///this will be mark completed but this fic have no end and this is just the introduction haha and i will update this when i can thank you for reading//

"Well, someone's unlucky." 

Yuta squints at Youngho from the door frame of the dorm room he's been told will be his new home, his first acquaintance in the enormous company known as S.M Entertainment. He's still on cloud nine, mind blank and light from all the overwhelming that's happens like flash. First, it was making it to the audition in Tokyo where he lined up with thousands of more kids his age aspiring for the same goal. Only fragments on whatever happened on the stage is he can remember, and how he made it through to pass the auditions, up to being invited and given a ticket to Seoul, South Korea. He remembers the fatigue, the agitation, the bliss, but not the details.

This is it, he tells himself. Although he had to feign certainty in front of his parents when he tells them that he will go, and leave his another dream behind. At first, his mother was reluctant to allow him, but in weeks of convincing they finally come to terms, and now is Yuta's first day in a foreign country, as a trainee in S.M Entertainment. 

Meeting Seo Youngho had him stuttering, the new language still foreign in his tongue. He'd ask why the taller had just said that, when someone enters the room, jet black hair, sharp jaw, tantalizing eyes and heart shaped lips walks in. Indeed, looks do matter on becoming an idol, but this one is.... 

"He...llo." Yuta greets the boy as casual as he can, the only word he'd master without having to stammer and yet he's at it again. 

"Oh?" The boy stopped on his tracks, looking at Yuta with wide eyes as if he's seen a ghost. 

The attention, the gaze, makes Yuta's heart hammers out his chest and he swore if they happen to be roommates then he----

"Your new roommate. Say hello." Youngho tells him, gesturing a hand at Yuta who looks confused like a little lamb. 

"Oh, it's nice to meet you. Hello, I'm Lee Taeyong." 

There's a sudden change on the resting stoic face of the boy when he introduced himself, a smile, and Yuta tries not to fall, almost lost his footing when he strides to where Yuta stands in the middle of the room to shake his hand. 

"What's your name?" 

What was it? Yuta reckons. If this guy, Lee Taeyong, isn't beaming at him with that intolerably alluring face, then Yuta would be able to answer. That's right, his name is Yuta. "I'm Yu...ta. Na..." 

"Yutana?" The boy asks, enthusiast, hands still holding Yuta's own. 

"Nakamoto Yuta." Yuta tries again, sighing out loud when he succeeded. Imagine having to train with this guy? And worse is having to live with him, just the two of them confined in the same walls. It's safe to assume this will be difficult years for Yuta. 

Yuta's orientation isn't a secret, at least not to his really close friends in Japan, or to his parents that may have the slightest idea---if they ask, Yuta would admit to it. But coming to Korea is a different story, or risky rather. Revealing his true self is less likely to be necessary, first of, it's not going to help his career. Another is securing his friendship with his co-trainees. But that would be too early to be certain about. Because Yuta doesn't live his life according to the patterns, so that didn't answer why he likes a girl in gradeschool and why he likes a guy in highschool. His world isn't carefully constructed.

The first months of training was tied-up. Yuta isn't a dancer, and receiving dance lessons from professional instructors is causing him frustration. Often times he finds himself alone in the dorm, unable to go back to his family on rest days due to the distance, while the others can. Training wasn't an easy task, what more of becoming an idol and to be under everyone's free judgment? It's still too early to think of that. But hearing complaints and cries from other trainees that come and go sometimes discouraged him. Some of them leave before Yuta can even befriend them. So far, the only difficulty Yuta is having is missing his family. At the age of fifteen, he's still too young. There's so much more to learn before his awaited debut. Nevertheless, something so convenient does not exist. And Yuta anticipates the hard path he's going to take.

There are other more trainees that hangs out in the dorm, although they don't stay there full time unlike Yuta. He learned that Youngho comes back to the states every now and then for his studies, same with Mark and Jaehyun. Hansol is from Busan, too kind and quiet that Yuta is getting a hard time to get along with him. Because he's loud and tends to move around a lot. Ten, a new trainee from Thailand, reminds Yuta so much of himself, loud and happy. They talk a lot, manage to carry off with their jokes despite the difficulty on the language. 

One thing that clearly distracts Yuta from everything, is his roommate, Lee Taeyong. He doesn't hang out with any of them most of the time. Taeyong is busy with his last year in SOPA, Jaehyun tells him, that's why his training hours is different from all of them. It's absurd, because he's the person Yuta wants to get to know the most. But if Yuta, tongue tied even on the tiniest of their conversation, is anything to go by, then none of that is going to happen. 

In a year, Yuta was certain that this is it. He was introduced to SM's page as the new trainee, and he'd seen comments, mostly from the people from his country, telling how stoked they were to see Yuta on the stage, and some language he doesn't understand. It was too overwhelming, that he lie on his back on the bed to stare up the ceiling, wondering what kind of future awaits him. It's inevitable to worry about it, since things doesn't always go anyone's way. By now, if he didn't chose this path, he'd be admitted to the sports academy he's always dreamt of going. So, was it really worth it? 

"Say, something the matter? What's bothering you?" 

Startled at the voice, Yuta sat up quickly when he felt the weight of Taeyong who sat on the side of his bed. He's wearing his school uniform, black hair gently brushed down and his braces showing from his slightly parted lips. Today will be his graduation, and Yuta, along with the other boys is accompanying him. 

There's a tension in the air that makes Yuta unable to speak, maybe it was because of the answer to the questions, or could it be because Taeyong is holding his hands and he stares at Yuta's eyes, intently and compassionate that puts him into silence. 

"You can tell me, if something's bothering you. Or if anyone, I'm here to listen, Yuta." Taeyong coos, squeezing his palms. 

