..........
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

..........

(Fix You - Coldplay)

_______________________________________________

Drumming her finger on top of the desk. Tapping her foot onto the white floor. She did all of those things to ease the uncomfortable feeling built in her stomach since this morning. The room she was sitting at was make it all worse. It smells like hospital, and she hated it. The kind of place reminds her of the hospital was the least place she would make a visit. Everything about those places just gloomy. Even the dominant white coloured room and bright lightning can't ease the cramp built in the pit of her stomach. The faint smell of medication lingered around the room felt suffocated on every breath she took.

It's been 2 hours since her dad settled all the administration stuff prior to her resident and left her on this place. She's been escorted to a session of the Rehab Center called Medical Center after they explained the brief outline about her rehab and the rules set on this place. They scanned her luggage to ensure she didn't bring drugs or any prohibited stuffs. Hell, they even took her cell phone as it's written on the list of the stuff she shouldn't bring into.  

The door of the room cracked open, revealing a young man on his white coat entering the room with some sheet of papers on his hand. He was the doctor who assists her on the  medical check up earlier as she should through some check and filled in some questioner regarding her drug abuse history, health status and psychological issues. She hated those questions as she didn't want to answer any of those and filled in her answer as vague as possible. She was a black sheet of paper tinted with dark shades of blood. She couldn't be read. She hated to be read. Basically, she hated everything about this place. She hated on how they acted like they really could help her while she herself didn't have any intention of being helped at all. She didn't ask for it. She didn't need the help. She didn't need to be saved. She felt better this way.

"So, Moon Byulyi-ssi, I believe you have been informed regarding the details of the rehab process, but I will explain the things related to the first stage of your rehab." The young Doctor who introduced himself as Kim Jaejoong earlier, explained as he took a seat across the table.

"We had took your urine and blood sample as well as the other data related to your health status. It's important to define whether you had any specific health issues, especially infectious diseases since your activity was risky and had a high possibility of being infected. The medical test also intended to determine what kind of medication should be prescribed as you might get the withdrawal symptoms after the detoxification process." The Doctor paused his sentence to ensure the girl got the point of what he said.

"So, basically, you will through the detoxification as the first stage of your treatment. The purpose of this step is to safely manage withdrawal symptoms as you'll get the symptoms after stop using the drugs. It will be the hardest part of your treatment. But we ensure you'll get the 24 hours full medical supervision as well as psychiatric therapy since you might also get psychological issues as the effect of withdrawal." The young Doctor made an eye contact with the girl before he ended his explanation. 

"Any question?"

"How long it will take? The detox?" Byulyi asked.

"Well.... It'll be vary at any case, depends on the type of drugs you had used, your body's reaction, the duration of abuse, and the severity of your addiction. It could take weeks or even months at worst. But your type of addiction is a bit hard. Heroin is a kind of opiates, the withdrawal will need medication to ease the symptoms or else it will be dangerous."

She exhaled after hearing the answer that was totally not a good thing. She had experienced the symptoms when her regular dealer got arrested and her supplies stopped for a while before she got a new dealer. The symptom is pain, but what's worse was not the pain itself. What's the use of sober when being high is the only time she could forget those painful memories. How can she deal with those symptoms for weeks or worst, months?

"If nothing else you may take your leave. I will prescribe your medication later. The psychological test is the next. Ms. Jung will examine your psychological state. You shall meet her in the next room." 

Byulyi gave him a slight bow and leave his room. She closed the door and heaved a sigh upon seeing the said room. Another torture was waiting for her.

__________

It's her 2nd day at the rehab, and it's been 23 hours 39 minutes since she took her last dose of drug. The symptom started to kicking in since last night. Her muscle aches and the craving feeling were stronger as the time passes. It could be worse if she hadn't had the medication prescribed for her. Something called Methadone which Dr. Kim said would help to lessen the symptom. The symptom was lessened, but that's it. It couldn't prevent her nightmare. She didn't sleep even a bit last night as she was too afraid of what's coming once she closed her eyes.

