I really didn't know what to feel. Everything seemed bland. I couldn't hear hear a thing except for my faintly beating heart. Couldn't smell anything except for the familiar fragrance left by my most favorite person in the universe. Couldn't see anybody, but her. Blankly staring at Yongsun's back,  I remember a certain moment, a wonderful yet heartbreaking one.

---

It was one of those long nights at my place, and if you guys wanna know, we always do sleepovers at each other's apartment. Playing acoustics, long night talks, rummaging old stuff, eating whatever's on the fridge, and sometimes drinking a little amount of liquor. (Yongsun's not a good drinker so I chose not to drink that much either.)

That night was one of those drinking moments. We bought few cans of beers before heading to my apartment. Yongsun was kinda more blooming that night, and was smiling everytime. She emitted a different kind of aura than the usual. We settled ourselves at the kitchen floor for it's chiller there than the living room.

"Yah! Yongdonnie. Why do you seem unusually cheerful right now?", I immediately asked as I opened two cans of beer. 

"Oh? Jinjja? I-I don't know.. Hahahaha. Maybe it's just because I'm done with my period for this month.", she grabbed the beer I gave.

"Oohh.. Makes sense."

I gestured for a toast, so she did bump her can with mine. With light music as our background, we continued chatting about endless topics. We were so close with each other. Her head was rested on my right shoulder and mine was rested on hers. I could feel her soft warm and tender skin against mine in every movement she made which made me internally shiver. 

From topic to topic, I could only be amazed even more by her sweet voice, carefree boisterous laughs, countless facial expressions, her smile, frown, serious face, ugh everything about her. I was really proud of myself being able to respond due to these circumstances. 

Our difference in alchohol tolerance were obvious that time. She became too tipsy while I was still sober. It was the first time seeing her like that since she didn't like to get drunk because she was worried that she won't be able to control her demeanor. As expected, she became more touchy and clingy. I didn't really like that because she seemed too vulnerable. 

However, I knew something was different. It wasn't her usual self. Yongsun never really drink too much. I wondered what on earth could possibly happened. Having trouble on how to deal with her drunken state, I decided to take away all the cans of beer away. 

"YAHH!! M-moon Byuly-yii!! What do y--you think you're doing!?" Struggling to talk, she wrapped her two hands around my left wrist as I stood up.

"Yongsun-ah. Enough of these. You're already drunk.", I calmly said.

"Okay, okaaay. I won't ddriiink. But you n-need to stay here w-with meee." 

With that, my heart melted once again. So I sat beside her and enveloped her with my arms. Instinctively, Yongsun closed her eyes and rested her head on my chest. 

"Byul-ah.", she said while her eyes were still shut.

"Hmm?"

"How special am I to you?"

....

"W-what kind of q-uestion was that?", I was caught off guard, worried that I might spill out my feelings for her.

"Uhh.. just don't mind it, I guess. Cuz' you know.. I just wanna say that you're far too important for me. Thank you for everything. I really mean it. Reallyyy.", Yongsun said softly while pouting.

Hearing those words come out from a drunken Yongsun made me smile slightly. I was moved. It felt so good having her enclosed in my arms.

"Haha. Silly Yongdonnie. I'm glad that you really appreciate me. Uhh.. I-I don't know what else to say." I became tongue tied. 

I was quite surprised when Yongsun suddenly jolted up and faced me with a concerned look, "Byul-ah. Your heart is beating too fast.."

Those brown orbs stared at mine intently. I could really feel the tension, so I tried to look away from her. My hand impulsively found it's way against my own chest. "Uhh.. Is that so?", I said with a nervous smile.

"Byul-ah."

I looked back at her in response.

"You're beautiful."

.....

I was flustered. Her words sent chills all over my body. I opened my mouth to reply but I couldn't find the words to say. I was dumbfounded once more.

The next thing I knew was that I had closed my eyes and let myself be immersed with what happened. Her soft and tender lips were moving against mine..

slowly...

Her lips ugh...

I couldn't believe it.

I responded by gently moving my lips with her and kissed back deeply. I love the way our lips danced along to the soft r&b music in our background. It was a perfect harmony. The taste of the beer still lingers but it was the sweetest thing that I had ever tasted. Yongsun cupped my face with her warm palms as she kissed deeper. Instinctively, my hand found it's way to Yongsun's hair and caressed it. I let myself melt. I let myself be immersed with the taste of her lips. It felt increadible that it seemed I had forgotten reality.

....

Remembering about "that", I immediately broke the kiss and hugged her tightly. I tried so hard not to shed tears, but I failed. They were dripping down from my eyes uncontrollably. I don't want her to see me crying but it seemed that she felt my body shaking.

