The epiphany that Chanyeol discovers during his ‘heart-to-heart’ talk with Yixing thoroughly changes him. It made him realise just how dumb he was for avoiding Kyungsoo because of a thought, because of an explanation that isn’t supported by proof. Evidently, Chanyeol hasn’t once asked Kyungsoo if he has feelings for him, if he likes him (back). Yet, Chanyeol just jumped to the conclusion that Kyungsoo doesn’t like him, might never like him, will never like him. His insecurities and aversion to rejection influenced his mindset and ed up his thoughts and actions towards Kyungsoo.

It was dumb, but Chanyeol has now come out of that phase. He’s not going to let his fear control him any longer. Instead, it’s nigh time for his heart to shine, to call the shots. While it’s not that Chanyeol doesn’t harbour any fear within him—there still is, deep down inside (because after all, Chanyeol is human)—it’s just that he’s not going to succumb to it. He’s not going to let it grow. Not anymore.

And so, Chanyeol stops avoiding Kyungsoo. He’d found himself to be rather miserable, in all honesty. All those days of dodging, evading, avoiding. Throws out more synonyms of running away. All those time wasted, those precious days, hours, minutes, and seconds which he could have happily spent with Kyungsoo. While it’s not that Chanyeol thinks he’s not going to not have time with Kyungsoo, he just wants to spend whatever time he has with him. While it’s also not that Chanyeol hasn’t been in contact with Kyungsoo, it’s just that the past six years don’t really count. Chanyeol really regrets bullying (he’s come to accept the term over picking on) Kyungsoo. He really does. As Kris always says, “No one should have to be treated like this. No one.”

Not one to be put down by negativity, Chanyeol channels his regret of bullying Kyungsoo into energy which he spends on Kyungsoo. Now that he’s not avoiding him, Chanyeol sticks to the boy like super glue. After that one massive tutoring session, both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo’s respective groups of friends have begun to mingle. Sehun found a friend in Jongdae, spurred on by Jongdae’s apparent lack of Korean History knowledge. Kyungsoo, in Chanyeol’s body, got on well with his own friends and it’s the same for Chanyeol, though he had to tamp down his Chanyeol-ness in order to not be exposed. Kris, much to the surprise of everyone who isn’t Chinese, have always actually kept in contact with both Lu Han and Yixing (and that tall Chinese boy in Kyungsoo’s class). They mentioned something along the lines of fellow countrymen sticking with each other through thick and thin. Needless to say, Baekhyun hasn’t looked so pleased with that revelation, and Chanyeol had pretended to not hear his grumbles of as if one Han not enough, now must have another Fan.

The two groups of four have now become one group of eight. When in school, they do almost everything together. They have recess together, lunch together, and sometimes dinner when supplementary classes run a little late. They study together, revise together, and drown in homework together. With supplementary classes running everyday after school, the boys’ tutoring sessions had to be pushed to the weekends. As such, those sessions are held as and when they deem fit. They could convene altogether, or not at all. They could turn up at someone’s house in pairs, alone, or not at all. It’s become a very flexible arrangement, what with most of them actually using the weekend to catch up on the sleep that they’ve missed out during weekdays.

Chanyeol, however, never misses a tutoring session. Ever since he’d made up his mind to not avoid Kyungsoo, Chanyeol has been creating opportunities to spend time with that boy (whether he likes to or not). Of course, Kyungsoo would have to agree, which, thankfully, he does all the time (much to Chanyeol’s delight). The sessions are normally held at Kyungsoo and Yixing’s house, because Chanyeol doesn’t really want to see his family. There’s no reason for that, and he sincerely told that to Kyungsoo when he’d asked. So, despite Kyungsoo and Yixing’s concerns, Chanyeol insisted on having the sessions at their house instead. And it’s as though Baekhyun has secretly installed a listening device in his room or something, for he somehow knows about the sessions and turns up for them all as well. It doesn’t take a genius to know why.

It’s another one of their weekend tutoring sessions. The four boys are seated at the dining table, quietly doing their homework. Yixing’s parents aren’t at home, having chosen to spend the day out instead of staying home. The rest of the boys bailed, with Lu Han and Sehun saying that they really needed to sleep, and Jongdae has to visit his extended family who live out of the city, while Kris has a prior appointment that he really can’t skip. It’s okay, at least there’s still Baekhyun and Yixing and Kyungsoo. And even though it’s eerily quiet when the eight of them aren’t together, Chanyeol doesn’t mind. And he knows Kyungsoo enjoys the silence, too.

