“We gotta tell him,” Baekhyun sighs, leaning against the kitchen doorframe.

“No frickin’ way. You crazy or something?” Jongdae hisses.

Jongin stops in the middle of the hallway, math worksheets in hand. He’s on his way to ask whoever is still in the house for help, and he knows it’s wrong to eavesdrop, but Kyungsoo has been telling him that he needs to step up his intel gathering skills so he decides it couldn’t hurt to listen in a bit.

“I just…can’t believe Sehun is adopted. You sure?” Baekhyun blurts. Jongin freezes over, a look of confusion and disbelief on his face. Jongdae quickly follows up.

“Yeah, we found him in the park when he was just a baby. He was taped to the swing set and we just took him and gave him to a random family. Anyways, we’re meeting up with the others now, so we better get going.”

“Are you sure we shouldn’t say anything?”

The two exit the kitchen, rounding the corner with smoothies in hand. Jongin quickly retreats into the shadows of the hallway when Baekhyun glances over his shoulder, praying he wasn’t spotted.

Math is the last thing on his mind when Luhan bumps into him and drops his phone.

“! You scared me, Jongin! What are you doing in the dark?” Luhan grumbles and picks up his phone, inspecting the screen for cracks. He flips on the lights and notices the papers in Jongin’s hands. “Oh. Homework, huh. What do you need help with again?”

“Was Sehun really found taped to the swings at the park as a child?” Jongin can’t help the burning curiosity in him. He needs to know.

“What?”

“I heard..that he’s adopted.”

“Who the hell told you that nonsense?”

Jongin sighs in relief, feeling a huge weight being lifted off his chest. He immediately relaxes, a smile making its way onto his face.

“Of course. I knew it couldn’t be true—“

“We found Sehun in a dumpster.”

Jongin gapes like a fish out of water and Luhan gives him a weird look, going back to his phone.

“Anyways, I’ll be in Minseok’s—I mean, I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

“Left ear buccaneer, right ear queer. Left is right, right is wrong. Ugh, Which one is it?!”

Luhan paces near the television as Tao and Yixing sprawl across the couch, observing him. Kris is in the kitchen attempting to figure out how to use a microwave so he can make popcorn for Movie Night, a certified China Line only event. So far, he’s been unsuccessful in actually popping corn, but he has managed to change the time on the clock.

“Is it just me, or has Luhan seemed more out of it than usual these past few weeks?” Tao stage whispers to Yixing, but Luhan is so far gone in his thoughts he wouldn’t have heard him if he had yelled through a megaphone.

“Nah, you’re right,” Yixing nods. Tao raises an eyebrow.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on or are you gonna make me guess?”

“It’s Minseok.”

“Duh. Be more specific.”

“Luhan’s convinced there’s a hidden meaning behind his choice of having his left ear pierced. He’s been going off the walls trying to decipher the code, says it’ll save his life or something.”

“I don’t get it,” Tao deadpans.

Kris’s phone he left on the coffee table lights up and Yixing swipes it, inputting the passcode deftly. Tao peers over his shoulder to read the text received and snickers before snatching it out of his hands and typing something into the message box. He tosses it back onto the table just as a scream emerges from the kitchen.

“FIRE!”

[yehet]: am i adopted

[the guy who might be my father]: ask ur mom loser

“Anyone mind explaining why Chanyeol has been missing for the past three days?”

Junmyeon crosses his arms and waits for a response, but all he receives are blank stares. Baekhyun picks at his nails and Minseok slaps his hands.

“Anyone mind explaining why you haven’t done the groceries?” Jongdae drawls, arms spread out on the table. “There are twelve Korean men living in this building.”

“Minseok’s Chinese,” Baekhyun reminds him.

“I’m really not.”

Baekhyun his chin thoughtfully and Minseok rolls his eyes.

“Anyways..Chanyeol’s not missing. I saw him the other day in the kitchen.”

“When was this?”

“Around three in the morning?”

