I met him first in a winter.

I was 15  back then, walking with my coat on my last day of school before the winter break, when i notice the big truck in the end of the street near my house.

“i’m hoome.” I said to my mother’s smell of freshly cooked chicken soup.

“Yeo reum-ah, don’t open your shoes yet!” my mother rushed to meet me from the kitchen, holding a big bowl of soup. “Take this to our newest neighbour, the one with the truck! I already met grandma and the kids, they’re nice. You should befriend them.”

“Aloone..?” i whined back then.

“it’s only 20 steps away from our house, and-oh-my cake!!” my mother left me to the kitchen.

I had no option left. I huffed and adjusted the warm bowl in my hand.

I walked slowly, holding the bowl while i realized i hadn’t take off my backpack yet. As i finally lifted my eyes from the bowl, i saw a boy.

I thought he was my age, a skinny, white boy with slightly protruding cheeks but a sharp chin, looking at me with his judging eyes. Like he’s thinking, or contemplating something.

“Oh Sehun don’t just stand there and- oh? Aren’t you little Yeo Reumie?” a smiley grandma suddenly appeared from the main door of the busy house. I looked around, thinking maybe there’s anyone near me that she talked to. But i’m the one named Yeo Reum. So i came closer, bow to the nice grandma.

“this is a soup my mom made. My name is Yoo Yeo Reum.”

“Take her inside, Sehun, and show her around the house!”

The boy answered with a grumble.

He literally makes me follow him once around the house—so rapidly—until i can barely remember which room was the bathroom. And then he asked me to sit on the couch, and said with such flat face,

“the three of us will live here. My grandma, my brother Sejin-he’s entering college, and me. the name’s Oh Sehun.”

That’s when i first talked to him.

-

Our second encounter, was a rather unlucky situation.

It also happened when i just entered the house, maybe weeks has passed from our first encounter. I was  just closed the door when my mom said

“go change your funeral clothes. Grandma Oh’s passed away.”

The news got me undone. I haven’t seen Sehun much since their moving, but the kind-hearted Grandma always greeted me almost every morning before i go to school, saying ‘Have a nice day, dear Yeo Reum’ with her big smile. I felt lost too, seemed like i knew her for so long, like she’s my other grandma.

As i changed my clothes, i kept thinking, what will Sehun and his brother do? Who’s gonna take care of them? I never heard of their parents, but even the young me could sense that it was not an easy question to ask, given the fact that the three of them lived together.

Entering the Oh’s residence, i already felt the gloomy vibe around the house. A big loss, an unspoken agony. My parents and the other neighbors already helping each other, along with the Oh’s relatives and the older Oh. But my eyes found the younger Oh on the corner of the room.

I took a glass of water and approached him,

“here.” I gave him, “you look pale”

He just stared at me in so much emotions, confusion, sadness, frustration, i remembered. Out of nowhere he pulled my wrist and took me to their backyard, i followed suit, since i had no choice.

Sehun took a fold stairs from the warehouse and asked me to hold one side of it while he prepared himself to climb the roof.

“what are you doing? Don’t do anything stupid!” i freaked out back then.

“just do it.” The desperation in his eyes left me complying.

He climbed on, and as soon as he arrived at the roof, he barked “you gonna come or not??”

This boy is insane. Didn’t he realize i was wearing a skirt?

The rooftop, surprisingly, had a flat surface beside the real roof. I could see my house on one side, and i could see the infamous big field on the other side. Sehun was sitting on a bench—looked like his sanctuary—face down. I walked towards him, and sat beside him, no words exchanged. I just felt the warm wind breezed on a spring day. I don’t know how long it was, until Sehun folded his knee, hugged them close to his chest, and said,

“I miss her already.”

Just then, he broke down in a silent tears. I patted his back awkwardly sometimes, and until the sun sets, he was asleep on my shoulder when his brother managed to find us on the rooftop.

-

My mother was always concerned about the Oh’s. She brought them food, asked them if they need some help with anything, even invite them to go have dinner at my house. The last one has always been rejected politely by them. Don’t want to intrude the family or something, i heard Sejin once said.

Since Grandma passed away, both Sejin and Sehun had to work part time to support their finance. Mom said they already got the money from Grandma’s inheritance, but they don’t want to spoil themselves. That is why i rarely meet him.

Until that day.

My parents suddenly had to go out of town that day, and i was in the middle of a summer holiday. That night, my parents and I promised to go to a summer festival near our house. But then they had to go so early in the morning.

I spent my morning lazying around, ate some leftover cereals, until that afternoon i decided to just go wandering around before the festival.

I was putting on my worn-out sneakers when he passed in front of my house.