Chanyeol wants to scream. He’s gotten yet another wrong answer to the math question he’s been attempting for some time. As someone who prides himself on his numeracy skills, Chanyeol doesn’t like this. He’s in the midst of contemplating whether he should bang his head on the wall or stab his pencil into his hand to relieve some of his pent-up frustration when someone in his peripheral vision moves and Chanyeol lifts his head in time to see Kyungsoo standing up.

“Where are you going?”

“Washroom.”

“Oh, okay. Be careful, the floor could be wet.”

Kyungsoo nods and leaves the table. The clack of the bathroom lock tells Chanyeol of Kyungsoo’s location, and despite telling himself to not be a ing creep and listen out for Kyungsoo’s movements, Chanyeol does so anyway. He pretends to be looking at the damned question, but actually has his eyes transfixed in the direction of the hallway. A couple of minutes later (no, Chanyeol didn’t count), the bathroom door unlocks with another clack. Expecting to see his own socked feet appearing his field of vision, Chanyeol begins to frown when nothing appears seconds later. The bathroom isn’t all that far from the kitchen-slash-dining room. Where could Kyungsoo have gone?

Chanyeol has come to realise that his feelings for Kyungsoo have caused his body to attune itself to Kyungsoo. To his every move, every sound, every breath. Chanyeol feels the urge to want to know where Kyungsoo is most of the time, and when those urges hit, Chanyeol would always grab his phone and send a text to Kyungsoo. When Kyungsoo doesn’t reply immediately, Chanyeol flies into a small frenzy, his worry skyrocketing and he’d then send a whole lot more messages asking if Kyungsoo’s alright. Kyungsoo’s single reply to the whole lot of Chanyeol’s texts would have riled the old Chanyeol up like no tomorrow, because oi I sent you so many yet you only sent back one!? The Chanyeol of the now, however, would just read it, smile at it, and reply. There’s not an ounce of anger, of negativity. All he feels, now that he’s come to terms with his genuine feelings for Kyungsoo, is gratitude and content. Anything from Kyungsoo is godsent. Any time spent with Kyungsoo is precious.

Any smile from Kyungsoo is cherished.

Worried about Kyungsoo, Chanyeol sets his pencil down and carefully pushes his chair out from under the table. Both Yixing and Baekhyun immediately lift their heads, similar questioning expressions on their faces. Chanyeol mouths a toilet break and hastily leaves, not wanting to see what Yixing has to say because he’s pretty sure that boy knows that he’s lying.

Shuffling towards the bathroom, Chanyeol passes by his—Kyungsoo’s—room. He absentmindedly turns his head to glance into it, not expecting anyone to be inside, only to halt in his tracks and double back because not only is there someone inside, that someone is rifling through his cupboard. There’s only one person who would be in here—Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol drops to his hands and knees, and hides as much of himself behind the doorway. He perches on a side, fingers curling around the edge of the doorway, head slightly protruding as he peeps into the room. The opened doors of the cupboard covers most of his Chanyeol body, but Chanyeol would recognise his ankles and feet anywhere, for those body parts are not obscured by the doors. He squats there for an unknown amount of time, looking into the room and waiting to see what Kyungsoo is up to.

The cupboard is messy. A mess of the culmination of Chanyeol’s laziness over the past dozen plus weeks. He doesn’t fold much of his worn clothes, choosing to throw them into the cupboard without so as looking. The last time Chanyeol checked (which is this morning when he had to retrieve his uniform [neatly ironed and hung on hangers above the mess]), there’s definitely a mountain of clothes where the bottom of the cupboard used to be. ‘Used to be’ because Chanyeol had been certain that the bottom of the cupboard could be seen when he first swapped bodies with Kyungsoo. Now, it’s just a mountain of clothes.

But what could Kyungsoo be doing with the cupboard? Is he searching for something? A piece of clothing that he’d like to bring back to wear? But if Kyungsoo had wanted that, he would have done it ages ago. Then… Is there something else that Kyungsoo is looking for? Something that was kept at the bottom of the cupboard? A something that Chanyeol (obviously) had not bothered to pay attention to that first time he opened the cupboard to take some clothing. Well, whatever it is, Chanyeol wants to find out.

Soft creaking snaps Chanyeol out of his thoughts, and he recovers to find Kyungsoo shutting the other door of the cupboard. He quickly pushes himself off the floor and all but scampers on all fours to the bathroom. For fear of being discovered, Chanyeol doesn’t dare to look back. If Kyungsoo has seen him (in his weirdass movement) before he made it into the bathroom, he doesn’t mention it when Chanyeol returns to the table after his prolonged ‘toilet break’.