It was different, because he never felt this way when Johnny embraced him that one time when Yuta almost fainted on the practice, or when Ten holds his hand for a long time the other day telling him not to worry about the negative feedbacks once their profiles are released. Taeyong's voice alone gives off a reassuring vibe reminding Yuta that he should be okay. He's different, because Yuta never felt so inclined to anyone like this before. 

It isn't until Youngho, clad in a coat similar to what Yuta is wearing, burst in their room and signals them to leave. 

"Congratulations." Yuta whispers when they're about the exit the room, with Taeyong ahead. He looks back at Yuta, with a smile the most esthetic Yuta had ever seen. 

Taeyong is a man of few words, laughs at everything he finds funny, and vulnerable, is what Yuta had learned about him. There's so much about him, and Yuta's head overloads with information that is Taeyong. 

Yuta tries to play it safe, trying to act casual around Taeyong as much as he can. It's been a month since Taeyong moved in completely back to their dorm and they train altogether. Being his roommate was a hassle, Yuta admits to Youngho one day to which the taller only laugh at. Taeyong wakes up early to clean and cook, and sleep late to clean again. A total opposite of a blithe man like Yuta who can sleep even on a room that smells like a trash bin. But there's always a room for a change, and someone so gentle like Taeyong, Yuta wouldn't want to get on to his nerves. His sensitivity makes Yuta uneasy, yet, he wants to be near Taeyong all the time. 

All these feelings probably got too much on him, because Youngho confronts him one day while they were on the building's lunchroom, and whispers, "If you stare that much, he's going to catch you." 

There's no room for denial, because at that very moment, Yuta is oggling at Taeyong's feature----newly dyed brown hair and cherry lipstick that compliments his pale complexion. Panicked at being caught, he faces Youngho with a terrified expression, as if begging him not to say anything. 

Taeyong who sits across them in the table besides Jaehyun, diverts his gaze at Youngho, asking, "What did you tell him, Youngho? Are you making fun of him?". He's that kind of person, caring and a fusspot in an adorable manner, that makes him more unique than others. To Yuta's eyes, he'd always been special. 

Yuta had to grip Youngho on his leg under the table, warning him not to say anything. 

He chuckled, wrapping an arm around Yuta's shoulder and playfully poking him on the side. "Not gonna tell you, right Yuta?" Youngho chaffs, a eating grin on his face. 

"You better not be making fun of him." Taeyong warns, shaking his head. 

"Eh? You're no fun!" Youngho scowled, manhandling Yuta with his big body to shove the smaller on the opposite of the table where Taeyong sits. "He's all yours." 

Yuta never felt this nervous, because he's never been this near Taeyong, their shoulders brushing when he takes a seat and Taeyong had turned to smile at him. He's so pretty, up close, even prettier than when Yuta only stares at him from a close distance. Youngho isn't going to let him live, he knows, but this is one of the chances Yuta didn't want to miss. So he didn't lean away, and stares even more. 

"Do you want me to hit Youngho for you?" Taeyong suggest, lifting up his fist. 

That was an empty threat, because Taeyong is a person who wouldn't lift a finger to hurt anyone. Not only he is beautiful, but he's solicitous and amiable, as though perfect exist, like a religion he could idolize and devotes himself to.  "Don't mind it. Just eat." He says, too occupied, gaze roaming over Taeyong's face, to his lips in particular every time he speaks. He hadn't notice everyone else was staring and laughs at Yuta's dead serious expression as he speaks.

Certain that Youngho is laughing at something else, he tries to kick the taller under the table who only guffawed even more. Anxiety rolls over his stomach, even though he suspects someone is bound to find out his secret soon, and he hopes it wasn't the subject of his affection, but not Youngho too. Youngho has a close friendship with Taeyong and it hangs him up, thinking of a way he could convince him not to say anything before Youngho could even spill it to Taeyong. 

Even so, he supposes Taeyong would be oblivious to it. Not that Yuta is acting according to his feelings, he'd only taken a liking to stare at Taeyong whenever he's sure the other wasn't looking. Although he'd been caught many times, Taeyong would only smile at him and ask him what was wrong, and Yuta could only wonder how much more perfect can he get each day. 

Presumably it's Youngho who will first notice it. Since the three of them, born on the same year, often hang around altogether more than with the others. In the dorm, Youngho always visits their room to chat or play video games. It's whenever Yuta feels suffocated, too overwhelm within Taeyong's territory, that Youngho would come along with his petty jokes which happens to balance Yuta's excessive emotions somehow. That's why Yuta likes to have him around most of the time.

Under the table, Taeyong holds his hand, fingers gently tracing his palms. It's not the first time Taeyong hold his hands, but every time he does, it feels like the first time. It stuns him, unable to breathe for a moment when he glances at Taeyong's direction. He wasn't looking at Yuta, talking comically with Ten and head leaned on Jaehyun's shoulder, as if he wasn't aware that he's holding Yuta's hand, to make him crazy, at all. 

Suddenly, it sinks in. Taeyong holds hands with the others, embrace them and smiles at them. The reason behind it, all because Yuta knows he wasn't special. Taeyong looks at everyone of them the same way, and it's all in Yuta's ridiculous head. 

What Yuta had managed to overcome is his overt, a little obvious fondness. Or it was short-lived, he likes to assume. He likes to assume he had overcome it. That he'd manage to harbor all his feelings to the back of his mind, neglecting the uncontrollable jitters whenever Taeyong is at a close proximity. Perhaps it's only in his head? If he had managed to make it negligible, then maybe such feeling is so little, or don't exist at all. But still it's confusing, and irritating. Which ends up to him wanting to get on Taeyong's nerves all the time. Ever so often, they fight, and Taeyong would always fuss about Yuta's odd behavior, as Yuta recalls he named it one day. 