“Oh Sehun!” i called.

He stopped and turned with that stoic face of his.

“Are you going somewhere? To the festival?” i asked him again. Might need to use some company here.

“maybe.” He shrugged.

“Wait!”

I ended up walk together with him through the street. This one was hard nut to crack. I asked around about his school, his brother, his house, everything i could think of. And he practically just said words—not sentences—to answer.

“Quick.”

And i was more than happy to comply.

-

“How come i never see you around?” i asked Sehun.

“i’m always around.” He answered shortly.

“How’s life?”

“Nah.” He snorted.

“Still, i don’t reckon you as a summer festival guy attendee.”

“I don’t know why you follow me then”

“because i have no one around in the house, i have nothing to do, and following a peer seemed like a good idea.”

He gave me a judging stare. I just grin, and fortunately we arrived at the festival.

“What do you want first? Food?”

He already stopped at one of the food stall without answering my question. I followed him, just enjoying another one’s company. we didn’t talk much, but the way we (well, he) tolerated my presence was quite a relief. We bought so much food then. Tteokpokki, okonomiyaki, ice cream, all those cute food on the festivals.

I managed to drag him to the shooting range to get a mini bean bag couch. I wanted to get one for myself, but my astigmatism held me back. He was given three bullets to go, and surprisingly he hit it bull’s eye on the second bullet. The kind uncle gave a teddy bear as a bonus, which he then gave me. i’d say we loosen up a lot after that.

When seeing the mini cinema, my eyes lighted up. It’s quite ceremonial for us here to have this mini cinema. It’s practically just a wider space in a green field, with a screen in front of us all. I had always want to try this, and it’s twilight now, making all this so beautiful. Maybe i stopped by too much, until i feel a nudge on my arm.

“Don’t drool. Just say if you want to watch.”

“wh-what? Yeah, i want to but.. Before Sunrise, have you watched that movie? Are you into that kind of movie??”

“i haven’t watched it yet.” He shrugged and go to the ticket booth and buy 2 for us.

i must admit, i am a bit fluttered.

-

We managed to save a good spot on the back, using a mat just enough for two. Sehun finally got the chance to try his newest mini bean bag for his head. And he gestured me to lean my head there, also. I could feel my blood rushes to my head. I let it go as i enjoy the movie.

When we’re half on the movie, where Jesse’s palm was read by a fortune-teller, Sehun started a big yawn. I faced him from my spot,

“Sleepy yet? Told you it was not a movie for a guy like you. You want to leave?”

“Hah. What do you know about me” He seemed determined to keep his eyes opened. And i just let him.

A while later...

“Screw that, i can make exactly the same movie if we just walk and talk until sunrise!” Sehun sat straight.

I chuckle as i sit straight also. “Sehun has surrendered!”

He stood up and rolled his eyes. “you coming or not?”

“so we can do our own Before Sunrise?” i said while laughing.

“Duh.” He turned away and walked a few steps.

Then he suddenly stopped and turned,

“So?”

I happily followed him. That night around the neighborhood we walked, suddenly sat on an empty basketball field bleachers, go to a 24 hours market to buy ice cream at 2 am in the morning, and end up at his porch.

From there, i know that Oh Sehun had a beautiful eye smile, he had a quite prominent fangs which strangely made him a bit cuter, like a young wolf. I know that he and his brother strived to deal with economic problems, since their parents don’t really take a  good care of them since the divorce, that’s why they lived with their grandmother for the first time.

That night we just forgot that we’re mere neighbor, an acquaintance, for we shared all worries in our life as a senior high schooler like an old friend. How uncertain our future was, yet we had to choose one major thing that determined our life, work. He wanted to go to architecture, or interior design. I wanted to go to marine engineering, i always loved everything about the sea. We laughed at how we chose our major based on our hobbies.

“why, though? So that we won’t get bored in the classes?” I asked.

“Merely a foolish hope.” He chuckled. “It’s impossible, every university students must have to end their lesson quickly, or at least skip classes, no matter how much they like the subjects.”

“Why are you so negative! People can be passionate enough to attend every classes”

“I’m just being realistic.”

“No you don’t trust in people”

“So you trust all people? Be careful, the world is harsh for dreamy girls like you.”

“I’m not dreamy!”

“Hah. Tell me. you must be happy right now because you get to experience your own Before Sunrise!”

And the young me felt like, I was impressed by this guy. i even felt connected to him, like no one else in my life.

And back then, we didn’t realize we completely forgotten that we left the beanbag and the teddy bear on the mini cinema park.

