July 2016

Jieun posed and the camera flashed. She repositioned her hand on Kang Haneul and Lee Joongi repositioned his hands on her waist. She felt hyperaware of her and Joongi’s movements. This morning Jieun and the cast playing the princes had an interview with Cosmo and now the photo shoot was taking place. Each time she moved or shifted her body, she could feel Joongi shift his body accordingly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Joongi staring intently at her. She wasn’t sure who was looking at her: Lee Joongi the actor or Lee Joongi the man. Were the photography lights always this hot? She felt light headed but continued to pose for the photographer. Earlier when Joongi and her had the photo session of just the two of then, she felt like he had been staring directly into her mind. It made her chest feel tight.

Since the breakup with Kiha a few weeks ago she felt shy around Joongi. That night after she cried in front of him, he had stayed with her for an hour. He had poured them a glass each of soju and they sat in comfortable silence on the couch. Kiha had called her but she let it go to voicemail. The next morning Joongi had brought her an unsweetened latte, her favourite. That small gesture had made her feel that she could face the day.

The photographer reviewed the pictures on his screen and Jieun disengaged from Joongi. She felt the imprint of his arms on her. Joongi smiled at her and cracked a small joke. The joke did nothing to break the tension that she felt. The photographer announced that he was done which led to the artistic director loudly announcing to the entire set that the day was over. Jieun bowed and thanked Joongi. He patted her arm and thanked her as well. They stared at each other for a moment. She looked away first and mumbled that she was going to her change room.

She picked up her phone in the change room and saw several text messages from Kiha asking if they could talk. She frowned at them. Since the breakup a few weeks ago he had been calling and texting her. She hadn’t returned any of her messages because she had nothing left to say him anymore. After she changed she walked back out to main set where the others were.

“Jieun-ssi,” came Nam Joo Hyuk’s voice. “Hyung is organizing a group dinner. He already texted Kang Hanna and Jin Kijoo and they’re both coming. Come with us!”

“Yes, I’ll definitely join everyone for dinner!” Jieun replied with a smile. She adored going out with the cast since they were like family now. They exited the building and hailed taxis to go to the restaurant.

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Jieun looked in the mirror and brushed her bangs out of her eyes. She carefully applied lip colour and studied her reflection. She exited the bathroom and went back to the table in the restaurant where the others were. Her seat was next to Hanna. The others were still grilling beef short ribs on the barbecue and pouring drinks for each other. Jieun picked at her rice bowl and finished the soju in her glass. Joongi who was sitting across from her, saw that her glass was empty and refilled her glass. He gave her a wink as he filled her glass. She felt her ears burn.

Hanna passed a lettuce-wrapped portion of beef to Jieun and motioned for her to eat.  “Joongi Sunbae just grilled the beef, have some!” Hanna was very thoughtful and always made sure that everyone was comfortable and had enough to eat and drink. Hanna went about preparing another lettuce parcel for Joo Hyuk who was on Hanna’s other side.

Jieun took the lettuce parcel and met Joongi’s eyes, “Thank you, Oppa.”

She bit into the food. Joongi’s smiled and nodded his head and looked at her while she ate the food. Jieun continued chewing and tried to divert her attention to the conversation between Hanna and Joo Hyuk. She tried to avoid Joongi’s gaze at her for the rest of the meal. She wanted to tell him to stop staring at her. It was too intense and she didn’t know what it meant.

The face of her smart phone that was on the table lit up. It was on silent but she saw she had an incoming call. The caller ID identified the caller as Kiha. Hanna leaned over and saw the screen. They exchanged silent looks with each other. Hanna’s face looked like she was unimpressed and she shook her head. Jieun nodded her head in agreement. She pressed the option to ignore the call and the screen went black. Hanna wordlessly poured Jieun another glass and Jieun downed it in one shot. 

Jieun snuck a look at Joongi and she swore she saw him smile into his drink.

