Episode 4: Taekwoon

The loud music, the mass of drunken bodies passing past him with no care in the world, the obnoxious laughter, the couples making out in the corners of the house… Jung Taekwoon hates it all.

It’s something he can’t help, something that he wishes and was different — as the captain of the soccer team, and the person behind most of their triumphs, Taekwoon was almost forced to attend these kinds of things, people loved to congratulate him and praise him and give him smiles in the halls every time he walked by, people loved to give him alcohol and shots and kisses every time they won another game, people loved cheering for him every time he walked into a new room, girls loved to be close to him, why couldn’t he enjoy all of those things? It’s not that he’s not grateful about what they do for him, because he’s thankful, really, knows that there are a lot of people (particularly in his high school) having a hard time because of other students, and Taekwoon doesn’t: he and his teammates are having the time of their lives, if he’s being quite honest: they receive praise and love and girls and free booze, and Taekwoon is thankful, really. But why does all of that seem fake at times? He again, feels like it sounds ungrateful, and when he commented this to Wonsik the younger had only laughed and continued playing FIFA on the sofa (‘’That’s just high school, Taekwoon. Everything is fake.’’ Wonsik had told him a few minutes after, right after he’d won a match against Taekwoon’s team and had thrown his remote to the floor in celebration, ‘’Just enjoy it while it lasts.’’) He notices that the smiles he gets at times are too strained, too forced, he notices the quiet mutters before he arrives, sometimes things and people around him feel so insincere, that Taekwoon can’t manage to put a smile on his face, he can’t stand in a room without his shoulders being tensed and him being overly-aware of everything that’s been going on around him.

And it is so unfair, Taekwoon thinks. He should be happy about the team going to the finals. He should be drunk like Wonsik is right now, or at least laughing out loud about Wonsik being drunk like Kim Junmyeon is right now, but he isn’t. Instead, Taekwoon is standing up right now, left hand holding a red cup of whatever-the-hell Gong Chanshik offered him when he entered the house, and right hand holding his parents’ car’s keys, having a small conversation (though not paying much attention) with a girl who blushes every time Taekwoon makes eye contact with her, and he’s too aware of everything.

He hates it.

Taekwoon realizes how Ha Sungwoon has had his eyes on a girl ever since they arrived, and how the girl doesn’t seem to care at all — more interested in Park Chanyeol, who was awkwardly dancing (on purpose) to the song playing in the speakers. He notices the ridiculous amount of alcohol Lee Hongbin puts on Chanshik’s drink and the giggles as Chanshik yells for more and more and more. Taekwoon sees Lee Jaehwan looking around himself every now and then, arm protectively around Cha Hakyeon as the latter stumbles over a sofa and gasps (‘’It’s my favorite song!’’ He exclaims afterwards — Taekwoon also notices Hakyeon has said this at least another 4 times) Taekwoon realizes as well when the song changes: it turns into a less annoying, slower beat, and it’s nice, he thinks, it is at least better than the music they’ve been playing the whole night. Cha Hakyeon seems to think the same too, moving his small hips to the rhythm of the song (not that Taekwoon notices) He turns his gaze at Taekwoon again (and Taekwoon has lost the count on how many times Hakyeon has turned his head to look at him, but he knows for sure it’s been a lot of times) He has his eyes half-closed, and Taekwoon is able to spot the faint blush appearing on his cheeks when the tanned boy realizes he’s looking as well. Hakyeon gulps and smiles softly; he runs a hand through his now-dampened hair and doesn’t break the eye contact.

Taekwoon does.

He sighs, and the girl in front of him leaves, she says something about ‘grabbing another beer’ and squeezes his shoulder lightly, so all Taekwoon can do is awkwardly play with his untouched (and now warm) cup. Taekwoon knows about Cha Hakyeon’s… thing for him, he doesn’t know what it is, if he’s being honest, but he knows that Hakyeon is always following him around, always looking at him in the halls, in the classrooms, in the games… and while Wonsik considers it cute, Taekwoon finds it borderline creepy, mostly because Wonsik is in love (apparently, that is) and he does the following around and the unstoppable glaring as well, and Taekwoon, who’s never been in love before, couldn’t care less. It’s not that Taekwoon doesn’t care about the elder’s feelings towards him — but he knows that they’re not real, that Cha Hakyeon is only infatuated and off his head, and it’ll pass as time goes on. Not giving a damn is the best Taekwoon can do for Hakyeon.