-

I made it to the marine engineering, at a university quite near my house, only one subway stops away. Sehun made it to Interior Design, but in a different university, and farther from my house. I didn't see him often after that, we didn't even get the chance to have quality time. Our last meeting was so short. It’s when he got out of the house, and i, too, rushed to my class.

“Late to class?” He teased me as I was trying hard to tie my hair in between rushed steps.

“Oh shut up.”

He chuckled and ruffled my hair. We walked together to the subway station. As the door opened, he circled his arm on my shoulder and brought me next to him, away from the crowds where I could grab the holder.

“How come we didn’t meet even once in the subway?” I said.

“I usually didn’t go at this hour. I got a free day on my work shift this morning.” he answered as I lift my head meeting his neck. I didn’t realize we’re standing this close. I could see his sharp jawline, slight contraction on his cheek muscle.

“Why? you miss me?” he added as he suddenly met my eyes. I was dazed for a millisecond but I managed to knock some sense on myself. I shoved his shoulder and rolled my eyes. And he chuckled, that childish laughter of his.

I think it’s good that God made me rarely meet him. It’s unhealthy… just a mere look in the eye from him and I’m panicking inside like a school girl.

The last thing I felt was his hand patting my back when I go out on my stop.

I haven’t met him yet ever since. A year has passed without any contact or signs of Oh Sehun in my life. I don’t know why i don’t have Sehun’s phone number. It’s just that it didn’t even crossed in my mind since we’re practically neighbors.

People come and go, i know that. But i still think of him. There’s something intriguing, unsettling, about Oh Sehun that i didn’t even get a chance to unravel. Maybe that’s why, somewhere deep inside my heart, i wasn’t ready to let the thought of him go.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you!” my friend, Seul, once said when we hang out on our way home.

“What.” i said uninterestedly, while looking at the bracelets on a shop. “This one’s cute.”

“Yes, buy it.” Seul answered, “This is Choi Minho sunbae we’re talking about!!”

“So..?”

“He asked you out thrice already, for God’s sake. what are you waiting for?”

“hm..”

Minho sunbae, the captain of the football team, the cute senior who captured the eyes of the juniors. he’s a good guy, I admit it. and moreover, he’s not a jerk. yeah, but… i don’t know.

Seul kept pestering me on how I should accept Minho sunbae and whatever as we enter the nearest Starbucks. my mind already wander around the smell of Cinnamon Roll and fresh Americano. we reached the counter as I heard,

“Good afternoon. what can I get you guys?”

this lazy voice. of Oh Sehun.

I lift my head and open my eyes wide.

“So you work here!?”

He seemed startled as well “Yeo Reum?”

“What—“

“A cinnamon roll, a chocolate brownie, a cup of hot Americano and a vanilla Frappuccino please.” Seul ordered suddenly and stared at me. her eyes demanded an explanation.

“o—okay” Sehun said.

“so you know my friend Yeo Reum? An intern, are you? where do you study?”

Gosh, Seul! I brought her to sit to prevent her for embarrassing me further.

“SO HE’S THE ONE WHO’S HOLDING YOU BACK!”

“shh! no Seul please don’t start”

“Yeo Reum!” my name was called from the counter

“There! your prince charming called”

“Shush.” The screeched sound of my sliding chair startled my ownself. Why on earth i got panic merely because Seul made fun of me and Sehun??

“Here’s yours.” Sehun gave me the tray.

“Thanks. But i didn’t order the apple pie”

“that’s on me. By the way, are you free after this?”

Did i heard that right?

“Well? Yes.. We just done shopping and will head home after this.. why?”

“Would you wait until I finish my shift? It’s at 6”

It’s only 5, but I don’t mind.

“Kay. Happy working!” i grinned as I bring the tray to my table.

“Someone seems happy!” Seul teased me.

“He asked me.. to wait for his shift to end.”

“OH REALLYYY?? Okay then i will finish this brownie as soon as possible. Educate me about this guy, please!”

I couldn’t believe I finally talk to anyone about Sehun. After all this time, i feel like he is that unreachable, like a dream guy i will never have. That’s why i never even talk about my feelings to anyone else. I’m just being realistic.

But now, i see some hope.

-

At 6 pm, me and Sehun exited the cafe.

“Thanks for waiting.” He said. I look at him walking confidently with his bomber jacket. Hair sleek, slender legs, some stubble on his chin. A year could not change much of Oh Sehun.

“No problem.” I shrugged. “How are you?”

“I was planning to ask you first.” He looked at my face, “How are you?”

“ ‘M fine.” I answered. “Same old things. Classes, assignments,..”

“..boyfriend?” he mumbled.

I paused for a bit. “No.” I answered. “You?”

“You’re asking whether i have a boyfriend or..?”