He stopped helping Taeyong on cleaning their room, protesting it was nonsense since they're going to dirt it anyway. He doesn't listen to him on practice, since Taeyong is their potential leader and intructs them on dance classes, opting to frolic with Ten and other younger trainees. But Taeyong is still dear to him, well, like he is to everyone. So he wonders how much more annoying can he be until Taeyong completely hates him. Yuta doesn't know when it became a game for him, to get Taeyong out of his limit.

It's one afternoon when Yuta was rummaging through his backpack to search for the pain reliever, throwing all the empty wrappers he finds inside while Taeyong is sweeping the floor. Honestly, he wasn't aware that Taeyong was there in the first place, too troubled with his aching back.

"Yuta, I swear. If you can't help with cleaning then st---" 

"What?!" Yuta interrupts with a yell, frowning. 

Taeyong stood straight, eyes grazing on Yuta for a split second before looking down. There was a change on his expression that Yuta knows is because he shouts at him. 

"I...I'm sorry." Yuta murmurs. He never really apologized to him, and today is the first time. If he'll be given a second chance, he will take that back.

"If you can't find your medicines, I have spare on my drawers." Taeyong offers, voice so gentle and kind as though Yuta didn't violate him just now. 

Taeyong was polite and generous, that even if you treat him unfairly, he wouldn't take it against you. Perhaps, it would be him to apologize and console. Maybe that's why people like him. A center of attention for his surreal feature. But Taeyong doesn't only stand out for his face, his attributes were at best, and he can dance so well that makes Yuta rethink that maybe perfect really does exists. But perfect doesn't exist, it shouldn't exist, because that wouldn't be fair. Yuta knows his own imperfections, and that he wasn't perfect, because nobody is. Maybe he's jealous of Taeyong for having everything that he wished he had. 

Taeyong functions like that, contented even with the slightest of love anyone can return to him. Like a robot, except robots can't love and he'd be beautiful than any metals or plastics materials that makes up a robot can ever be. 

Yuta doesn't really know what's going on in Taeyong's head, if he was angry at Yuta or upset about being shouted at, he wouldn't know unless he say it. Because Taeyong's expression only ranges from looking happy, and not sad but straight-faced. A blank expression Yuta doubts he can ever perceive. Thinking, Yuta remained seated on his bed, watching as Taeyong moved back to sweeping the floor but working slowly this time. If he was angry or upset, he could just yell back at Yuta. But he wouldn't, and that's the kind of person he is. 

"Don't you get tired?" Yuta blurts, because the atmosphere was suffocating and Yuta wouldn't want to cross the line to the point where Taeyong would completely despise him. He fears it. That wouldn't feel right, even if it seem incredulous for him to dislike anyone. They just finished training for six hours straight and all Yuta wanted to do after those bloody hours is to get some rest, but Taeyong would still be working. 

It's evident that the question surprised him when he looks at Yuta with wide eyes, a new expression Yuta had ever seen on his face that's a little similar from when everyone in the company decides to surprise Taeyong on his sixteenth birthday but not quite the same, but tries to mask it immediately. Yuta wouldn't ask about how other people feels. He'd be bullting others, but not consoling them. He can only use his discretion to people that really matters. "I'll turn the lights off so you can sleep." 

"No." Yuta counters. Of course, Taeyong would misinterpret his words, because he doesn't see himself as anyone important, Yuta thinks. "We had a tiring day. You might want to sleep after training too, as much as I do." 

"I'm sorry, it just don't feel right leaving the floor unclean." 

Taeyong would be apologizing, even on little matters that Yuta fails to conceive. But one thing, Taeyong is smart, yet he didn't understand Yuta's concern. 

By twelve midnight, Yuta awokens to his back still aching. When he looks to his left, Taeyong was dozing off, tiny snores escaping his mouth to display the exhaustion he's tried to hide all day. Standing up from his bed, Yuta carefully hovers over his, and fixed the blanket that dangles off Taeyong's exposed chest. If Taeyong would find out that Yuta knows he sleeps shirtless, he's going to throw a fit. 

Coming out of the room, seeing Youngho asleep in the couch surprises him. His tall frame blocking the path way from the settees to the television. He tries not to make a sound as he jumps over him to the kitchen. 

Seeing Taeil having a cup of tea at this hour isn't a rare sight. He'd bump on the older a lot, and he'll make a coffee of his own and they will chat about their little worries. But mostly it will be Yuta talking, because Taeil isn't the type to open up to anyone. Not because of trust issues, but rather he didn't want burden any of them. That's a wicked mindset, Yuta thinks. Because even if Taeil is older, that doesn't mean he need to alone. That's why Yuta doesn't like the idea of being thoughtful, because Taeyong comes in the way whenever he thinks of the word. 

They didn't speak until Yuta takes a seat across him on the counter with a coffee mug in hand, and Taeil groaned as if he's dead tired of this frequent midnight encounters with Yuta in the kitchen as if to humor him. 

"Hey, at least you get to stare on my sleepy, charming face. Anyone would want that." Yuta sounded so defensive that Taeil laughed. 

"Charming, you say?" Taeil enunciates, eyeing Yuta's coffee. "Do you still drink coffee without sugar on them?" 

Instead of nodding, Yuta tries to explain it this time before Taeil could create his similes about Yuta's bitter life again. "It's stomach friendly and strengthens me, you should try it sometimes." 

"Then you should make a cup or two for Taeyong?" Taeil suggested, that catches Yuta's attention. Not because of the mention of the name, Yuta would still be wary even if it was Jaehyun or Ten or even Youngho they'd be talking about. 

"Taeyong?" He asks again, just to make sure, and maybe Taeil would explain. Because he won't directly ask why does Taeyong needs strength and what's the matter with him, because these are things Taeyong never tells him why. 

Humming, Taeil raised a brow at him. "Yes, Taeyong." 