A drunk girl walks next to Taekwoon and somehow happens to stumble over her own feet, she yells and Taekwoon manages to hold her before she falls to the floor, but ends up spilling his drink on his shirt. Taekwoon curses in his mind, ignores the girl’s ‘thank you’s’ and heads straight to the kitchen. Annoyed was an understatement.

People laugh around him loudly, someone calls his name but he doesn’t turn around, trying to find a rag to wipe off the strong alcohol off his neck and shirt. He feels someone tap on his shoulder twice, and when he doesn’t respond, the person moves so they’re facing the black-haired boy.

‘’Need help?’’ Jung Eunji stands in front of him with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on her face. The small girl takes the rag from Taekwoon’s hand and starts using it on his neck. Taekwoon gulps down, but he avoids eye contact.

The black-haired boy doesn’t speak until Eunji is over cleaning his shirt. Eunji leaves the rag in the counter, and smiles widely at him.

‘’There.’’ She mumbles, tilts her head to the side as she scans the work she’s done, ‘’I still think you’d look better without the shirt but this will do for now.’’

Taekwoon laughs softly, and shakes his head in disbelief to the words of the girl. It’s been a while since they’ve talked to each other, and if he was being honest, he had missed her, Jung Eunji, who had no limits, filters on or boundaries. Taekwoon doesn’t even notice when Eunji presses herself against his body, and whispers to his ear (‘’The bathroom?’’ She asks, and Taekwoon finds himself nodding with his head without even realizing).

Eunji grabs him by his hand, leads him all the way to the stairs, and giggles once they’re in front of the bathroom door. The girl puts a finger between her lips and shushes Taekwoon, even though he’s not said anything yet.

While Eunji Is working in the door handle, Taekwoon begins kissing her.

It is then when Taekwoon realizes Eunji has been drinking — vodka, maybe? He thinks, reaches to her small waist to pull her closer, she smells like vanilla, Taekwoon remembers how the smell used to drive him crazy a few years before, and breathes in when Eunji takes one of her hands inside of his shirt, it feels really cold, and sticky somehow (Taekwoon thanks this to the alcohol that had been spilled on him a few minutes) but it’s not uncomfortable. Eunji bites on Taekwoon’s lower lip, and this makes the boy open his mouth in surprise, he smiles into the kiss, and begins caressing the girl’s back slowly.

‘’The whole school’s congratulated you already but I wanted to do it… differently…’’ She mumbles after separating from Taekwoon for a moment, and Taekwoon laughs a little about this. Eunji raises both her eyebrows and kisses Taekwoon again, wraps her arms around the black-haired boy’s neck and presses herself against him even harder.

A knock on the door interrupts them.

‘’Do you hear something?’’ Eunji asks, she stops kissing Taekwoon, and stares to the side and in silence, trying to hear the knock once again.

‘’No.’’ Taekwoon says, tries to bring Eunji closer but the girl refuses when the knock is heard again.

Taekwoon is not subtle as he sighs in frustration.

‘’Issss someoneeee hereeee?’’ Someone asks loudly. Taekwoon knows the slurring words belong to no one else but Kim Wonsik.

Wonsik knocks again on the door, and now it is Eunji who tries to kiss Taekwoon, but he shakes his head.

‘’I guess someone is in here.’’ Taekwoon hears all the way from the other side of the door. Lee Jaehwan, he thinks, sounds frustrated, ‘’C’mon, Wonsik, I’ll help you to the stairs.’’

‘’But where are we taking him?’’ Cha Hakyeon asks, ‘’Look at him, Jaehwan, he needs to lie down.’’

Taekwoon raises his eyebrow at this, realizes they’re talking about Wonsik, and begins worrying about the younger (he knows about the little alcohol tolerance that Wonsik has, and how Wonsik loves drinking more than he is able to). Without even thinking, he opens the door, and Eunji is the one to sigh loudly this time.

‘’Yayyyyyy!’’ Wonsik exclaims, before falling plump to the bathroom floor.

‘’Wonsik!’’ Taekwoon says, alarmed, kneeling down on the floor to help him up, but Wonsik shakes his head and arms.

‘’’M fine…’’ He mumbles after a groan, and then he lets out a small ‘o’ and reaches the toilet, finally throwing up.