“Yah!” i giggled as I shoved him. “I’m asking for your life.”

“Well.. in between work and classes, i got to meet you at last.”

 “What, are you trying to find me?” I jokingly asked him between the unsettling feeling on my stomach. “I didn’t go anywhere. Go next door and you’ll find me.”

He just gave me the faint smile of his.

And suddenly he held my hand.

“Let’s go take our getaway. We haven’t talk for such a long time.” He pulled me to a more crowded street with street snacks.

That night, we spent a lot of time catching up with each other’s lifes, once again. I got a chance to see his choked face because of too much laughter while eating, i saw his sad expression when his bubble tea fell on the ground before he even tasted it, and i got a chance to see his anger.

It’s when the topic of his parents were brought up.

“You have no idea on how much i loathe them.” He said with such hatred in his voice. “Leaving two sons without any affections, unwanted.”

“Sehun.. you don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.” I patted his shoulder.

“no, if it’s you, it’s okay.” He pinched the skin between his eyes. “i kept this for so long. It’s so lucky for us to have a really thoughtful grandmother, giving us all her savings. Still, we have to continue on our lifes not depending on someone else.”

In that bench we sat, i leaned my head on his shoulder, rubbing circles with my thumb on our entwined hands, listen to all his worries.

“I like this.” He finally said as he closed his eyes and leaned to my head. “You are like my sanctuary. I haven’t feel so relieved for such a long time.”

“it’s okay to feel tired, Sehun.” I watched his chest going up and down. “People are not as strong as they seem.”

“How come i don’t see you more often?”

I shrugged.

He pulled our entwined hands, making me sit straight. Before i had to process anything, i felt his plump lips on my forehead. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment for a while. The night wind breezed making me shiver. Somewhere in between, i felt a drop of relieved tears on my cheek. As i lift my eyes, i see a strong eyes of Oh Sehun. And a whispered,

“Thank you, my summer*.”

-

I hope that i would be a relief between the burden of a troubled Oh Sehun. Although my heart’s all tangled up between my feelings for him that grows as time goes by, but i think it’s nothing compared to his hard life. His unshared burden, his put-up strong face, his stiffed shoulder. All i want to do was just making him realize that there is still someone who’s there for him.

i met him almost everyday ever since. At where he worked, i will come and wait for his shift to end, then we wander around before he took me home hand in hand. No words ever said about our relationship-or whatever this is called. And i don’t think it’s important too, not more than how we find solace on one another.

On some days, he even managed to make me surprised. He came to my university, not in an apt circumstances.

I was walking out of my class passing by the soccer field with Seul, talking about the latest class we attend. I didn’t even realize as Minho sunbae called me from the center of the field.

“Yeo Reum! Hey!”

I stopped on the corner of the field. Minho sunbae approached me in all his athletic glory. He flashed me the brightest smile and said.

“where are you going? Finish your classes?”

I was being polite and said “Yes, sunbae. I was just about to go home.”

“Hmm. Would it be too much if i ask you to wait for my practice to end? i have something to talk to you about the committee meeting yesterday.”

But i was just heading to Sehun’s workplace. “Erm.. i’m so sorry sunbae, but i have a plan today.”

“I can take you there, to your appointment.”

I looked at Seul to seek for help but she didn’t even meet my eyes as she looked at somewhere behind me, “eh? But..”

“She already said no.” Someone suddenly said, “and her appointment’s here already.”

Why on earth is Sehun here? I don’t have any freaking idea.

Sehun managed to stand behind me, his arrival going unnoticed. His arm were stretched across me, to shake Minho’s.

“Oh sehun.” He said, “her appointment.”

I couldn’t forget how embarrassed (also how thrilled) I was.

And how defeated Minho’s face was.

“Was that necessary?” I still closed my face as we exited the field. Seul’s nowhere to be found suddenly.

Sehun smirked, “My timing was perfect, right?”

“Screw you. That’s embarrassing.”

“but you love it. Like scenes in romance movies you like.”

“Tsk. Whatever.” Sehun turns the opposite direction from the gate. “Hey, gate’s that way!”

“Yeah, i know.” He said. But then he suddenly sits on one of the motorbike. “Hop in.”

“Whose bike is this?” i got confused as i take the helmet from him.

“You think i’ll go such length to borrow a motorbike just to fetch you? It’s mine of course.” He cockily said.

Sehun and his proud self, he bought a nice bike all by himself. Using a white leather jacket, i have to admit his wide back looked so confident riding his new bike.

I’m so proud of him.

-

Sehun.

Oh Sehun.

He’s the only one i could think of right now.

