/TEN YEARS EARLIER/

« - Hyungwon ! »

I turned around, hearing Mia’s voice. She was my best friend and I could always guess her feelings by hearing her voice. Right now, I could hear that she was sad, no, devastated, and I had no idea why.

It had been four years since our first encounter, and we hadn’t separated since. Our parents were always joking about us marrying in the future and having kids, which always made my heart flutter, but it never seemed to bother Mia, because she’d laugh it off every time. She was that kind of person, always confident, and nothing could ever break her smile. I admired her a lot, and that was kind of the reason we worked so well as friends – I was always here to follow her crazy ideas and I’d never contradict her. I’d always be the quiet one, while she was chatty – I was the shy little boy, she was the friendly little girl.

We were so different, yet we worked so well. She stood up for me everytime one of our classmates would mock me or call me names, telling me that they were only jealous of my good grades for example, so that was the reason they would call me a nerd. I never believed her.

She always called me by my full name, never by a nickname or a petname. I think she just knew that I didn’t like being called something else that my name, since everyone at school at already called me every name possible. I never thought about it twice back then, but now, I just feel grateful. She always seemed to know what triggered me, or my anxiety.

She was my shield, and that day, I lost her.

“- Hyungwon ! she screamed again, tears menacing to fall on her beautiful rosy cheeks.

- What’s going on ?”

I was confused, but at the same time, inside of me, I knew. My anxiety had always told me that one day she would go away. She would get tired of me, or she’d find more interesting friends – but in my imagination, we’d never end up married with three dogs and two adorable daughters. We would never be in contact. I was alone, while she was surrounded by people. She was my world, I was her weight dragging her to the ground. But never, would I have thought that our separation would be someone else’s fault.

“- I’m going away, she screamed again, still running to me in despair. She finally arrived, jumped in my arms, and I waited a few seconds to let her calm down a bit.

- What do you mean ?

- My father found a job in the UK, so my mom, my brother and I are moving with him, but I don’t want to, I want to be with you, how could they do that to me, I hate them, I’ll never find someone like you there, maybe I could ask your parents to let me move in with you, but I’d miss my family too much, and I don’t know what to do, please help me, I don’t want to go away from you…”

She finally breathed in after her tirade, giving me a chance to absorb whatever she was saying. Her ? to the UK ? But she couldn’t speak English ! We were only about to turn eleven. We had all those plans, those secrets, we had each other. How could they do that to us ? It was unfair. They didn’t have the right to take us away from each other.

But they had. They were the grown-ups, they could do whatever they pleased without ever thinking about us. And we had to follow them like two little puppies. I hated that. I hated how powerless I was, seeing my best friend and the only one I wanted in my life, crying her heart out, her face buried in my now tears-soaked neck.

“- We’ll find a way, I murmured into her ear as I scrubbed her back trying to reassure her. We’ll send each other letters. We’ll get cellphones. I’ll beg my parents to buy me one, okay ? You do the same with yours. I’m sure it’ll work. It’s us. They can’t break us apart.

- They can. They’re already doing it.

- We’ll see each other in a few years, I’m sure of that. It’s only a few years. You’ll come back here for university, or I’ll try to find some job or study course in the UK. We’ll work this out. I promise.

- Promise ?

- Only death could make me break this promise.”

She stayed in my arms for a few more minutes, and when she broke our embrace, she had a faint blush on her cheeks. She was wearing a small and sad smile, and her eyes were red, but she wasn’t crying anymore. I let out a sigh in relief.

She kissed my cheek, making my heart flutter, and went back into my arms.

When she went home that night, leaving me alone in my big dark room, I felt a void taking place into my chest. I always felt like something was missing when she wasn’t around, but this time, it was different. Because I knew that she was eventually going to go away, and that I wouldn’t be able to see her for a long time.

She was my reason to get up every morning. I couldn’t imagine myself without her. It was always Hyungwon and Mia, Mia and Hyungwon. Not just Hyungwon.

And that scared me.

Because I wouldn’t be able to hide myself behind her confidence anymore. I wouldn’t have her defending me, and that meant I had to find a way to defend myself. But I was too weak. I knew myself, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it properly. I always messed everything up, and this time wouldn’t be different. I was sure of that.

