May 2014

"I don't understand...." Junmyeon's eyes search the Chinese man's face for something...anything that might give him a clue as to what he is actually thinking. The air around them is heavy, making it hard on their tired lungs. Just afew days ago they were happy, chit chatting until way too late about their upcoming promotions and leading the group together, as two halves of a whole. Now the whole is breaking in half and Junmyeon fears there's little he can do to stop it.

"I just...really miss my family" 

"We all miss our families, Yifan..." at the sound of his real name, Wu Yifan finally looks up, after attempting to avoid the other's eyes since he first walked into the small dorm room. What he sees brings out in him the most unpleasant feeling of guilt he has ever felt in his 23 years of living. Thinking it over and over again the night before, to the point of getting an hour of sleep at the most, he was certain this was the best course of action. Noe he's not so sure anymore. The desperate and heartbroken look on EXO's strong and caring leader's face makes the situation one hundred times harder than he prepared himself for. 

"I know- It's just...different. My family is in another country and I can barely even talk to them over the phone..." he mutters, his eyes meeting Junmyeon's for a split second before racing off to a random pencil lying on the table behind him, unable to look the former in the eyes. "and my health has been getting worse, you know better than anyone how they've been overworking us all!"

Silence....more than enough to tell Yifan that the man sitting across from him doesn't believe a word he's saying. Or at the very least not all of it.

Despite all attempts to be cool, and pretending to be the emotionally strong man he set out to be from the beginning, Junmyeon always managed...somehow...to see right through him. And for some reason only known to god, and probably cupid if the creatur even exists, he's the only one capable of bringing out Yifan's softest, most emotional side. The side he refuses to awknowlege he has. Out of the corner of his slightly swollen, sleepless eyes, Yifan can see the man staring back at him, waiting patiently for the truth; something the Chinese member promised himself he would never tell. Not to the company, not to the rest of the members and most certainly not to Junmyeon. But now, sitting here, looking at the broken man sitting across from him that's so silently waiting for something comforting to come out of Yifan's mouth, he can feel his determination crumbling like pouder. 

"If you've got the guts to come here and tell me...you're leaving-" his voice is trembling, just barely, but enough for Yifan to notice. Enough to make him feel like a rotten human being. "then at least...at least tell me the real reason-" Yifan can clearly see the tears threatening to fall down the man's face. Each of them like a punch to his gut. He has seen Junmyeon cry before, both out of happiness and sadness, but he'd sworn he would never be a reason for his tears.

just another promise he's going to break today. 

"Junmyeon, don't-"

"Don't what...?" there's a crack in his soft voice that tells Yifan he has already lost before the battle even began. Not that he had high expectations of winning. "what should I not do? Please tell me, since you can't seem to be able to tell me anything else. Should I not ask? Should I just sit here and accept it and pretend to believe your excuses-? Am I just...supposed to pretend like everything is okay and that this doesn't hurt at all!" This is the first time Junmyeon has ever raised his voice at any of the members, and Yifan prays that it will be the last. His usually steady, soothing voice is trembling even more now, but he's sill refusing to cry. Yifan mentally commends him for being so incredibly strong. Something he himself is not. 

"You don't understand-"

"You're right I don't. I don't understand one bit, so why don't you explain it to me?" he's now on his feet but his voice has leveled down to it's usual volume, and the tears continue to threaten to stain his angelic features, but not one of them has fallen. Yifan shrinks back for a moment, racking his brain for the next excuse, but he runs up empty.

"Okay..." lifting his palms up in immediate defeat, he decides it's pointless to fight. It had always been pointless to fight against Junmyeon, at least in his case. Ever since their trainee days, and even more so after their debut. Ever since the two of them were dubbed EXO's mother and father, every love song became about Junmyeon. Yifan has been able to think about nothing except how perfectly they fit together, like they were made to be one. How he's always been able to count on Junmyeon for anything,  regardless of how trivial it may seem. How Junmyeon is able to read him like a book without him having to say a single word, and only has to look at him the right way to convince him to change his mind about something. How Junmyeon fits perfectly in his arms and under his chin, as if he had been made to be there... Yifan's feelings only grow stronger, louder and harder to hide with every second that passes, meanwhile, Junmyeon remains oblivious to everything, treating him with as much care as he treats the rest of the members. It's ridiculously frustrating...slowly killing Yifan's sanity one day at a time until he no longer has control of his actions.

"dammit..." his curse is just loud enough for Junmyeon to hear, but the ladder doesn't react, only watches in silence as Yifan gets to his feet, taking several uneasy steps until he's standing face to face with the smaller man. Just a few inches of air keeping them apart.

"The truth is I..." a shaky breath accidentally escapes him, giving a preview of what's to come. He can see Junmyeon's body becoming more and more tense by the second, much like his own. Another deep breath comes before the cold bucket of water is dumped on leader Suho's head. "I can't be around you anymore, Junmyeon" 

The way his face contorts into a mask of pure pain and guilt after hearing that makes Yifan's insides burn, as if he's chugged gallons of gasoline. If he said he feels like the worst human being to have ever lived on the face of the earth, that would be a major understatement. Not only can he not stand being around him anymore, but from this moment on he no longer deserves to be.

