I wish I didn’t exist.

I want to be anyone but be me, anywhere but here, right now.

Everything has been so hard lately. I can hardly find the strength to string these words together.

And I know this isn’t your fault. I never want to make you feel like it is.

Changing is never something you should blame yourself for.

In order to live, you need to change, you need to grow. And I’m glad to see you’re growing.

Even if that means it’s happening without me.

I can’t help but think of how easy this is for you.

I know that might not even be the case, but you do so well at making it seem that way, so I believe it.

And I hope you believe it too.

I don’t want this to be hard for you. Even if it seems like I’m the one taking on all the difficulties, let me carry them on my own.

I hope you grow to become someone you’re proud of.

I hope you find the person who grows right beside you, grows with you.

And I hope you can go through those changes together, live together, exist together.

I wish I didn’t exist.

That way neither of us would know what the other felt like.

And neither of us would know this exact separation.

I wish I didn’t exist so that you could have just been Kyungsoo.

In a world without ever knowing a Jongin.

But because I do exist, and because we’ve shot across each other’s skies time and time again, we’ve left traces behind.

I want to collect those traces here.

Things I’ve always had on the tip on my tongue, but never let out.

Stardust that has drifted down from the heavens, but has never touched the ground, never made it to you.

I’ll clean it all up for you now, so that we can both see a clear end without it shining in our eyes, keeping us from moving forward.

These are the last traces of our shooting stars.

The next time your sky lights up, I won’t be the one painting the clouds.

And that’s okay.

I promise, that’s okay.