Yixing doesn’t say anything, either, but his thoughtful expression tells Chanyeol that he knows. Chanyeol mentally flinches, but doesn’t allow his countenance to betray his anxiousness and goes back to swearing at his damned unsolved question. Yet, the only question that he’s thinking about is what was Soo looking for in the cupboard?

---

On Saturday, while he’s cleaning Kyungsoo’s room at the ‘sincere’ request of Yixing (who had glared at him when Chanyeol had jokingly said no), Chanyeol takes the opportunity to get rid of the mess in the cupboard. He ponders over how to do it, having thought of two options: a) lug the mountain of clothes out onto the (dirty) floor, or b) fold and keep the mountain of clothes where they originally belong on the cupboard shelves. Chanyeol really wants to choose Option A (because it’s so much faster and he’d then sooner find out what Kyungsoo seemed to be looking for that day), but he ultimately chose Option B because he’s a good boy and Kyungsoo’s clothes really should be treated with more respect.

And so, Chanyeol gets to work. The mountain of clothes gradually dwindle in size, as Chanyeol slowly, but diligently, clears piece by piece. It took a (long) while, but the mountain is now a molehill, with only a couple of pieces of clothing to clear. Chanyeol laughs when he sees the shirt he’s been looking for for a while, laying atop of the remaining pile. Picking up the black shirt, he dusts it and smiles. It’s a shirt that Kyungsoo seems to treasure, having witnessed him taking especially good care of it a couple of times whenever Kyungsoo decides to fold Chanyeol’s—his—clothes before their tutoring sessions start (while scolding Chanyeol for his laziness). A lot of times Chanyeol wanted to ask what that shirt meant to him, but soon found out when Yixing remarked one day if Chanyeol’s seen the very same black shirt. After a little probing, Yixing revealed that it was one of his birthday presents to Kyungsoo, probably the first one he gave after earning his first paycheck. No wonder it meant so much to Kyungsoo.

Looking at the black shirt now, Chanyeol feels a tad guilty for treating it as such, even if he hadn’t meant any ill will at that time of just throwing it into the cupboard without folding it properly. Chanyeol gently wears the shirt onto a clothes hanger and slots it in between two black shirts; Chanyeol had colour-sorted the clothes, choosing to hang all of Kyungsoo’s dark-coloured clothes (which is a whole lot) while the coloured clothes are folded and neatly arranged on the shelves.

The mountain of clothes are cleared, and where the mess used to be lie two boxes. Strange, Chanyeol thinks, I don’t remember seeing these boxes here… He immediately sits down on the floor, confusion clouding his mind. One of the boxes isn’t taped, while the other one is. It doesn’t take a genius to know which box Kyungsoo might be looking for. But first, Chanyeol decides to take a look at the not-taped one.

As expected, there’s nothing of interest in the box. There are only photographs of Kyungsoo, of Yixing, of Mr and Mrs Zhang. There are also a couple of festive cards, given to Kyungsoo by Yixing for Christmas. There are also several empty red packets, no doubt given by Yixing’s parents during the many Chinese New Years he's spent with the Zhangs. Placing back the stack of red packets, Chanyeol gently closes the box and puts it back into the cupboard. He eyes the taped box. Should he take it out? Should he open it? Or should he pretend it doesn’t exist and move on with cleaning the rest of Kyungsoo’s room?

It’s a dilemma, but, frankly, Chanyeol’s decision was made the moment he saw the taped box. He wants to know why Kyungsoo might be looking for it, wants to know what’s inside, needs to know why it was taped shut. So, barely seconds later, the box sits in front of Chanyeol. It’s not a very big box, though it’s about the length of one of Kyungsoo’s arms, the width of a forearm, and the height of his calf. Chanyeol looks at it before darting his eyes over to the closed door; he’d shut it before shifting the box out for fear of being discovered by Yixing. Somehow, Chanyeol feels that he’s doing something that he shouldn’t be doing. Something that Kyungsoo wouldn’t recommend him attempting. Something wrong. Yet, Kyungsoo didn’t tell him that he couldn’t do this (but in Kyungsoo’s defense, he wouldn’t even tell Chanyeol about the box if he doesn’t want Chanyeol sleuthing for it). So, heck it, Chanyeol’s going to do whatever he wants.

