Park Chanyeol often thought about the answer to one question since he landed – out of all the possible cities in the entire world, why did he have to choose New York. “It’s a perfect place to take my mind off things,” He would probably say that and shrugged it off, ending the discussion, because he didn’t really keen of telling the story of why he decided to move across the globe just to figure things out at the age of twenty-eight.

More than that, Park Chanyeol didn’t really want to tell people how he adored New York City – he had been there for more than just once, but never really got a chance to walk freely at the busy street and get a taste of urban lifestyle. Chanyeol always prospers the hustle crowd and the long traffic, he loved the sound of the hectic schedule, and he did believe that he is as tough and rigid as the Big Apple itself.

If Park Chanyeol was a city, he would absolutely be New York City.

“You are Park Chanyeol, right?”

Chanyeol deadpanned and almost palmed his face when a young blonde woman, with a half-decent Korean, beaming widely when he was walking down at Madison Avenue. “Ace,” She shrieked in happiness as she busily searched for something inside her huge bag, and Chanyeol thought the nickname couldn’t be extremely more agitating, especially when he was not on stage.

“Here, can I get an autograph?”. Chanyeol took the book and the pen from the woman, before she started to spluttering words in English. “I can’t believe you are in New York, on the street, alone,”. Chanyeol smirked in disdain at the statement – everyone said the same thing. “Oh, I also have read about the incident,”. Chanyeol froze. Great, it’s already on the news and it made him wanted to die right away.

“But that’s okay, for us Park Chanyeol is still the coolest, Ace, fighting,” The woman lifted her fist as she grinned with her half-decent Korean, before she left and Chanyeol could only gritted his teeth as he pulled his hoodie up and put his shades on as he continued to walk – not to be recognized for a moment would be wonderful for him – until he stopped again in front of one of the newsstand, where a headline caught his attention right away.

Exhibit Zero’s main guitarist broke down at their latest concert.

In Chanyeol’s defense, it was hardly a breakdown – he just cried a little too much than he should and people thought he was ing dying – s sometimes cried, but he never let a single tear escaped his eyes on the stage, so when he did, people thought he was on the point of death.

Exhibit Zero announced hiatus – the possibility of coming back is low and their representative label refused to spoke up about the issues, members are nowhere to be found.

Chanyeol scoffed, but nonetheless bought a couple of magazines that have his face as the cover, it was stupid but he wanted to know what the media have to say about Korea’s mega alternative-rock band decided to go on hiatus on their prime time. Chanyeol always thought being in a band was a cool thing, but after becoming the leader and the main guitarist of the most popular alternative-rock band at the time, he decided that things were really never as it seems.

Debuting at the age of twenty-two, Park Chanyeol has dedicated his youth to composing songs and spent most of his times with his guitar. He loves s – they are the greatest people, he loves that he got to travel around the world just to sing and entertain, he loves that he have millions fans that are willing to love him nevertheless.

People worshipped him when he didn’t even like himself and what he has become.

So when they decided to go on hiatus after their latest concert, where Chanyeol cried despite his sturdy persona, people was completely mind-blown. “Park Chanyeol broke the band, he’s a ing emotional egoistic person, and he cried like a little girl, feels stupid about it and decided to drag down because he is ashamed of himself,”.

“Whatever Park Chanyeol’s problem is that made him cried that day, he should man up and face it instead of making his band on the verge of doom,”.

Chanyeol heard and read that kind of comments a lot by then and he wanted to scream badly at those people – honestly for the sake of common sense, did people really think that it was because of his tears that they went on hiatus?

He focused so much on reading the magazine while walking down when he hit another person and made her almost fell along with her things and a couple of his things too – including his black leather journal that he never left since he decided to left Seoul, because he was trying to write – yes, the Park Chanyeol also moved to New York so that he can write actual things, not just lyrics.

“Sorry,”. Chanyeol noticed that her English sounded a little bit off – he then figured out why when she finally faced him – oh, another Korean soul. “That’s okay, I’m sorry too,”. She was a bit taken aback by his sudden Korean, but smiled nonetheless as she helped him gathering back both of their things – Chanyeol noticed how she paid a little more attention at the magazine on his hand.

