Chapter 3: Playing with Fire

Jongdae
The past few days was charged with jitters and excited energy as everyone in the office anticipates a positive outcome for their pending partnership with the Chinese company, only to be bitterly let down. Jongdae himself did not even bother to continue reading the email after seeing those four aggravating words - we regretfully have to. A million things crossing his mind as he feels his chest tighten and his airway blocking up because everything about that sentence indicates that it isn't going to end with anything good. He is right. The partnership did not come through.

As usual, Kai is willing to play the most demanding role in order to spare Jongdae. It's a little heart-wrenching when he takes one look at Jongdae, a drawn out 'okay' escaping his lips as he takes a peek at the monitor screen. With a comforting squeeze to Jongdae's hand, he leaves to be the bearer of bad news. Things did not turn out as bad as Jongdae thought it would be seeing as most of them are in the business long enough to not be disheartened by a setback. Throwing in Kai's easy charms and quick wit along with pending projects and company meetings all lined up, the majority of the staffs receive the news with a stoic nod of their head and went about with their business.

It's the way they act around him that pisses Jongdae off. The more familiar employees offering him sympathetic smiles while the trainee and interns keep their heads hanging low when he passes by. He is not some porcelain doll; expensive and exquisite but fragile and useless. He is their boss for the love of god. Ever since that one time, that one ing time he had broken down in his office after his mother's funeral last year, it seems the entire office except for Kai had made a silent pact to act as though they're treading on eggshells whenever he's around.
 

When Kai makes an absurd request for coffee from a specific cafe after they clock out, Jongdae sighs softly. "Why?" he asks. "The coffee machine back home is working perfectly fine." 

Kai studies his face for a second, setting down the spare set of keys to Jongdae's house with a clatter and gathering Jongdae into his arms without so much as a word. Kai is warm against him, or maybe Jongdae's the one who is cold. He has a tendency to minimise the use of the heating in his room. 

Jongdae closes his eyes and relaxes into it, leaning his weight against Kai and breathing out heavy into his shoulder. “Sorry I blew your year-end bonus,” he mumbles regretfully. "You don't have to get me a Christmas gift as compensation." 

Kai pulls back a bit and levels him with a look. "Don't be daft. Just take it as my rent."

Jongdae laughs lightly at that. "I wasn't aware that I was supposed to be collecting," he says, a slight teasing tilt to his voice. And on a more serious note, "I'm leaving and so should you. You shouldn't keep them waiting for too long." 

This time, Kai pulls back completely and levels him with another look. "I don't remember telling you about my date." 

Trust Kai to underestimate Jongdae's observance. He had already smelled something fishy this morning when Kai grabbed the spare keys instead of leaving them behind like he usually does when they carpool. Jongdae pats him lightly on his chest. "You just did, didn't you?" He grabs his belongings and puts on his coat. "Good luck mate," he says with a wink. 

"Remember the coffee, you beautiful bastard!" Kai hollers right back at him just before the door shuts. 

Right, coffee. Jongdae entertains the thoughts of ignoring Kai's simple request as he walks briskly towards his car, of driving home; of pouring himself a glass of wine, maybe two, maybe more; of popping a few sleeping pills; of collapsing into a dreamless sleep; of giving up on living for the day. 

Right, coffee. Jongdae wills his heavy feet to the designated cafe that is located strategically just a few blocks away from where he parked. Can't let Kai's simple request fall through with all that he had done, and is trying to do, for Jongdae. 

It is thankfully empty save for some sixth formers. They are gossiping about things he can't relate to whilst drinking coffee. The type that probably has a longer name than he has words to describe his disgust towards his father. The barista in charge is scrolling through her phone before Jongdae caught her attention. The pretty lass instantly perks up. Her thick lashes flutter as she smiles at him, pearly white teeth on display. She is blatantly flirting and might have had a chance a few years ago but Jongdae is not having any of it anymore. He complements her chrome coloured pixie cut though.

Pleasantries are exchanged briefly and Jongdae makes sure to tip extra after thanking her. She is sweet nevertheless and his coffee isn't. It's just the way he likes it. Black. Bitter. Piping hot. 

Jongdae makes his way to the park that is located just right across the cafe. He is aware that this is what Kai intended for him to do from the start with the whole coffee charade. I know your car is sweet and all but you should take a breather, go for a stroll or something, he'd say to Jongdae whilst baking whatever confection that had caught his fancy for the day. Jongdae could almost imagine Kai's deep raspy voice that had hammered those words into his brain for the past few days. Usually, as he leans against the kitchen counter and picks at cookie dough or dips his fingers into the batter, simply as a taste test, so don't judge. 

He takes small sips of the steaming bitter concoction. Rolling the liquid in his tongue for just a second before letting it slide smoothly down. Leaving behind that familiar prickly heat on his tongue and throat. 

It's evening and already Jongdae feels exhausted to the bones. His only consolation is the view from his bench. It is undeniably a beautiful one. Glancing across the pond, Jongdae is surprised to see a few pairs of swans gliding across the water, thinking that they might have already migrated due to the dropping temperature. He sinks into his seat tiredly, trying to shut his brain off but he can't. It's just like what work had been today, a big ing failure. 

Discontented, Jongdae puts on his glasses and pulls out their rejected proposal. The motion leaving behind tiny paper cuts on his ungloved fingers and the slight tinge of physical pain it brings is almost a mockery to what he is feeling on the inside. Jongdae's takes deep breaths as he clutches the papers tightly. He is in a dilemma - to tear or not to tear. The notion of ripping into the papers is tantalising. It's almost akin to shredding apart his problems. But the relatively thick stack of quality papers will be a challenge and the last thing Jongdae desires is to face failure again. Be it something as trivial as this. Plus, he doesn't want to alarm the public by acting like he's off his rocker in the park. It will be unbecoming of him. 

Jongdae decides to do the appropriate by flipping thro