The wind from the open car’s window, brushed Ryeowook’s face and tossed his hair around. His head rested on his arm that was on the car’s door. His eyes dully looked at the passed scenery. Siwon and him say nothing. Ryeowook didn’t wish to speak at all. His heart ache as he remembers each scene, each place and each word he shared with Changmin. He wished he asked the other for his number. But Ryeowook knew that it was more like a vacation adventure and what stayed in the inn will always be left there. That they can’t stay in touch after Ryeowook left the place. Even if he wished to. It was like a dream that eventually ended. Now, what was left is him, picking up what he left and start anew with Siwon.

He looked at his lover and wonder if he can really start anew with him. Siwon was a great man, but his heart aches painfully, when he thinks of them getting married. He unconsciously thinks of someone else fitting that place next to Ryeowook. It wasn’t Siwon, he wasn’t standing in that place.

Ryeowook wonder why he agreed to come back with Siwon. It was because of loneliness he felt? Because Siwon told him they were family and that he belong somewhere, there in that city, living with Siwon, and have that job? It was the answer. Ryeowook hated being alone. His own mind was foreign and cold to him. The world around him was unknown and unfamiliar. It was Siwon who told him that he have a place to stay, a shoulder to lean on. But all Ryeowook wished was to come back to that sea, reach the haven made from that solid chest and mismatched shining eyes. Touch these cold hands and warm cheeks. 

Yet, Ryeowook choose the easiest path. The path where he knew, he will stay safe. Not remembering his life made him scared of new. Made him fear, that if he take a risk, he will lose everything and be thrown into the dark abyss that was his lost memory. He feared to even touch that place.

“You ok?” Siwon asked once he saw Ryoewook’s frown brows. The other man shook his head, reassuring that he was. He couldn’t tell Siwon about what he was thinking, about what he tried to remember. It was unfair to think of another man and think of his fears, when the beautiful future with Siwon was ahead of him.

Ryeowook closed his eyes, trying to push every memory aside, trying to leave only the ones he remembers were with Siwon. It was when it hits him. The dull pain, that Ryeowook couldn’t even react to. After the pain, a quick little second scene came into his head. Two people, in the dim office room, embracing each other. Ryeowook couldn’t see their faces, but he could feel how his insides twisted and he wanted to throw up.

“Stop!” Ryeowook yelled and Siwon immediately done, after seeing that Ryeowook was about to throw up.

The shorter male, quickly opened the door and barely made it into the sidewalk, as he threw up everything he had in his stomach. The scene flashes before his eyes, but he can’t, no matter how much he tried, see who these people there.

“Are you sick?” Siwon asked as he handed the water bottle to Ryeowook. “Here.” He patted Ryeowook’s back, but the other man pushed his hand away.

“No, go away!” Ryeowook yelled, then threw up some more. Somehow feeling Siwon’s touch felt repulsive for Ryeowook now. He wanted to be away from him.

After few minutes, Ryeowook finally calmed down. He took the bottle from Siwon and even if their fingers brushed, he felt nothing. He was ok with Siwon’s touch once more.

He wondered why he reacted like that before.

“We will stay here for a while, until you don’t feel better.” Siwon said once they get into the car.

“No, we better drive. I want to reach home as soon as possible.” Ryeowook said. When he looked at the road before them, his eyes got itchy suddenly and tears showed up. Once Siwon started the car and began to drive once more, Ryeowook turned his head away from him. He hid two tears running down his cheeks. Tears that he remembers, he poured so much before his accident.

The road to home was nothing nice. Ryeowook had a headache and felt like throwing up all the time. They had to stop two more times, so Ryeowook can throw up and rest for a bit. He didn’t know what was going to with him. He felt like a herd of elephants run in his head. His vision was blurry as tears that refused to fell stay there. Siwon asked him how he was feeling, but Ryeowook couldn’t answer him. His mouth was tight shut, and voice pushed down the throat. Each time he tried to speak, he felt like throwing up.

Ryeowook felt he had a fever as well. Siwon’s touch on his cheeks, nape and forehead was cold and foreign. His back hurt him, but mostly head.