“Such a shame, you know, I don’t think there will be another rock band to be as big as Exhibit Zero, I hope they will be back soon,” She smiled slightly before she handed him a journal. “Yeah, I hope so too,”. She probably didn’t recognized him much with his shades on and extremely large hoodie, that’s probably why she left without saying any other word before she continued her walk.

Chanyeol didn’t know whether he hate himself more for actually reading the ignorant medias, or actually agreed with the girl about him hoping his band to come back.

---

Byun Baekhyun thought Chanyeol was suicidal, that might be the reason why the petite front man of Exhibit Zero decided to pay him a visit in New York. “Of course I thought you would kill yourself, I just found out that you are in New York through some fan account because apparently it’s that hard to tell us your location, so you, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun nagged.

“I told you I was going somewhere, well,” Chanyeol retorted back as he curled up on his couch at his newly bought studio apartment. “Heaven is a somewhere too, or hell in your case,” Baekhyun scoffed. “Are you going to stay here?” Chanyeol responded instead. “You don’t like it?” Baekhyun raised his eyebrow. “I’m perfectly thrilled,” Chanyeol answered as he yawned.

“Too bad, I’m not, you ing liar, I’m just checking you up since the others are freaking out too about your whereabouts,” Baekhyun taunted. “Don’t worry too much, I can handle you guys for like six years now, I can handle myself,” Chanyeol grinned. “Yeah, but all the articles and the triggering headlines, that you can’t handle,” Baekhyun sighed.

“I’m fine,” Chanyeol hoped Baekhyun somehow bought that, but the lead singer didn’t. “Should we hold a press conference? I don’t like it that they are pointing their fingers only at you, when this is basically what four of us want,” Baekhyun looked at him, and Chanyeol sensed that the rest of the three has been discussing about it, they just need his permission to do so.

“No, it’s okay really, I’m fine, Baek, tell the others that too,” Chanyeol sighed. “You should tell them by yourself, Ace leader-nim,” Baekhyun sneered – he knows Chanyeol hated it. “, stop that, don’t you think it has become really corny after all those years?” Chanyeol cringed away.

“So, how’s your writing process?” Baekhyun said when he caught the sight of a black leather journal on the coffee table – Baekhyun had one too, since their drummer bought the same one for all of them as a friendship token, he supposed – but Baekhyun noticed it was slightly a little smaller than it should be. “Haven’t touch that thing since three days ago, I’ve been composing songs instead, my life,”. Baekhyun heard Chanyeol groaned from the back when he picked the journal up and opened it.

“Don’t worry, next thing you know, Park Chanyeol is the newest New York Times’ best-selling author just like Exhibit Zero tops billboard, but hey, quick question, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun stopped his sentence when he found some odd things about the journal. “Are you supposed to have a schedule to your own fan gathering?” Baekhyun raised his eyebrow skeptically at the taller guy, who was now roaming on his own fridge.

“Do you know how obtuse you sounded just now? It’s irritating,” Chanyeol snorted as he took a sip of his beer that he just found. “This is what stated in your journal, come see this yourself,” Baekhyun threw the journal when Chanyeol came closer – fortunately he managed to grab it and not spilling his beer. Chanyeol then opened the latest page that have the writings on it and found a long paragraph but one sentence caught his eyes immediately.

24^th February 2017 – EXO’s Ace rally @Eisenberg’s 174 Fifth Ave, 8PM, don’t forget. “Everyone is afraid of him, so he’s untouchable man, but in the end I can’t reject him,”

Chanyeol knitted his eyebrow in confusion – he have no idea of what the EXO is, he did know it was his infamous rap lyrics from of one of their hit songs, although the writer seems to change the point of view of the lyric, and it was written in perfect Hangul – and hell, if it was really the band’s lyrics, then there is only one guy who is referred as the Ace.

“So?” Baekhyun looked at him expectantly and Chanyeol just gave him a cynical look. “This is not my journal,” Chanyeol began to flip some old pages and realized that he bought the wrong journal all along. “You lost yours?” Baekhyun raised his eyebrow in confusion when it hit Chanyeol that he dropped his when he accidentally thumped to a girl three days ago. “, it got mixed up with some girl’s journal,”.

