"Where have you two gone anyway?" Youngho asked both of them when they take their seats on the huge red mattress lying flat on the mown grass. 

There are plenty of benches and picnic tables nearby but it isn't picnic without the blanket and the indian sit. Yuta sits beside Youngho while he watches Taeyong squeezed himself between Doyoung and Jaehyun. They gathered in circles, surrounding the bags and baskets of meals they brought along with them. Yuta noticed that apart from the groceries him and Taeyong bought earlier that day, there were more plastics of snacks that one of guys probably brought from the convenient store nearby. 

The post light just above them makes the dark area bright even when they chose a place on the farside of the picnic field. At least the chances that they'll get hit by the people playing volleyball by the road side is gone. It was a comfortable spot for future celebrities like them to relax and they didn't have to hide their faces with masks.

"We looked for you every where." Taeil snorts at the two of them. 

"And we couldn't find them. Which means..." Jaehyun clasped his hands on his mouth. "There's only one place." 

"Oh...." Ten mewls dramatically and high fived him. A sign that they're going to crack some intolerable humor. "You mean that place where..." 

Yuta doesn't think the conversation was necessary since it's just Jaehyun and Ten blabbering, but when he looks at Taeyong's direction, who avoided his gaze in an instant, and biting his lower lip. He had no idea where the talk woud go, until Jaehyun yells something loud. 

"You mean that place where couples make out." Jaehyun announces, snickering. 

Blushing, Yuta tries to speak but the words were quiet. He didn't even know such place in the park exists, and judging from Taeyong's embarrassed expression. It's not like they did anything, other than holding hands, but why would Taeyong be just as flustered as Yuta? 

"Nah, that's the romantic place where people do confessions. Not make out. Stop being lewd, Jaehyun." Doyoung hisses, hitting the younger on the leg with a bottle of orange juice. 

"So, who confessed?" Taeil ask eagerly. "Who, who?" 

Confused, Yuta is loss for words. Even when it's the topic the guys always poke fun of them about, he could never get used by it. When he's usually the one mocking the others, he gets specifically quiet every time the guys about Taeyong, is what Taeil points out the other day.  To which ended the older jeering Yuta all day about his lost of tongue, or why he blushes whenever someone mentions Taeyong. The next day, though, Taeil stopped with his teasing and probably forgotten it. But what happened today will only fire him up again. 

"Oh god, what's wrong with our Taeil hyung? He seems excited." Youngho scoffs all of a sudden.

Yuta didn't have to look him in the face to know that it was a save. Youngho diverting the attention to Taeil so the others can shake off the fuss about him and Taeyong. It probably wasn't just Yuta, who noticed the look on Taeyong's face that he doesn't seem okay. He seemed embarrassed and hates the topic, Yuta could tell. I'm sorry, Yuta mutters in his head while he looks at Taeyong's unreadable face. 

"He likes the nature, I believe." Hansol comments. 

"I don't care, let's just eat." Youngho announces. 

When they got back the dorm, Yuta expected that there will be a distance because unlike the usual, Taeyong didn't seat beside him on the car when they drive home. He's finally beginning to understand how much it hurts to be wanting somebody that was out of his league. It's funny and frustrating that even if Taeyong holds his hands, Yuta is still lost in him.

What a pity it is to adore someone so badly, Yuta let's out a soundless sigh. Patting his own shoulder to alleviate his messed up head. He reached out for his phone in his drawer, typing a message of the words he'd long to tell his parents. It was simple but an honest, "I miss you." That he even reluctantly typed before clicking the send. 

"You're still awake, Yuta!" 

Startled at Taeyong's sudden bold hands that seizes his arms, yanks him to the bed and pulls the cover above them. In the deep silence with only the sound of Taeyong's harsh breathing, Yuta's heart beats with a loud, dry sounds. He kept his eyes on the back of Taeyong's head, who's back is pressed against his chest as they sit squeezed to one another. Yuta sits with his knees propped up, while Taeyong is between his legs, trembling. Yuta took a deep breath, the fierce air passing through his lungs with every tick of time. 