The room she's being at arranged like a standard hospital room, with 3 beds seated parallely and separated by a green curtain. She's not used to sharing a room with anyone, thankfully it's only her in the room, since the other 2 beds were left empty.

"So what do you want, Miss?" Byulyi asked. She was clearly annoyed as a young woman barged into her room ten minutes ago and now talking some nonsense to her. 

"As I told you, I was assigned to be your counselor. Our session will be started after your period of detox is over. But my job is not all about counseling. I have to ensure you get the treatment you need during your residentment." The woman talked in her composed voice, seemed unfazed by the furious girl in front of her.

"I got a report from Dr. Jung that you were ignoring her during your psychological evaluation. I could understand if you need your time, but leave the questioner of your health evaluation blank on Dr. Kim session was not a good idea. We need your medical and drug abuse history so we can accurately prescribe your medication as some medicine might have the side effect on your body."

The woman took one of Byulyi's hands and give it a light squeeze which earned a confused look from the latter.

"Look Byulyi, we know it's hard for you, but we're here to help you through all of these. We care of you..." The woman couldn't finish her words as Byulyi pried her hands that was still on top of Byulyi's. 

"You know what...." Byulyi spoke. "People like you were the type I hate the most. What did you know about us? About me? You guys were acting like you care while it was simply because it was a part of your job. Isn't human only thinking of their own sake? Don't say you care of me, of us, that was the funniest joke I've ever heard." 

She was a bit startled by Byulyi's reaction, but still managed to stay composed.  Years of dealing with the addicts surely give her much of experience. Rejection was a common reaction given by them at first. They were never been easy to handle. But what's coming next was totally unexpected. The girl pulled her down and pinned her on the bed. Byulyi was hovering on top of her with both of her hands were on each side of her shoulder. 

She tried to remain calm despite her heart was beating rapidly. She feared of what will come, thinking that many among the new resident could do something reckless as the effect of their sudden withdrawal. Byulyi's eyes bored into hers and somehow she couldn't look away. They were cold and unreadable. But one thing she was sure, they lose its shine. 

She was too immersed on Byulyi's eyes and startled when the girl leaned closer and crashed her lips on hers. And that was her last straw. Her hands flying and make a loud sound once it met Byulyi's cheek with a hard slap. She pushed Byulyi's body and hurriedly get herself up from the bed.

"Y... You...." Her voice trembled as anger spark through her body. 

Byulyi run her hand on her reddened cheek, and smiled bitterly. "That's great... That's how the way you should treat me. I prefer this one better than that fake sweet smile of yours, Miss .... , uh, what's your name again? Kim ...?" Byulyi smirked.

"You..." 

"What? Already given up on me?" 

"I'll come again to pick the form later. Better it had been filled by this evening. Good day Miss Moon." She slammed said form onto the bed and turned her heels toward the door.

She slammed the door shut a bit too harsh and walked the hallway. She knew she acted unprofessionally by letting her anger took control over her. It was their first meeting. It's supposed to be her chance to make a good impression, to have Byulyi's trust over her. But things were turning out the other way. She ed it up. No, the girl was ed it up. What was that kiss for? Rejection, cold treatment, a bit of violence, she was getting used to it. But a kiss? It was a humiliation.

"Ouch!" She yelped when she bumped into someone when she make her turn into a corridor.

"Wow... watch out there."

Her eyes softened after she noticed the person she bumped into.

"Jaejoong-ssi, sorry... I wasn't paying attention..."

"It's ok Yongsun-ah. But seems something happened." He said after sensing the frown in her forehead and her slightly tensed body. "I just finished my session and about to take my break. Mind to join me for a coffee?"

Yongsun sighed. A cup of warm coffee may calm her down.

"Sure."

__________

"So what happened? Is it about the new girl? You've  met her?" Jaejoong asked.

They were in a coffee stall that was located inside the rehab center area. The coffee smells good, and somehow it relaxes her a bit.