"W-what-" the tears that have been waiting at the edges of Junmyun's eyes now begin to fall silently, and Yifen can feel his own attempting to do the same. "Why- what- I-" the younger man struggles to find a response, but Yifan can already tell what he's thinking. He's blaming himself, just like he's always done when one of the members makes a mistakes. "I'm s-sorry, If I did anything to-"

"No...no, you haven't done anything wrong. You never have..." the words seem to be flowing from his lips much easier now. Maybe it's the overwhelming need to fix the situation, even though Yifan knows for a fact that there's no fixing anything at this point. He's screwed everything up and nothing he does now will return things to how they were. Nothing he says or does will erase the look of utter betrayal on Junmyun's face from his memory. "You've always been such a good leader...and friend...even if you are messy, and embarrassing, and your jokes are pretty lame" Yifan almost has to laugh at the conflicted expression on the other's face. Even in a situation like this, he can tell Junmyun feels the need to defend his well thought out puns, which Yifan always pretended to hate. 

"I...I can stop using lame jokes then-" Yifan can see his lips trembling as he attempts to negotiate, meanwhile the tears keep leaving trails along his pink-tainted cheeks. Before he can register what he's doing, Yifan's hand moves to stop the next one mid-fall. 

"No, that's not-" letting his hand drop to his side as if his body has given up, their eyes meet, and Yifan is stuck between fight or flight. "I love your lame jokes I mean..." he almost mumbles, deciding to fight, because Junmyun deserves at least that. "I love the way you get annoyed when none of us laugh at them..." he adds with a weak chuckle "and the way you always carry a pharmacy around to take care of us, and how you always make sure we take vitamins to become stronger" he pauses for a second, moving a strand of hair out of Junmyeon's now swollen eyes, and continues at the sound of his silence "I love how you're always patient with me when you teach me Korean...even if you do make fun of me sometimes for the way I pronounce things, and how you smile at me and keep me company when I'm down..." Junmyun's quiet sobs and shattered expression are more than enough to tell Yifan it's high time he gets to the point. Though he could keep on listing every one of those little things Junmyeon does that makes his heart do backflips, he decides against it, for both their sake. "I love everything about you...and that's exactly the problem"

Taking a step back, Yifan shoves his hands deep into his pant pockets nearly ripping them off their stitches, to prevent himself from doing something he's been wanting to do for far too long. Junmyun stays in place, waiting. There's no point in stalling any longer. 

"I...I love you... Junmyun. No." Yifan's messy bangs fall into his eyes while he burns holes into the carpeted floor. "I'm...in love with you" it's the first time he has ever said those words out loud. It feels more real now than it ever has before...and it may or may not be a bit terrifying. He doesn't dare to look at Junmyun for pure fear of rejection. Not that it matters much. He's leaving anyway, that much is decided. But the thought of the one person he loves the most looking at him with disgust is not something he can handle at the moment. "Where I come from...it's not weird or unusual, but here..." he stops, knowing that there's no need to explain the situation. Junmyun knows fully well, having been born and raised in South Korea, how people see these kinds of things. The humiliation, the isolation, the death threats. He doesn't dare to think about what would happen if anyone other than Junmyun were to find out. 

"Being around you is- god it's so hard..." Yifan continues to stare down at his shoes as he he speaks. For once, he's the one doing all the talking, and he can only hope Junmyun is still listening "because I want so many things...things that ...i know I'll never have". After lifting his gaze just slightly, he can see Junmyun's mouth open...and then close a second later. He's attempting to respond, which tells Yifan it's time to take flight. "don't worry, you don't have to say or do anything. I'll take care of it" as he planned to do from the start. "you just...keep being you. The members need you" but they don't need someone like me...

Just one more thing, Yifan decided. The final touch before the point of no return. After closing up the distance between them, Yifan's hands come up to Junmyun's tear stained face. There's a moment of pure silence during which the smaller man's eyes fix on his, as if pleading for him to stay, but he says nothing. Forcing his eyes shut, Yifan leans forward and places a soft kiss on the other's forehead before muttering a simple "Thank you". He doesn't hear anything else as he turns on his heels and heads for the door. Or rather, he pretends not to hear Junmyun's quiet sobs as he gets further and further away.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

May 2017

The London skies are heavy with gray clouds. Yifan calculates he's got about ten seconds to make it across the bustling street and into the hotel lobby before he's drenched from head to toe and his new italian leather shoes are ruined.

Ten, nine...

After pulling the long, black scarf tightly around his neck, he makes a dash for the hotel entrance, nearly crashing into and knocking over a woman with a baby stroller. Apologizing quickly, he eases past them and makes it to the halfway mark in between lanes as cars zoom past him left and right.

eight, seven...