“Some girl, eh? Park Chanyeol, I didn’t know you would be back in the game so fast, indeed,” Baekhyun wriggled his eyebrow that Chanyeol found kind of revolting.

“I bumped into one and our things scattered to the ground, she took both of ours but gave me hers instead,” Chanyeol ruffled his silver hair in frustration. “Heck, why did that legit sounded like a lyric, man, you can’t be helped really, just go back writing music,” Baekhyun sniggered at Chanyeol’s remark.

“I have to get my journal back, that’s my upcoming book material, and it’s confidential, Baek,” Chanyeol stated. “Well, do you see me stopping you? Besides, I’m leaving anyway, I just come to say hi and goodbye, unlike you, I have manners,” Baekhyun smirked. “I really thought you would stay,” Chanyeol frowned.

“What’s the point of being on hiatus, really then? I also need time to think by myself,” Baekhyun added with a laugh. “But keep in touch, okay? I’ll ing kill you if you didn’t, you are still our leader,” Baekhyun smacked the latter’s shoulder. “So much for being on hiatus if you still burdened me with the leader role, huh?” Chanyeol replied with a mischievous smile.

“Enjoy your holiday, Baek, I’ll tell the kids that too,” Chanyeol said when he saw the other male getting ready to leave. “Yeah, yeah, make sure you do that though, and get your journal back, you stupid geezer,” Baekhyun laughed. “See you, I guess, sometimes,”. Chanyeol meant that, even if he hated the idea of coming back to the band any time soon, he never hated the people inside it – Chanyeol promised himself that he will give them updates at that moment.

“Yeah, see you soon too, Ace-yeol,”.

---

Chanyeol knew instantly when they announced a break from the high-life and glamorous deathly music industry, people will blame him and bring back all the stupid scandals he involved in at the past, Chanyeol has prepared himself for it, he basically all set when they finally dropped the bomb – or that’s how he thought, because he actually felt like dying alone when he saw the first thing that popped out when he typed his name at the search engine.

Park Chanyeol dating scandal, Park Chanyeol left Exhibit Zero, Park Chanyeol smokes, Park Chanyeol drunk, Park Chanyeol bastard.

Chanyeol wanted to slam his laptop – maybe Baekhyun was right, this is not something he can handle, at least not alone – when he suddenly remember about the journal that was resting on his bedside table. He planned to give back to its rightful owner, so that also meant that he will literally come to his own fan gathering tomorrow and he hoped that she would really be there.

At first, he thought reading the rest of it would be impolite but he needed something to distract him for a while from those articles and hell, if this girl was really a fan of his, she must’ve already scanned and read his journal thoroughly – most probably also posted it online but there is no sign of that until then, thank goodness.

The first thing he noticed was that the entire journal was written in the mix of Korean and English, and a lot of Park Chanyeol – so, whatever EXO is, Chanyeol was certainly sure than everything was designated for him.

6^th May 2016 – Ace got Joker a ing car for his birthday and here I am, wishing that I had friends.

It kind of creep Chanyeol out for a little bit, the fact that this girl seems like his ultimate fan but he laughed nonchalantly at the entry – he remembered that moment when he bought Baekhyun a car, not only for a birthday present, but also a gift of appreciation for keeping up with his s for the past few years.

23^rd October 2016 – I saw him again today, Park Chanyeol is still an , I was literally on the VIP section and he ignored me, what the actual ? But nonetheless, he’s still an amazing .

Chanyeol knitted his eyebrow at the entry, he never really done a lot of fan-services just like how the others did, but did she really had to call him an , twice? But nonetheless, she called him amazing though – like Chanyeol didn’t know that already.

27^th November 2016 – Happy birthday, Park Chanyeol. Thank you for everything.

“Your welcome,” Chanyeol unconsciously smirked smugly, he surprisingly got that a lot really, despite his cold demeanor and lack of showing love because he have to keep his bad-boy, heartbreaker image – his fans totally dig that, but then he realized that they did have a right to call him an .

Chanyeol skipped through some pages to search for more of his name but a date suddenly caught his attention.

25^th January 2017 – Chanyeol cried today at the concert, it’s weird that everyone was so shocked about it; and here I am on the phase of realizing more things about him.

