I managed to get through the first half of the day. Lunch time was approaching fast and I was nervous. This is usually were the gossiping really started. Sure, half of the school probably knew about my outburst in PE already but lunch is a horrible place to be. I need to keep a poker face, but what if I can't? The doubt came down in a fog around me.

I am trying so hard to make a difference in myself yet I feel like I am slipping into the dark abyss again: where I can't hold my tongue. I walked with Ji to my locker, not saying anything. I was scared.

What am I doing?

I was being an afraid little girl. I wanted people to like me, I wanted to be normal, yet that wasn't me. I had to stay true to myself, right? There are so many questions that I don't want to answer but if I want to-

"Earth to Mila!"

"Oh- Ji- sorry," I muttered.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know, I’m just thinking."

"If your stressing about lunch, you'll be fine!" Ji announced, "you're beautiful and sweet, everyone will like you!"

Sweet? I laughed. There was nothing sweet about me. I am cruel, everyone who knew me before high school will never forgive for what I've done. I smile uneasily at her.

The double doors of the cafeteria opened as Ji, with nothing to fear, pushed the doors wide. I sighed, this is what I get, a nerdy, brave, best friend. Better than nothing though; she was funny.

All the noise in the lunchroom stopped. And all the eyes stared at us. Were we really that noticeable? Hateful glares from girls across the room were apparent. It was hard not to realiz