Just as the DO NOT CROSS signal turns off, a single cold drop lands on his right cheek, and suddenly it's the water apocalypse. Cursing under his breath, he picks up speed, only half managing to escape the full body shower. His shoes are undoubtably soaked. Shaking off as many raindrops as he can, he decides to step into the small cafe near the hotel lobby entrance for a mango shake. His clothes can air dry in the meantime. Luckily the place is almost empty. Just a couple of girls sitting at the far left and another man that walks in as he's placing his order. Given it's early on a Monday, it's not surprising. Yifan much prefers it this way. A little bit of calm and quiet before a hectic schedule is always welcomed.

"One chamomile tea please" the man near him orders in a heavy accent he can't quite place. The city of London is crawling with tourists, himself included. Not that he's there to tour, necessarily. He's only got a day and a half of R&R before filming for the movie begins, and all he wants to do is lounge around the hotel room in his underwear until then, with nothing to worry about except what to watch on TV or what to eat for dinner.

"One mango shake, one chamomile tea!" the barista announces and the drinks are placed on the counter just a few seconds later.

"Thank you" he hears the man next to him echo his own response before taking his tea. Yifan reaches for his own, wondering just how someone can like such a tasteless drink. Too engulfed in his own thougts, Yifan almost misses the uneasy feeling that surrounds him now, that feeling one gets when they're being watched closely. Yifan imagines it to be just about anything from curious fans to stalkers, anything except what he finds when he finally looks up. His eyes are glued to the smaller man standing next to him by the cafe counter, mouth hanging partly open in disbelief while the world around them suddenly becomes one collective blur.

"Kris....?"

The sound of that name coming from him brings the most bittersweet taste to his mouth.

"Jun- er, Suho....hey...."

"Hey..."

there's a long pause where neither of them say a thing, for lack of safe words, Yifan guesses. The smaller man stares up at him with an perplexed expression that mimics his own and Yifan finds himself searching for something to hold onto to keep himself balanced. Amazing how, after three years of not seeing his face or hearing his voice, Junmyeon can still make Yifan feel like all the air has been knocked out of his lungs with just a single look. 

"Uh- do you....want to sit?" he hears himself ask as if from miles away, only half expecting the other to accept. Much to his surprise, and relief, Junmyeon nods. They choose a table at the far right, away from the girls and the cafe entrance. Once settled, the silence takes over again, with each of them staring at the small drink in their hands. It's akward, but Yifan can't think of a single thing to say that won't make him sound like a babbling bafoon.

"So what-"

"How hav-"

Yifan almost has to laugh at both their attempt to make conversation. It's been far too long since they've spoke like this, face to face. The awkward air is almost tangible, and Yifan feels a sudden need to demolish it, not liking the way it feels one bit.

"You go first" Junmyeon urges with somewhat of a timid smile spreading on his pink lips, which Yifan notes is just as dazzling as he remembers. There's a short pause while the older of the two scrambles for something to say. Anything that may spark up conversation. Anything to keep the other around just a little longer. There's so much he can say, so much he can ask, but only one thing he truly wants to know.

"How have you been?" No, Yifan, try again. "I mean, you and the members" not quite, but keep going. "I...saw your last music video. It's really good" not even close. The words he wants to shout out are stuck at the back of his throat, ready to leap, but his pride is much too stubborn to allow them.

"Ah, you saw it" the smile on Junmyeon's bright face widens a little, his eyes forming into small crescents. Yifan catches himself staring and immediately looks down at his drink in mild embarrassment. "we all worked really hard on filming" Junmyeon adds, and Yifan doesn't doubt that for a second. "we're all doing well, just working." there's a steadiness to Junmyeon's voice that makes Yifan uneasy. Is he the only one that's feeling jittery and nervous? Why is Junmyeon so calm? Does he not miss him anymore, or did he not even miss him to begin with? Has Junmyeon forgotten about him? About what happened the day they last saw one another? How could he just move on so quickly, when Yifan has been working for years to forget him...and still feels his heart skip a beat at the mere sight of him. It's just not fair...not one bit.

"Yifan?"

"Hmm?" he jerks his head up, not missing the fact that Junmyeon is now using his real name. That's got to count for something.

"I said, are you here for work?"

"Ah, yeah, I'm starting filming for a movie on Wednesday morning" his eyes search Junmyeon's calm face for any sign of excitement, worry, doubt...anything that tells Yifan their reunion is affecting him in some way. Whether it's good or bad, it's better than not at all. "sorry, I'm just a little stressed...I'm taking the day off tomorrow before filming"

"Oh" with a soft push of his drink across the table, Junmyeon nods towards the half empty cup "well chamomile is great for relaxation." Scrunching his nose up in disgust, Yifan remembers the last time he'd tasted chamomile tea. It was Junmyeon himself that made him drink it to help with a headache. He'd sworn to never try that retched liquid ever again.

"No thanks, not my style" he responds, carefully pushing the cup back to it's owner. There's a look of amusement on Junmyeon features. Yifan guesses he too remembers the incident of how he almost threw up after just one sip. It wasn't funny at the time, but right now Yifan is just thankful it's gotten some sort of response out of him. There's a soft chuckle that comes after, the sound like angels singing in Yifan's ears, while his bright eyes locked on Yifan's face.

