TW // Trigger warning: mentioned suicide and depression. If you're not comfortable with such topics, please don’t read it.

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“What would you say, if I said that I want to jump off this rooftop?” Chaeyeon said, so softly and Heehyun barely heard her if they didn’t sit so close side by side. 

Heehyun looked at the face next to her. The tired face, empty gaze, and quiet voice of Chaeyeon aren’t something new for her, but it doesn’t mean seeing them didn’t make her sad.

Heehyun understands, though. Too many repeatedly happened and exhausting them physically and mentally, when the darkness killing them from the inside, when everything was too much and they just too tired, the only peace they found was only when they’re at this rooftop of Yebin’s apartment building, after hours of talking and playing with the girls, some beer cans accompanied them. When everyone else went to crash over at Yebin’s room, Chaeyeon and Heehyun stayed at the rooftop, just the two of them. 

Heehyun looked up to the night sky, wondering what to say. 

“Should I jump with you?” she finally said after a while. 

“Why?” 

“Because if you jump now, the police will arrest me, thinking I’m the one who pushes you off,” Heehyun explained. “And I don’t think life in prison would be fun.”

Her life has never been fun, and she can’t imagine her life without Chaeyeon. The younger girl is the only reason that keeps Heehyun sane, along with the girls on their small circle of friends. 

But Chaeyeon is the only one who understands her, the only one she let to know, just like how Heehyun understands Chaeyeon. 

Chaeyeon let out a chuckle at her answer, and Heehyun felt nice for at least making her happy even for a second. 

“Honestly, I don’t really like the thought of you jump with me, Unnie, but I appreciate it,” Chaeyeon said. She rested her head on Heehyun’s shoulder, enjoying the warmth from the older girl. 

Heehyun rested her head on Chaeyeon’s, arm on her waist, keeping Chaeyeon close to her while her other hand played with Chaeyeon’s fingers on her lap. 

“I don’t like the thought of you being alone,” she said. Chaeyeon’s hair smelled like strawberry. Heehyun always dislikes the fruit, but Chaeyeon loves it and Heehyun just has to make an exception. It’s not really hard if it’s about Chaeyeon, or for Chaeyeon. “And I don’t like the thought of living without you.”

As foolish as it may sounds, Heehyun would go anywhere to be with Chaeyeon, even if the girl opposed it.

And Chaeyeon understands because she would do the same thing for Heehyun.

They stared at the night view of the city in front of them in silence. This is not the first time they see it, but it’s still so pretty. Sometimes Heehyun thought about making this view as the last thing she saw before she died. 

“The girls would hate me if they know that you jump because of me,” Chaeyeon said quietly.

Heehyun thought about it, wondering how their friends would react. Would they cry for them? Would they be mad? Would they miss them? 

“I don’t think anyone could hate you, Chae,” Heehyun said after a while. “But I do think Jueun probably gonna try to find a way, maybe through shaman or something, so that she could curse at my spirit for being stupid and all, while Yebin would be devastated and traumatized if both of us found dead after jumped off the rooftop of her apartment building. Should we find another place to jump?”

Chaeyeon laughed, a bit louder now and her body was shaking. Heehyun held her shoulder to make sure they didn’t slip off the rooftop accidentally. If they really gonna do it, it better be when they are ready for it. 

“Somyi will be graduating soon. She’s not gonna forgive us if we missed it.”

“Right,” Heehyun chuckled. Jenny would go searching for any black magic that could revive them back to life only to murder them again for missing Somyi’s graduation. She snorted at her imagination. “So, maybe... We’re not going to do it tonight?”

Talking about dying isn’t supposed to be so casual, but she just couldn’t help it.

“Maybe not. I helped Somyi with her last exam, I deserve to see her graduate,” Chaeyeon replied, her lips formed a smile imagining they celebrate for the youngest. 

But imagining a happy time to spend with their friends is still so hard for her. Sometimes, Chaeyeon thought that she didn’t deserve it, no matter how much they told her the opposite. 

Her eyes looked down to the ground below. Honestly, it’s so easy, she thought, just jump and everything will be done. Right? There is no way they could survive from the height of 10 floors apartment?

Heehyun’s voice brought her back to reality. 

“Eunice unnie once told me, that I should only focus on my dream.”

“She told me that too,” Chaeyeon said. “Did it help you?”

“Sometimes, yes. I think it was the reason why I managed to graduate,” Heehyun admitted. “The other times, she would make sure that I would be so busy making songs for the band.”

Chaeyeon nodded. “Yebin and Eunchae always find an audition for me and making sure I’d go and try.”

“We believe you would make it, Chae, to be an actress.”

“Yeah, the same way that I believe your band will be hit big one day, Unnie.”

“Dream,” Heehyun let out a sigh. “Dreaming is nice, isn’t it?” 

Eunice told her to focus on her dream, but sometimes, when Heehyun was too tired, was in so much pain, how could she do it? Remembering her dream when she couldn’t even breathe properly? No matter how hard she tried to hold back, it only worsened. 

Only Chaeyeon would come and hug her through the night, just like how she did the same thing for her. Only the two of them, because they don’t have the heart to tell the others. 

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you, Chae.”

“That’s why we want to die together, don’t we?” 

Heehyun smiled at her. She doesn’t know whether to be happy or sad about it. 

“Promise me you’ll tell me if you want to die, Unnie. I’m not letting you die first without me.”

Heehyun nodded again. She held Chaeyeon’s shoulder a bit tighter. Hoping the best for the two of them, whatever it might be.