Suga let his head fall on Jimin’s shoulder sighing heavily, worrying Jimin and J-Hope beside him

“You okay Suga hyung?” Jimin asked glancing at him. His eyes were closed and his breathing were shallow. 

JungKook and V were happily staring at the window facing the amazing sunset. They were so busy lately that it was the first sunset they’ve seen in weeks since they’ve been going home in the wee hours of the morning. 

V tried to face the 3 boys at the back grinning
“Suga hyung, open your eyes! The sunset is really amazing” he told him excitedly.

Suga just let out a deep sigh, burying his face at Jimin’s shoulder

“I hate the sunset” he whispered almost to himself, shocking the boys at the back

“Namjoon hyung! Suga hyungie hates the sunset!!” TaeTae told Rap Monster shocked.

He was seated at the front and glanced at them. His eyes rested on Suga, knowing well why he refused to look at it

“Let Yoongi Hyung rest for a bit. I bet he’s tired from today” he scolded V softly, who pouted at him.

“Why do you hate the sunset Yoongi?” Jin asked all of a sudden, there were a piercing silence that fell inside the car as they waited for Suga to speak.

He once again let out a sigh, as he sat straight, eyes focusing in front. There seemed to be a spreading pain inside his body, almost like poison, coming from his brain, from his memories and it made him ache so much.

“Because… it’s the end. It reminds me greatly of the end” he simply said with hazy eyes. His words slurred, making him look like he’s drunk but from what? Jimin thought as he placed a hand on his forehead which Suga slapped away

“I… I wish with every sunset it would take away my memories. The bad and the good ones, to let me have a second shot at life but all it does is remind me of everything and sometimes its just too much” he had whispered this to the boys.

Rap monster had a worried expression as J-Hope glanced at him, he was concerned that he was gonna break in front of the members. Of course he and Namjoon knew, the sight of YoonGi hyung trying to drown himself in his memories was still engrave in his mind.

“Even us?” Jungkook asked seriously, his voice soft and full of hurt from what Suga hyung had spoken of. 

His tone snapped Suga out of the memory cage he was currently in and looked at JungKook apologetically

“Of course not… it’s just that… there would always be days that are long over but you can never escape” he said trying to pacify the pain in JungKook’s eyes.

He deeply sighed once more, fighting himself on whether to tell them the story that he had enclose himself in his whole life. The boys were still watching him, they were all concern for the boy with white skin who looked like someone invisible was choking him.

A smile broke into his lips but it still seemed pained

“You know, I have written First Love ages ago, I just edited it to dedicate it to my mother but most of the lyrics especially the last few verses was written for someone else” he narrated, his heart beating heavily on his chest. Her smile flashed in his mind, making him close his eyes for a brief moment, savoring her in his memories

“her eyes were the lightest shade of brown with a tinge of gray and blue whenever her mood change. Her personality was too bubbly for my taste but nevertheless she grew on me. She had too much spunk for her own good, I would curse at her for disturbing me and she would reply with a witty quote from a book. One time I asked if I could sit beside her at the school cafeteria and she replied with a quote from The Green Fields of France ‘I hope you died well and I hope you died clean’ it was nonsense back then before she forced me to read all her twisty books” his eyes were still close as he said this worrying TaeTae even more.

JungKook looked at J-Hope who was holding his hands together, veins popping out.

J-Hope knew where this was going to and it frighten him how this was going to affect YoonGi hyung. He hasn’t spoke of her ever since they’ve debuted and seeing him regress into the same person he was before the others came frightened him.

Memories soon flooded Suga as he let his barricade down, he took it all in

“I met Aera at an underground Rap Battle when I was in 3rd year middle school. She was looking for a rapper to make a collaboration on her newest song, Taehyung must have known her, she was quiet popular in Daegu. Her screen name was Jinx” 

“you knew who Jinx was? She had so many lit songs and was really popular when I was in elementary!” Tae had excitement in his voice, Suga hyung knew Jinx, one of his childhood idols, personally. It was enough to freak him a little bit

“Yea, she came up to me and asked me to rap on one of her songs but I refused. I asked her if she could teach me how to produce music, it was a mess for a while. With her persuading me to rap for her and me forcing her to teach me… there weren’t many people who knew who Jinx was and my knowledge of her sort of threatened her, I guess. So she agreed to teach me and I learned but we never had the chance to make the collaboration, she had asked YoungJae, Typhoon, to rap for her.” 

Taehyung excitedly listened to his story now, forgetting his concern as Suga beamed as he narrated his life.