Yuta couldn't get a handle of it yet, but Taeyong talked to him again, dragged him under the covers, and Taeyong's leaned onto him even closer. Mind on manic at the touch of Taeyong's flat palms on his bare thighs. 

"What.....are you doing...Taeyong?" Yuta managed to question when Taeyong squeezed at his thighs, sending the unwelcome shivers all overhis senses.

"His...his phone. Youngho... Ghost." Taeyong mutters, shaking. 

So, Youngho used that gag even on Taeyong. He heard of Ten about it. It's a common internet prank where you ask your victim to look for something on the picture, find the shoes to be specific, then suddenly some creepy creature will show up. Pretty lame for someone their age to be fussing about, but then it's Taeyong.

"O...okay, then...What do you.... what do you want me do?" Yuta reluctantly ask with short breaths. He leans back when Taeyong shifts closer, the smell of his hair seeping through Yuta's nostril, only to with his head. 

"Don't know." Taeyong murmurs, almost inaudible. 

Yuta makes it his own cue to carefully backs away before Taeyong could notice something weird on his behind so less of their skin touches. But when he steps foot out of the bed, Taeyong grabbed his arm and pull him down, Yuta falls on the bed in a sitting position. 

"But...I'm scared. Don't leave..me." Taeyong grumbles about, nuzzling his face on Yuta's shoulder. 

. . . The word replays like a mantra in Yuta's head and the feel of Taeyong's skin against him burns that he backs away, completely leaving Taeyong's body. "Fine. Fine. Then." 

Before Yuta could assure him that he'll be back in the room as soon as possible, Taeyong gets up too and clutches at the back of his shirt. Sighing loud, Yuta makes his way across the room with Taeyong following behind. Just then, Youngho is passing by the front of their door, an eerie smile plastered on his face. 

"Youngho, you seem to be having lots of fun." Yuta comments, making Youngho stop on his tracks and looks at them with a victorious smirk on his face

The smile turned into a confused expression when Youngho tiptoes to see who's on Yuta's behind and sees it was Taeyong nestling his face behind his back. 
He sends Yuta a knowing look, grinning teasingly. 

"Don't scare him." Yuta chides, feeling the grasp of Taeyong on his shirt tightens. As if Youngho would do something again if Yuta wasn't there.

"Come on, that wasn't even scary." Johnny reasons, offended at the scolding from someone younger than him. 

"He hates it." Yuta says, stern, and he felt Taeyong's head nodding behind him.

"Wha--whaat." Johnny whines. "Taeyong, do you hate me?" 

"No---" 

"Yes, he does." Yuta retorts. "Stop bothering him, am I making myself clear?" He didn't wait for a response, pulling Taeyong back in their shared room and locking the door on Youngho's face. He could still feel Taeyong's touches lingers on his skin, and it burns. 

"Are you okay?" Yuta asked once they're inside.

"Y...yeah." He mutters, eyes trained on Yuta's eyes as if trying to read him. "I'm sorry Yuta." 

"For?" Yuta asked, and this time, Taeyong avoids his gaze.

"You seem....annoyed." 

"Of course I am." Yuta admits in a stern voice, making Taeyong look down on the ground, so he sort of explains. "I'm annoyed because he scared you." 

Taeyong says nothing. Fidgeting with his hair and he stood still, he looks rather embarrassed than waiting for Yuta to say more. Guilty that Yuta had to tell on Youngho because of him."Yuta, I'm going to sleep. Good night." 

Whatever it is Youngho finds hilarious about scaring Taeyong off with ty horror antics, Yuta is done with it. It happens that Taeyong rans behind him whenever Youngho spooks him. It turns out, Youngho had taken a liking of Yuta's grimaced apart from Taeyong's terrorized expression. 

One day, he confronts Youngho. The older already making a knowing smirk to peeve him and makes a whimpering noise mimicking Taeyong's when Yuta walks across the room to his bed, knowing what the confrontation is all about. 