Yuta stares down at his mug, a little disappointed with the lack of justification. "Yes, Taeyong." He repeats in a whisper. 

"Must be stressful. Are you being nice to him, then?" Taeil asked, serious. 

It wasn't a joke time, he supposes. His eyebrows knitted together when he looks back up at Taeil who's gaze is aimed at him directly. In fact, no, he just yelled at Taeyong and it probably made him upset, though that's something he wouldn't admit. But why is there a need for Yuta to be nice to Taeyong?

Before Yuta could ask, Taeil gasped and says, "Don't tell me you didn't know?" 

"Know what?" 

That's when Taeil explained to him. Yuta doesn't have a phone, nor a laptop so he doesn't have any access to the internet. Often times, their manager would let him borrow his iPad so Yuta could talk to his family. Apparently, a rumor about Taeyong had turned up, that he scammed people in the past. Under SM, Taeyong released a statement regarding it, apologizing. But what confused him the most, is his knowledge of Taeyong's incapability to commit such an offense. Never possible, Yuta repeats in his head. He reckons the company made Taeyong apologize for something he didn't do, and that's bull. 

"I don't care if he did it or not, but the comments are ridiculous. Nothing Taeyong deserves." Taeil shook his head, finishing the last sip of his tea. 

None of them speak for awhile, and Yuta stares blankly on the table. To what extent can people go in order to be satisfied by hurting someone? What relish is in there? Humans are incredulous.

Yuta decides to call it a night and retreats to his room. Taeyong is still sleeping, and Yuta noticed his creased brows when he stares on his figure. It's as if all the emotions Taeyong bottled up in the daylight shows off when he's unaware. It must've hurt a lot. He wonders if Taeyong had talk to Youngho about it, or to Jaehyun, because it seemed like he hadn't to Taeil. 

It's getting late so Yuta went back to his own bed to sleep. 

In the morning, it's a usual routine that Taeyong is already awake, cleaned their room and outside before Yuta could even open his eyes. So Yuta finds it odd when he sat up and sees Taeyong still on his bed, he's wearing a shirt this time, back against him so he isn't sure if he's still sleeping or awake. It's 8 o'clock, and although their dance practice wouldn't start until one in the afternoon, it's still uncommon for Taeyong to still be on his bed at this hour. 

Hearing the shifting on his bed, Taeyong turns on the other side to look at him. His eyes were swollen, and Yuta knows it's not only from the sleep. "You're awake." Taeyong says. "Good morning." 

Yuta would ask why Taeyong looks like a mess but he already knows the answer, so it's not going to make sense. Because Yuta couldn't console him, it's not his personality. "Good morning." He replies, yawning. 

"Do you want breakfast?" Taeyong asked, already sitting up. 

"Should I make it? Let me make it." Yuta insist. 

"You?" 

"Yes."

"Alright. I'll join you to the kitchen." 

Yuta wonders if Taeyong doesn't want to be left alone. But the moment Yuta looks at him, Taeyong is looking back, like he got the gist of the change in Yuta's conduct that day. Don't pity me, his eyes screams so loud that Yuta dropped his gaze back to chop the sausages. 

"Why are laughing?" 

Taeyong brushes his morning hair off his forehead, suppressing his laughter when Yuta throw daggers at him. "You, holding a sausage is really silly to watch." 

Yuta doesn't know what Taeyong is trying to imply, or if he's even insinuating anything, but he flushed red anyway. Hesitantly, loss for words, he picks the knife but drops it again when Taeyong is still staring. "You, do it." He hisses, sitting beside Taeyong on the counter and playfully shoving him off a chair. 

"You're so violent!" Taeyong wails, and falls off his chair. Before his bottom hits the ground, Yuta catches him. 

It wasn't intentional, Yuta swore he didn't mean to push Taeyong harshly. Thanks to his fast reflex, he's able to catch the other on the waist, keeping him still. On his arms, Taeyong breathes heavily, completely taken by surprise.

"Not that I know what you two are doing, but, I don't want to interrupt, please continue." 

Both heads turned to the door frame where Doyoung stands, he reached for a box of milk in fridge just beside the door and leaves right away. This new trainee, at first Yuta envies him. Kim Doyoung was a fresh grad from middle school, undeniably intelligent and sings like an angel. But he's too straightforward, and Yuta hates his guts.

Petrified, Yuta forgets what was happening and it isn't until Taeyong pries his hands away that Yuta realizes their position. Likely an awkward display.......? Yuta wishes he wasn't shirtless. 

He'd leave to go back to his room, but when his eyes catches a glimpse of Taeyong's face, an agonizing expression, and Yuta swore he isn't just imagining things. When he looks again, Taeyong is sporting his stoic face again and proceeds to cut the sausages Yuta gave up on, but Yuta knows he's just masking it. "D--did I hurt you?" Yuta ask, embarrassed. 

Though he looks up at Yuta for a split second, Taeyong ignores this, preceding to cutting the sausages. He, then, reached a top of the shelf for a tomato sauce, boiling it with water on a pan. 

Yuta could only watch. He isn't exactly clueless in the kitchen, perhaps he could lend Taeyong a hand on preparing the toasted bread and juice. But there's something numbing about the way Taeyong moves, his eyelashes flattering every time he blinks, chest heaving up and down every time breathes. A strange pressure sprouts on Yuta's heart, growing to take over all of his insides. As if it's a one-in-a-million chance to gaze, Yuta doesn't look away even when Taeyong caught him staring. It's back, and it's crazy. The attraction knows Yuta is forbidden, and tried to suppress. But Taeyong's enticement is more powerful than Yuta's will. 

Shaking the thought off his head, he jolts up his seat when someone enters the room with loud footsteps. Jumbled, Youngho stopped on his tracks to look at him. 