"Well then, Wu Yifan, I'd really like to know" there's a short pause during which Junmyeon takes a sip of the disgusting tea, then sets it down gently. "What is your style?" Yifan marvels at how effortlessly calm and cool he looks and wonders what happened to the dorky, easily flustered Junmyeon he used to know. Well two can play at that game, he decides. It's now his turn to be the cool one. 

"That's easy. You"

Junmyeon's ivory cheeks slowly but surely turn into ripe tomatoes as he stares down at his now almost empty drink, and Yifan mentally scores one for himself for getting such a reaction out of the man. It's certainly progress. Maybe in just a few hours he can have Junmyeon acting like himself again, just like old times.

"I um- I should get going" or not. "my manager will probably come looking for me soon if I take too long" Yifan watches in silence as the man gets to his feet, placing his empty mug onto the nearby counter. "it was...good to see you again, Yifan." That's it? That's all he says after not having seen one another for years? Yifan can't deny the subtle feeling of disappointment deep in his gut. In a split second, he's on his feet, his insides screaming at him to hold on, to keep Junmyeon there a bit longer. To ask him to stay, even if just a few more seconds.

But "Yeah...it was" is all he can manage, and he watches in silence as Junmyeon heads out the cafe doors, taking all of Yifan's hopes of reconciliation with him. 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

It's about the 8th time Junmyeon reads the same line at the beginning of the page, but still makes no sense of the words. His body is in his hotel room, sitting on the comfortable bed, with one of his favorite books in his hands. His mind is elsewhere entirely. 

"That's easy. You"

Yifan's response from earlier today continues to replay in his mind like a damaged CD, and Junmyeon can feel the heat in his cheeks rise every time it does. Why...why of all people did he have to run into him here? Why, out of all the hotels in London, did he have to be staying at this one precisely? After Yifan left, Junmyeon was a mess to say the least. He put on his best face and strong leader act for the rest of the members and fans, but inside he was in pieces. Not only from the fact that Yifan had left...but also because Junmyeon knew he hadn't done nearly enough to stop him. He should have screamed, cried, begged for him to stay, but he didn't. He didn't say a word, only stood there in silence while his best friend and the one person that understood him the most said his goodbyes and walked out the door. His confession had rendered Junmyeon speechless, to the point where words no longer made sense. It wasn't until Yifan was gone and not answering his texts or phone calls that Junmyeon realized he felt the same way about him  He was one hundred percent sure of it then, but at that point it was too little too late. Three years later and he had finally moved on. No...he had finally convinced himself that he should move on, finding it useless to chase after a man he'd never be seeing again. Little did he imagine said man would come strolling into his life today as if nothing had happened, opening up old wounds as if they were brand new. If he thinks Junmyeon is going to be giving him trust and forgiveness that easily, he is sorely mistaken.

An exhausted sigh leaves his lips as he gets to his feet, tossing the book onto the empty bedside table with a thud. He's been reading for about thirty minutes now and barely managed to get past the first page. This was supposed to be his time to relax, to unwind before having to go back to working nonstop. Clearly, the universe has different plans in mind which Junmyeon is not in agreement with. 

Maybe a shower will help, he decides, and begins to undress, almost missing the soft knock at the door. Thinking maybe it's his imagination, he waits, but quickly heads to open it when it comes again. This time a little louder, followed by a "Junmyeon, you in there?" His manager had promised not to bother him for the rest of the day after Junmyeon assured him he wouldn't be leaving the room. Clearly the promise was forgotten and relaxation was not something he was going to be getting today. 

"I'm going out to get something to eat, and take care of some paper work. Do you want anything?" Junmyeon's tired eyes search the man's features before letting out a soft sigh. 

"No thank you, I'm fine. If I get hungry I'll call you" he assures him for the tenth time that day. The man nods and heads off to work. Junmyeon waits until he's left to close the door, ready for that hot shower, but not even a minute later manager's back and knocking on the door just like before. Grunting in mild annoyance, Junmyeon walks back out of the bathroom, not bothering to pull his shirt back on this time. "Hyung, I told you I-" 

A sharp cold breeze squeezes in through the cracked open door as Junmyeon stares in silence at the tall Chinese man in front of him, speechless once again. "I was wondering...if we could talk." No, Junmyeon, this is a bad idea! He needs to leave.

"Sure.." stepping aside to let him in, his brain slowly catches up to his tongue, and immediately regrets it. Junmyeon knows all too well that he won't be able to keep his composure for much longer when the man he's trying to avoid is merely feet away from him. Sooner or later, he's going to cave. His bet is on sooner, rather than later. 

The door is closed and Yifan takes a seat at the foot of the bed. He's avoiding eye contact, Junmyeon is too. Maybe that's best for the both of them. It certainly makes it easier on Junmyeon. Suddenly very aware of his bare top half, he grabs the nearest t-shirt and pulls it on, slowly making his way to lean on the television set in front of his unexpected guest. 