Plopping down next to the box, Chanyeol contemplates on how to remove the tape. All edges of the box are secured, and judging from how neatly the strips of tape line the edges, it’s not hard to know who did it. And that only cements Chanyeol’s suspicion of who the box belongs to (for the box could be Yixing’s, and that it’s in Kyungsoo’s cupboard because there isn’t space in his own). Chanyeol continues to stare at it as he crawls around it, like a predator circling its prey. He wonders if he should consult Yixing, to ask if he could open it, because technically this box isn’t his. Chanyeol may be Kyungsoo right now, but he thinks it isn’t right to treat Kyungsoo’s things as his own. Yet, the more Chanyeol stares at the box and lets his thoughts of what is in it what is in it what is in it run wild in his head, the more he wants to open it.

In the end, Chanyeol gives in. With a penknife (and eyes sparkling in curiosity), Chanyeol easily cuts into the tape, though he’s careful to not stab the knife into the box too deeply for fear of cutting into whatever may be in the box. The last of the tape is cut, and Chanyeol carefully retracts the knife before storing it back in one of Kyungsoo’s desk’s drawers. He goes back to the box and looks intently at it. Chanyeol is about to find out what’s inside the box, about to know why Kyungsoo was looking for it, and why he had taped it up. Sliding both hands onto the flaps, Chanyeol slips his thumbs under and after silently counting to three, he opens the box.

The instant Chanyeol looks into the box, he’s struck with confusion.

In the box, there are three items: an envelope, a photo album, and a giraffe stuffed toy. Huh. Chanyeol visibly deflates. While he didn’t know what to expect, Chanyeol has, frankly, expected… more. It isn’t that he’s expecting to see toys (okay so maybe that in his wet dream had seemed plausible), or things that Kyungsoo had deemed too embarrassing to be kept outside of a box. But Chanyeol has expected… more. More than just a crumpled envelope, an old photo album, and a toy who looks like it’s seen better days. Sighing, Chanyeol reaches into the box and as though his fingers are being controlled by someone that isn’t him, they immediately go for the giraffe. He gently curls his fingers around a soft, stubby limb to lift it up and out of the box, before his other hand catches the giraffe around its belly. It’s old. The giraffe looks like it’s definitely seen much better days. Chanyeol turns it all around, eyes curiously surveying the state of the toy. Its fur seems to have lost its shine, with a couple of tiny patches of dirt. But it's cute, and something Chanyeol would have loved to receive as a gift. Smiling, Chanyeol brings the giraffe up to his eyes and looks at the head. His eyes immediately widen and his fingers reflexively release the giraffe from their grasp.

There’s a small patch of red atop of the giraffe’s head.

A patch of red that, when Chanyeol was inhaling just now, smelled faintly, but distinctly, of iron.

Red. Smells of iron. Chanyeol can only think of one thing that fulfils both criteria.

Blood.

A shiver runs down Chanyeol’s spine. He finds himself staring in half-fear, half-curiosity at the patch of red. The most obvious question pertaining to his discovery swims in his mind. Why is there blood on the giraffe toy? As he thinks, red starts to fill his vision and Chanyeol tears his eyes away from the patch to look at another spot on the toy. Bad mistake. For the way the giraffe’s blank eyes stare back at him causes yet another shiver to rock Chanyeol’s frozen body. He quickly looks away and decides to take out another item from the box. Chanyeol chooses the photo album.

The very first photograph that greets him when he carefully opens the—rather thick and slightly heavy—album unconsciously brings a smile to Chanyeol’s face. It’s a photograph of a young Kyungsoo, probably at an age of three to four. Young Kyungsoo was looking into the camera, and while he wasn’t smiling, his seemingly stern expression only made his eyes large, round, and beautiful. Kyungsoo looked so adorable. The smile on Chanyeol’s face grows a tad wider (and fonder).

Subsequent photographs causes the already-wide and already-fond smile on Chanyeol’s face to be even wider and fonder. Photographs of young Kyungsoo with various expressions and poses caused Chanyeol’s mouth to behave as such. Young Kyungsoo looked so, so, so cute, Chanyeol wished he could pinch the child’s cheeks and squish his face to make his pouty lips into that of a fish’s in real life. Yes, Kyungsoo was that adorable. After seeing about eight photos of Kyungsoo as a child, Chanyeol isn’t accustomed and ready to have to see someone else. And it comes as a shock to him when he sees and instantly recognises two faces he hasn’t seen in six years.

The ninth photo in the album is a photo of the Do family. Chanyeol will never ever forget how Mr and Mrs Do look like. He will never be able to, doesn’t want to forget the faces of the very people who made him feel appreciated, doted on, treasured, and absolutely loved. Chanyeol gingerly brings his thumb up to Kyungsoo’s mother’s face, gently grazes the side of her face. He does the same to Kyungsoo’s father, smiling as memories of their time spent together resurfaces in Chanyeol’s head. Chanyeol skips Kyungsoo, distracted by the timestamp printed at the bottom of the photograph.

