It’s 6pm and you’re still sitting in the kitchen. Ever since you woke up you’ve been running around the house with a broom and a map, listening to your mother-in-law’s instructions on where to clean next. You’re exhausted by now, but you can’t really disappoint a woman when the family dinners mean everything to her.

At the moment you’re helping out in the kitchen, trying to fill little bowls with side dishes symmetrically. Mother-in-law is almost yelling at Jongin’s sisters to do their job faster and all and all three of you exchange glances with knowing smiles, because how can a small woman be filled with so much energy?

“How do you even manage your own families? When I was your age I had to do all this alone, with no help, basically every day.” she continues to rant quietly, but you know her words are only filled with love. “You three need more practice.” she says and you can see Jongin’s eldest sister pout. She has the biggest family to take care of.

“Well, it’s good I only have my son on me, then.” You try to joke, but immediately understand that you should have kept quiet. “Because I have less responsibility as a woman.” You add with a laugh that is so obviously fake to try and dissolve the tension, but you can see small, quiet tears forming in your mother-in-law’s eyes and you wander how can you hurt yourself and others with your words simultaneously.

Jongin’s sister looks at you with a sad smile. You feel that both of them know something unpleasant happened at the birthday party yesterday, but since they’ve been under their mother’s control all day, they haven’t had the chance to ask. And you’re dying to talk to someone who cares enough to listen.

At 7 o'clock you’ve already set up the table and are beginning to sit around it, just waiting for the head of the family. Tae has been playing with his cousins all day and you can see it in his eyes how hungry he is, but he also has wonderful manners (something you’re very much proud of) so he sits and waits patiently.

Some of you aren’t around the table yet and you’re glad, because this way it isn’t as obvious that he’s not here yet. Your crazy cleaning and cooking schedule for the day did a great job to help you stop thinking about him and the previous night, but now you know he’ll come soon and you’re going to have to meet him.

He has a girlfriend… and he’s so proud to introduce her to every one of his friends. Your mind runs back to the memories of when he first showed you to his world. Was he as excited and proud to let them see you? To name you his?…

Why isn’t he coming? Did he forget a night so important for his mother? He loved his family so much, which is why you always spent half the time of your marriage with him in his family’s house, so why is he missing a chance now? Because you’re here? Maybe because he doesn’t know what to say after the night before? But you doubt you’re so important to him.

You’re lost in these thought when he finally steps into the living room. He’s wearing tight jeans and a pastel sweater which gives you an urge to run up to him for a big hug.

“Daddy!” Tae exclaims and runs to hug his father, who lets him jump in his arms immediately.

When the whole family settles around the table, you notice that he’s sulking. Just a little bit. You’re sure only you can notice it.

The conversation is simple and warm as it always is in this family. But Jongin is not joining it and his pout is getting bigger, enough for his eldest sister to see and place her chopsticks to the side.

“Why aren’t you in the mood, little brother?” she asks and you feel shivers run down your spine. She was always the kindest towards him, her baby brother, the one she had raised. But now the tone of her voice is filled with anger and disappointed

“Who says I’m not in the mood?” he asks placing a piece of meat in his mouth.

“Throwing a tantrum because you didn’t get what you wanted.” she continued. “Even your five year old son acts more mature.” What he denied something? You don’t understand what she is talking about but Jongin doesn’t seem too pleased and it just doesn’t sit well.

“It just seems stupid, Noona.” he says and you almost shiver on the emphasize on the honorification. “My friends were always considered a part of this family and now suddenly they’re not welcome?” Jongin asks.

“You’re friends are always welcome.” his sister answers. “But you understand what exactly is not allowed in this house.” she stares into her brothers eyes and grits through her teeth. “It’s when men stop being men.”

“Okay quiet both of you!” Jongin’s father slams his hand on the table, raising his voice. “If you have anything to talk about, either leave the room or respect others and keep it to yourselves.”

At the raised voice from the head of the family both siblings quiet down. You can see Jongin’s sister’s husband caressing her hand, in order to calm her down. It’s clear they both know something you don’t.  But now unfortunately the silence now is awkward and gives you more time to think of a conversation you just witnessed.