"You're ting me, aren't you." Yuta starts, lowering his voice as possible so the guys outside Youngho's room wouldn't hear. 

Youngho cringes at the cuss and rubs at his temples. "I'm trying to get the two of you together." 

"Say what?" Yuta scowls at him, incredulous. 

"No lying, man. He rans to you whenever. That could make him realize...something." Youngho admits with a sly smile. 

Yuta tries to process in his head what Youngho had said, and ends up saying, "That's ridiculous." 

"Trust me on this." 

Yuta nods in desperation, or that he just wanted to end the talk. A topic he'd rather not discuss with anybody. Knowing Youngho though, even without intentions, he'd take measures for Yuta to spill it all out. But Yuta doesn't want to give in. 

"Seriously, you could just tell him." Youngho casually suggested like it's the easiest thing to do, tapping Yuta on the knees. The worse case is that, his face is telling he's serious about this. "Yuta, just tell him. Go ahead, go say---" 

"Say what?" 

Startled, Yuta turns his head to the door, gaping where Taeyong peaks his head in. It didn't help either when Youngho made the most conspicuous mocking sound that Yuta begins to wonder how come Taeyong is oblivious yet, considering how many times Youngho had dared done it. Though there wasn't much to overhear of his and Youngho's talk, it makes him anxious to think that what if Taeyong got a simple idea of how Yuta feels towards him. 

Exactly, how aware Taeyong must be? 

"You're too loud." Taeyong chides at Youngho, who immediately gestures to zip his mouth. "What do you guys talk about without me?" 

This time Taeyong stares at Yuta with expectant eyes, waiting for him to say something. Even without looking, Yuta could guess Youngho is boring holes into his head, and could be laughing too. 

"Yuta...." Taeyong pressed after a few seconds. 

"No--nothing. We just." Yuta bit his bottom lip, completely empty of an alibi. He couldn't just admit that they were actually discussing about Taeyong.

"Well, it's a secret. Right, sweetheart?" Youngho leans in and took Yuta's arm to kiss the back of his hand.

"What! Young--ho!" Yuta screeched, pulling his hand back. He looks at Taeyong's direction in panic, then back to Youngho, then to Taeyong again. "It...it's not what you..it's not what you think!" He flushes red, suddenly confounded at how defensive he had sounded when it's not like he had to explain anything in the first place. 

Still, he scowls at Youngho, punching the latter on the leg who yelps in pain. "You're so ing defensive, Yuta!" He groans, falling back to his bed. 

Yuta swore he'll get Youngho someday, when the whole room fell into silence after he points that out. Because he remembers, Taeyong isn't stupid. That had Yuta wondering for how long can he keep this secret of his. 

"Yuta, let's eat together." Taeyong tells him. 

"O--okay." Yuta stammers along with Youngho's snickering. He's about to hit Youngho again when Taeyong speaks.

"Just leave him alone." 

Yuta, with careful steps, walks across the room where Taeyong stood by the door frame, wary of Johnny's mock that's about to come whatever contact he makes with Taeyong so he makes sure he's two steps away from him.

"Wow, Yuta! You'll regret leaving me for him!" Youngho calls out. 

Taeyong didn't allow Yuta to retort, lacing his arm with him and pulling him out of the room. Yuta dares to relax, willing his heart to calm as they walk side by side. In case Taeyong could feel the beating on his rib cage. 

"You let him kiss your hand." Taeyong blurts all of a sudden. 

There was no emotion on Taeyong's face when Yuta looks at him. If his hope was too high to assume that he was jealous. Perhaps, he just wanted to point out what happened. That Youngho kissed Yuta's hand, is all. 

"Yeah...yeah... He's gross." Yuta swallows, nervous if Taeyong would ask again, what him and Youngho were talking about. 

Never in his dreams did Yuta imagine, that from their linked arms, Taeyong slid his arm down to Yuta's hand to entangle their fingers together and tugs it up to kiss the back of his palm. The one that Johnny didn't kiss. And like it was the most normal thing ever, Taeyong leans his face close to his, smiling with his eyes and ask, "Am I gross?" 

