Missing

Two weeks had passed since Cube’s trip and Sungjae was still trying to work up the nerve to confess to his hyung. He had had Ilhoon question Changsub for him, frightened that if he had, it would inadvertently show in his eyes that the questions pertained to himself and the thought of any rejection from Changsub would break him into pieces.

That night, after arriving back at the dorms, Sungjae had waited impatiently for any news from Ilhoon. Waiting outside near the entrance doors with only one light hanging above the door to illuminate his view, Ilhoon had secretly snuck up behind him, grabbing him by the arm, that Sungjae had instinctively jumped forward and turned around, swinging his arms at his assailant while screaming for his life. Ilhoon had bursted out in laughter at Sungjae’s reaction, holding his stomach and pointing his finger at Sungjae arms still hanging up in midair, ready to attack his would-be attacker. Putting his arms back down at his side, Sungjae took a long and slow breath to calm his heart at the mere thought of dying before confessing the truth to Changsub.

“You done now!?” Sungjae asked with an agitated voice. Ilhoon was still laughing but nodded his head at his question. Sungjae sighed and shook his head.

“Okay, for real, I’m done. I’m amazed no one heard you! I bet your scream could be heard a block away,” Ilhoon said looking around to see if anyone was around to view their meeting but no one was within sight.

“Soooo….What did you find out? What did he say?” Sungjae asked, hesitant to hear the answer but also a little hopeful after seeing Ilhoon's large smile that had crept up on his face when asked.

“Are you sure you want to hear the answer?” Ilhoon asked teasingly. Sungjae nodded his head eagerly.

“Your friend seems to have a good head on his shoulders. He has a very open mind about theses kind of situations,” Ilhoon responded with a playful smile. Sungjae smiled with gleaming eyes of pure happiness.

“However, I must warn, he did mention that he considers himself straight mostly due to him not being attracted to anyone of the same …so far. Take that with a grain of salt if you must,” Ilhoon expanded further with regretful eyes but Sungjae had kept smiling.

Learning that his hyung was opened to the possibilities was all Sungjae needed to know at that time but as the days passed by, he had obtained lingering doubts on how their friendship would continue if he was rejected. He had accepted the fact that Changsub might not like him back in the same manner that he did, but he felt it was only right for Changsub to know the truth and it would ease his heart at finally confessing his inner feelings toward the one he felt it for. The only problem was how comfortable would Changsub be with him once he knew the truth, but he had a strong faith in his hyung’s ability to accept him for who he was.

Today was their last training session for the week and Sungjae had determined that tonight he would gather the courage he needed to confess his feelings to Changsub. He had waited long enough and as each day flew by, he could feel his heart growing increasingly anxious with his emotions starting to reach overdrive whenever he was near Changsub, that he was afraid he would expose himself before he could confess. Ilhoon had been right. It was best to directly confront his problem and not hide from it. He hoped that Changsub would accept his feelings but was prepared for any setbacks his confession had on him, aware that it might take some time for Changsub to digest his confession fully.

Sungjae steadily walked along the hall towards the practise room they had been using since the beginning of their dance training together. The closer he came to the door with his hyung awaiting his arrival behind it, the more he felt nervous, making itself physically evident by the cold sweat lingering on his brow to slowly creep down the side of his face. His hands became clammy, so he pressed his hands against the cloth of his pants in an effort to dry them from the sticky sweat clinging to them.

He heaved a huge sigh when he reached the door, trying to expend all the anxiety he felt crushing him from within and mentally focused on the words he would say when he came face to face to Changsub. Reciting the words in his head over and over again, he felt the tension ease out of his body gradually and a sturdy resolve replace it, steadying his heart for the confession he would voice out to his hyung.

Opening the door, he was greeted by a deafening silence. Usually his hyung played music while waiting for his arrival but none was heard. Sungjae glanced around, hoping that Changsub was playing a joke on him but he was nowhere in sight. He felt a peculiar sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach overtake him as it became clear to him that no one was in the room but him and suddenly sensed that something was terribly wrong. Changsub had not been seen in class during the day but Sungjae had overlooked it, believing that perhaps his hyung had overslept. It wouldn’t have been the first time, so he’d continued on with his training mentally focusing on this particular time when he would come out to his hyung.

He waited for a few minutes, hoping that the dread he felt was wrong and that his hyung would eventually skip through the door laughing at Sungjae’s look of abandonment he was feeling at the very moment. Even if he did, Sungjae would not be mad at his hyung for playing a cruel joke on him. He would just be happy that the terrible feeling he felt was wrong and that he was presently standing near him with his laughter ringing throughout the room.

Ten minutes passed and then 30 but still no Changsub. Sungjae waited another hour but he never showed. The bad feeling inched its way into his mind with horrible thoughts fighting and clawing for domination. What if his hyung had gotten sick? Or what if he was in an accident or worse, what if his hyung had found out about him and had ran away from him? Tears sprung from his eyes at the last thought. He had believed that he’d overcomed all the doubts from before but here he was, in a dark practise room, alone, worrying about his hyung discovering that he was in love with him and running away from him.