"Uhh.. I'm sorry, Byul. I-I'm sorry...", she said as she returned the hug.

I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt. "No Yongsun-ah, it's okay, it's okay. Nothing will change between our friendship. I promise."

I wasn't really sure of what her apology was for, but I didn't care. I didn't want this girl to find out about my attraction towards her. When that happen, I was sure it was going to ruin her feelings and her relationship with her boyfriend, so I chose to hide it.

Oh yea. She had a boyfriend two years after we met. That moment was so heartbreaking I chose not to talk about it often.

"This is enough for today. I guess we need to go to rest now." I insisted. She was still apologizing while I assist her to my bedroom. I told her a million times that it was okay and that she didn't have to worry. I laid her head gently at the pillow and covered her with her favorite rainbow blanket. She was looking at me while I caressed her hair. 

"Hmm.. Is there something you wanna say?", I asked with a smile.

"Actually, there is."

"Okay. I'm all ears."

"But before that, Byul, you won't let me go, will ya?"

Puzzled, I managed to give her a wide smile. "Why would you ask such things, Yongdonnie? You know, whatever you do, as long you're happy, I'm with ya"

She seemed satisfied with my answer as she closed her eyes and smiled, but there still that odd feeling that lingers in me.

"So, what's that thing you're supposed to tell me?", I asked while I positioned myself to sit at the edge of the bed, still forcing a smile.

"Byul-ah", she started not opening her eyes.

"Hmm?"

...

"He proposed to me this morning."

"..."

"I'm getting married, Byul.", she said with a smile yet eyes still shut.

I thought I'd faint to what I've heard. Chest pains were abundant that certain moment. Words seemed have left my mind, for I couldn't find one for responding. I felt not just my heart, but my whole self shattered into pieces.

'It hurts as hell, Yongsun.', I whispered to myself, 'You stupid human being.', soft enough so she wouldn't hear.

It took me few more seconds to construct a reply for her.

"Oh.. Uhh... Th-that's wonderful, Yongsun-ssi! I'm really happy for you. Don't forget to make me as your--", I paused as I glanced on Yongsun, already in a deep slumber.

"--maid of honor."

Tears were forming again as I closed my bedroom door and headed to the kitchen. There, I cried myself out while I tidy things up. I didn't know what to feel anymore.

---

That was almost a year ago. Yet, my wounds are still fresh and painful. But, I chose to tolerate it for her. I chose not to let her see my pain. What a stupid masochist I am indeed. But yea, acceptance is just what I need. It's as simple as that. Easy...

(Few moments later, Yongsun was already facing her soon-to-be husband.)

Damn, it wasn't easy!! My knees suddenly turned to water as I struggle to keep my composure. I was hearing jubiliant wedding bells and sweet violin music, which was the exact opposite of what I feel. Yongsun glanced at me once more with a worried expression on her face, checking if I was okay, I guess.

And so, I lost it. I couldn't keep the tears from falling from my eyes. Avoiding to create a stupid scene, I have no other choice but to keep myself away.

I'm not that familiar with the venue, but I kept on walking briskly to wherever my feet take me. My mind's a mess. I hated myself for that. I've started questioning myself about why I had fallen so deep. Deep enough to give me pain that hurts so bad. 

Covering my tear-filled face while wailing my heart out, my foot bumped into something that made me trip. There, I found myself lying on the green grass and my cries intensified. I didn't care what noise I was making, or if people were around.

As my sobs died down, I lifted my face up and looked around. I was lucky enough to find myself in a secluded place away from anyone. In addition to that, I was seated on the ground beside a birch tree, slightly elevated. It was a peaceful dusk. The sun was ready to set as it shone brightly to me, casting my shadow behind. Looking through the landscape and observing everything from the horizon, I was once again stunned. It was like God's way of telling me, "Everything's gon'be alright, my child."

So there I was, smiling while I remember every moments I had with the most special person in my life. As I looked back, tears came falling again but it isn't because of agony. I was happy and thankful to be able to have her. Those up and down moments will remain in me and will be cherished forever.

Now. Now that she'd encountered this life-changing moment of hers, I'm willing to accept it and support her with all my heart. Protect her against all odds. Yea. I'm her bestfriend after all. We're partners in life. Nothing will change about that. Certainly. Nothing will ever change my love for her.

Kim Yongsun, you're an idiot...

..but..

I love you.

'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'

A/n: Heya guys!! How's this ending? HAHAHAHAHA Just kidding. I'm still working on the epilogue and it will be posted later. Hihi.. Thank you so much for all your support guys. I really appreciate your comments. To all who subscribed, WIIIIHHH THANK YOU GUUYSS. I hope you enjoyed reading my first story. <3 Catch y'all later guys.