Taekwoon sighs in relief, hands on his sides as he inspects the 2 boys behind Wonsik. Right behind Wonsik, with a frown in his face and the face tilted to the side, is Lee Jaehwan, and next to him Cha Hakyeon, who looks like a kicked puppy. Taekwoon gulps down, throws a small glance to Eunji, awkwardly standing between the 3, and grimaces, it’s not his fault, he thinks. He ignores the feeling of guilt starting to grow in his chest.

Eunji tries to grab Taekwoon’s hand in subtlety, but Taekwoon only shakes his head again, rejecting the girl’s touch, too worried about his friend to care about kissing anymore.

‘’What on earth did just happen?’’ Taekwoon asks, after letting out a big breath of air, he looks at the boys in front of him with the eyebrows furrowed, and scrunches up his nose as Wonsik begins throwing up once again.

Jaehwan and Hakyeon share guilty looks between them, and when Taekwoon realizes he won’t be getting a response from any of them any time soon, he sighs.

‘’Eunji…’’ The black-haired starts talking and he brings Eunji closer to him, unmindful of Hakyeon’s gaze on them, ‘’Can we… you know… continue this… later?’’ He mumbles, and Eunji smiles softly at him and nods (and God, he swears he can almost hear Cha Hakyeon’s heart breaking).

‘’Chorong’s birthday party.’’ Eunji says; she gives him another pretty smile and waves off to the other 2 boys before leaving the bathroom.

‘’I’ll help you out,’’ Taekwoon tells Wonsik when the latter looks like he’s trying to stand up, and groans when he remembers how heavy Kim Wonsik is.

‘’We should take him somewhere quiet for now…’’ Jaehwan mumbles with a little of hesitance, to which Taekwoon nods, ‘’Hongbin told me we could use one of Chanshik’s rooms.’’ He says.

The mention of Lee Hongbin makes Wonsik open his eyes wide; he begins smiling broadly.

See? Taekwoon thinks to himself, borderline creepy.

‘’Lee Hongbin…’’ Wonsik whispers, and then he smiles again, ‘’Your soul is like… no other.’’

‘’When I saw you… I fell… in love.’’ He says, ‘’And you smiled… ‘Cause you k… knew.’’

‘’What the hell is he saying?’’ Cha Hakyeon asks, staring at Wonsik with a frown on his face and arms crossed next to Taekwoon, who’s putting all his strength in helping Wonsik not to fall down on the floor and hit himself in the head. Taekwoon groans, lets out a deep breath and rolls his eyes.

‘’Poetry.’’ The black-haired answers simply, he shrugs his shoulders off, and anxiously waits for Jaehwan to open the door to Chanshik’s parents’ bedroom.

Wonsik plumps down on the bed as soon as they arrive to the room, but Hakyeon pushes him off almost immediately.

‘’You’ll be dizzy when you wake up!’’ The tanned boy exclaims, and then proceeds to throw a pillow on the boy’s head.

Wonsik only manages to let out a small ‘ouch’ before cuddling with the pillow, smiling softly.

‘’’Hongbin…’’ Wonsik mumbles out, the smile is broad in his face as he tells the younger’s name, and it makes Taekwoon scrunch up his face in secondhand embarrassment.

The lights are out by Wonsik request, and the only sound in the room is Wonsik’s whispered poems. The music downstairs reaches the bedroom, but it’s not as annoying as it was before. Even thought everything it’s calm and peaceful, Taekwoon feels stressed out.

The black-haired boy sits by the edge of the bed with as a sigh leaves his lips, he runs a hand through his messed up hair, and looks at Hakyeon’s stretched out arm.

Hakyeon shrugs his shoulders, shyly gives him a small smile as he offers Taekwoon a sip from his drink. Taekwoon keeps looking at Hakyeon until the boy’s smile fade, but he takes the cup at the last second.

Taekwoon frowns when he feels the liquid burning down his throat, ‘’What is this?!’’ He asks, grimacing.

Hakyeon smirks, ‘’My favorite.’’

‘’A lot of vodka with a hint of coke.’’ He says, amused smile on his face as Taekwoon takes a second glance at him and decides to gulp it all down.

Taekwoon scrunches up his face when he realizes what he’s done, but he doesn’t have a lot of time to complain, as Jaehwan interrupts his small scene to tell them he’d take care of Wonsik.