You feel like you know what exactly they were talking about but for now you’ll keep your ears and eyes shut and try to enjoy the dinner.

Jongin and his sister keep calm for the rest of it, but you’re still thinking about the conversation you witnessed. The kids have already excused themselves to continue playing in their room. The atmosphere is calm and warm, but still something doesn’t feel right.

“I can’t wait for my birthday next month!” Jongin’s brother-in-law grins.

“Of course.” his wife smiles. “You’ve been waiting for that fishing trip since last year.”

“I know.” he laughs, “We need some manly time, you know.” he exclaims and the whole table chuckles. “Jonginnie, you’re coming too, right?” he asks.

Jongin looks up from his table and smiles, you know how much he loves spending time with his brothers. “Sorry, hyung, I can’t this year.” You’re confused. He never missed a chance to attend those trips, so why is he so sure he can’t go?

“What do you mean?” his brother asks, face already saddening.

“I won’t be in the country.” Jongin casually says and continues eating his rice.

The glances are exchanged trough the table and you catch your mother-in-law look at you, before she asks.

“What do you mean, where are you going?”.

The question is normal, but you await the answer that’ll break your heart. You already feel it.

Jongin sighs, his eyes never meeting anyone’s, as if he doesn’t want to answer.

“I’ll be on my honeymoon trip during that time.” He says and casually wipes his lips with his napkin.

“What the hell are you talking about?” his sister asks aloud, but you hear nothing and you see nothing. Your feet are getting numb and you want to scream, but you don’t have a voice either.

“Stop the panic attacks, Noona, please, what’s wrong with you?” Jongin asks loudly. “I’m getting married soon and I thought you’d at least want to meet my girlfriend, but it turns out I’m not even allowed to invite her here.” he sighs loudly and stands up. “I thought family was supposed to support you, and what are all of you doing?” he seems mad, no, more frustrated, but his speech stops when suddenly his father stands from his seat, eyes boring into his son’s. Suddenly you’re afraid.

“Sit down in this instant and close your mouth, before you regret it.” his voice is low and threatening. Jongin sits down, but never breaks the eye contact with his dad.

“I never thought I would raise my only son to be a pathetic excuse of a man.” his father hisses.

The whole table is silent. You can see tears in your mother-in-law’s eyes and despair in Jongin’s sisters’ expression and you do the thing you should have done a long time ago.

You step up.

Jongin’s eyes find yours for the first time during this evening and you can see confusion in them. He doesn’t expect to hear your voice. You don’t either.

“Don’t ever dare and repeat those words in front of your son.” you say steadily. At this point everyone is staring at you.

“What do you mean?” he asks, confused. “Tae is my son and he deserves to attend my wedding. He deserves to know.” Jongin fights.

“If you cared about your son as much as you insist you do, you’d know Tae is only five, Jongin.” You continue calmly. “He’s a five year old boy who’s confused about why his dad doesn’t want to live with him anymore. He doesn’t understand how these things work yet and I have to keep convincing him every night that you don’t hate him. Telling him his father will have a new family will break his world. Do you even know how emotional your son is? He will break, Jongin, and it will be your selfishness that’ll break him.” At this point there are tears in your eyes too.

“Do what you want, you’ve proven that you don’t care about me, but at least think of your son first. Your new lover will never adore you are much as he does.”

And she’ll never love you like I do… you want to say, but keep back. Not now. Not if front of everyone.

Jongin keeps looking at you, but doesn’t say anything. Maybe he can’t, maybe he doesn’t have words, but before you leave, you still add what’s needed to be said.

“Before you start your new fling, at least divorce the previous girl first.”

That’s right. You’re the previous girl now and you haven’t even divorced your husband yet. When Jongin left home, he contacted his personal lawyer after a week, but fortunately or unfortunately (you still haven’t decided on one) the lawyer had taken a trip with his family, since all of them had decided to travel the world. Jongin being the good friend he is, decided to just wait for him to come back and clear up everything in peace, rather than do things online.

At first you had thought you have been blessed with more time to make the situation better, but now you’re not sure.

Now, you’re not sure about everything.

