play again, this time a ballad with swing and big band elements, all catchy chorus and infectious beats.

“I heard Bruno Mars considered using this song for a while.” A voice speaks up beside him languidly.

“Don't waste your time name dropping, I wouldn't know most of them anyways.” Taehyung comments lazily, “as for the song, pass.”

A sigh, “that's the tenth song for today, frankly I got nothing left.” The voice is right next to him, and Taehyung looks up with hooded eyes, to realize Hoseok has swivelled his chair next to him silently.

He groans and shifts in the seat, throwing his head back, “what can I say, not feeling it.”

Hoseok clicks his tongue and responds, “man, what to do with you.” A playful punch lands on Taehyung’s arm, as he continues, “you know how many people have been asking about you? My phone was buzzing for three days straight after Cezanne. I need to feed them something - we need to.”

Taehyung scoffs and takes another puff, “you sure they aren't just gawkers that enjoy digging up my past…”

“Well…” Hoseok pauses before speaking again, “LA loves gossips, the more scandalous the better.”

“But-”he nudges Taehyung gently on the shoulder, “from what I've seen, the comments have mostly been positive - sympathetic and curious. Something about you-” his gaze upon Taehyung is soft, “-something that makes people swoon.”

“Whatever.” Taehyung flips through his hair nonchalantly, sinking into the haze more, settling in amidst the swirls of smoke on his mind. “I could care less, dig all they want.”

They can't affect him, can't bring him down, not without his permission. And he's only given that power to one person in the world.

The numbness is setting in, opening him up and making the words slip out effortlessly. All the muddled thoughts are interwoven into each other, like a dark web that shadows his mind.

“What about your boyfriend? What does he say about all this?”

“Hmm.” Taehyung leans into his own shoulder more, eyelids closed and fluttering, “I don't know. He says he likes it but…”

“But?” Hoseok’s voice is warm and hypnotic.

“But...distant… always so close but so distant, like I'm some sort of disease that's gonna contaminate him…”

Hoseok responds breezily, “you are not a disease. And you guys always seem so in love, so very in sync.”

A chuckle breaks out of Taehyung, and it has no joy in it, just a hollow sound, an instinctual reaction, “silly word...what a silly thing to say…”

The chromed vape is in his hand again, and Taehyung brings it to his lips and in hungrily, willing the hash deeper down his lungs.

No smoke, no flame, just the end of the vape glimmering artificial red as he puffs. It's all mechanical now - the feel of the paper moistening under the lips, the abrasiveness of the palpable smoke as it scratches the throat, all gone. Everything artificial, impersonally, delivering the punch but none of the nostalgia.

And the high is also different, not a soothing cloud or bouts of giddiness. It's dull and gray, takes the edge off the sharpest of the pains, but the dark undertow still ebbs underneath, distracting him, making him want to drift off and scream simultaneously.

Need an outlet, need to vent it all out.

“Have you ever felt like you have everything but nothing at all?”

A pause before Hoseok responds, “what you mean?”

“You know…” Taehyung's voice drifts, like a balloon that's floating in the wind, no longer tethered to the ground, “like something is missing…”

“I mean, my life before was…messed up. But simple. I survived, and it was all numb. No future and past...”Taehyung mumbles, seemingly to himself, “Even Taemin was simpler… everything at a price…free to make mistakes, as long as I paid for them...”

“And now?”

“Now…”

Taehyung frowns, and squeezes his eyes shut.

Now I'm always waiting. Tied down. Like a pathetic pet that he could live without.

“Useless… waiting around… And I asked for this, want to be with him…”

There's red on his mind, translucent and casting all his thoughts in shades of crimson. He senses the glitches in the darkness, fragments fading in and out. And a voice, a low and sneering voice that speaks to him, judging on the sideline, prodding at his weaknesses for all to see.

You abandoned him last time. A traitor. Don't deserve anything better.

A cackle, and Taehyung can't tell if it's on his mind or from his lips.

He wallows, feeling his mind sinking deeper into the haze, but then a set of hands is on his shoulders, gentle but grounding, “you're not useless, we all deal with self doubts, trust me.”

The layers of crimson part just a little at the sound of the voice, and Taehyung draws comfort from the warmth of the hands.

“And I know you don't believe it, but you got something very special. Something that makes people pause and listen when you sing. It deserves to be heard.” Hoseok’s voice is hopefully, hands pat on his shoulders reassuringly.