"T--Taeyong." Yuta stutters. His heart galloped like a deer being chased by a prey, running for his dear life. Taeyong is ecstatic, just to be able to be looked at by him, makes Yuta's heart go crazy. To be in the same room with him would make Yuta's heart leap. Today is a different day, when Taeyong showed him an affection that puts a stop to the thumping of Yuta's heart. All these emotions he could feel only with Taeyong alone. "Wh--y did you do that." 

Taeyong chuckles, and says, "So Youngho can do that, and I can't?" 

Yuta didn't answer and look away, anxious. He didn't need a mirror to know that his face and ears are red for Taeyong to notice. 

"Why are you so red?" Taeyong chuckles, shaking Yuta on the arm. 

"S--stop it." Yuta mouths, too flustered to even keep up with Taeyong's giggles. Nobody is too much of a fool for this. It should be easy for Taeyong to see right through him. "Where are you taking me? We just ate." 

"I know." Taeyong giggles, brushing his hair on Yuta's shoulder without knowing it's effects on the other, he pulled Yuta inside on their shared room, locking the door behind. "But it'll be your birthday in few hours. I wanna be beside you at your last hours of being seventeen."

The lump on Yuta's throat tightens. Taeyong is so careless of the words that slips off his mouth, that Yuta might misunderstood. "Don't say something like that, I might misunderstand." Yuta whispers the words in his head. 

"Misunderstand?" Taeyong questions.

It gets tiring. The kind of life where he had to shift his head wherever Taeyong decides to sway it. "Do you think the company would allow it if I go to Ten's house on our holiday break?" Yuta ask, diverting the topic. 

"Why?" Taeyong raised a brow, letting go of his arm. "Would you rather hang around someone else's house than go home to your family?" 

"No, I just feel like... I want to go somewhere quiet." 

"Are you troubled? Are you sad? What are you feeling, Yuta?" Taeyong queries, reaching out for Yuta's hand. "I want to know how you feel, I want to be here for you." 

Being a kid, liking someone he shouldn't have while being inside their territory, it's like the world is generally trying it's best to hurt Yuta. But Taeyong is the sweetest, the kind of charm that placates Yuta no matter how dark he feels inside. "I'm not sad." Yuta lies, and force a smile. "Do you have a gift for me, though?" 

"That's for tomorrow!" Taeyong whines, letting go of Yuta's hand. "Are you still offended that your Taeyeon and Yoona couldn't come?" 

"What." Yuta laughed at the funny face Taeyong is making. "Why would I be when I knew you'd be there?" 

"Who says I'd be there?" Taeyong turns around and walk across the room to his bed, without the knowledge of Yuta following behind him.

"Don't be so pissy." Yuta chuckles in delight at the face Taeyong makes whenever someone is teasing him. He sat on the bed where Taeyong lies, back facing him. "I'd be happy when you come."

"You're going to celebrate it in the dorm." Taeyong explains, voice muffled by the pillow. "Of course, I will be here."

"But things could happen, you know. What if you get a photoshoot schedule with that phone brand again? Or if manager calls you to the company for a task?" Yuta reasons, placing a hand above Taeyong's small waist. Like Taeyong will break if he wasn't careful enough. 

"Then I won't go." Taeyong blurt. 

A sting of pain rush into Yuta's ears down to his chest, to hear what he assumed was a subtle rejection. It was his birthday, and Taeyong could've pretended it was important to him as well. 

Contrary to what Taeyong said last night that he wouldn't be around on Yuta's birthday, the whole day, Taeyong sticks to him like glue. Not that they don't stick to each other like glues, but Ten had to point it out and whines about not having some quality birthday time with Yuta because Taeyong never let's go of his arms ever since he clung to him this morning. 

Whenever Taeyong looks at him from a short distance, the two of them face to face, his hear rate goes up and his insides churns of the overwhelming feeling of having Taeyong around. When at the very least, he was sure that Taeyong doesn't feel things, isn't affected by Yuta's skin against him at all. While Yuta suffers with the longing for his affection. Taeyong must be comfortable, while Yuta can barely breathe to be in his territory. 