You’ve been lying in your bed, sure that you haven’t moved for at least an hour. Are you even breathing? You can hear your son playing with his cousins somewhere in the house, but only silence is coming from downstairs.

Did they finish dinner? Did Jongin leave? Is anyone angry at what you said?

Although you feel stressed and depressed more than you’ve been for the whole month, you want nothing more than human touch right now. You crave it.

And in that moment there’s a faint knock on your door and for just a second your world lights up, thinking maybe Jongin came for you.

But when the door opens, you’re greeted with a sight of Jongin’s sisters’ apologetic faces. You can’t say you’re disappointed. You know they’ll listen to you. You know they feel bad.

“How are you feeling, honey?” The eldest asks.

“How do you think she’s feeling?” the younger, Jungah, rolls her eyes and sits next to your body, hands already sliding in your hair in a comforting manner. “I can’t even express how I want to beat up my own brother.”

“It’s okay.” you smile.

“What happened yesterday? What marriage is he talking about?” she seems so confused you want to hug her.

“Well, today he called before he came.” the eldest answers. “Saying he’d be bringing his girlfriend and I kind of blew up on him, saying he wasn’t a man if he thought she would be welcome here.” she looks at you and you can see how much sadness her face holds. “Honey, what happened yesterday, who is this girl?”

You sigh deeply, knowing you can finally let everything out.

“Well, I went to Chanyeol’s party.” you start. “And then he came in with a girl, introducing her as his girlfriend.” tears are already filling your eyes, “I met her in the restroom, she kept talking about how her boyfriend wanted to take the relationship to a new level and when I saw she was talking about him, I wouldn’t even imagine she meant marriage.” The first tear rolled down your cheek.

“Who the hell is she?” You eldest sister-in-law asks. “Doesn’t she even have any morals? Seeing a guy who isn’t even free yet. What does my brother see in her?”

“You should see how she looks.” you smile sadly. “She’s a lot younger, prettier, maybe if I could have managed to look like her when I was her age, I wouldn’t be in a situation like this.” you let out with a chuckle.

“Stop talking nonsense.” they scold you. “First of all you’re gorgeous and your relationship with Jongin was definitely based on more than just looks.”

“But how? How can he even think of marriage right now?” you sob. “We were husband and wife, we were one. How can he leave me like this and already have his new life in plan, when the only reason I wake up in the morning is because I have a son and I basically live off that small hope that maybe he’ll return to me.”

Jungah quickly pulls you in her arms to hug your crying self close to her heart.

“Calm down, sweetie, my stupid brother doesn’t deserve your tears.”

“Growing up, I’ve known how and why people divorce, but I don’t even understand what happened in our marriage. It’s like one day we were happy and next day he just left. When did he learn to hate me?-”

“He doesn’t hate you-”

“But then what?!” you cry, “What changed his mind that made him realize that he doesn’t love me anymore? I just need some answers, but all I get is more heartbreak and I just don’t know what to do.”

There’s silence in the room and you know it’s because your sisters try not to force more words on you. They want to let you clear your heart from all those thoughts you’ve kept hidden for so long.

“What made him change?” you whisper. “Why doesn’t he care about us anymore? He’s my first in everything and I always thought he’d be last. I still think he’s the last man in my life. The only man. How can I throw my promises to have a perfect, healthy family out the window and get used to raising my son alone?”

“No, sweetie, you know he’ll never leave, Tae.” Jungah tries to soothe you. “He loves him too much to ever leave him.”

“But it doesn’t matter, if he doesn’t live with him.” you admit. “It’s so modern to say a kid doesn’t need both parents at home, but what no one says is that it’s absolute nonsense. Tae’s life will be torn. He’ll become distant with his dad, and in the end he’ll just become an uncle who takes him out to eat on Saturdays - he’ll stop being a dad. He won’t have a connection with him that a son should have with his father. He’ll feel incomplete when he visits his classmate’s house and sees their whole family having a dinner together. He will live for those moments when his father comes over and will die for a single chance to experience what having a dad is.”

You sigh deeply and continue.

“He’ll remember every single time when his dad decided to help him with his homework because that just doesn’t happen. He’ll fight to get his attention, by getting into trouble, maybe lying about getting into trouble just for his father to see that maybe he’s not someone he thinks his son is. That he deserves more love and attention.”