He’s the one who has been through this, even much worse than this.

It’s in the middle of a cold winter, and i closed the door of my house harshly. I walked in my thin pajamas to reach his house.

Please be home. Please.

I knocked-almost banged-his door thrice.

“Sehun!!!” I  took a deep breath. “Oh Sehun!! Please open the door!”

As the door clicked open and i saw Sehun’s face, i broke down to tears and my knees gave up. I cried like a baby.

“Hey hey hey Yeo Reum, why? Let’s come inside.” He hugged me close to him and brought me inside.

He made me a hot tea, gave me a fluffy blanket and wait for me to finish my crying. I cried heavily, until  i could feel my eyes burst. But i bet he know the feeling. I believed he knew.

“Se.. Hun...” i said in between choking.

“shh. Shh.” He held me close to his chest. Patting my back until i feel calmer. “Deep breaths...”

I felt calmer as i listen to his heartbeat,

“My parents decided to separate.”

I am the only child in my family, my parents are always busy. i rarely talked deeply to both of them, just exchange some daily conversations when they’re home. I don’t even know what happen when we all got so caught up in our lives, but my mom decided to vent all anger to my dad. Lately i know, my dad had all the blame. He seeked solace in someone else, after all this time.

I talked to Sehun about everything that night. I talked about all my worries, all my sadness, all emotions that has been filling up my heart. He’s the one who listen now, the one who’s providing his shoulder for me to cry on.

“Can I stay here tonight?” i asked him, “Would Sejin be okay?”

“Sejin’s not here tonight.” He said. “of course, but would your parents be worried?”

“I don’t care.” I curled up in the blanket and scooted nearer to him, borrowing more heat from his body. We stayed like that in his bed, barely listening to each other’s breathing.

“I don’t care anymore about my future.” I said, “I don’t give a damn about anything right now.”

He only gave me a sympathetic smile as he patted my back.

“Let’s just elope.”

I, too, didn’t believe what i just said. But here i am, looking at Sehun’s eyes with a scratch of hope.

He didn’t say anything. He only looked at me, surprised. But then his eyes went softer,

“I love you.”

Sehun whispered to me before he captured my lips.

-

“Mommyyy what are you doing?? Please help me here!!”

I snapped suddenly from  my previous nostalgic memories. Those beautiful days, the days when i was young and careless.

“Coming right now, dear!”

Jihun’s at his peak of energy, he seemed never got tired, running around here and there. What he wanted me to help him was, to take his ball from behind the sofa, since he wanted to greet and surprise his dad holding his favorite ball.

“have you seen Dad’s birthday cake?” i asked him as i wiped the sweat in his forehead.

“Not yet! I want to see it, mommy!! What’s it like??”

I chuckled as i kiss his forehead. “be patient, dear. I’ll get it from the fridge.”

“i want to see, i want to see!”

I hold the cover of the cake  box. “it is shaped as both you and your dad’s favourite thing! Can you guess?”

He thinks with a really confused face.

Ding dong.

“Oh my God, dad’s coming!” i said to him. “Go turn off the light as i light up the candle, okay?”

“Okay!!”

I open the cake box, decorating it with some candles and light it up, Jihun’s opening the door and scream

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!!!”

I heared him lift his favorite son, “Thank you, dear son!”

I giggled and approached them, how they look so alike. Even their favorites are similar.

“Happy birthday!” i hold the cake and Jihun begins singing the birthday song.

“mommy! It really is our favorite thing! Soccer ball!” Jihun’s exclaimed.

“Of course!” my husband said “We’re Choi family, soccer’s a must!”

The cake has a writing that said

“For Dad, our Choi Minho.”

-

“I love you.”

As i catch my breath, Sehun looked at me in the eyes.

“..but i think we should stop whatever we’re doing right now.”

I was young, and careless. The idea of being someone i love to run from my problem sounded tempting. But it is not all that it seems.

Sehun was planning to tell me the next day if I didn’t banged on his door that night. He will tell me that Sejin, his hyung, will be getting married thus he’ll be all alone. He already had this plan to fulfill his dreams, to have his own future when situation like this come.

He's planning to leave Korea. He'll take the rest of his study abroad, where he could start a new life. Away from his so-called family, away from the bad memories surrounding, and haunting him all his life.

"I find solace in you like i found in no one else...

"but i don't think i can bear seeing you share the same burden as me, living a difficult life, starting from a scratch."

My tears keep falling that night,

"And I pray you'll bring warmth in a person who can always provide you the same warmth."

"You'll always be my summer, Yeo Reum."

*summer in Korean is Yeo Reum.

**I mentioned the 3rd quote prompts: it is not all that it seems.