Taeyong sticks to him like glue, even when they haven't spoke to each other much. Probably from their talk last night that had Yuta falling into pieces. And maybe, Taeyong knows it too. Because that night, as they were about to fall asleep when Yuta finished showering and turned off the lights in the room, Taeyong calls his name. 

"Yuta." 

Startled, Yuta tries his best to make the calmest response when he hums. Climbing up the bed and flopping down. The mattress soft and comforting on his back that Yuta wants to sink down further. 

"Happy birthday." Taeyong tells him. 

Now that Yuta thought about it, it's the first time Taeyong greeted him that day. All he got was a got was a good morning, let's eat, you should shower, and let's sleep that day. Because Taeyong wouldn't conversation, and Yuta's face always feels weird whenever he talks to Taeyong first so he avoids it. 

"Thank you." Yuta whispers. When he looks to his desk, he sees the boxes of gifts the boys bought for him and he hasn't open any of them. Not because he didn't appreciate them, but the gifts were predictable that he's the one who requested for s to buy from him. A pair of comic socks from Youngho, a plaid shirt from Ten although he doubt the latter got it from him, probably it's just a deck of uno cards because he's stingy. He guesses Doyoung would give him something like a pen or a notebook he couldn't make use of. A snapback from Jaehyun, and weird love letters from Jungwoo and Yukhei since they're that awful. 

"Do you hate me?"

"What?" Yuta blurts, startled at the question. 

"Do you hate me because I didn't get you a gift?" Taeyong asked again. 

"What--no. No. Of course not." His initial reaction was to bang his head on the wall. Because the first thing he could think of is that Taeyong has been feeling guilty all day. "I told you already...I'd be happy if you spend this day with us." Yuta explains, without being clear with the true meaning of his words. If you could spend this day with me, but he shouldn't say it. 

There's a faint smile on Taeyong's lips Yuta could tell even in the dark. It's the first time Taeyong smiles that day, too. And then Taeyong laughs softly, a sweet music that rangs on Yuta's ears.

"Let's go outside, I'll take you somewhere." Taeyong says, quickly dashing across the room the rummage on his closet. 

"What." Yuta tenses when Taeyong sprints towards him, shoving a hoodie into his chest. "When?"

"Right now."

"In...this outfit?" Yuta take an all over look on what his wearing, a crappy shirt, some baggy sports shorts and a pair of black slippers. Then he looks at Taeyong, wearing an oversized gray hoodie and a pair of shorts similar to his. 

"That's why you have to wear this." Taeyong says, his voice in a hurry. 

Yuta reluctantly nods, and take the clothe from Taeyong's cold hands. He glances to the other first, wondering if it should be fine if he wears it in front of Taeyong. But then just as he was about to pull the hoodie to his head, Taeyong's hands were quick on helping him, so he wears it fast that had Yuta madly blushing. "But..Taeyong. We're going to get scolded." 

"We won't. If we hurry." Taeyong assures him, confident. 

Yuta never had a the heart to disagree to him, so he let's Taeyong grab his wrist tightly and drag him outside the room. He doesn't understand the rush when Taeyong couldn't wait for the elevator, and they ran the corridor and down the eight floored stairs. Before they escape the building, Taeyong pulls the hoods on their heads to hide their faces as they run outside hand in hand. 

A taxi stopped over them, and Taeyong pushed themselves insides. There are too much going on in Yuta's head that he didn't hear it when Taeyong told the driver where would they be going. Nevertheless, Yuta doesn't think it was important to know. As long as he is with Taeyong, and as long as their fingers interlaced with one another. 

It wasn't too soon for Yuta to figure out that Taeyong took him to place that he didn't want to be. The night was lit up by the bright stars and the glowing moon that reflects to the sea, the water was the color of the night sky, the air is cold with the soothing wind with only the sound of the gentle waves on the shore. Somewhere so romantic alone with Taeyong, in a place so beautiful, and yet he couldn't take his eyes off him. 