“That I’m just truly a ing loser?” Chanyeol scoffed and threw the journal across his bed and groaned. He stayed like that for a while before he picked the journal again and started to search for a certain date, he wanted to know more. But that just it, that was the last entry about him before the reminder that she should go to the gathering – she even didn’t write anything on the date they announced their hiatus.

Park Chanyeol thought he was that devastated that a fan’s journal could made him that curious, but maybe he was that depressed when he found himself re-reading throughout the whole journal, each one of it, paying attention to every of it’s word carefully.

---

Turned out that Eisenberg’s was a decent sandwich shop, it was relatively small for Chanyeol’s liking but their foods looks very appetizing – Chanyeol would’ve tried some if he didn’t have another agenda on his hand. It was thirty past eight, the girl should’ve been there by then, along with a couple of his fans, Chanyeol doesn’t know really what to expect.

Chanyeol gave up searching when he decided to stood outside the shop, holding the black journal and his coat dearly – it was strangely chilly that night – the shop was packed, he couldn’t really figure out why out of all the places in New York City, his fan gathering must be on the place as tiny as the shop behind him, he started to think that he didn’t have as many fans as he thought he has.

He was about to call it a day and let his journal never be found forever when someone tapped his shoulder gently. “Oh, it’s really you,”. It was the exact same girl that bumped into him and Chanyeol noticed she was holding his journal.

“You have my journal,” He responded almost right away.

“You have mine too,” She pointed at Chanyeol’s hand.

“Should we trade, now?” She raised her eyebrow in hesitation. “Sure,” Chanyeol replied hastily.

The plan was supposed to be Chanyeol giving back her journal, get back his, most probably have to give her some money so she won’t leak his journal anywhere – if she somehow have the copy – before he go home and pray that the girl actually respect his privacy.

“I’m not telling anyone, if you are worried about that, I swear on my life,” She suddenly said when she received her journal back. Chnayeol sighed in relief; at least she is a nice kind of fan. So, Chanyeol decided that that was where he supposed to say thank you and walk away, go home, but Chanyeol suddenly having a hard time keeping up with his own plan.

“So, you are a fan of mine?” Chanyeol raised his eyebrow in amusement as he examined his journal which she responded with a confuse face. “You probably have read my journal, so, yeah,” She sighed. “You didn’t sound so happy about it though? I’m below your expectation?” He teased with a smirk.

“Trust me, I’m trying to keep my cool right now, but then I remembered that you have discovered my diehard side, so yeah, I’m a little bit worried about what you think of me, I guess,” She shrugged it off at the end. “You are doing great, right now,” Chanyeol keep his smirk. “I expected you to be more freaking out than now, actually, I’m even prepared for the worst,” He let out a soft chuckle.

“You are nicer than I thought you would be, Chanyeol-ssi,”. That was the first time Chanyeol heard his name came out from the latter’s mouth and it somehow stunned him how she called his name – it sounded so delicate, Chanyeol was in daze. “I’m always nice, you just love to refer me as an almost all the time though,” He managed to smirk again at the sight of the blushing female in front of him. Cute.

“You act like one most of the times,” She smirked back and he was taken aback by the response. “But you are bad in a good way, at least that’s what I think,” She added quickly, probably so it won’t offend him, but he had it so much worst before to be offended by that. “I should probably go back, inside, you know, unless, uh, do you want to join your own fan gathering?” He noticed that even she found the question was ridiculous.

“Yeah, you should probably go back, and I should, uh, go home, thank you, by the way,” Chanyeol stuttered all of the sudden – very unlikely of the Park Chanyeol. “Okay, see you, some other times?” She smiled at him, and Chanyeol’s mind suddenly became foggy.

“Wait, wait,” He blurted out at the end.

“No, this can’t be over like this, I am not letting you go like this,” Chanyeol blamed himself for writing too much music that his daily conversation then sounded like a lyric from a song.

“You are coming with me,” Chanyeol decided to say to the troubled-looking girl in front of him. “Grab your things, I’ll wait for you here,”.

---

The car-ride was the most awkward thing that Chanyeol has ever experienced probably since forever. He was in the middle of one of the greatest city, inside a newly rented car with a stranger – his fan, but still – and the craziest part was that it was all his idea. “I love this song,” She finally spoke up. “It was from your debut album, and the only non-rock song,” She added with a light chuckle. “As expected from a fan, I don’t even remember,” Chanyeol snorted.