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Jieun and the others were outside the restaurant. Joongi was organizing taxis for everyone, making sure everyone got home safely. Jieun was slightly tipsy and was leaning against Hanna who was more sober. Jieun was giggling when Baekhyun suddenly tried to jump on Jieun’s back and demanded a backride. Jieun almost fell over from the unexpected weight but she suddenly felt the weight removed from her back. She looked up and saw that Joongi had pulled Baekhyun off of her. Joongi smacked Baekhyun upside the head and told him that it was dangerous to jump on people smaller than Baekhyun. Joongi eventually put almost everyone in taxis, grouping the passengers by location. The only people who remained was Joongi, Hanna, and herself. Jieun tried to remember where Joongi lived. She didn’t think that he lived close to her or Hanna.

“Oppa, where do you live?” The alcohol made her nosy. “Don’t you live closer to Haneul Sunbae?”

“Yeah, Sunbae.” Hanna joined her. “You should’ve taken a taxi with Haneul Sunbae.”

Joongi pulled out his e-cigarette and started smoking. He looked tired but amused.

“I do live closer to Haneul but I’m making sure that the both of you get home safely. I’m worried what the two of you would get up to.”

The alcohol made Jieun bold. She walked up to Joongi and took his e-cigarette from him and inhaled. His eyes widened as he didn’t think she was a smoker.

“Oppa, I can take care of Hanna-ssi. You can-” Jieun was cut off as she started coughing from the tobacco. She was obviously not a smoker. Joongi and Hanna started laughing and Joongi started rubbing her back to help with the coughing fit. Hanna announced that she would go to the convenience store down the street to get Jieun some water.

“Hanna-ssi, we’re in front of a restaurant. We’ll just ask them for water.” Joongi said rationally.

Hanna waved him off. “We can’t go back inside and ask for free stuff, we already paid.”

“Then let’s all go together then.”

“It’s fine, watch Jieun-ssi and I’ll be back in ten minutes.” Hannah walked off.

Jieun and Joongi were left by themselves outside the restaurant. Jieun was no longer coughing. She peered closely at Joongi. He was so handsome. Her heart started beating fast. She suddenly felt self-conscious and looked away from him. She hoped he didn’t sense what she felt.

Jieun’s phone lit up and Kiha’s name showed up in the caller ID. She felt annoyed. She no longer wanted these calls or text messages. The alcohol continued to make her bold. She answered the phone.

“Eun-ah!” Kiha’s surprised voice came through. “I’m so glad you picked up. We really need to talk.”

“Kiha.” Jieun said flatly. She saw Joongi walk away to give her privacy.

“Where are you right now? Can I come see you?”

 “No. Don’t. I’ve said everything I’ve wanted to say to you. So don’t contact me anymore. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t email me.”

Kiha was stunned into silence. “Do you hate me, Eun-ah?” His voice sounded torn.

Jieun suddenly felt how much their relationship had aged her. “I don’t hate you, Kiha. But I don’t have anything to say to you anymore.”

Silence from his end.

“I have to go now, Kiha. Take care of yourself.” Jieun hung up the phone. She stared at her phone and then looked up to where Joongi was. She walked over to where he was. 

“Oppa, I’m sorry you keep hearing my conversations with Kiha.”

“Don’t apologize, Jieun-ah.” Joongi demurred. “Are you okay?”

With those three words, Jieun realized that Joongi always had her best interests in mind and that he always looked out for her. She stared at him while this dawned on her. Whether it was running lines with her during rehearsal, bringing her a latte, or making sure she got home okay, he always looked out for her. She loved him for that. She felt dazed by this revelation.

“Jieun-ah. You look like you’re going to pass out. Hanna-ssi is back with the water. Let’s get a taxi and get you home.”

Joongi hailed a taxi as Hanna got closer to them. The three of them sat in the back, Jieun sandwiched between the two of them. Joongi gave the taxi driver instructions to drop off Hanna first, then Jieun, then himself last.

Jieun hugged herself with her revelation and smiled. She loved Oppa. She caught Joongi looking at her and she gave him a smile.