Byun Baekhyun, day eighty one 23:41

Jongdae had a fever this morning, a high one. It was almost like touching Chanyeol. We weren't sure how to help him, all of our methods included things we didn't have access to. I was scared, checking under his shirt revealed so many nasty bruises. We had to stop for the entire day to at least do something to help him.

In the middle of accommodating Jongdae, Yixing came up to me. It was unexpected, we were all half expecting him to not wake up, at least not fully. His hand slipping into mine came with a small shock and the small tug to get away from the rest of them was startling.

I’m not sure how far away we were, we could still see the rest of them but we couldn’t hear them which implied they wouldn’t hear us. I guess that’s what was Yixing was counting on when he brought me there. We sat there for some minutes. I gave up on watching him expectantly, assuming he had worked up enough energy to get me there to need his time recovering. When he did finally talk, I’m not sure what I was expecting. I wasn’t expecting what he said, that’s for sure.

“I’m scared, Baekhyun.” He said, voice so quiet I could barely hear.

“Of-of what?” Yixing answered with a shrug.

“Everything. This, being out in the open where They can bring me back. You know they won’t stop until they do. Bring us back that is.” At the way he left his words hanging I could tell he had to add something so I didn’t say anything. Just sat there watching our companions. “I’m ed up, Baekhyun. I screwed up, I screwed up everything.” It sounded like there was a lump in his throat that he was desperately trying to swallow down. My hand unconsciously found his back and started rubbing it lightly.

“You didn’t, Yixing, you couldn’t have. None of us could have and especially not you.” Yixing let out what sounded like a bitter laugh.

“Why especially not me? I’ve had to do things worse than I could’ve ever imagined.” His voice broke, a soft crack cutting him off from speaking more. I wasn’t sure how to respond, I couldn’t have known what they made him do inside that room. None of us could’ve. His next shaky breath seemed like preperation.

“You don’t–you don’t have to say anything.” I said, trying to keep Yixing from breaking apart in front of me. He shook his head, taking another steadying–but shaky–breath.

“I want to, I need to.” I only nodded, wanting to make sure that I wouldn’t interrupt him.

“What They made me do… it was terrible, Baekhyun. I wouldn’t want to relive that ever again for any reason.” I noticed tears welling up in his eyes and one spilling over. I resisted the urge to wipe it off, I didn’t think he’d want me to.

“You’re not your actions, Yixing. You’re definitely not the actions They made you perform.”

“Am I?” He whispered. His words, his voice, they brought me to tears. Only, unlike Yixing, I couldn’t let them spill. I needed to be strong, Yixing was pulling together his strength to tell me this.

“You definitely are.”

“How can you be so sure?” His question was punctuated with a sniffle. “They wanted me to ‘test the limit of my powers’, whatever that means.” Another break, more shaky breaths. “It started small. They brought wilting plants into the room and asked me to heal them. I didn’t understand at first but they were so beautiful, Baekhyun, and I wanted them to be as beautiful as they could be.” He finished with a sigh. “So, I did as they asked. I was happy, the plants were blooming and it was thanks to me. I didn’t even think about what they’d make me do once I got good enough.” Another pause. I could tell there would more before he finished. “They started bringing in injured animals, starting small with rats and hamsters and other rodents. Soon enough I was brought bigger animals until they… until they started bringing dead ones.” I think I gasped. Yixing’s tone was so weak, he sounded like he was in pain. He probably was. “I wanted them to be alive. I wanted them to be like the wilting plants. I wanted them to be beautiful.” He swallowed. “They weren’t. At first, I failed. Terribly. I didn’t want to do it once I realized. What’s dead should stay dead. It’s what nature wants, who are we to play God? Who are They to play God? But it was no use. If you resist, They force you to listen. They force you to comply. I just remember screaming, screaming until it felt like my vocal chords were being ripped from my throat. It was so hard, Baekhyun.” He stopped his explanation to look at me, tears had flowed from his eyes to the point of his cheeks glistening. This time I listened to the urge to touch him, holding his hand tightly in mine. Another sigh fell from his lips, turning into a sob halfway through.

“It’s okay, Yixing, you’re not there anymore.” I whispered, my voice strained from the tears I tried to keep in.