Silence...again. That seems to be the only thing between them now. 

"What happened?" 

Yifan immediately lifts his head in response as Junmyeon moves closer, his finger pointing at a small scratch on the man's forehead. After tapping his hand on the wound and staring in confusion at the small dot of blood on the tip of his finger, Yifan shrugs lazily. 

"Don't know...hadn't even noticed" he mutters, wondering if it might have been his jacket sleeve scratching against his skin when he frustratingly rubbed his face on it earlier. In the blink of an eye, Junmyeon has disappeared and then just as quickly appears again with a small white box in his hands. 

"First aid kit" the smaller man explains, and Yifan can't contain the smile. It's comforting to know that even after so much time, Junmyeon has not changed a bit. That will make things a little easier for him.

"Of course you would have one with you" he teases just like he used to before, when Junmyeon seemed to have every remedy possible for whatever health problem any of the members had. The man doesn't say anything in response, but the miniature smile is more than enough for Yifan. At least for now. 

"Sit still" Yifan does as he's told and sits in silence while Junmyeon does what he's always been good at; taking care of him. There's a sharp sting from whatever Junmyeon is using to heal the cut, but it's quickly replaced with a small bandaid. "All done." Junmyeon announces, but doesn't move. It takes Yifan several seconds to realize it's because of him.

Somewhere along the way, his hands gravitated towards Junmyeon's belt straps and latched on, not in the least bit willing to let go. Driven by pure momentum, Yifan leans forward, gently resting his forehead against Junmyeon's rock hard stomach. Neither of them move, speak or even breath for that matter, for several long seconds, until Yifan feels a pair of warm hands being gently placed on top of his head. The warm feeling travels throughout his body and his breath catches in the back of his throat as he struggles to keep his cool, but Junmyeon's sweet scent is making it almost impossible. His desire to have Junmyeon in his arms is just as, if not stronger than before, and his insides burn with the need to ask what he's been wondering since the moment he left. 

"Have you missed me at all...?"

Junmyeon's body tenses immediately, and then shakes as if from laughter, but it's scarse tears that Yifan catches when he finally looks up. 

"What kind of question is that..." Junmyeon mumbles, his voice skipping a few times in an attempt to hold back. Once again, Yifan feels like a terrible human being for making such an amazing person cry for possibly the hundredth time now. It's the only thing he seems to be good at when it comes to Junmyeon. "Of course- I've missed you, ! You have no idea how-" his quiet sobs cut off his words. In an instant, Yifan is on his feet, his long arms wrapped tightly around the smaller man who fits perfectly into his embrace. They stand in silence for a moment. Yifan carefully tucks Junmyeon's head under his chin while he rubs small, comforting circles on his back, allowing him to cry and argue as much as he needs to. Despite the circumstances, Yifan wouldn't change this moment for anything in the world. Not if it means having to let go of Junmyeon again. He's more than willing to take all of the profanities and complaints being thrown his way, as long as he can stay here with him.

"You selfish bastard!"

"I know...

"I really needed you there..."

"I know..."

"We- we could have w-worked it out-!"

"I know...I'm sorry..." he mutters, because at this point that is all he can offer. He knows it's not enough, but it's all he's got. He's never been that good with words anyway. After another long silence, Junmyeon's tears die down to soft sniffles. Eventually those die down as well and Yifan is left holding him out of pure fear, afraid that if he lets go, Junmyeon will vanish. Slowly and unwillingly, the two pull apart and Yifan's hand raises to wipe off one of Junmyeon's tears, just like before. "I uh..." go on Yifan, swallow your stupid cool guy pride and say it. "I've missed you Junmyeon...a lot..." Junmyeon covers his lips with the back of his hand, refusing to make eye contact, giving Yifan the opportunity to continue. "I know...I didn't handle things the way I should have...I know that now, and believe me that not one day goes by without me feeling guilty about it." Looking down at the man in front of him, he seems so small, so fragile, so pure and genuine. Yifan finds himself wondering just how he had the courage to leave him in the first place. He's silent, his eyes shut tightly, and Yifan doesn't know if he's attentively listening or trying to drown out the excuses. "I'm sorry Junmyeon...I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I made things so hard on you, I'm sorry I didn't think things through better. I'm just...really, really, really sorry." 

Again, no response. only a small breath to signal that he is still alive. Yifan takes that as his cue to leave, realizing now that his hope of fixing things between them is probably wishful thinking. Deciding it's best not to push him any more, he turns to make a straight line for the door, almost flinching in surprise when a hand quickly stops him. Junmyeon is now holding tightly onto his shirt sleeve, refusing to let go. His lips don't move, but his gaze is back on Yifan's face and his slightly swollen eyes say it all. There's no hesitation this time, like there was in the cafe earlier in the day. In an instant, Yifan is facing him again, and he just can't let the opportunity pass him by. Not this time. Not when he's almost certain he won't get another. With both hands on Junmyeon's hips, he takes a step forward, pinning the smaller man between himself and the nearby wall. Junmyeon looks terrified, like a deer being pounced on by a lion, but makes no attempt at pushing him away. That gives Yifan the green light he's been waiting for all this time. He slowly leans down, eyes fixed on Junmyeon's soft, pink lips, until they meet his own. They say the more you think about and anticipate something, the less exciting it becomes once it finally happens. Well, Yifan can say with certainty that this is not one of those cases. 