‘’Taekwoon, it’s your party,’’ He says, insisting when Taekwoon hesitates, looks at Wonsik lying on the floor and knows that the worst is about to happen — Wonsik is truly a handful when he is drunk, he thinks. ‘’You should enjoy it at least a little.’’

Taekwoon wants to say no — mostly because he knows how difficult it’ll probably be for Jaehwan to take care of Wonsik, but Hakyeon grabs him by the arm before he can say anything, waves Jaehwan goodbye, and leads him all the way to the living room.

Taekwoon doesn’t know why he didn’t do anything to prevent it.

The black-haired doesn’t realize, doesn’t know when it happens, but suddenly he’s drunk — giggling at something unfunny Cha Hakyeon has said, and taking shot after shot with the lavender-haired boy.

Hakyeon hands Taekwoon another cup of his ‘favorite drink’ and opens his mouth to say something, but before the older can say anything, someone has him grabbed by the waist, and Taekwoon ends up facing the Hakyeon’s back.

‘’Ryeowook.’’ Hakyeon greets the boy holding him, he takes a step back so they can have a bit of distance between them and smiles at him blindingly.

Taekwoon scoffs at this.

Kim Ryeowook, Taekwoon decides, is not someone he likes. He keeps whispering into Hakyeon’s ear and telling inside jokes that only he and the tanned boy understand, and it annoys the black-haired boy. Plus, the senior is too touchy for Taekwoon’s liking, grabbing Hakyeon by the waist and the shoulders and the small of his back.

Taekwoon rolls his eyes again when he hears Hakyeon giggle again, he sees Ryeowook’s hands creeping on the younger’s arm and it makes him uncomfortable, so he clears his throat — immediately gaining Hakyeon’s attention.

‘’I want to see Wonsik.’’ Taekwoon announces, doesn’t bother to let Hakyeon speak and drags him by the arm to the second floor.

Taekwoon doesn’t remember what room Wonsik and Jaehwan are in, so he tries opening every single door in the second floor. Hakyeon points at the last door in the hall, mutters a small ‘It’s here, but it’s locked’ and then proceeds to giggle softly.

‘’Guess what they’re doing!’’ Hakyeon exclaims, smirking smugly, and keeps talking about how he knew Jaehwan would eventually like Wonsik — ‘I bet they’re doing it right now’ Hakyeon says, and Taekwoon, who knows neither Jaehwan nor Wonsik like each other like that, just remains silent.

The silence helps them hear with clarity when someone downstairs yells that the cops have arrived, and Hakyeon is quick to react (Taekwoon guesses Hakyeon has done this before?) The purple-haired boy looks to his right and his left before grabbing Taekwoon’s forearm and dragging him to a closet.

Suddenly the music and the lights are turned off and the door is locked. It’s hot inside the closet, and it’s too small for Taekwoon’s liking, having to rest his shoulder on Hakyeon to be comfortable.

The silence is killing Taekwoon, and even though it’s dark inside, the black-haired boy is still able to see Hakyeon’s features.

Taekwoon is able to see Hakyeon’s eyes, that don’t bulge when Taekwoon stares at him, he looks at his small mouth and the sweat on his forehead. He’s so close to him, that he can feel every breath he takes right on the side of his neck. Hakyeon smells like lotion, and though the older is tall enough, he’s not as tall as Taekwoon; the latter’s chin just centimeters away from the top of Hakyeon’s head.

It’s awkward, and uncomfortable and really hot inside of the closet, but only a few seconds have passed and they know better than to leave right now.

So Taekwoon decides to scan Hakyeon once again. He takes a glance at the boy’s white converse, and then to his buttoned-up shirt and his long, slender neck, eyes finally falling on his eyes again.

By only his gaze, Taekwoon can tell Hakyeon is pretty drunk, but there’s something else in his eyes… that he can't quite describe.

Taekwoon gulps down, and then kisses him in the lips.

It takes Hakyeon by surprise; he stumbles over his own feet and takes a while to do it, but he eventually responds to the kiss, lips moving skillfully against Taekwoon’s.

It’s Hakyeon’s fault that he’s like this, Taekwoon thinks, he’s so pretty with the lights turned off, hair a mess and a slight blush on his cheeks…

The elder’s lips are really soft; Taekwoon notices when he bites on them, making Hakyeon open his mouth just slightly in the process. He notices that Hakyeon accidentally lets a small whimper out when Taekwoon starts rubbing small circles on Hakyeon’s hip, and notices Hakyeon’s hand on his neck, his back, his chest, everywhere, everywhere.