"What?" Youngho groans. His hear sticking out everywhere, face unwashed from his sleep. 

Yuta couldn't make up an alibi as to why he'd be startled, to the point where he stood up from his seat, by the sound of someone entering the kitchen. There's a glint in Youngho's eyes, diverting his gaze from Taeyong back to Yuta. A teasing expression that came to a halt, and it's like Youngho had read Yuta's mind for this return, because he's going to mock again for sure. 

"Youngho, do you want pancakes?" 

Youngho's eyes grew big at the offer, as if he'd forgotten Yuta's existence when he gasped, "Oh, pancakes!", and he strides towards Taeyong. 

Heaving a sigh, Yuta decides to leave. In the living room, Ten is fast asleep occupying the largest settee. Beside him, Jaehyun is dozing off too. These sarcastic pair likes to stick on each other's pants, they've become inseperable, with Ten leaving Yuta out most of the time. Not that it bothers him, but there are things he couldn't quite easily open up to just anyone but Ten. On the smaller settee on the side, Taeil sits there, sound asleep. By this hour, Yuta should still be sleeping too. No amount of sleep can appease the exhaustion from long hours of training. 

"My pancakes, my pancakes." Youngho singsongs from the dining area, the sound of plates he's setting clanks against the table. 

Yuta walks to where he is, and Ten, as though the word pancakes rang a bell to his ears jumps up and walks past Yuta, almost pushing him to the wall. "This dimwit." He hisses. 

"What's with the foul word? Go wear a shirt, Yuta." 

Suddenly, Yuta feels so when all eyes on the table are on him. Not like they aren't use to seeing each other shirtless, Taeil walks around shirtless a lot, too. But today is different and everyone has a shirt on except for Yuta, and Taeyong had to lecture him. As if it's going to change anything, Yuta lifts his palms to cover his chest, making Youngho laugh. 

"He means your body isn't good to look at." Youngho sneers, patting the seat next to him. Which brings confusion because both Yuta and Taeyong that remained standing comes to him, and when Taeyong sat, Youngho pushed him to Yuta's direction. 

Laughter erupts, and for the second time today, Yuta finds himself petrified, fingers trembling as he feels Taeyong's skin against his. As if it wasn't overwhelming enough, Taeyong grasp at Yuta's shoulder for leverage as he hits Youngho that don't seem to hurt at all, his body still so close to Yuta. 

Speechless, Yuta remained frozen on his foot, allowing Taeyong to wander on his personal boundary without moving an inch. Perhaps, he wants it to last longer, Taeyong's thin body and soft skin that smells like ocean flavoured cologne against his. When Taeyong pulls away to take the seat on the other side of the table Jaehyun offers, there's a faint lopsided grin on Youngho's face shooting at Yuta. Ignore it, like the usual, Yuta reminds himself. He already imagine how Youngho will bombard him with witty nicknames like 'defensive', or worse, 'lover boy'. Either way, both is awful, so as much as he can, he doesn't talk about it. Youngho might have an idea that he doesn't entertain himself, they are both guys and there's no way Yuta is going to like Taeyong, that, he believes. Which is why he never really talk to Yuta about it and never goes overboard with his teasing. Even their other members is oblivious to it. 

Taking a spoonful of the three layered pancakes on his plate, Yuta keeps his head low, not wanting to make eye contact that could start conversation with anybody. He just listens to everyone, and of course, as though it's part of a ritual every time they dine all together,  Doyoung and Ten's timeless banters would take place. 

"So, Hansol. Who's more attractive, me or Doyoung?" Ten questions. His raise of voice make everyone in the table silent. 

This make Yuta looks up, and sees all eyes are one Hansol, awaiting his response. The older though, looks rather clueless on what to say, spoon dangling on his lips. This happens often, because Hansol is too nice to scold, which lead the others to make fun of him. 

"Why--- Do I need to answer that?" 

Laughter erupts in the table, and to Yuta's surprise, Taeyong was laughing along with everyone. Usually, he wouldn't be, more or less he'll be lecturing them to leave Hansol alone. Taeil, though the oldest among them, enjoys mockery and allows such teasing to happen. Youngho is also a starter. But Taeyong most of the time doesn't tolerate it.

"Doyoung, of course." Youngho is the one to answer, guffawing when Ten's face turned into an ugly scowl. 

As though sensing him concealing his presence, Ten turns to Yuta saying, "Yuta, is that true?" At first, it was for sympathy, because everyone in the table in suddenly on Doyoung's side. But whenever Yuta acts like an outsider, Ten doesn't allow it. Yuta doesn't know what to say so Ten followed it up with a mimic of a birds singing. 

Yuta is usually noisy and a heckler, and from the reaction of s, staring expectantly at him as if waiting for Yuta to say something, whatever word they could laugh on about to get even. So instead, he ignore the attention, nimbling at the tiny bits of pancake he's been chewing for a minute. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Taeyong staring blankly on his direction, but not to him, and somewhere beyond him rather. He could tell Taeyong is thinking, a deep sense of weariness. Without a second thought Yuta gazes at him, not beyond him, but deep into Taeyong's eyes. Even if his eyes couldn't say the words that hangs on his lips, maybe someday that chance will come along. 

When Yuta enters the room before midnight after his tectonic Marvel vs. Capcom match with Jaehyun that went on for three hours, a victorious night for him and his ears still rings from Johnny's trash talks. A sudden change of mood drapes on his shoulder when he sees Taeyong alone on his bed, making the smile on his face fade in an instant. He wasn't doing anything, just lying on his side and gazing far, entirely different from when he finds Taeyong alone in the room on his phone or tidying up. This time, it's like he is utterly alone. 

When Yuta closes the door behind him, he expects Taeyong to say something, or look at his the direction at the very least. But there wasn't any, and Yuta feels like he's alone too. 