“Tae’s life will be torn into two, no matter how much Jongin and I try to be civil with each other. And I feel like a failure as a woman because I couldn’t protect my own son from that much pain that will last all his life.”

“I failed as a wife and as a mother and I can’t do anything about it.”

Jongin stood up from the floor, his back aching from being pressed against a wall for so long. He just wanted to go to the bathroom although he got more than he expected.

I failed as a wife

I failed as a mother

Jongin can’t listen any more so he leaves to drink a glass of cold water to clear his head.

As the midnight comes you’re woken up by the emptiness next to you. You quickly open your eyes only to see that your son isn’t sleeping with you. You step out of bed and out of the room, quietly tiptoeing downstairs trying to find Tae.

Looking around you see his small figure standing next to the kitchen door in his pajamas, hiding as if he doesn’t know how to step in. You hold back to walking up to him, interested in what’s going on.

“Tae?” you suddenly hear a voice from inside the kitchen. Tae stops hiding when he hears his father’s voice. “Come here.” Jongin tells warmly and you see Tae enter the room.

You’re not sure why but you step closer, so you can see what’s happening inside.

Tae is sitting on his father’s lap, hands fiddling on the table, while Jongin is sliding his fingers through his son’s hair.

“Dad?” Tae asks quietly.

“Yes?” he answers.

Tae thinks for a while before asking again. “Are you getting married on another woman?” he asks with his little voice. “I’m sorry, but I heard it when you were talking about it at the table.” Your heart aches as you hear how your son is forcing the words coming from his mouth.

“You don’t have to worry about it, Tae.” Jongin tries to soothe him, but the conflict is obvious is little one’s eyes.

“But it means you will have another family right?” Tae’s voice starts to shake. “Will you forget us? Will you forget Mom?”

Jongin hugs Tae closer to him as he answers. “How can I ever forget my son, huh?”

“So we’ll still play together?” Tae asks again, and you’re reminded that even if he often thinks and acts like an adult, he’s only five.

“Of course, sweetie.”

Tae hugs his dad tighter and after a minute looks him in the eye.

“Can I ask you something, dad?” Jongin nods, and Tae continues. “I’ve thought about what I want for my birthday.”

“What is it?” Jongin asks with a smile.

“Can you stay with us at home this weekend?”

Jongin stills, you still, as if the whole house just stops. You knew Tae was missing his dad, you’ve seen him cry loudly, cry silently, but the desperation in his voice breaks your heart over and over again. He needs his dad. He’s okay with even just one weekend.

“Is that what you want for your birthday?” Jongin manages to ask. You’re afraid that it’s just his try to avoid the question so you step into the kitchen. Both of them look at you, eyes widening.

“Tae, go to bed, it’s really late, you can talk to your dad in the morning.” You say. His face forms into a pout but still he hops off his father’s lap and steps out. “I’ll come in a minute.” You assure him with a kiss on the top of his head.

Once you’re sure Tae has walked upstairs, you look at Jongin. He looks confused, lost, lost in thought, but you don’t lose time. You slid into a sit in front of him and wake him out of his thoughts.

“You owe him that much.” You say.

“What?” he asks, now even more lost.

“You owe him one weekend.” You continue. “Do it, stay with us. Come home after work on Friday and leave on Monday morning. For one weekend, act like nothing happened. Like you’re still happy to be a part of this family. Act like Tae’s father and my husband and at least pretend to love us.”

He finally looks you in the eye and for the first time you don’t know what’s happening behind them.

“If you manage to let Tae experience having you around one last time-“ you take in a deep breath. “I promise you, I’ll sign the divorce papers. I’ll sign them the Monday morning you leave, without a fight, without drama. You’ll be free.”

This is what you’re ready to sacrifice for your son. You will do it. If only it means he’s happy, even just for three days.

Jongin stands up and gulps down rest of the water from his glass.

“See you on Friday.” He says, before walking out of the room.

Hohoho did you like it? Did you like the drama? Did you cry? Cause I did. Tell me what you think and tell me how you think the story will continue!! Any kind of reviews welcome!!