He always knows what to say. It's nice to have a friend who adores music and art with just as much passion. And Hoseok is born to take care of people, always open and transparent in his friendly ways. Taehyung feels his body loosen up, unfurling at the touch.

He turns around to meet Hoseok’s bright eyes, forcing his mind to clear enough to speaks, “sure, I'll take your words for it.”

Hoseok nods encouragingly, and steps back to his chair, “give me more examples of songs that you love, please? So we like jazz, what else.”

Taehyung tries, pushing all the noise out of his mind, and searching for the scattered bits of happiness, of memories from childhood. Loving gazes, the smell of the ocean in the air, and an old radio playing in the background as he played.

He starts to hum, quietly, nostalgically, letting the memory take over. His baritone voice fills the space longingly and adds a masculine depth to the song.

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

Hoseok listens intently, the corner of his lips curls as he starts to tap gently to the rhythm of the song. When Taehyung finally stops with flushed cheeks and shyness in his eyes, Hoseok his head playfully and comments, “old fashioned and sweet, just like you.”

Taehyung blushes and shoves at his arm, “shut up, it’s stupid, isn't it. You can't sell like this, nobody would want it.”

“Hmm but you see-” Hoseok’s hand reaches for the mouse next to him, searching and eventually clicking on a sample file, “-we can maintain your style, but produce it with a twist. Make it a bit more radio friendly. Like this.”

The melody that starts to play is pretty and at ease, echoing the style of the song Taehyung has just sung. Taehyung watches as he adjusts around the software on the computer, tweaking and editing at dizzying speed. When he's finally finished and presses play again, the tune remains the same, but the tempo is more upbeat, and the melody is of a higher key now, brighter yet still retains the same essence of sweetness.

“And that's just the first layer, we can play with the instruments, make it sound more contemporary. Or with the lyrics, give it some edge. Anything is possible.” Hoseok’s eyes shine with enthusiasm, and Taehyung can't help but feel infected by his optimism, “as long as you like the song, like to sing it.”

He eyes Taehyung expectantly, hands pausing on the keyboard, “tell me if you've changed your mind though, tell me if you don't want to do this, and I'll say no more. I'd be just as happy if we just chill and play music between the two of us.”

Taehyung fidgets with the sleeve of his floral patterned shirt and contemplates before speaking again, voice gentle but resolute, “I want to do this. Wanna be useful. Crazy to think someone like me could sing, and people would listen? If it makes people happy in any way…” his voice trails off but Hoseok pipes up.

“Then we will definitely make it work, leave the rest to me. I'm good at producing and marketing, it's my thing.” He chuckles, the ease in his voice is soothing, taking the edge off Taehyung’s frazzled mind.

“Ok, lemme grab a guitar, we’ll just play until we have something you like, alrite?” Hoseok stands up and stretches, before adding, “oh and food after, I'm starving! My friend opened this fancy fusion place downtown. Always packed but I think you’d like the crowd?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen, “do we need to dress up? Is it close to the Broad, because there's a new exhibit I wanna check out also? Some post modern stuff, you might like it?” He's gesturing with his hands now, still dazed and enjoying the high, but the excitement is soaking through his voice.

“Loove it.” Hoseok draws the word out teasingly, adding a wink to it for effect. “What about your boyfriend, does he wanna join?”

Taehyung rolls his eyes and responds, “he's not into anything new or crowded. Or po mo, oh god no!” He scrunches up his nose and makes a silly face. “Away in New York anyways with Yoon, again. Supposed to be a short trip.”

*****

The street seems so distant from his office window, people rushing by below them, clamoring and going about their lives. It’s cold again in Manhattan, always cold and overcast, it seems.

Jeongguk eyes the corner by the back alley and watches as vapor rises from the underground metro. Exposed bricks on the wall, black garbage bags piled up high, and the icy ground glistens with condensation from the moisture.

On his mind, there’s a shivering figure wrapped in a stained denim jacket seated against the wall, head lowered ominously.

He turns to see Yoong walking towards him with pursed lips.

“They are gone. That took longer than I expected. Frigging people pouring supposedly their life savings into high risk investments.”

“They were referred by a friend, right?” Jeongguk comments flatly, his mind still lingering on the gray cityscape outside.