“It feels like I am.” He took another deep breath, steadying himself so that he could continue. “For what felt like weeks, They kept me confined in the testing room until I could bring something back from the dead. They got what they wanted. Eventually, I revived the dead animals but they weren’t alive. You can’t play God. They came back soulless. Their eyes were still dead and even though I could reverse the rotting you can’t bring back the dead. You can’t bring back the dead. You can’t play God. What’s dead should stay dead. We’re freaks of nature, Baekhyun. I don’t know why we exist but we shouldn’t. Just like those that died shouldn’t be brought back to life. You can’t play God. You can’t bring back the dead. What’s dead should stay dead.” His grip on my hand tightened, his sobs finally bursting through and interrupting his repetition. All I could do was try to comfort him so I hugged him to my chest.

We stayed like that for hours, long after the tears and the sobs had stopped. I couldn’t help but think about what Yixing had said. His powers would definitely be able to help Jongdae but I couldn’t bring myself to ask, not yet. Not until night was falling over our makeshift campsite.

“Yixing?” I whispered, careful to keep my voice calm. “Are you awake?” He nodded against my chest. “I need to ask you something.” He sat up and looked at me earnestly.

“What is it?” His voice was raspy and his eyes were still puffy and red. I felt shame at the question I wanted to ask.

“Jongdae… he needs help.” My voice was quiet, even more so than I had intended. “Can you help him?” Yixing looked into my eyes, no emotion showed through and I was afraid I had overstepped my boundary. That is, until he nodded slowly.

I had intended to give him more time to recover but he got up as soon as he saw the look of relief on my face and headed right over to Jongdae’s resting form. I followed quietly and shook my head at the questioning looks thrown my way. Yixing kneeled down, hands over Jongdae’s body.

I could see the sweat forming on his brow and the contorted expression showing his strain and focus. The others came closer and watched what was going on. While most eyes were focused on Yixing’s hands, Kyungsoo’s stared at Yixing himself intently. It was a bit unnerving but no doubt Kyungsoo had his reasons.

The pair on the ground soon became a source of heat, it was as if it rolled from them in waves. It was probably about an hour before change was visible as Jongdae looked at peace instead of in pain. If it hadn’t been for the steady rise and fall of his chest I would’ve thought he had passed. It was then that Yixing took a pause, a breather. He looked over at the crowd and when he stood up he headed right for Minseok. As soon as he was there he gestured to Minseok’s injured leg and Junmyeon took that as his cue to inspect Jongdae.

Minseok groaned–moaned?–and his leg returned to its normal color. Yixing then lowered his hands and, for some reason, reached out to Kyungsoo. We couldn’t question it, it was probably a search for comfort since Kyungsoo had been helping him ever since Jongin brought Jongdae back.

“What did you do?” Junmyeon asked, it wasn’t accusing but curious. “His fever is gone and his bruising has lessened considerably.” Yixing gave him a tired smile.

“I helped him.” It came out breathy, like he was winded which he no doubt was.

“Do you think we can continue tomorrow then?” Junmyeon asked. Yixing shook his head.

“Not Jongdae. I haven’t finished healing what’s wrong inside.” A look of thought overtook Junmyeon’s features. “We can stay.” Yixing said. All heads whipped towards him.

“Stay?” Sehun asked. Yixing nodded again.

“You guys should still carry on. We can catch up once he’s better.” The smile looked sincere enough even if it was unmistakably exhausted.

“We can’t leave you.” I said without thinking.

“You won’t be, we’ll catch up soon enough. I just need a day to reenergize and then we’ll meet you again.”

“If it’s just a day then we could just as easily stay with you.” Junmyeon said. Yixing shook his head.

“Something tells me you should go on. Just trust me.” Even surrounded by the apprehensive looks displayed all around, Yixing smiled still. We instinctively looked to Junmyeon to make the decision. He didn’t look at anyone, no doubt weighing the pros and cons.

“Yixing’s right. We need to keep going and the two of them could probably cross more distance than the seven of us in a single day.” No one seemed too fond of the idea but it seemed the decision was final.

Junmyeon, Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo did their best to supply the pair with what they needed before we rested. The next morning we will leave the two of them behind. For now.