“Suga hyung… please” Namjoon finally whispered, all of their necks snapped to look at him. His eyes pleading in worry of what was to follow

“I’m fine NamJoonie” Suga’s voice calm but had a tinge of sadness in it. He wanted to remember her, along with the pain she comes with. He had suppressed it for too long that his breath chokes him with both happiness and grief of her memories

“so we… became close… we mostly spent the morning crazily fighting in school then a quiet night in her studio, just making new music. It went on like that for 3 solid years, I don’t even know how we managed to stay redundant. We both never dated anyone, it was almost instinctual how we avoided the opposite , and also because the whole school thought we were dating when we weren’t even thinking about being in a relationship at that time. It’s crazy how we planned our whole future together without even the vocal reassurance of what we were.” He inhaled deeply catching his breath, there was a big lump forming in his throat as he bowed his head, blinking the forming tears away

“you just… I just felt safe with her, I knew at the back of my head that I don’t see her as my home but I want her to be it, someday. I wouldn’t have been Suga, I would just be Min YoonGi, for her, and I would be contented on how we lived our life in Daegu. We’d probably have long morning walks talking about life and fighting over which coffee shop has the best Iced Americano, then we’d go home with smiles on our lips. I’d play the piano for her and she’d try to push me out of the chair telling me that I sound crappy, then we’d recede in the studio and quietly make our own tracks. At 10 pm we’d probably get dinner, the usual Potato soup at the usual joint at the intersection, we’d fight over the 2 or 3 pieces of Potato it has and she’d probably do something to make me give in to her. I would always give her my potato even though I’ve won it fair and square, she has a thing with potatoes like every girl out there” a heartbreaking laugh echoed from his chest and Jimin had to look away, trying not to tear at the sight of Suga Hyung, bend over his knees, his voice cracking from too much emotions

“we have never talked about what we were but deep inside we both knew. That we would always be together, we fit. Perfect was when I held her hand for the first time. She’s perfect for the imperfect me but I… of course I couldn’t let her know that. I’m the king of coyness and pettiness” his bitterness made Jin’s skin crawl. He could see that he haven’t moved on from her, he was still stuck at wherever place she left him when they broke up

“then Valentines came on our senior year, there were many students that had the balls to come up to both of us. Our tables were full of untouched chocolates and flowers, and we were casually joking about how we could dispose of the crap after school when she suddenly stared at me smiling. We sat for a while, quietly staring at each other, I let her brown orbs enclose me in her warmth, I would have stayed forever if I could, then she grinned happily at me and calmly said: I am in love with as you are in love with me, and these words are nonessential vessels of what we both have discern” Suga clutched his neck and threw his head back, slouching on the car seat looking at the ceiling of the car completely unaware of the concerned look on each of s.

There were tears in Taehyung’s eyes from the beauty of what he just said and also of the sight of Suga Hyung fighting with himself, with his own memories.

“I asked her who she was quoting, and she replied herself. I let out a loud laugh then, completely indifferent on what was happening around me. In that moment there was only her and me… ‘I refuse to say those words until I meet you wearing a long white gown, bouquet of violet Hydrangea and baby blues in your hand’… that was my reply to her making her chuckle, she told me its fine. She held my hand and told me it was fine because one day she’ll just surprise me. She’ll surprise me and all I have to do is tell her something she already knew.” The veins in his arms were popping as Jimin touched it trying to soothe him in some way. 

“you wanna know why I really broke down when we won album of the year?” he asked the boys, eyes focusing on the specks of dust floating in the car, his head and heart were both throbbing in pain making him whimper a bit internally

“I looked in the crowd and suddenly thought of her, all of a sudden, without any warning. I thought of her sitting in front, with her black hair and white skin in a white dress holding Blue Hydrangeas and Baby Blues” his voice cracked from the memory of that moment. He had saw her in his mind in his chair, proudly waving and clapping and yelling his name. He had seen her and it took all of his will power to stay as calm as he can.

“her smile was the same as when we were 14 and my love…” Suga sat straighter and looked at JungKook’s face, snapping out of his trance once more with the pained and worried look the maknae was giving him. He gave them all a small rueful smile.

NamJoon’s heart had dropped a few feet knowing how the story was gonna end. He had heard his soul breaking sobs before, he had seen him make music throughout the day and sob himself to sleep at night. He had been focusing in front, on the streets and people they have ran past trying to zone out ineffectively of YoonGi’s story

“Why did she broke up with you?” Jin asked almost whispering, afraid of how Suga would react to his question. J-Hope snapped his eyes to Jin warning him with his look, angered at the stupid question Jin Hyung had just asked.

A shiver of grief run through Suga’s veins as his breath hitched at Jin’s question. He closed his eyes letting the pain roam around his whole body, his heart clenched at the next words he had to say. 
“She didn’t… she died”