“No way, you have to remember this song, it’s iconic,” She beamed. “Nope, not really,” Chanyeol shook his head before he turn the wheels. “Come on, Chanyeol-ssi, you just don’t forget Baby Don’t Cry,” She sang along at the last part with the background song but Chanyeol suddenly pressed the brake and stopped in front of a bar.

“I’m hungry, let’s grab some food,” He stated before unbuckling his seatbelt and went out from his car.

“We could’ve eat at the sandwich shop, you know,” She said in annoyance when they were both entering the building. “And sacrifice myself by meeting a whole bunch of my fans while I’m on complete hiatus, nu-uh,” Chanyeol replied nonchalantly.

“It was just like seven people, don’t be so dramatic,” She scoffed which made Chanyeol’s eyes widen.

“That’s the number of fans I have in New York? Last time I checked, we sold out a stadium here in less than a minute?” Chanyeol faked a gasp. “And you are wondering why I called you an ,” She grunted when she took a seat. “I thought you are a fan, my fan in particular, why don’t you try act like one? Shower me with love?” Chanyeol grinned mischievously when the waiter lend him the menu.

“Why did you take me here, Chanyeol-ssi, really, not that I’m not pleasured to win this date with the star thing, but last time I checked I didn’t enter any contest,” Chanyeol couldn’t miss that much sarcasm on her sentence. “I have lots to ask,” He shrugged.

“First thing first though, what the is EXO?” Chanyeol said rather too seriously.

“Exhibit Zero,” She replied too casually.

“Since when?” Chanyeol knitted his eyebrow together.

“When you first debuted, early fans used to use the term EXO to make it shortened, ‘e’ and ‘x’ from Exhibit and Zero looks like an ‘o’, so EXO,” She explained. “But it didn’t last long, newer fans thought it was somewhat a disrespecting action to the band name, so we never really used it anymore, however, I still thought it was more efficient,” She shrugged.

“So, you are like the part of first generation fan?” He grinned in pleasure. “I’m pretty sure I was trying to educate you with why I called you EXO but if that what you got instead then, yeah,” She replied nonchalantly. “At this point, I become even more doubtful whether you are really a fan or not, you are not real, girl, no fan-girl act like you,” Chanyeol grunted in displease.

“I think I have passed those squealing-stage, I have been admiring you for six years now, since you were just a sprout, and right now, I feel like you are just like a long-time friend,” She shrugged, much too Chanyeol’s amusement. “Don’t you think it’s possible, Chanyeol-ssi?” She continued. “I think it is now that you are in front of me being a living proof,” He shrugged before he smirked again.

“You said you have a lot to ask, though? My journal must have been a complete shocker that you have to take me to this fine dining,” She spoke up when their drinks came. “It was,” Chanyeol grinned – and that was the moment where she was the one who stunned – Park Chanyeol, despite everything and everyone, still her number one muse, no matter how calm collected she was in front of him.

“You read a bundle of written-form of love to you in the midst of a lot of hates being pointed straight to you, it’s really something,” Chanyeol chuckled bitterly – he didn’t mean to show that he was affected by people’s comments, but it just happened – Chanyeol wanted to conclude that the girl in front of him somehow bring out something from him, no matter how ing cliché it sounded.

“Don’t listen to them, Chanyeol-ssi,”. “Stop the formalities, you don’t do it on your journal either, then don’t do it right now, it created a distance and I don’t like it when I have something that blocked me from talking with a friend,” Chanyeol responded before a smile tugging on his lips.

“Oh, so now I’m a friend?” She chuckled and he suddenly couldn’t find any reason not to chuckle along with her. “Depends, actually,”.

“What I was saying is, I’m sure – no, I know the Park Chanyeol doesn’t just decide something because you wanted to, but because you needed to and he doesn’t just left with a groundless reasoning,” She smiled back gently.

“You barely know me,” He sneered. “No, you barely know me, I have watched and adored you for six years, Chanyeol,” She snapped.

“That’s unfair you know,” Chanyeol shot her a death glare.