Taekwoon shivers when Hakyeon runs a hand through his black hair, notices the small tug on the back of his neck as they kiss slowly. Taekwoon realizes Hakyeon is standing in the tip of his toes, and smiles into the kiss as Hakyeon gives him 1, 2, 3… 4 short kisses before deepening the kiss, tilting his head to the side.

And Taekwoon realizes that his own hands are on Hakyeon’s small waist, he notices how he’s brought Hakyeon as close as he can manage to, the back of his head hitting the closet doors quite hard. But he doesn’t care about the pain, he realizes, realizes how he only cares about Hakyeon’s lips on him and the hands tugging on his shirt.

Taekwoon notices Hakyeon’s heavy breathing, notices his own, notices there’s something new in Hakyeon’s eyes as he smirks and takes one of Taekwoon’s fingers to his mouth.

Taekwoon breathes out with difficulty.

Hakyeon smiles softly, leaning to the touch as Taekwoon cups his small face, brushes a finger on his lips.

‘’You’re so pretty…’’ He whispers, looking into Hakyeon’s strong gaze as Hakyeon drops into his knees.

There’s not much space for Hakyeon down there, shoes and clothes are scattered around the floor and he knows that it’s going to be impossible stand in his knees without a high heel or pointed shoe leaving bruises on his knees, but he sits down anyway. He still looks so attractive… Taekwoon can’t take his eyes off him, doesn’t dare to move, afraid to miss out on something.

Hakyeon smiles again, and this time is tender, Hakyeon looks shy, almost, as he s his jeans and takes a hand to the front, his eyes never leave Taekwoon’s.

Taekwoon throws his head back at the contact, lets out a heavy breath as Hakyeon plays with the hem of his boxers and finally grabs him with his hands.

‘’Hakyeon…’’ Taekwoon is unable to form a complete sentence, eyes half-closed and mouth open when he finally feels the wetness of Hakyeon’s mouth around him.

‘’Hakyeon? Taekwoon?’’ They hear a small voice calling for them, this makes Taekwoon stand straight and open his eyes wide, but Hakyeon remains the same, on his knees, with Taekwoon on his hands, calm and so beautiful.

‘’Ignore him.’’ He mumbles, closes his eyes for a second, ‘’Please?’’

Taekwoon manages to give a small nod and Hakyeon smiles before taking him in his mouth once again.

The thing that interrupts them next is Taekwoon’s phone.

‘’It’s Wonsik…’’ Taekwoon mumbles, he looks down at Hakyeon and breathes out.

‘’Don’t answer.’’

Taekwoon frowns, worried, tells Hakyeon to stop and accepts Wonsik’s call.

‘’H-hello?’’ Taekwoon talks, shivering when Hakyeon grabs him with his hands to help him fix his jeans back on.

‘’Taekwoon, where are you?’’ Wonsik asks, he sounds less drunk now, and more than concerned, ‘’We heard the police arrived to the party, but they left already, are you with Hakyeon?’’

Hakyeon decides to stand up at that same moment awkwardly shifts his weight while he waits in silence.

‘’Yeah…’’ He mumbles, ‘’We’re… uh… we’re still in the party.’’

‘’Really? Where? We’re still in the second floor, see you there?’’ Wonsik asks, and Taekwoon curses on his head when he hears Wonsik’s voice on the other side of the closet.

Hakyeon only giggles, seemingly amused by all of this.

Taekwoon hangs up on Wonsik without saying anything and takes a deep breath.

It’s very awkward, to say at least, to get out of the closet with Hakyeon following right behind him. Seeing Jaehwan’s shocked face and Wonsik’s little smirk wakes Taekwoon up.

It’s like sobering up, he thinks; it’s realizing what he’s done, and how much he’s ashamed of it.

Taekwoon feels disgusted with him, guilt when Hakyeon gives him a small smile and grabs Jaehwan by the arm, shame when Wonsik raises his eyebrows at him (‘I thought you weren’t interested in him.’ He’s trying to say, and Taekwoon hates the fact he understand this), pushes the butterflies down his stomach and runs all the way down the stairs.

Once he’s sitting in his car; both hands in the steering wheel and motor turned off, breathing heavily from all the running, he wonders what the hell had just happened.

And what was going on inside his chest?

unedited again bc i hate myself