Journal entry - 3

I only recently came out to Jeongyeon. After telling her that I was gay she told me that she was too and that she had a crush on Nayeon. I wasn't planning on telling her until late into highschool but some circumstances happened that made me tell her. I told her that i had a crush on Chaeyoung. Ever since then we've been texting eachother often, talking about our crushes. She's my wingman and i'm her wingman. Having such an extrovert as a wingman is great, especially since im so shy. Jeongyeon is friends with everyone. She's the type to make friends instantly. She's also clingy with everyone and no one really minds. Thanks to that she asked Chaeyoung to give her a hug. She did and told her to give me one too. SHE DID OMG. The power of extroverts scares me.

The past few weeks has been hectic, especially today. Today was horrible. I had my suspisions about Chaeyoung and I found out it was true. She still likes Jaemin, that f****** b******. She liked him a few months ago, but then said that she stopped because he's rude. I'm feeling broken. I knew she still liked him but i just didn't want to admit it. But Jeongyeon confirmed it. Recently we got intergrated and she was with Nayeon and Jaemin, along with some other students, in the same class. Nayeon kept saying to her " oohhh you like Jaemin". Chaeyoung was blushing and didn't even deny it. She only told Nayeon to shut up. I died on the inside when Nayeon was telling me about it. I told Jeongyeon the whole story and said that she did still like him. I love how she tells Nayeon and Jeongyeon that she still likes him but not me. We're close but we really aren't. She doesn't even trust me enough to tell me. I love being a girl but I also hate it. I can be extremely close with the girls I like but I can't step over the line. But between me and Chaeyoung? I can't even see the line. Once we get into highschool we'll only get further and further apart. I won't know about anything that's going to happen there. And guess what? Jaemin is going to the same highschool she is. Sure, we can see eachother in the morning walking to school and we can always hang out when we have time. But we'll become even more distant then we are now. Jeongyeon confirms my suspisions right when I thought that I had a cute conversation with her the night before. My good mood has disappeared along with my soul and it probably won't ever come back.

Your smile can instantly make me happy. It gives me energy that could last months. But when you hurt me, the energy turns into sorrowful tears.

its been more than two weeks since i last updated, sorry. This story is heavily based on my life and stuff needs to happen in order for me to write. though, that's just an excuse for my laziness. oh, and sorry that the chapters are so short. i decided to write today because im feeling like after finding out the girl i like still likes that loser of a guy. well, till next time.