“You just wanted to know about my journal, it’s fair enough if you didn’t know about anything else about me,” She gave him a lopsided smile. “I never said that, and I’m genuinely curious about you and how did you end up in New York City if you don’t like it as much as you like Seoul,” He grinned victoriously at her as she gave him a forced smile. “How was it unfair when you literally knew almost everything?” She replied, somehow irritated.

“I’ll tell you my reason if you tell me why and a selca with your muse, that’s a pretty awesome deal,” Chanyeol raised his eyebrow in challenge.

“I got a scholarship for master’s degree and it was once in a lifetime chance, my family was so happy because I am the only big-shot they have in their life, but don’t tell them that I’m struggling mentally and financially right here,” She forced a smile and Chanyeol just let out a disbelief scoff.

“All the lies just make you miss the chance to have a picture with me,” Chanyeol sneered, again.

“Look, honey, how about your family is a typical wealthy strict- family and you are the daughter that was sent out from the country so your education won’t be embarrassing, because,” Chanyeol paused before he slightly pulled the latter’s arm and pushed back her leather jacket a little. “This Cartier bracelet doesn’t pay for itself and so did our VIP concert ticket, sweetheart,”.

“I told you, you know everything so why bother asking? Isn’t it all on the journal already?” She rolled her eyes and she pulled her arm back. “Oh, and this also, David Yurman earrings you got me, didn’t pay for themselves either,” Chanyeol said as he swiped back his side silver hair just to show her off as she watched him in complete amusement.

“You kept that?” She smirked when she got closer and observed the tiny jewelry on Chanyeol’s ear.

“I just realized you are the one who gave it to me, when you keep reminding yourself that giving me and not Baekhyun is the wisest choice since I’m your bias even though I am a picky , on your journal,” He replied nonchalantly.

“I never used it, but I like it, so I kept it somewhere in my bag, I guess,” Chanyeol suddenly stuttered – he sounded cheesy as . “I’m touched, really, Chanyeol and there is not much that could make me feel touched like this,” She chuckled slightly at the end. “The amount of coincidences though,” She huffed.

“I don’t believe in coincidence, there is just the inevitable, and fate, I guess,” Chanyeol replied casually.

“Oh, and please don’t tell me that you expect me not to be a corny kind of guy, I write songs, okay?” Chanyeol snorted when the girl looked at him in too much hilarity. “It’s not that, it just, you,” She couldn’t stop smiling and it kind of freaked him out because he was afraid that her avid fangirl-self was out.

“You sounded more like you,” She added out of blue.

“It doesn’t make any sense, huh?” She said when he was looking at her in complete confusion. “At that moment, I guess, I saw your old-self, I mean, you when you just had your debut,”. He was taken aback by her statement but her knowing smile was somehow calmed his nerves.

“Isn’t that is why you are here, Chanyeol? Out of all places, you just have to chose New York City,”.

“Isn’t everything on my journal already, too?” Chanyeol raised his eyebrow as he mimicked the sentence she said earlier.

“Your journal only have like six pages of platitude,” She scoffed. “Hey, I am a beginner,” He retorted. “But whatever it is, you are on the right place,” She nodded her head along.

“New York City, more than anything, is the perfect place to find yourself again,”.

---

“On my defense, I do really love New York City, you are right, I came here to find the lost soul that I once had, and also because it is so loud, I barely could hear the s inside my head,” Chanyeol blabbered when they were walking side to side on the Time Square – it was almost midnight, and the crowd was still there like always.

“True, I picked this city to be born again, it is easy to start anew, and my strict- parents didn’t agree me at first, they thought London was a better choice, but my older brother managed to persuade them,” She raised her voice so the taller man could hear her.

“Wait, I thought you aren’t keen of telling me your stories since I had it all covered from your journal?” Chanyeol responded cheekily. “Some of it don’t, and you kind of looked like a nice person,” She replied nonchalantly.

“Just because I haven’t killed you yet doesn’t mean I’m a nice person,” He teased. “If you wanted to kill me just because I read your overworked six pages, trust me, it’s not worth the time you will spend in jail,” She countered.

“Honey, stop acting like you are my hater instead of my fan,” Chanyeol playfully nudged her arms with his while laughing. “I don’t understand when did our relationship escalated for me to let you call me with nicknames,” She chuckled along nonetheless the sassy remark.