“Insomnia acting up?” Junmyeon frowns as Minseok shrugs.

“Yeah. But like I said, he’s alright.”

“Did he say anything to you?”

“Well, I asked him where he’s been off to and he said something along the lines of…’I’m going to slather my body in baby oil and roll myself down the bowling lane, past the pins, and down into the secret back room where you can meet Jesus on Tuesdays’ and at that point I sort of stopped listening.”

“Wow,” Jongdae shakes his head. “I am…not surprised.”

“Minseok…” Junmyeon begins, “Will you come with me to get him? I have a feeling we’re gonna need a familiar face when dealing with the owners.”

“My boyfriend is so popular,” Baekhyun whistles after Minseok as he follows Junmyeon out.

“Not your boyfriend.”

“Can I ask you something?” Luhan drums his fingers on the tabletop as Kyungsoo rifles through the cabinets.

“No,” comes the blunt response.

“Cool. So which ear do you think is the gay ear?”

“Neither.”

“So…you don’t think Minseok is gay?”

“Luhan,” Kyungsoo sighs, opening the fridge and finding nothing, “do you have your ears pierced?”

“No.”

“Alright. Are you gay?”

“..Yeah.”

“Then there’s your answer. Now if you talk to me again today, I’ll cut you. Gotta go track down stupid Junmyeon and his credit card,” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath.

“I’m glad you’re always here for me,” Chanyeol confesses at the rack of bowling balls. A slightly muffled voice responds.

“Only on Tuesdays,” it says.

“Why do you work at a bowling place, Jesus?”

“Hmm…it’s fun and the extra money is nice,” the disembodied voice responds. “I can use it to buy popsicles for me and the people I live with.”

“Whoa.” Chanyeol scratches his head. “That’s really nice of you. My friend buys me popsicles sometimes.”

“Chanyeol? Are you down here?”

Junmyeon, shielding his eyes with his hands, descends the stairs into the storage room with Minseok following close behind him. Chanyeol gets up from his position on the floor in surprise, confusion splashed on his face.

“..Junmyeon?”

“Chanyeol, are you decent?”

Chanyeol looks down at himself.

“I have underwear on. But I lost my shirt.”

Junmyeon uncovers his eyes and Minseok raises an eyebrow.

“Care to explain to us what the everloving you’re doing down here?” Two pairs of arms cross and Chanyeol starts sweating a bit.

“Just talking with Jesus and perfecting my bowling skills.”

“He’s getting really good,” says the voice floating out from behind the rack of freshly shined bowling balls.

Junmyeon pales.

“Is that Jesus?”

“…I’m pretty sure that’s Yixing,” Minseok says slowly, walking over to the racks. Yixing emerges from the mountain of multi-colored balls, dressed in a garishly striped outfit, holding cleaning spray and a rag.

Chanyeol’s jaw drops.

“Oh my god. You’re Jesus?!”

Yixing frowns.

“No, I’m Yixing.”

“This is stupid,” Sehun complains. “Only Jongin would be gullible enough to believe you guys.”

“Um, says the one who texted Kris to double check they weren’t adopted. Kris isn’t even your real dad, you ,” Baekhyun reminds him, flicking his forehead.

“That was Jongin!” Sehun flushes, and Kyungsoo cuts off Baekhyun before he can start arguing.

“Shut up. What matters right now is that I’m hungry as hell and Junmyeon’s money is nowhere to be found.”

“Hey, I’m hungry too,” Jongdae whines.

“Make that three,” Baekhyun adds.

“I could really go for some nachos,” Kyungsoo muses. “The ones I get when I go to the movie theaters alone.”

“Gross,” Baekhyun sticks his tongue out. “I pity a man who does not know how real nachos should taste!”

“Who cares? We should get bulgogi.” Jongdae reaches for his phone as Baekhyun stops him with a hand on his shoulder and speaks solemnly, delivering a devastating line.