His head was blank and he don’t even remember when they reached his house or how he wore his pajama and get inside the bed. He only recalls Siwon’s concerned face before everything turn dark and he fell asleep.

Ryeowook dreamt that he was falling. Falling deep into the black sea. He hit the surface and the water swallowed him with ease. He was sinking down, lower into the darkness. He could see nothing and no one. He was alone. No one could help him. He tried to call for help, but once he opened his mouth only bubbles of air come out.

He thought he will die, there, in the depths of water, when the water suddenly lit up and the memories Ryeowook thought, he forgot slowly, like in the cinema screen, start to play one by one. He recalled his parents and their tragic death in the plane crash. How he grew up all alone, only to Siwon to pick him up and make him love him. How Siwon’s parents treat him like their son and soon he would become their son. Just when his memories reached the present days, Ryeowook only saw himself in tears, as he cried his heart out before his car hit the tree.

Ryeowook woke up drenched in sweat. His eyes and cheeks were wet from tears. At first he panicked that he once again was in the water, but when Siwon flicked the light on, Ryeowook  realized he woke up from a bad dream.

“I’m here.” Siwon came and hugged Ryeowook who didn’t hug him back.  Ryeowook’s hands lied lanky on his sides as he looked dully before himself. His head was aching, pounding in his skull. “Take this.” Siwon gently said and Ryeowook took the medicine the other gave him. He fell asleep in Siwon’s embrace, tucked by his lover, but Ryeowook felt nothing. His mind was dull from the medicine. Only one thing, only one image calmed his heart and he could finally get a good rest. The smile more radiant than the sun, the twinkles in mismatched eyes and the dark water around them that seems to glow.

Days passed and Ryeowook slowly get used to the life in the city. The city was rushing him, making him move and pick up the reminding of his, before the accident, self. He started to work again. Engrossed himself in papers and numbers. He would meet with people and he even went to dinner with his potential merge partners. He didn’t say Siwon about that meeting. Even if he was trusting Siwon that he would not use him, he couldn’t, trust Siwon’s parents. They apologized to Ryeowook, but he felt it wasn’t sincere. And so, because of this, he barely meets with them. Siwon would ask him to meet them, but Ryeowook would always find some excuse not to.

Ryeowook’s life was slowly coming back to normal, as if the accident never happens.  Yet, even if everyone would like to erase that traumatizing part in Ryeowook’s life, it happens. And because of that, Ryeowook still couldn’t remember part of his life.

After the first day of Ryeowook coming back to his apartment, almost all of his memories went back. They weren’t vivid like they should be. Some even were blurry and Ryeowook couldn’t recall if they were actually real or not. But what didn’t change was him not remembering the day of the accident.

Ryeowook stopped trying to force himself on knowing what happened. Even thought, something bugged him. Something deep inside him, couldn’t truly stop searching for that last piece of his past. He wanted to know what happened, but on the other hand dreaded it. He was sure it had to do something with Siwon. Every time the other man attempted to act more romantically, Ryeowook would stop him. They never kissed after that time on the beach. Ryeowook would always stop Siwon. Yet, it looked like the taller man didn’t mind not having skinship with Ryeowook. They were more like best friends now. Taking everything slowly, not speaking of their feelings for one another.

Ryeowook knew he didn’t love Siwon, but he chose to stay with him despite this. They were suppose to get married and spend the rest of their lives together. And Ryeowook even if his heart was left deep in the sea water, locked in mismatched eyes’s depths, he couldn’t leave Siwon.  Ryeowook owe Siwon a place where he belongs. If not thanks to Siwon, Ryeowook would still be alone. But was the price worth it? Was the price of being with someone despite no love was worth the feelings of loss and emptiness that Ryeowook felt? He had everything he could wish for, yet, Ryeowook felt that half of his being was missing. He couldn’t breath, as if he was drowning in the sea and there were no hand that would hold him.

“Everything ok?” One of Ryeowook’s employee asked as he passed the man. Ryeowook was standing before the closed door to Kyuhyun’s office. Something was off. He knew Kyuhyun was waiting for him there. But after he heard Siwon’s laugh his world stopped. Ryeowook could feel that the temperature around him get lower and he shivered, from what he thought was cold. His hands start shaking as the memories of standing at the exact same spot, but days ago, flashed before his eyes.