“Of course. Been with us for couple years now. I tell you the quiet ones always freak out the most when things get tough.”

Jeongguk doesn’t respond. He remembers the look on the man who sat in front of him a moment ago, a silent contrast to his wife who was loud and hysterical next to him. His dark eyes were filled with desperation and dread, not for himself, but for his family, the ones he’s suppose to take care.

He recalls the same look vividly, throughout his childhood, which turned hollow eventually as time passed. Jeongguk was always a quiet kid, observing and listening, as the world crumbled around him and parents too preoccupied with their own anxiety to notice him.

Funny how life has a way of repeating itself, no matter how hard you try for a different outcome each time.

“Guk! God, you’ve been so out of it lately.” Yoongi’s voice is impatient, as Jeongguk meets his eyes. “I thought LA would be a nice change for you, and Tae. But sometimes I swear I feel like your mind is off somewhere else-”

“Hyung.” Jeongguk interrupts him, “it's fine, we’ll deal with it. The market is what it is.”

Yoongi twitches his mouth around and paces by the window, “we gotta do better than the market, everything is frigging tanking here. We got to regain confidence before more clients drop out.”

He strides towards the desk, grabs a black folder and shoves it into Jeongguk’s hands, “I know what you’re gonna say, but we got no other choice.”

The folder is thin but feels heavy in his hands, the leather surface smooth and substantial. Jeongguk doesn’t open it, he’s already read through it a few weeks ago.

There are lists of smaller cap firms that are extremely unstable but yield high returns and look good for boosting the portfolio temporarily. If they mix them into the investments subtly, nobody would complain. Cheap tricks, like bandages that cover up the ghastly wound.

There are also detailed reports from the two lobbyists Yoongi has recruited in Washington. Dinners, golf trips, a few evenings of partying in Vegas - conversations flow in the quiet hours of the night, when inhibition is low and people are worn out by life, eager to spill their secrets to a willing listener. Jeongguk had to pause a few times before finishing the list of intel presented: inside trade details, rumors of mega projects being approved, and insidious scandals that would make for great extortion materials.

A group of individuals has also been working on a bill that’s moving through the senate, which offers smaller financial firms more discretion in terms of how they conduct their businesses - relaxed requirements for publicly disclosed information, the abilities to keep transactions private, out of sight stuff that offers immense flexibility to private investment. Yoongi has been a big supporter since the start, marking this bill as first priority for the lobbyists.

Jeongguk thumbs through the edges of the pages in the folder mindlessly. Yoongi’s voice is picking up in pace beside him, “this is the right time, we talked about this before. I’ve been planning for months now, you didn’t want to get your hands dirty, so here it is, just have to go along with it.”

What is it all for.

Jeongguk turns to gaze into the sky, grey and muddled, peeking through all the imposing skyscrapers with thousands of florescent lights.

He blinks and thinks of the slender fingers curling onto his arm at night, always needing him, needing to hold on. It comforts him and fills his heart with warmth, yet the hollowness lingers, unmistakably so.

What if that's not it. What is it all for.

“We gotta move fast. It could all get worse.” Yoongi urges on the side, “remember when we talked about opening this company all the way back in Stevenson days? This is our legacy, and I refuse to sit around and watch it fall apart piece by piece.”

Jeongguk frowns, “but there are other ways, we don't have to diversify so much, could close one of the offices and concentrate our resources-”

“Guk!” Yoongi interrupts him, voice rushed with frustration simmering, “I've already told you, closing down an office is not an option!” He inhales sharply and continues, “look, your parents are enjoying their lifestyle, and Tae is settling in nicely in LA. Your effort makes all of that possible.”

“Don't bring him into this please.” Jeongguk comments flatly, earning a frustrated sigh from Yoongi, whose voice picks up in volume.

“You can't just keep being in denial! Last time you ignored all the signs and tried to play fair, it costed Jimin’s life.”

“Stop.” Jeongguk snaps back, voice low and stern, “we made sure both sides of that acquisition got what they deserved. Do not bring that up right now.”

Yoongi pauses at the warning tone in his voice, and with a final glance, he relents, averting his eyes, “fine.”

They let the silence fill the space between them. Eventually Jeongguk speaks, “you know I always support you, hyung. It'll be done.”