The next day, Changsub was still missing. No one in his dance class knew where he had gone so Sungjae confronted the only person who he knew would know, Eunkwang, on Changsub’s whereabouts after classes had ended for the day. They were standing outside, near the dorms by a large tree and various people walking on the provided sidewalk making their way back home from a long day of work or classes.

“Hyung, I’m sorry to bother you, but do you happen to know where Changsub is?” Sungjae asked, trying to hide the anguish he was feeling in his heart at the sudden disappearance of Changsub. “I haven’t seen him since yesterday and we were supposed to have our regular training session last night but he never showed. Is he sick?” Eunkwang looked at Sungjae with remorseful eyes, shaking his head at his last question.

“No, he’s not sick. He left,” Eunkwang said, his shoulders hanging low in despair. Sungjae’s eyes enlarged in shock and his knees almost gave out on him if not for Eunkwang providing support by holding his shoulders up. Sungjae’s deep fear began to spring forth in full action and he could feel himself becoming overwhelm with his emotions overtaking him. His eyes began to water and his lips quivered.

“Why?” he managed to squeaked out. He hated that he was showing his vulnerable side to Eunkwang but Eunkwang looked at him with understanding eyes.

“Come, let’s go somewhere in private,” Eunkwang said while looking around at all the people walking nearby their vicinity. Sungjae nodded his head at his suggestion, following Eunkwang as he lead him through the dorm’s doors, up a flight of stairs and down a hall to a room with a bed still in need of tidying up. Eunkwang waved his hand to the end of the bed, suggesting for Sungjae to take a seat which Sungjae gladly did, feeling his legs trying to give out on him. Throughout what felt like a forever walk up the stairs and in the hall to Sungjae, he felt resentment and anger but also sadness and confusion at Changsub and he didn’t like it. Why would he leave? Why did he not tell him? Did Changsub find out and hate him now…?

Sungjae looked up with expectant eyes at Eunkwang, blinking back tears that were trying to be set free. “Why did he leave? Is it because of me?” There. He said it out loud. Eunkwang looked at him in confusion, shaking his head vigorously.

“NO! No, it’s not because of you...I don’t know where you got that idea. No, Sungjae it’s not you. Okay?” Eunkwang said placing his hand on his shoulder.

“Then why….?” Sungjae asked again, finding it hard to look up at Eunkwang now because tears were escaping from the side of his eyes and he didn’t want him to see it.

“Have you heard of the band project that Cube was trying out for their next group?” Eunkwang asked Sungjae. Sungjae nodded his head but was confused on how this was related to Changsub.

“Well, Changsub really joined Cube for that project but the other day Cube ended up scrapping the idea and Changsub wasn’t very pleased after hearing the news. You see, he doesn’t really want to be an idol. He wants to become an artist known for making and creating music of their own. He believed that this was his shot at becoming an artist but Cube threw it out the window. I guess he decided to take another route because he resigned his position as a trainee under Cube yesterday morning and just left…” Eunkwang explained and all Sungjae could do was nod his head because he realized he really didn’t know that much about Changsub and his private life. He didn’t even know if he had any siblings or perhap if he already had a significant other. His heart crushed at the thought that he may have someone already.

He understood Changsub’s reason behind leaving but that still didn’t explain why he never said goodbye to him. He deserved that much at least. This only confirmed to Sungjae that he had no place in Changsub’s heart if he was willing to leave him without saying goodbye and Sungjae was heartbroken at the thought that he may never see him again, to be mad and throw a temper tantrum at him and have Changsub console him afterwards.

A hole was slowly developing in his heart, swallowing all the happy moments he had had with Changsub, leaving him in despair that he may feel like this for the rest of his life. He eventually gave up on his facade of being okay and broke down in front of Eunkwang. Eunkwang could do nothing but hold him and try to comfort him as best he could but Sungjae just kept crying, releasing all the emotions he had been feeling and holding in since he had found out his feeling towards Changsub.

He’d been dealt a devastating blow to his heart and didn’t know if he would ever recover from it. The thought of living his remaining life without Changsub by his side to oversee him at every important moment he would encounter seemed rather daunting, causing a new bout of tears to flood his eyes.

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Hello Melodies! This chapter was very, very sad and upsetting especially if your a Changjae shipper. I’m sorry about that. I was initially going to play this out sooner but felt that in order to do the story justice, I needed to grow Changsub’s and Sungjae’s relationship further in order for you guys to feel what Sungjae was feeling. I hope I succeeded….hehe...By the way, the part about Changsub leaving Cube because they scrapped the band concept is actually true. I used that part for this story…*Hint* ^_~

Oh, btw, I’m currently working on three other fanfics but I only got about one chapter for each...haha...I’m debating on posting these up or not...since I seem to show more enthusiasm for writing when I know I have readers for some reason….so..the stories...one’s another Changjae AU fic but with more..hmm...fantasy elements….well, all of them have fantasy elements...haha...the other one is an AU idea that was posted on twitter that I asked the owner if I can use it for a fanfic and she said yes :)...it’s an AU story for Changsub and Minhyuk..and the other is one I thought of last year and it’s an OT7 AU fanfic with….angels!...haha let me know if you guys are interested...I might go ahead and post them if I see any interest in them...See you in the next chapter which may be soon...haha

P.S - Please participate in the poll down below to let me know what you want. Thanks!