"You didn't say a word in breakfast, lunch, dinner, and you aren't scolding me either." 

Slowly, Taeyong shifts on his bed and turns on his side to look at him. Eyes full of emotions Yuta couldn't put his hands on. "You want me to scold you?" 

A little, the question takes him by surprise. Yuta felt a bit blank, but Taeyong talks to him at least. So he nods, unable to mask the smile that creeps up his lips now that Taeyong's attention is on him. 

There's a faint smile on Taeyong's lips when he says, "Yuta, keep quiet. I wanted to sleep but couldn't because you kept on yelling at Youngho. You were so loud. There, better?" 

In Yuta's head, it wasn't important. He could only think about how he wants to pull Taeyong out of this emptiness. He wants to crumble the wall between them, that he built alone out of unspoken words. He hates the confusion, the inexplicable something that holds him back. Maybe if Yuta doesn't feel these strong effects on him, then maybe approaching him wouldn't be so difficult. Then again, Yuta finds himself speechless. Not only by Taeyong's beauty, but the person that he is. 

"Why are you staring at me?" 

Yuta swallows the lump on his throat he didn't know he was holding, and watches as Taeyong stand up from his bed and walks to his direction. Yuta is nervous when he shouldn't be, and Taeyong sits beside him. "You can sit on my bed, but I can't sit on yours. Now that's unfair." 

Taeyong snorts, falling limply on Yuta's bed. "If you keep complaining, how am I going to fall asleep?" 

"On my bed?" Yuta ask. 

Taeyong groaned, lifting a pillow to cover his face that he s on Yuta's back. "Let me sleep." 

"Alright, then I'll sleep on your bed." Yuta announced when Taeyong's whole body occupied his bed, making himself comfortable. 

"Don't even try." Taeyong warns. 

"Then go back to your bed, Tae---" Yuta's throat run dry, retracting his fingers quick that grazes the exposed skin on Taeyong's back. Is Taeyong going to sleep on his bed?

The unavoidable happened, and now Youngho is having the time of his life, even tagging Ten along which means everyone else is at it too. This morning, Youngho finds Taeyong and Yuta asleep together on the bed. Which shouldn't be a big deal at all, but it's Youngho.

This morning when he got out of his room, he found Jaehyun and Ten asleep, or pretending to, judging from the suppressed smirks on their face,  on the couch, bodies pressed together. It's only when Yuta checked his phone in the car on the way to SM building, Youngho sent him a photo. When he clicked to view it, it was him and Taeyong asleep, their bodies pressed together. In the photo, Taeyong's leg is draped over Yuta's waist. They were facing each other, foreheads almost touching. Before he could get angry, his face flushed first. He looks inside the car, Taeyong is at the front seat looking nonchalance about. It's either Youngho didn't send him the pic or that it wasn't a big deal unlike it is to Yuta. He wonder if Youngho, who's in the other car, sent it to everyone else except for Taeyong. 

It was lunch time when Yuta gets to corner Youngho in the restroom. They were the last to brush their teeth before everyone else resume to practice, and Yuta made sure it's just the two of them alone and locked the door behind him. 

"What? I thought you left with everyone." Youngho says, drying his face with a towel.

"Are you kidding me? Why did you take that picture?" Yuta scoffs, the calmest way he could. 

"Oh." Youngho mutters, as though Yuta had said the most nonsensical thing he ever heard. "What of it? " 

"What ofdo it?!" Scoffing again, this time, Yuta couldn't hide the irritation on his face. What Youngho doesn't go through is what he wouldn't be able to understand. "That wasn't ing funny." 

"Ha, why so angry?" Youngho holds his hands up in defense. "What's the big deal? It's not like you really like him." 

"I...  I ..." Yuta is confused and defenseless. He couldn't say a word for awhile. 

"So you do?" Youngho ask. 

"No, I do---n't. Of course! I don't like him at all." 

For a brief moment, Youngho gaped at him and nods to himself, but not because he believed Yuta. "It's not like you would stutter so badly if I ask you that."

Before Yuta could deny, Youngho speaks again. The same time there was a knock on the door, and it was Taeyong calling for them. 

Worried, Yuta looks Youngho in the eye. Clueless of what to do. 

"By the way, I'm not going to tell anyone. Or him. So don't worry." Youngho pats Yuta on the shoulder before they exit the restroom. 

There was a day when Taeyong had a break down and Yuta finds himself sitting on his bed, watching Youngho comforting a crying Taeyong from across the room. Every time Youngho tells him everything is going to be alright, Taeyong would nod like a pampered pet who listens well to his owner. It's going to be okay, Youngho would say, and Taeyong will believe him without any doubt. 

Yuta wonder if he should just leave. It's not like he was needed there. But he couldn't move, like he's stuck on a container he doesn't want to be in. I don't wanna be here, he thinks out loud and as though Youngho hears him, he looks at Yuta's direction and nods his head a little. Yuta doesn't know what he means, but it's certainly doesn't mean Youngho wants him to leave the room. So, with slow steps, he moves closer to them. Trying his best to subdue the jealousy that lingers within him, because Youngho is hugging Taeyong's small body and Taeyong is holding him that shows how much he depends Youngho. That much he trust him. 

With doubtful hand, Yuta placed it on Taeyong's head who inclined his head slightly to look at him. His eyes were swollen, dark with painful emotions Yuta wants to take away from him. "Don't cry." He coos, but it only made Taeyong cry more. He grasp at Yuta's shirt to pull him down for an embrace, and he whimpers on Yuta's chest. He looks up at Youngho, and the air speaks the words for them. Youngho understands him, that it wasn't Yuta taking advantage or Taeyong, it's Yuta being there for him. 