Ryeowook’s eyes got itchy as tears started to come out unconsciously. He didn’t know what was going on. Why his heart was beating so frantically and why he felt nauseous. He recalls that he was doing that before; standing before Kyuhyun’s  office door with his hand on the knob. But that time the office building was empty and the only light was coming from the small lamp in the office’s table, where Kyuhyun and…

The knob opens and the door squeaked, showing him the inside of the room. The picture before Ryeowook flashed, duplicate, like he was seeing two scenes at the same time: his past one and recent one.

In the dim light of the table lamp stood Kyuhyun and Siwon. Their hands were circled around each other’s bodies as their lips sealed together in the passionate and playful kiss.

Ryewoook felt like his heart stopped beating and for a second he stopped breathing. The tears in his eyes started to flow and his hands shook even more. He was frozen yet trembled from the view he sees. His lover and his most trusted employee were kissing together. His eyes couldn’t look away. His gaze landed at their roaming hands and moist from kissing lips. Hearing the door opened, they immediately pulled away, only to widen their eyes in horror when they realized it was Ryeowook who saw them.

At first, Ryeowook didn’t know what to say or how to react, he stumbled back, trying to choke back the tears that run down like crazy from his eyes. He felt like his heart was dried out from all the blood and so his body, as he got pale. He looked down, still shocked after what he saw.

“How could…” Ryeowook started speaking, but he couldn’t finish his sentence, not this dreadful one. These words were running down his head like crazy, and so the image of Kyuhyun and Siwon kissing swirled around.

“We didn’t want you to know about us like that.” Kyuhyun began as he held Siwon’s hand. Ryeowook felt like puking. He felt betrayed, but something deep inside him reminded him that he felt like that before. He recalled the day of his accident, and how he saw Siwon and Kyuhyun in the same place in similar liplock. But that time his heart was crushed and so his life. Now, he felt like he lost everything. His happiness was actually an illusion build at the top of the sand that the water washed away, destroying everything.  He thought he chose a good path, but it was a lie. He was devastated and heartbroken. His forgotten love towards Siwon come back in full force as he recalled how much Siwon meant to him. He now knew, why his mind thought it was better to forget Siwon and their love. He was protected from all the pain he was feeling now.

“I’m sorry…” Siwon began, but Ryeowook only shook his head, forcing his tears to stop falling as he looked up at Kyuhyun and Siwon.

“You wanted me to remember you, but all you gave me at the end was the pain. How could you wish and hoped for something like that if you ever loved me.”

“I didn’t wish you to remember the bad things we had. I wanted you to remember how happy we once were.”

“Once, but not anymore. We don’t love each other anymore. You broke my heart once, the day when I had that car accident. I now remember that day and us. I remember how that pain feels and even if I despite you both, I can’t wish for you both to feel how I feel. My heart is empty for any feeling towards you both. ” Ryeowook bites his lower lip, surpassing more venom words he wished to speak.

“We’re sorry.” Siwon and Kyuhyun said and Ryeowook could only shake his head:

“They are just empty words. It’s farewell.” Ryeowook said before he turn around and left the people who caused him these feelings. He wished to never see them, not because he still felt something towards Siwon, but because his past self, that small part that still mourns over him and Siwon; still aching, still lament over their parting. But Ryeowook knew it wasn’t the livelong attachment. It was meant to end. He knew he stayed with Siwon because he felt, he belonged somewhere. He mistook that feeling for love, for devotion. Up until now it has been just a strong attachment and delusional crush that resemble love. It wasn’t Siwon who would hold his hand so he will not drown, it never was his hand. Siwon never, from the beginning was his home. It was somewhere else, in the place hide by trees and where the sea breeze sings its song every day, as the water gently the sand. It was that strong warm hand in the deep cold water and crystal clear mismatched happy eyes.

A/N: WONKYU!!! don't kill me XD Last chapter will be last last one. Hope you guys liked that fic ^^