The kiss ends just as quickly as it began, leaving Yifan itching for more of Junmyeon, because that is nowhere near enough. But patience is a virtue... or something like that. 

"So...what do you say?...Am I forgiven?" 

Junmyeon swallows the nervous lump in his throat, taking in a deep breath for moral strength before locking eyes with the taller man who seems to be growing more and more by the second. He almost has to strain his neck to look up at him. "I'll think about it..." he says, refusing to give in. Not here, not yet. The damage has been done, and it's going to take a lot more than a couple of hours and a two second kiss to fix it. 

"Well then..." Yifan almost whispers, tracing Junmyeon's jawline with one finger. "why don't you come spend the night in my hotel room and think about it there?" Junmyeon's sudden spluttering of nonsense and ruby red cheeks pulls a genuine chuckle out of Yifan, from the deepest, most genuine part of him. There's the Junmyeon he remembers. He may look more like a man now, but he's still the same innocent boy deep down inside. "Calm down, I only meant to talk and catch up." he quickly adds, earning a glare from the younger. Of course that's not the only reason for the sudden invitation. Yifan knows he's got a lot of work left to do if he wants Junmyeon's forgiveness, and only a limited amount of time to do it. Yifan is determined, and after today, no amount of Junmyeon's protesting or pushing him away will change that. 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

This is crazy...what are you thinking?

Junmyeon tries to talk some sense into himself as he plans his escape out of his hotel room, but nothing is working. The more he thinks about it, the more he wants this to work. 

"Yeah, I'll probably sleep in tomorrow so don't bother waking me up for breakfast, i'll just get lunch after." he calmly explains to his manager as he ushers the man towards the door.

liar...

"You get some good rest too, hyung"

"Yeah, yeah, I will" the man responds as he steps out into the hallway. "if you need anything, you know what to do" he adds, holding up his cell phone. Junmyeon nods eagerly, adding in a thumbs up and watches as the man disappears down the hallway. Frozen at the doorway, his common sense suddenly returns, yelling at him to not go. 

Don't do it Junmyeon...you'll regret it

He knows all too well that his common sense is right, but as strong as it may be, his heart is much stronger. Picking up his cell phone, wallet and book, he quickly makes a run for it, making it to the elevator in just a few seconds.

"Room 402...I'll be waiting"

Junmyeon nervously runs a hand through his untamed hair as he waits for the door to the hotel room to open, still reprimanding himself for having come in the first place. It's quiet inside. Too quiet. Nothing can be heard except the sound of the heater turning on. It must be cold outside, he notes. Thankfully he's got the entire next day off, which he planned on spending with a certain someone. If he decides to open his door, that is. Another knock, but still no answer, even after waiting for what feels like an eternity. With an overwhelming feeling of disappointment and a little bit of anger, mostly towards himself, he turns and heads off in the same direction he came from. Yifan is clearly not planning on opening his door.

I told you...

A lump forms in  as he stands inside the empty elevator, waiting for the doors to close, ready to burst out in tears the moment he reaches his room. He's angry and frustrated with Yifan, but he should be upset with himself instead for being so naive. Junmyeon watches in painful silence as the elevator doors shut, feeling a heavy pressure build in his chest. He's expecting the contraption to begin moving, but it's not until several seconds after it doesn't that he realizes it's because a pair of large hands are prying the door apart. The look of relief on Yifan's face when they do open mimics his own, and he quickly swallows back the heavy knot, along with the urge to leap intot he man's arms. 

"S-sorry- I was- in the shower" the Chinese man attempts to speak, but is clearly too out of breath to say anything else. Reaching inside, he takes Junmyeon's hand and pulls him back out into the hallway before the doors can close again. Yifan is huffing and puffing as if he's just finished a marathon, and just now is when Junmyeon notices his dark hair dripping with water, clearly fresh out of the shower.

"Did you...run all the way here?" Junmyeon asks noting his shortness of breath, slightly astonished at the distance from the elevator to Yifan's hotel room, and the fact that he didn't hear him coming after him. 

"Y-yeah- I saw you- walking into-" he says in between huffs, pointing to the elevator behind them to finish his sentence.  Junmyeon watches silently as the man leans forward, palms down on his knees, to take a breath. As he watches the small drops of water fall onto the luxurious hotel carpet, Junmyeon feels his lips slowly form into a smile as relief continues to wash over him.

"I thought you weren't in your room" he finally responds as Yifan straightens himself up and immediately takes his hand, not bothering to respond. Before he can register what's happening, Junmyeon is being dragged back in the direction of and inside Yifan's hotel room. It's a bit messy, but nowhere near as messy as his own. 