When Youngho stood up and leaves the room, Taeyong holds him tighter. No words are exchanged between them, and with wary hands, Yuta holds him too.  He traces the spine on Taeyong's back to comfort him, and he retracts his hands when he felt Taeyong shivered at the touch. Apart from Taeyong's arms, silence wraps itself around Yuta. As if urging him to say something. But Youngho said it all, except for one thing. 

"I'll stay here with you." Yuta whispers. A promise.

They fell asleep like that, and like Youngho promised, there wasn't a photo the next day that Jaehyun and Ten could make fun of. When he woke up, Taeyong was already out of bed and he finds him in the kitchen with Yukhei who's watching the older cooks. 

"Good morning, you're up early." Taeyong greets him with a smile. 

The butterflies in his stomach were frenzied  this early and Yuta feels like throwing up, mustering all his strength to smile back which ends up to an lopsided smirk. It had Yukhei laughing. 

"Does he sleep shirtless all the time?" Yukhei asked Taeyong. 

"Well, unfortunately." Taeyong playfully rolled his eyes. 

Again, Yuta feels so so he covers his chest with his hands. "Hey, you sleep shirtless too. You think I don't know, don't you?" 

Taeyong gapes at him, opening his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Fortunately for him, Yukhei says on his defense, "I think that's fine Yuta, but walking around without a shirt on in this cold weather..." 

"Fine, fine." Yuta hisses, striding back to his room to get his shirt. It's still damp of Taeyong's tears. Damn he cried too much, he thought. He rummages to his closet but finds no shirt so he searches on Taeyong's instead, wondering how much scolding he would get if he wears Taeyong's clothes. When he gets back on the kitchen, Taeyong only spared him a three second glance without saying anything. 

Before Yuta could take a seat at the kitchen counter, Yukhei excuses himself and thanked Taeyong for the coffee. Again, it's the two of them alone. He watches Taeyong's back as he works on the stove. His shoulder rising and falling with every deep breath that fills the silence between them. Yuta could still feel Taeyong's body against his, the thought making him shiver. He wonders if Taeyong still feels heavy. 

He contemplates which is better, whether he strike up an innocuous conversation to kill the thin air that surrounds them, or if he goes straight to the point and ask how Taeyong feels. Asking the latter, might worsen Taeyong's day ahead, so he says instead, "You know, Jaehyun is such a trash for Yoona. When we met her at the hallway yesterday, he asked for an autograph. He looks hilarious." 

"Did you asked for an autograph as well? You seem to like her a lot too." 

Yuta hummed at the last part. "No I didn't. I told you, I like Taeyong." 

Taeyong stares at him. "You like me?" 

"Ah, what. I mean.. Taeyeon. Ah I said it wrongly? Oh. It's just.. Too similar." Yuta raises in his hands in defense.
"Like...I swear... I..... Don't get the wrong idea."

Taeyong let's out a loud laughter, his eyes crinkled that had Yuta worrying what kind of face he's making for Taeyong to see. 

"Alright, alright." Taeyong giggles and turns back to the stove. "Can you call on Jaehyun? I need some help around here." 

Still flustered, Yuta thinks it over. Jaehyun is probably still asleep. No, it shouldn't matter whether he is or not. He wants Taeyong to know that he can rely on him too. "I'm here. How about I help you?" He offers, standing up. 

With wary eyes, Taeyong looks at him. "Okay. Then, how about you wash the rice cakes?" 

"Fine, fine." Yuta walks to the counter and takes the pack of rice cakes. "That's easy."

"Easy?" Taeyong laughs. 

"Back in Japan, I sometimes try to be useful in the kitchen. But very carefully useful so my mother won't scold me." Yuta washes his hands first, reaching out for a huge bowl in the cabinet. Taeyong hands him a scissor to cut the plastic or rice cakes before he wash and boils it. 

"You probably miss her, don't you?" 

"A lot." Yuta sighed. 

"Then why do you always ignore her calls?" Taeyong asked. "I'm...sorry I shouldn't have---" 

"No, it's okay." Yuta looks at him, a faint smile on his lips to put him off his worry. "Whenever I do, I feel sorry. I think I'll only be able to face her once all these...dreams... come true. I want her to be proud of me someday." 

"Of course she is, Yuta." Taeyong says with conviction, eyes turning into crescents. 

Yuta had put a limit on how long and often shall he allow himself to stare at Taeyong, but then he lost track of it. It's only until Taeyong mouths a "Why?" does he realized he's been gazing for long. Because you're so beautiful and I can't help it, Yuta would reason out. But he had lost all his reasons to the inescapable admiration Yuta knows is wrong. "I'm sorry." He says.

Laughing, Taeyong threw a crumpled tissue that hits Yuta on the nose, pointing at the sink. "I don't know what you're apologizing for but the water's already pouring out, mind you." 

Yuta jerks a little when he sees some rice cakes climbing out of the bowl already. "Oh ." He gasped, turning the faucet off and lifting the bowl from the sink. Yuta placed it  on the counter, mentally slapping himself as he looks at the rice cakes that seems like they're drowning. 

"That's fine." Taeyong says. "Just go watch T.V or something. I'll take care of everything here." 

But Yuta wants to stay here with him. If only he was useful. If he messes up on the simplest thing, how can Taeyong rely on him? "Can I..  stay?" 

The air around him tightens when Taeyong looks at him with a questioning look, so confused, as if demanding an answer of what that question meant. And Yuta only stares at him with a gaze that says, do you want to know? And again, Taeyong shakes it off. Laughing as he scurried to the stove to turn it off. "Of course, Yuta." 

"Of course." Yuta repeats, elated.

After the practice, Yuta decides to take a long shower once their back at the dorm. There's a seperate comfort room inside their shared room, and just awhile back, Taeyong and him raced to the door to whom will shower first. Stronger, Yuta manhandles Taeyong away who reaches the knob first, and Taeyong's been whining ever since.