“Trust me, our relationship is on another level since you wrote those long- story about how you love me,” Chanyeol snapped back with a smirk. “Sometimes, I forget that you are an ,”.

Chanyeol laughed again, and he did realize it but he had laughed more that day since who knows when did the last time he had laughed so genuinely and wholeheartedly for multiple times in one night.

“But, you still love me the most, right?”. It came out just like that but he caught her blushing.

“It’s okay, everyone else does too,” He continued as he grinned even wider.

“I know, this is a lifetime chance,” She scoffed as she was suddenly pushed aside by a man who was seems to be in a hurry.

“Be careful,” Chanyeol circled his harm around his shoulder in reflex as he pulled her closer to his chest and true, that he do that purposely just to see her blush again, but he was the one who had his heart beat faster than it should when her face was only a couple of inches from his. “Are you trying to make this experience as memorable as possible?” She smiled slightly at him, it was a sneer but the bitterness was there nonetheless.

“What experience?”. Chanyeol let his arm go from her shoulder. “I don’t know, date night with your idol?” She furrowed her eyebrow.

“Ah,” Chanyeol’s heart sank a little bit – it was weird, it has been a long time since the last time he was reminded that he does have that kind of emotion – oh, and she was weird, because in a way, she reminded him of a glimpse of himself.

“By the way, don’t you have any friends? I mean, outside the fandom? Why would you wrote that you wished you had friends when I bought Baekhyun a car?” He tried to pick a topic.

“I do have friends, I mean, a friend like you, I guess you seems to appreciate your members very much, like you are greatly thankful of their existence, a leader indeed,” She shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t trust people that much, Chanyeol, and I didn’t mean that entry as a wish to have friend that buys me a car or whatever,” She added in disdain.

“But because you seems like you can be trusted just fine, because you, behind those cocky persona you created as the time went by, you think highly of your members, and I like that about you,”.

Park Chanyeol, in his whole life, never heard someone praised him like that and it was enough to make him almost tear up, again. “I miss the old Chanyeol too, you know, I know you have been through a lot of things, I know you developed all kind of bad habits and bad image because of some reason,” She paused and hesitated. “But I guess I wanted the old Chanyeol, who was also still a cocky , but with the genuine smile and the sincere heart of yours still can be felt,”.

“Walls, that’s the reason, I built walls,” Chanyeol spoke up. “The more you got into the industry, there are less people you should put your trust into, the more people trying to bring you down, a lot of people curse on you and your works like everything just wasn’t enough,” He continued.

“Bad or good, better or worse, horrible or magnificent, no matter which one you are, they are always there to bring you down,” He sighed.

“It was the consequences, I told myself that a lot, but somewhere along the way, your heart just grew cold and numb, you know? That’s when the honest words become honeyed, the sincere emotions become artificial, and every s just pilled up inside and will eventually burst one day,”.

They were turning to the less-crowded area where Chanyeol suddenly offered to buy some ice cream when they walk passed a couple of shops. “I just have to taste Ben and Jerry’s, that’s the to-do-list in New York, right?” Chanyeol grinned when he received his ice cream. “That is so overrated, Chanyeol,” She chuckled when they hit the street back.

“Is that why you cried on the stage?” She suddenly asked and got a nod from the latter.

“Did I really look like a ing loser?” Chanyeol snorted. “Yeah, you kind of mewled, it was gross,” She said before she laughed.

“Is that why you wrote you are in the phase of realizing more things about me, that I was a gross person?” Chanyeol retorted as they decided to cross the street and took a seat in the front of the PlayStation Theater. He just thought it was a good idea to take a break in the middle of the pavement – and she weirdly agreed.

“Kind of, but Chanyeol,” She turned her head to his direction as her lips curled up slightly. “It also reminded me that you are still human,”.

At that moment, Chanyeol thought there is no kinder compliment than that. “You said it yourself, you built walls, and it was too high so that’s what made you separated from the rest of us, you have become more and more artificial that people sometimes forget that you are still human, that’s why the more you showed it to them, the more they treated you inhumanely,” She stated as she scooped on her ice-cream.

“Coming from a fan, we also feel it that you are changing fast, it was rapid I almost thought I lost you,”.