“The only delivery service open right now is pizza.”

“What the . We just had that!”

“Silence, hoe,” Kyungsoo shushes Jongdae. “There’s gotta be another solution.”

“Uh, did Kyungsoo just call me a hoe?”

“Irrelevant.”

The three sit in silence for awhile, the only sound coming from the living room, where Sehun had migrated to play his phone games.

“We should get Sehun to pick up take out,” Jongdae suddenly says. “It’s perfect. This is what he was born to do. As the maknae, this is Sehun’s life mission.”

“Jongdae, you’re a ing genius,” Baekhyun crows. Kyungsoo nods approvingly.

“Make sure he doesn't forget the nachos.”

Luhan paces nervously. He’s not ready. Yes, he’s been preparing for this moment for almost two years now, but it doesn’t mean he’s ready. He’s not even sure if Minseok feels the same way.

Frustrated, he sits down on the bed and groans. Minseok would be home at any moment—he needed to pull himself together, fast. Running through his confession one more time, he starts listing the pros and cons to a relationship.

“We’ve been intimate with each other for a long time, we’ve known each other for longer, and it just makes sense. Yeah, it makes sense. I mean, if he didn’t like me he probably would’ve said something already. Or maybe my in his made it awkward. Okay but still, he could’ve told me after. And he would’ve! Because he’s a good person—“

“Luhan?” Minseok walks in and Luhan immediately stands up. “Tao told me you had to talk to me about something?”

“Uh….yeah.”

“Okay. So what is it?” Minseok takes off his jacket and drapes it over his chair. “Everything okay?”

Luhan’s quiet as he watches Minseok run a hand through his hair, wishing he was the one doing that. Something clicks in his brain when Minseok turns his eyes onto him, bright and attentive.

“I like you,” he blurts without thinking. Well, there goes his carefully crafted speech.

“I like you too. Anything else?”

Luhan frowns.

“No, I mean it. I love you, Minseok.”

“I don’t get it. I love you too, Luhan.”

“No! I’m gay!”

“Yes, I know,” Minseok says, a little exasperated. “And I’m biual. What’s your point?”

“We—We should date, because I’m in love with you and I have been for the past two years and I think you like me too because if you wouldn’t then why would you let me fu—“

“Whoa, Luhan. Slow down.” Minseok places his hands on his shoulders and gently guides him back into a sitting position. “Why are you asking me out when we’re already dating?”

“I—What?” Luhan splutters, completely caught off guard. “We are? Dating?”

“For a year already. Were we not?”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Minseok?!”

“Well, . I thought, I mean, I just thought that we were. You know. I don’t know, everyone thought so too and so I sort of..”

“Oh my god. Oh my god. So the ear piercing wasn’t a sign?”

“What? Lu, I think we should have a proper talk about…this. You hungry for dinner?”

Luhan looks up.

“Sehun just brought back takeout for some of the others.”

Minseok shakes his head and lets out a little laugh. Luhan feels his insides turn to mush.

“No, I meant dinner just for us. Somewhere nice.”

“Somewhere nice?” Luhan parrots.

“I’m asking you out on a proper date, Luhan. So please don’t let me embarrass myself further and just say yes, okay?”

Luhan thinks he couldn’t be happier when he pulls Minseok into his arms for a hug with a breathless yes.

“Hey, do you guys want some nachos—Oh my god, gross!! I’m calling the ing police! Kyungsoo, get my phone! They’re face again!” Jongdae screeches before slamming the door shut.

Notes:

hmmMMMMMMM im back like two months later with a weird and disjointed chapter???
IM SORRY

this marks the end of the gay ear
but never fear
for this also marks the beginning of unlocking everyone's tragic backstories 
stay tuned for part three of There's Nothing Wrong With Making an Honest Living Selling Illegal Drugs and Killing People, or simply just the book gang au
and be warned, for the crack is only in the present and future, but not the past...

in other words, please prepare for angst.

thank you for reading!! <3