“I know.” Yoongi responds, voice reticent, “you alway want to do things the proper way, I get it. I'm-sorry.” He eyes Jeongguk hesitantly, “when things pick up again, we will re-strategize, I promise.”

Jeongguk nods wordlessly. He lets his gaze fall back onto the sky outside the window, absently searching for a break in the clouds. Instead, he feels the monotoned landscape tainting his mind, making him reminisce the few sun drenched moments he remembers of the metropolis.

A few hours later, everything is set up and ready.

When Jeongguk walks into the meeting room with Yoongi trailing behind him, he is met with the bewilderment on the faces of the dozen or so employees.

They are mostly young and single, hand picked by Jeongguk and Yoongi over the years. What they all share is the hunger to prove themselves to the world, and the drive to achieve the success they feel entitled to. Jeongguk can see his younger self reflected in each one of them. And he can also sense the fear and trepidation looming in the room, heavy and almost palpable.

They have all read the document presented to them on the table.

“Hey guys.” He scans around the room, making eye contact with each person.

“As you can tell, what you have read is a severance document.” Jeongguk keeps his voice impassive, and sets the black binder down on the table in front of him. “A lot of you are on contract terms, so we trust you will find the offering more than reasonable.”

He takes his time surveying the room again, before continuing, voice somber, “there's no sugar coating this, the economy is sinking and dragging everyone with it. Most of our investments have been affected, and some clients have already withdrawn. To be honest, we aren't sure where things are headed. Sink or swim, it's a turning point either way.” Jeongguk exhales slowly and continues, “this is you ticket out. I know some of you have been restless lately, worrying about the future of the company, wanting to try your luck elsewhere. If you are interested in the severance package presented to you, feel free to take it and head through that door. We will honor what we offer.”

He gestures towards the door, eyes calm and face impassive. There's no response. He senses hesitation in the crowd, people sizing him up, evaluating whether this is a trap.

“Guys, we really mean it.” Yoongi pipes up from behind him lazily, “you know how volatile things are nowadays, this is the real deal. I'll give you five minutes to decide before the offers are retracted.”

There are ruffles in the crowd. The tension is building, and the silence uncomfortable as colleagues glance at each other nervously. Finally one guy stands up hesitantly, clutching onto the document. He whispers a quiet sorry as he walks by Jeongguk, before making his way through the door.

The mood in the room is shifting, as the crowd becomes encouraged by the movement. Slowly more people start to get up, some whispering goodbyes to their coworkers, others nodding to Jeongguk and Yoongi as they walk out. Jeongguk tries to stay impartial but it's hard, there are fond memories he shares with each individual. And it's never easy to say goodbye, especially when it's tinged with a sense of betrayal.

When everything eventually settles again, Jeongguk does a quick headcount - seven people left seated. Better than he expected.

Yoongi saunters to the meeting room door and closes it with a resounding thump. As he turns around to speak, his voice is nonchalant, “well, looks like we should've been more careful with recruitment in the first place. If a few words could scare you off like that, then you most definitely don't belong here.”

The crowd is silent, Jeongguk feels the sets of eyes boring onto them anxiously. Loyalty only goes so far in the industry, they want answers, demand to know what the next move is.

What is this all for.

He opens the black folder and pulls out a set of documents, sliding them across the table to each individual, “confidentiality agreement additional to what you've signed when you started working here. And this.”

He slams the folder down on the table, “I'm glad you've decided to stay, you've truly earned your place in the company. Here is our plan for the next year, all the accounts we’ve been tracking, all the deals we hope to secure, complete transparency.”

He eyes Yoongi beside him, whose arms are crossed, eyes somber. Jeongguk continues, voice calm but delivery each word with weight, “like I said, this is a turning point. But the truth is, we’ve been planning for these changes for a while now, based on confidential info that will turn the industry upside down. There are risks, but I promise the rewards will also be amazing for everyone in this room. Now, are you still in? Can I count on your dedication to accomplish some great things together?”

His eyes are met with acknowledging nods and smiles of relief and anticipation. They feel it, his sincerity is infectious, his optimism fueling them in times of uncertainty. He turns to Yoongi, who glances at him approvingly.

Jeongguk feels the weight on his shoulders, as a strange sense of hollowness looms deep inside, impossible to shake off, like the endless gray sky that he can no longer see. He hopes for all their sakes, that everything goes smoothly as planned.