The water was cold, and it soothes Yuta's hurting back and neck. Like all his body pain goes down the drain. The cold relaxes his lungs, taking out all the exhaustion he's gone through the whole day. And Yuta finds himself in a marvelous peace when the whining from the outside quiets down, until the door to the shower opens that hits Yuta's back. "What the!" He screams, pushing the door back to close it. The lock has long been broken but neither of them bothered to fix it, but Yuta is having a second thought at that decision now.

"You're taking too long!" On the other side of the door, Taeyong whines with resistance to open the door again.

"Fine---fine! Give me five minutes!" 

"No!" 

"Three minutes---- two minutes! Two minutes!" Yuta panics, using his full weight to shove the door back.

"Okay." 

Yuta hears him says, sighing when Taeyong finally decides to stop and allows him to close the door and he reached out for his towel. This time, Taeyong pushed the door and shimmies inside the small shower room before Yuta could even wrap the towel on his waist to cover himself. "Taeyong, what the !" He screams. He had too much trust on Taeyong that he wouldn't actually do it, and Yuta mentally slaps himself at that.

"Why are you cussing?!" Taeyong complains, as though cussing is more offending than walking in on someone who's taking a shower. "It's not like you have things I don't have myself." 

"That's not it!" Yuta blushes, and wishes Taeyong wouldn't see it. Because they're both , squeezed inside a small room with only the water from the shower seperating their skin. Taeyong pushed him to take over under the shower, and Yuta hits his back hard on the wall. He tries not to stare, ignoring that Taeyong is completely for him to see, and of course he fails. An unwelcome heat pools in his stomach, and Yuta turns around and covers his eyes, hitting his head on the wall in the process. 

"Your looks funny." Taeyong comments. 

"Please---please just ing get out already." Yuta pleads through gritted teeth. 

"Stop cussing at me! I'm older than you." 

That night, Yuta lies on his bed. His back pressed heavily on the covers, eyes laid blankly on the ceiling. His hair is still dripping with water and soaking the pillow, but he could careless. As though it never happened, Yuta barely believes Taeyong walked in on him in the shower, and he thinks he only imagined it. He closed his eyes and takes a deep breath, and like an abrasive dark clouds the wonder of it all settles over him. He felt a gentle shiver when he hears the door of the comfort room opened, and Taeyong's footsteps followed suit. 

"Ah, the water was nice." Taeyong says with a yawn, as if nothing happened. 

Did anything happen? Yuta asked himself. 

This is where his dream begins, Yuta thinks as he along with the members passed by a group of female students inside the mall calling out to their names. After the introduction and the dance video that was uploaded on SMTown Youtube channel, people began to recognize them. He smiles back at them, and waved as they entered the restaurant door. 

Still, Yuta couldn't stop laughing at Taeil's shocked expression who looks more or less spooked than gratified from the fans they just met. Jaehyun wouldn't stop teasing him about it too. 

"You're gonna scare your fans away if you keep that expression." Ten comments. 

"Shut up, just let me think." Taeil hisses, still sporting the expression. 

"He's ridiculous." Yuta laughs, taking a seat beside Taeyong. It became a habit, no rather, it was mechanical. Like automatic machines, they function without commands. Whether in the car, in their dorm dining hall, at the company's cafeteria or at restaurants and coffee shops they visit, they stick beside each other. But it didn't make sense, because they weren't glued nor magnetized, and it just happened. Like there's a sense of completion, on Yuta's part, whenever he's with Taeyong. And maybe, just maybe, Taeyong feels it too. 

"I'll get your order." Taeyong says, passing him a menu list with the foreign alphabet he'd gotten used to read by now. He rested his forehead on Yuta's shoulder, a habit he always does whenever he watches Yuta play on his phone or when he waits for him to say something. 

"I don't know anything about these sorts of crabs, could you order for me?" He says coyly, offering him a wide grin.

Taeyong snorts a little. "Fine, close that big mouth of yours." .

"Close it." Yuta says through gritted teeth, his lips still parted as he playfully lean towards him. 

"Stop it, Yuta." Taeyong scowls, patting him on the mouth but complains when he gets Yuta's saliva on his palm. 

Yuta laughs, squeezing Taeyong's leg under the table that was draped on his. 

"Are you two done flirting?" Doyoung chimes in. "What's your order?" 

Thankfully, Yuta hadn't cut his hair yet. His ears turn visibly red in an instant whenever he's flustered, and his hair now covers it. 

It must have been just nothing, really nothing, but Taeyong stammers a little when he answers, "Ga--garlic butter baked crabs for us both." 

With an intent mockery, Doyoung smirks, his lips curled in an annoying manner. But this time, he wasn't looking at Yuta, he's looking at Taeyong who drops his gaze to his plate as if it was something interesting. The discourse had everyone in the table quiet, and they just stare at the two of them when Doyoung leaves the table to order.

Suddenly, laughter erupts and it was Jungwoo making an annoying sound directed at them. "Taeyong hyung got embarrassed." He points out. 

"Did he?" Was Youngho's enthusiastic question. 

"No." Taeyong says stern, rolling his eyes. 

Yuta doesn't believe it was the case, but even himself would like to imagine it, that Taeyong got flustered about the two of them too. "He likes me." He tells everyone, ignoring Johnny's judging look at him. 

"Wait he's not denying it!" Jaehyun guffaws, pointing an accusatory finger at the older. 

It didn't fell on deaf ears, for certain. But Taeyong is feigning ignorance, like he didn't hear anything and busies himself with his phone. Studying his face, Yuta doesn't think he's flustered, or annoyed, but it's a blank expression Yuta would want to explore more. What his expression meant, and what's inside Taeyong's head.