“So, thanks for crying, I guess?” She shrugged casually, but for Chanyeol, there is nothing casual about what she said. “Oh, and the comments about you being a ing loser for crying, it’s not from us, okay? So, never read the internet’s comments,” She assured him.

“Say something?” She suddenly shoved her spoon to Chanyeol’s mouth direction, which he gladly took. “Your flavor is nice,”.

“Not that, you idiot,” She snorted. “I don’t have anything to say about the other thing, yet,” Chanyeol confessed.

“I mean after all that’s why you chose New York, right? Don’t worry, Chanyeol, this city will guide you back to your own self if you let it do it,”.

---

Park Chanyeol adored New York City, just like Woody Allen said – the city was a metaphor for the decay of contemporary culture. How hard it was to exist in a society desensitized by drugs, loud music, television, crime, garbage, or Park Chanyeol himself. It’s not hard for the people, but Chanyeol has lost the essence of living because of the overexposure. It was an angry statement before and he wanted to completely blame all the people for making him into a cruel scene.

But in the middle of the crowd and a girl who adores him nonetheless, he realized one thing, he had made sure that he numb himself so he won’t get affected, but the crowd then starting to lose patience with him and naturally feel less and less genuine to him as he is to them. Chanyeol is the one that made it hard, the crowd was never completely wrong. It doesn’t take New York City a week to made him aware that he was the one who started to rot from the first place.

And the only reason why Chanyeol decided to go on hiatus was for him to come at this point – although the other three also have a very good reasoning as well.

The girl doesn’t have to say it like how Chnayeol understands it, but she was helping him to somehow gain consciousness, moreover, it was coming from his diehard fan, but despite all that, she made him feel something – , Chanyeol thought it couldn’t get more typical than that, but she was something else – in a way, Chanyeol might just pick up a new core of living again.

“I mean, thanks for driving me home, like it was okay to give a stranger my address, but I guess it was included with date with your idol package?” She blabbered when they entered the elevator.

“For the last time, are you really my fan?” Chanyeol raised his eyebrow in complete amusement. “I can prove it to you,” She shrugged nonchalantly when they got into her floor. “Thank you for tonight, by the way, I realized a couple of things,” Chanyeol said when she was trying to open the door. “Like it was me, I’m the one who started it, I should have never gone cold in front of the crowd, it’s unfair to you guys if I still expected you to see me as what I once was,” He continued when she let her into her haven.

“In a way, I am really an – holy , you are my fan,” Chanyeol gasped when there are a framed poster of him on her living room, a line of their albums stacked nicely on a cupboard, it was almost like an exhibition.

“Oh, I looked really ing good there,” Chanyeol stared at his photo in awe.

“Why am I letting you inside my house again?” She shook her head.

“So, since you have realized why I called you an , are you going back to Korea? Bring the Exhibit Zero back? Shove it into the hater’s face?” She smirked. “No, this is my vacation as well, I want to take my time and the other members wanted a break either, besides –,” Chanyeol paused when he walked nearer to the girl as he closed the gap between both of them – he could almost feel her breath against her skin and she was visibly, madly, blushing.

“We are going to another date tomorrow, and you are taking me to tourist attractions,” Chanyeol teasingly lowered his head and purposely brushed their nose together.

“Chanyeol, I know you are trying so hard to-uh, make this stupid deal about me not exposing your journal and you trying to pay me by giving me this kind of treatment, but really, you don’t have to and I’m not a tour guide,” She sighed when she pulled away and made Chanyeol whined unconsciously.

“Who said it was because of that? I wanted to go out with you, and this is probably the most genuine thing I want to do in a while,” Chanyeol frowned. “New York City is not enough for me to find myself, I’m pretty sure I need your help too,” He continued.

“Chanyeol –,”. “No buts, come on, it would be fun, like every day is a date with your idol,” Chanyeol grinned – it was the boyish grin that haven’t made it’s appearance in awhile, the kind of grin then she loves the most from him.

“Say yes?” He smiled again.

“Chanyeol, you know it well I can say no, especially to you,” She sighed. “Sometimes, it’s hard to remember that you are that annoying,” She added.

“Yeah, but nonetheless, you still love me the most, right?”.