01-06-1997.

Chanyeol sharply inhales. The month and the day hold no meaning that he knows of, but… that year. That was the year before Chanyeol met Kyungsoo for the first time, before he beat up the class bully who was bullying Kyungsoo. Chanyeol darts his eyes to five-year-old Kyungsoo, only to snicker when the sullen expression on the boy’s face glared back. The fondness in Chanyeol continues to bloom, because even sulky, pouty Kyungsoo looked cute. Chanyeol feels so screwed.

He whizzes through the next few photographs, looking and smiling down at Young Kyungsoo and his parents. Just then, a blank page greets Chanyeol. Surprise immediately washes over him, and he flips through the following pages, only to meet with blank pages as well. Chanyeol goes back to the last filled page, ignoring a young Kyungsoo’s scrunched-up face to look at the bottom of the photograph for a timestamp. There is one: 12-10-2004. Once again not bothering with the month and the day, except for remarking that this was taken before his birthday, Chanyeol quickly calculates the age of Kyungsoo in that year.

Kyungsoo was twelve years old.

An ominous feeling descends upon Chanyeol. He stares at the year, hard, before flitting his gaze up to Kyungsoo’s face. Twelve-year-old Kyungsoo had his face scrunched up, eyes squeezed into two lines, nose scrunched, and mouth pulled into that resembling of a duck’s. He might be making a funny face, but Chanyeol sees the laugh in the upturned corners of his duck lips; Kyungsoo must have been happy at that moment. But… why? Why is this the last photograph in the album? Surely the Do family would have taken more in the days, months, or years after that, wouldn’t they?

Questions begin to surface in Chanyeol’s head, as he returns to the start of the photo album, flipping through the pages again to see the timestamps on the photos. Some photos weren’t printed with one, but seeing how the Kyungsoo in the photographs seem to be growing, it’s safe to say that the photos were arranged in ascending order. And that could mean that the last photograph of twelve-year-old Kyungsoo might be the last one Kyungsoo had taken. It’s very strange, and Chanyeol can’t seem to shake off the ominous feeling on him. He feels that there’s something to this, to why there aren’t any more photographs after that. It’s all very weird, and getting very eerie.

Bringing a knee up, Chanyeol props his chin on the knee, hands still holding onto the photo album. He’s about to put it next to the giraffe when he realises that he hasn’t flipped all the way to the back of the album yet; not that he’s going to find anything, but it definitely wouldn’t hurt to try. And so, Chanyeol does that. He turns the pages for the third time, heart sinking when he meets with the blank pages. But when he reaches the last page, Chanyeol thinks he’s dreaming. Thinks that his eyes are playing tricks on him.

For slotted in the very last page of the photo album is a photograph of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol.

Chanyeol’s eyes immediately flit to the bottom of the photograph. 25-09-2004. It was taken two days before his twelfth birthday. And if Chanyeol remembers correctly, he had held a birthday party that year, on that day. Kyungsoo didn’t attend. No reason was given, no matter how much Chanyeol pestered Kyungsoo in the days after he turned twelve. Kyungsoo’s silence and ignorance of Chanyeol was the reason why the boy was no longer his best friend, was the reason why Baekhyun became Chanyeol’s (second) best friend.

Was the reason why Chanyeol bullied Kyungsoo for six years.

As mentioned (in the first chapter), the reason is dumb. And as you can see, it is. Chanyeol picked on bullied Kyungsoo because a) he didn’t turn up for his birthday party, and b) he didn’t provide a reason for his absence. Truth be told, these definitely aren’t justifiable or equivalent to six years of bullying. Yet, the moment Chanyeol recalls the utter disappointment his twelve-year-old self had felt when his party had ended and his first (and only) best friend didn’t turn up, plus the ignoring of him from said best friend in the days after his party, he firmly believes that his treatment towards Kyungsoo is justified. But, nonetheless, the reason was dumb, is dumb, and would never be revealed to anyone. Ever. This is one thing Chanyeol is going to take to his grave.

He looks at the photo, eyes taking in the smiles on his and Kyungsoo’s faces. Chanyeol drinks in the brightness and the happiness so evident in their expressions, an equally bright and happy and fond smile forming on his now-eighteen-year-old face. He sees the arms his young self has wrapped around a young Kyungsoo, chin resting on a shoulder. The photograph digs into Chanyeol’s memories, and if his memory serves him right, he was already taller than Kyungsoo at that age. With a low chuckle, Chanyeol recalls how much he had