The sea song of the waves soothed Yuta's racing heart as they walk down the path of the shore and climb the steps to the top of the break water. None of them minded it when they had to step on the rocky water to make it up the wooden dock, hands grasping one another for balance. The cold wind of the night couldn't freeze the pulsing of Yuta's heart that spreads fire all over his skin, and when he looks at deepness of Taeyong's eyes once again, he realized that he was indeed in love with him. He's so consumed with the theory of love that he had forgotten Taeyong was supposed to be his best friend. Supposedly the person he would run to to spill his worries, the fear of that this unwelcome love will devour all of him. 

"I'm so---" 

"Don't think this gift is cheap, but I would trade to see the moonlight on the shore to anything." Taeyong says with the softest voice, and he smiles coyly at Yuta before diverting his gaze to the brightness of the night sky that hovers above them. 

Yuta tries to set aside the idea of him and Taeyong running the opposite the direction. An endless road that they will never meet. But Taeyong is standing right in front of him, so beautiful underneath the moonlight, and Yuta feels warm and safe all over again.
 

Yuta turns to him and tugs at his hand gently, so Taeyong is looking at him. But he was speechless and it's nice because Taeyong doesn't expect him to say anything either. So Yuta just sighs, loud, because Taeyong is beautiful even with his make up less face, the deep scar under his eyes exposed, his unbrushed hair, and his baggy clothes. He's the person that gets Yuta worked up with all the blaring emotions, but also the calming force that could put Yuta to sleep. A feeling that grows deeper with each passing day that, it could've kill him. Yet, Yuta wakes up every morning looking forward to hearing Taeyong's voice, seeing his face, ans tasting the coffee he makes. 

It wasn't the some inconsequential infatuation, the way Youngho names it, because Yuta knows it's more than that. It's always been more than that. But it hurts because there's no guarantee that he'd wake up close to him, if he makes a mistake of saying the words that didn't need be said.

Taeyong leans the small of his back on Yuta's shoulder comfortably. They stayed like that for awhile, hand in hand still, and Yuta breaks the moment apologizing for his sweaty palm when he couldn't take it anymore. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Yuta says nervously, bowing in the process that had Taeyong laughing. He wipes the sweat on his hand on his shirt. "But thank you. This is..nice. I.. Like...love it."

"I knew you would love it here." Taeyong says. "You know, it would've been better if Youngho was here." 

"Yeah...it would've been better." Yuta tells him, and smiles half heartedly. 

That dream was close, Yuta could tell. It's been a while since they started to practice for their upcoming solo shows for the fans. Not only in Korea, but they'd also be performing in other countries like Thailand and Japan. He could still remember his misfortune on the first SM Town he attended to. He was so nervous he had no idea how the show starts and how it ended, with only the images of Taeyong holding his hand. But since they've done rehearsals in front of the staffs and some audience to train their stage presence in the last few weeks, Yuta believes he has gained confidence. 

After having lunch with Ten, they run back inside the dance studio where everyone was stretching and preparing for their training. Aside from Youngho discussing something seemingly important and amusing to the younger trainees, with Minhyung, Donghyuk, Jeno and Jaemin watching him amused. 

"Since we wake up late and we don't want to be late for training, we shower altogether in the dorms. You'll all experience this when you move in, to." Youngho tells the boys who are nodding with enthusiasm. 

"But that's weird." Donghyuk objects, laughing. 

"Oh, not at all." Youngho says out loud. "We have members who enjoys showering together, like Yuta and Taeyong for example."

Yuta swore he wouldn't mind throwing up all the food he ate at Youngho, when he saw Taeyong almost stumbling on the choreography he was practicing from across the room. Not only that, everyone is either eyeing him and Taeyong, and Ten is just gaping at him with wide eyes. 

The kids were laughing, and Yuta swore he's red all over when Jaemin runs towards him and hugs him on the waist. "Let's not shower together someday, hyung." 

Literally, Yuta facepalmed. "Seo Youngho, you're dead."