"I thought you weren't going to come after all" Yifan almost mutters after closing the door, his hands tangled in his soaking wet hair. 

"I was making sure my manager wouldn't go looking for me" Yifan nods pointedly, takiing in the lingering silence. Junmyoen studies the hotel room carefully. It's exactly like his own, which reminds him of something he probably should have asked earlier but was too preocupied with his own feelings to do so. "How did you figure out what room I was staying in by the way?" a mischevious smirk forms on Yifan's features as he faces Junmyeon again. 

"A little bit of flirting goes a long way" Junmyeon automatically frowns, annoyed by the sudden pang of jealosy at the thought of Yifan flirting with the hotel receptionist, even if it was in an effort to find him. Feelings can be so irrational, and Yifan doesn't fail to notice. "Junmyeon...I need to know..." 

"what?" the question comes after a few seconds of hesitation.

Yifan doesn't respond just yet, but takes a few slow steps forward to close the distance between them, his eyes fully focused on his prey. Junmyeon's nerves immediately misbehave and his cheeks slowly morph into a vibratn red before Yifan can even do a thing. The taller man notices, made evident by the cheeky smirk, and of course he doesn't let it slide. 

"Well, I was going to ask how you felt about me..." his face moves closer, close enough for Junmyeon to feel the heat from the shower earlier radiating off of his skin, and an arm slowly snakes around his waist before their bodies collide with a soft thud. "i think I already know the answer." the smirk deepens, telling Junmyeon that it's not a simple bluff. It's his own fault for being so damn seethrough. But maybe that's a good thing. It saves him the embarrassment and struggle of having to say it himself. "Still..." Yifan continues, his free hand gently tilting Junmyeon's chin up to make eye contact. "I want to hear it from you." so much for that plan.

"I-I don't think that's necessary..." Junmyeon mutters, suddenly painfully aware of the way his body is pressed against Yifan's and the fact that their faces are just barely a couple of inches apart. His gaze falls on his own hands resting on Yifan's chest, because he has no idea what else to do with them, or where else to look. 

"What? That's hardly fair. I told you how I felt didn't I..." 

Junmyeon can't argue with that. Yifan had been brave enough to tell him, even under such a stressful situation and without even knowing how he would react. He's always been the braver of the two, meanwhile Junmyeon is the biggest coward. Why Yifan loves a coward like him we will never understand. 

come on Junmyeon, it's been three years...it's about time you man up.

Giving up after not getting a response, Yifan loosens his grip, wondering if he's possible being too pushy. But Junmyeon immediately clutches onto his shirt, signaling him not to go. Determined to say what needs to be said, he fills his lungs with air before lifting his head. Yifan is gazing down at him expectantly; there's no backing out now. For a split second, he wonders if Yifan can hear his heart pounding against his chest as loudly as he can hear it in his own ears. Determined to be brave for once, Junmyeon slowly lifts onto the tip of his toes before placing a kiss on Yifan's lips, lingering enough to prove his point. 

"I-loffum-"

"Come again?"

With a soft sigh, Junmyeon forces himself to look Yifan in the eyes, Yifan is amused, clearly enjoying watching him struggle. After clearing  and a strong attempt to ignore the burning sensation in his cheeks, he repeats. "I said...I love you..." well it's taken three years, but it's finally been said. 

Yifan is radiating with happiness, feeling like a big step towards forguveness was just made, but still tries hard to maintain his cool. "That's what I thought." Responding with a pout, Junmyeon squirms a bit in his grasp, feeling the emberassment quickly kicking in. Yifan immediately takes advantage, readjusting his arms so Junmyeon's has nowhere to go. "You can't just kiss me and tell me something like that and expect me to let you go so easily" the taller man almost purrs, his hand trailing a slow path up the back of Junmyeon's t-shirt. The ladder is glowing with emberassment, but makes no attempt at protesting. Who's he going to kid? He's already given in, and Yifan knows it. 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Junmyeon can feel his eyelids beginning to open, but his body is exhausted, as is his mind. Refusing to wake up, he rolls over onto his side, searching for the warmth that should be there. Much to his dismay, all he finds is a cold mattress. The eyes he refused to open before are now wide and frantic, searching the bed for a body that should have been there, but theres nothing except empty sheets. He searches his own body thoroughly, still feeling Yifan's touch all over, but there's no proof of his hands ever being there. Sitting up in a panic, he finds himself back in his hotel room, the sunlight light seeping through the window almost blinding him. just barely managing to see the clock he frowns. 8:24 in the morning. Too early for him to have gone anywhere, so why isn't he here?

"Yifan?" Junmyeon's voice is weak and hoarse from having just woken up, but still loud enough to be heard. He waits a bit, expecting the other to respond from the bathroom, and his heartbeat steadily increasing when he doesn't get a response.

"Yifan!" he repeats, a bit louder this time, while his hands clutch onto the white sheets. But just as before, there's no response, not even a sign that he's anywhere in the room. The lump in grows thicker and harder to swallow. He can feel his entire body loosing strength as reality slowly sets in. 