"Yeah, and you are wrong about her being a bit hard. She was a lot harder. Maybe I should talk to Mrs. Han to assign someone else for her. I just... " 

"What was that? Am I really talking with Kim Yongsun?" Jaejong flashed a warm smile and put his hand on Yongsun's to give her assurance.  "The kids, they must have been through something horrible that led them into their current situation. They're lost, and we were here to help them find their way back. Their home. I believe I've heard someone told me that." 

Yongsun sighed.  She was the one who told that stupid quote to the Doctor in front of her. "You're right."

"You're one of the best here, Yongsun. You do it with your heart. Your sincerity is your win. And that was one of so many things that made me fell in love with you, even after you turn me down like hundred times."

"Come on, not that again, Jaejoong." Yongsun whined. It was true that he had fallen for her and had confessed his feeling, but she politely turned him down, reasoned that she was not ready for a relationship. Yongsun was more than glad that they remained as best friend even after the rejection. 

"But seriously Yongsun, it's still a mystery for me of why you turned me down when so many women begging for me to step on their face? What am I lacking of? I am a brilliant young doctor with overly charming looks and a warm heart." 

"Because you're too full of yourself Doc." Yongsun rolled her eyes and played along. "Besides, we have a same surname, don't you think it will so boring having people calling me the Kim even after my marriage?"

"Just don't blame me if someday I had my eyes on someone else. For your information, you got a rival here. The new girl is cute. She just needs to learn how to smile and she'll be perfect."

"She's too young for you, Ahjussi."

"Hei, I am only 31, Yongsun. You make me sound like a grandpa."

"And she's just 20. 11 years was a huge gap. It'll make you a pe..."

"Don't start with that e thing again, Yongsun. She's not a kid." Jaejoong pouted.

Yongsun let out a small laugh. The young and charming doctor never failed to make her day better. 

__________

Yongsun come back to Byulyi's room in the evening only to find the girl wasn't there. The form she left before neatly placed on the desk beside the bed. It was fully filled in. She took the form and scribbled a note for the girl.

Thank you. And sorry for what happened earlier.

-Kim Yongsun-

She stepped out the room, a bit disappointed that she couldn't meet Byulyi. After her conversation with Jaejoong, she determined to fix the thing between her and Byulyi. Even if she had every right to be mad for her disrespectful manner, but she was in guilt for being too harsh toward the girl. An apology won't be too much, right? She will put her pride aside. After all, Byulyi was her counselee, and she won't give up on her.

She halted her step when she reminded of something.

"Yeah, you're stupid Youngsun, you had to read her schedule better. She must have her session with Dr. Jung right now." Yongsun talked to herself.

She dragged her heels heading the psychiatric room and pushed the door slowly once she reached said room. Byulyi and Dr. Jung were spotted inside the room just like what she guessed.

"Just let it go Byulyi..." Dr. Jung softly spoke. "Just let go all the anger you feel. It would feel better afterward."

"Here, just write the name of person or thing you hated the most on that pillow, and you can hit the pillow as much as you want." Dr. Jung handed Byulyi a marker and a stick in which the latter took it hesitantly.

Byulyi mindlessly scribbled something on the pillow, put it on the couch beside her after she's done. "Just hit em to die, right?"

"Yeah, just hit the pillow as if that was the things or person you hated." 

Byulyi grabbed the stick and started to hit the pillow.

Yongsun watched in silence behind the slightly open door. She could sense how much Byulyi hated whatever thing she scribed on the pillow by the way she hit it. And it intrigued her. 

After a while Byulyi stopped hitting the pillow. She was panting hard. Drops of sweat trickling down her pale face. Unlike the cold eyes Yongsun had seen in Byulyi's room earlier, those orbs were sparkling with so much emotion this time. Perhaps anger. 

She grabbed the worn out pillow and harshly threw it on the floor. It landed right before the door.

Yongsun sighed upon seeing what was written on the pillow. It was a name. A person's name. Moon Byulyi.

What happened to you, Moon Byulyi? What made you hated yourself that much? 

__________________________________________________

Hope you don't mind this long- chapter. Kinda boring though.