I was young, but thanks to her, I knew what love meant. How I felt with her was indescribable. I felt like I was important. Maybe I was depending too much on her. Maybe it would be good for us to stay apart for a bit.

But at that point, it felt like the end of the world. I couldn’t stop thinking about her leaving. I didn’t get much sleep that night.

When our final day together arrived, we were both too anxious and sad to act properly. Our brains seemed turned off. I didn’t even want to get out of bed to say goodbye, it was too painful. I didn’t believe in my promise. I knew that there was a big chance we would never see each other again. It was what happened in most cases. But we were us. So I held tight to the slight hope I was still feeling, and got out of my house, walking towards the moving truck parked in front of their home. Well, it was no longer their home, but still. It still felt like it.

I glanced at Mia, sitting on the side of the road, hugging her childhood plush toy close to her heart. She had her face buried into the bear, so I couldn’t see her expression, but I still could imagine it. I knew she was on the verge of tears. I promised to myself I wouldn’t cry in front of her. I was the one who had to be strong this time, and I couldn’t miss my chance to make her feel a bit better.

“- Mia ? I called softly, to not scare her.

- Hi, she smiled slightly, her eyes puffy and red.

- Don’t forget to send me letters, mh ?”

She nodded with a soft sigh, as I sat next to her on the pavement. She leaned her head on my shoulder, so I could feel her warmth. Our breathing synched up, and I slowly took her hand. We stayed like this for a long time, her crying silently, me rubbing my thumb over her hand to reassure her that I was still here.

Her dad called her name, announcing that they had to leave. She tensed up for a slight second before getting up, dusting her clothes off, and walking towards the car. I followed her silently, not knowing what to say.

“- I’ll miss you, she said in a cold tone, trying to keep herself together.

- Me too, I murmured, to keep my voice from breaking.

- You’ll find better people, I have faith in you.”

I tried to answer, taken aback by this sentence that should have been said by me instead of her, but she smiled sadly and pecked my lips with hers rapidly, jumping in the car and avoiding my eyes.

That was the last image of her that I remembered for almost ten years. Her profile, eyes closed, tears staining her cheeks, and her lips shaking as her older brother took her hand and squeezed it.

The red car drove away without looking back, taking my heart with it.

As I imagined, years passed by, and we grew apart. Not being together was bringing too much difference in our lives, and we eventually gave up trying. Either we didn’t have time to write a long letter, or we had too many things to tell the other, so we ended up saying nearly nothing.

Life went by. I met Hyunwoo, then Wonho, who I lost right after. I had lost the two persons I let myself give my heart to.

And now they were back, both holding a piece of my soul in their hands, and I didn’t know which hand I should hold.

_____________________________________

i guess i just had to feel depressed to finally write again

hi lmao i'm very sorry for my lack of updates and stuff, i have no excuse to give you, i'm just a lazy piece of who tried to get away from my writer's block by hanging out with friends so i didn't have to think about this chapter that was stressing me out

BUT I DID IT and i'm proud of myself i hope you liked it ! i quite like it ^^

also, surprise, i'm going to re-name my account so I will no longer be Ell-Akina but Eimi ^^

finally i just wanted to say that my future projects are : finishing this fanfic, re-write Wildest Dream (and possibly Polaroid Picture) nothing will change drastically but I think I'm going to try and write a bit more, like make it longer I don't know, I also want to turn this whole series into a "normal" book so I'll probably do that on my "normal" wattpad account, I have a Verkwan fanfic that have been on the back on my head FOR TOO LONG so I have to start this (but don't worry I'll finish PP first, it's my priority), throw some one-shots and imagines in this and you have my current projects ! i have a lot of lists and drafts i have to look into as well soooo idk what the future holds !

but i'm starting uni in like two days, i'll have quite a lot of free periods during the day but i get home very late (i have like 1+hour of train so when i finish at 7pm i get home at like 8:30) so i'll try and work on my classes during those periods, but i'm going to try my best to squeeze as much writing in this schedule as possible !! 

i am again very sorry for not posting for so long, you can beat me up virtually if you want i won't mind

OKAY BYE ILY IDK WHEN THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE OUT but you can follow me on twitter Eimi_nee if u want to know me better or chat idk OK BYE