This can't be it...It all felt so real, so raw...it couldn't have been just a dream. He can feel his eyes growing moist, but he refuses to cry. It wasn't a dream, he refuses to think so. He manages to convince himself for a few seconds as he pushes himself off of the bed, thinking maybe Yifan just can't hear him from inside the bathroom, but the moment his bare feet touch the ground, it feels like someone's suddenly punched him in the gut. He's undoubtedly in his own room right now, that much he's sure of. The book he had been reading the day before is placed on the nightstand, right next to his wallet and cell phoen where he had left it. A heart shattering pain takes over him now as he slowly sits back down on the edge of the bed, the tears quietly making their way down his cheeks. Of course it was a dream, how stupid could he be? Yifan is never coming back.

The tears continue to fall as he burries his wet face in his hands, becoming deaf and blind to everything around him. 

"Junmyeon, what's wrong? What happened?" 

As if things weren't bad enough, now he's got to come up with an excuse to give the manager. There's a hand placed on his shoulder, but he instinctively shrinks away, not wanting to face reality just yet. He's not in the mood to talk, or explain, he just wants to lay in bed all day and sleep. If he's asleep he doesn't have to think about facing the harsh truth. Blind from heartbreak, Junmyeon almost yells at his manager to get out of the room. There's only one thing that stops him from doing so. He finds himself wondering just how the man got in the room in the first place when he didn't even have a key. 

"Junmyeon... hey, talk to me" suddenly, the manager doesn't sound like the manager anymore, but the voice is just as recognizable. Jerking his head up, still half expecting his manager to be standing there, staring back at him in confusion, he comes face to face with Yifan who's now down on his knees, staring at him heavy with concern. He asks again, rasing a hand to his wet cheek. Just barely managing to suppress the yelp of relief, Junmyeon immediately throws both arms around Yifan's neck, holding on for dear life, afraid that this too might be a dream. Yifan doesn't ask again, either because he's waiting for Junmyeon to tell him on his own or because he has already figured out the problem. He only returns the hug in silence.

"I called you...I thought you left"

"I'm sorry, it's really hard to hear from inside the bathroom"

Yifan doesn't have to ask again, he can only imagine what went through Junmyeon's mind when he woke up and didn't find him lying beside him. He may be working towards forgiveness, but Junmyeon's trust in him is still weak, and Yifan doesn't blame him for a second. Slowly backing away from the embrace, he gets to his feet before crawling back under the covers. His arms are hanging ooen, waiting for Junmyeon to make himself at home in them. After quickly rubbing his eyes clear of tears, Junmyeon does just that, resting his head against Yifan's wide chest. As he glances around the room now, he notices an unfamiliar suitcase and clothes hanging around, and immediately feels like an imbecile for not having noticed them before. Yifan remains quiet, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. It's only after a minute of silence that he decides to speak.

"Junmi..."

"Mmm?"

"Tell me one of your dad jokes" Junmyeon tilts his head up, a cocked eyebrow expressing his confusion, but Yifan only smiles. "I know you have some."

"Of course I do, but why do you want to hear one? You never thought they were funny"

"Just...for old time's sake"

Truth of the matter is, Yifan misses everything about Junmyeon. His eyes, his smile, his laugh, his sweet voice...even his dumb dad jokes. He's missed a lot in the past three years, which means he's also got a lot to catch up on, if Junmyeon will allow it.

"Okay" Junmyeon answers after some serious thought, searching his mental arsenal for a joke Yifan has not heard before. "Why do chicken coops only have two doors?"

Yifan is already smiling, the familiar feeling of home warming it's way into his heart, but woks hard to supress it. "I don't know...why?"

"Because if they had four doors they would be chicken sedans"

Yifan tries his hardest to keep his deadpan stare in place while Junmyeon all but folds over in laughter. "That's terrible" but he can feel himself smiling, not so much because of the joke because he really wasn't lying when he said it's terrible, but just the sound of Junmyeon's laughter echoing throughout the room is enough to make his heart flutter.

"Isn't that what you wanted" the man protests, cheeks slightly puffed out like an elementary school boy. Yifan chuckles, taking in the adorable scene.

"It is" he says with a nod. "So..." he carefully laces their fingers together, noting how much bigger his hand is compared to Junmyeon's.  "Am I forgiven yet...?" There's a short pause during which Yifan almost expects Junmyeon to get up and walk away. In the back on his mind he knows he's got a lot more work to do before he gets there, but Junmyeon's response gives him the only push he needs. 

"Almost"

After blaming himself and feeling immensely guilty for such a long time, Yifan can finally feel like he's at peace. He may not be completely forgiven just yet, and Junmyeon's trust in him is most likely still weary, but it's a start. Leaning over just a couple of inches, he places a gentle kiss on Junmyeon's forehead, just like he'd done back then, only this time it's different. This time he's not walking away.

"I will take that"

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm thinking of doing other parts to this specific plot or maybe doing different aus entirely (like domestic krisho for example). Don't be shy and let me know what you, as a reader would prefer. I'm certainly willing to do both ♡