“Everyone is gonna be able to see your face, Chanyeol.”

“Personally, I feel like it’s a face everyone deserves to see.” Chanyeol stops packing to strike a pose and Jongdae rolls his eyes behind his sunglasses.

“Just don’t come running to me when your face is suddenly plastered all over town with a bounty.”

“Yeah, right,” Chanyeol scoffs, zipping up his duffel bag. “As if anyone is gonna be able to spot me when I have these on.” Lifting up a long leg, he props it on the foot of his bed and showcases his pants with jazz hands.

“…Black camouflage?”

“I know, I know. You’re impressed.”

“Not really.”

Sehun knocks on the open door, not sparing a glance inside as his other hand taps at his phone screen.

“Finish up, losers. We’re heading out.” With a flick of his hair, he continues on and Chanyeol stares after him.

“He knows we’re older than him, right?”

Jongdae shrugs and pulls his turtleneck up to cover the lower half of his face. Chanyeol thinks he hears him mutter “Brat,” under his breath before he walks out, and he scrambles to grab his bag as he sprints after him.

“Okay, everyone!” Junmyeon claps his hands together in a fruitless attempt to garner everyone’s attention. “Time for a head count!”

No one turns to look at him save for Minseok and Junmyeon sighs, taking his sunglasses off to rub at his eyes. Minseok sends him a sympathetic look (as far as he can tell, anyways—he’s also wearing a pair of dark shades) and walks over to straighten his coat, patting his shoulders in a comforting gesture.

“Stay strong, Junmyeon,” he says quietly. Junmyeon nods resolutely.

Minseok clears his throat loudly, the sound ricocheting off the walls of the parking lot.

“Line up.”

The noise dies down as a messy line is formed. Some people get shoved and Baekhyun is smacked upside the head once, but eventually the rest of the members shuffle into their positions. Minseok and Junmyeon start counting.

“Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo stands perfectly still in his puffy winter coat, unmoving even when Junmyeon waves his hand in front of his face.

“Kyungsoo, take your earphones out. Kyungsoo. Headphones.” Junmyeon mimics taking something out of his ear and lifts Kyungsoo’s beanie over his eyes only to find him sound asleep. Baekhyun, standing next to him, tugs an earbud out of his ear and Kyungsoo’s eyes shoot open the same time as his elbow nails Baekhyun in the stomach.

Baekhyun keels over with a moan, bag slipping from his shoulder and snapback falling from his head.

“Uhhhg…I’ve been shot…”

Yixing crouches down and picks up the hat, placing it back on Baekhyun’s head. Jongdae snickers into his turtleneck further down the line with his hands shoved in his pockets, and Junmyeon walks past them, shaking his head. Sehun sports a similar turtleneck look except with a leather jacket, and he tugs the collar down when Junmyeon reaches him.

“Jongdae stole my look,” he accuses.

“Oh shut up,” Jongdae scoffs. “I was finished and ready to go an entire hour before you. Even if I did steal your look, I’d still wear it better!”

Jongin catches an affronted Sehun just before he hits the concrete, a muffled yell coming from behind his black facemask. Junmyeon throws his hands up in the air (he’s been doing that a lot recently).

“Sehun! I told you to stop doing the death drop thing! One day you’re going to get yourself seriously hurt.”

“Only people who don’t know how to do it get themselves hurt,” Sehun says, still lying in Jongin’s arms.

“Just because your drag friends on television do it doesn’t mean you have to.”

“I’m on the floor already, but if I wasn’t I’d do the drop again.”

“It looks kinda cool,” Kris mumbles, and Luhan puts a hand on his shoulder.

“No, dude. Not a chance in hell.”

“..You’re right.”

A shout comes from the end of the line and Junmyeon whips his head around. Chanyeol is clutching his duffel bag tightly in his arms and Tao’s face is red.

“You guys okay?” He walks over quickly.

“Chanyeol can’t keep his crap to himself,” Tao huffs. “What do you even have in that bag?”

“Stuff,” Chanyeol mumbles, knuckles turning white. Tao tries to pry the bag from his hands and he yelps. “Beach stuff! Water guns!”

“What? Why?”

“I thought we were going to the beach..? You said something about a beach.”

“Uh, no I didn’t.”

“You did! I heard you,” Chanyeol insists.

“I said, ‘We’re gonna kill that ’.”

“Well, .”

“So let me get this straight. What you’re—What you’re trying to tell me is that, you’re going to do this entire mission, with just water guns?” Baekhyun barely manages to finish his question, too preoccupied with stifling his laughter. “And you don’t even have any water to put in them?”

Chanyeol slumps in the passenger seat.

“Doesn’t anyone have anything I can borrow?”

“Kyungsoo probably has a bunch of knives in the car,” Jongdae points out.

“Why do I always have to be in a car with you three?” Kyungsoo groans, stopping at a red light. “One day I’m going to crash this minivan.”

“Can we go to Starbucks?” Sehun calls from the very back. Jongin is checking under his seat for a knife.

“No,” Chanyeol calls back. “We’re not going to Starbucks.”

“.”

Minseok sits uncomfortably in the back seat, Tao leaning on one shoulder and Luhan staring at him intently. He tries not to move too much—Tao is fast asleep, and God help anyone who tries to wake Tao before he’s ready. Junmyeon is in the passenger seat, reading directions to Kris, and Yixing is leaning into the front of the car to fiddle with the radio.

“Luhan…” Minseok begins. “Are you okay?”

Luhan doesn’t respond, seemingly transfixed. Minseok is used to his stares, but it’s been a solid fifteen minutes and he’s too afraid to look him in the eye but he’s pretty sure Luhan hasn’t blinked.

“Luhan.” Minseok snaps his fingers and Luhan jumps.

“What?”

“I said, are you okay?”

“..Yeah. Just spaced out.”

Luhan makes an effort to look straight ahead, throwing badly disguised glances at Minseok when he thinks he’s not looking, and it’s more irritating than having him unabashedly stare.

“Kris, Kris, Kris!! Red light! RED LIGHT!!!”

Kris slams his foot down on the breaks and launches Yixing straight into the dashboard. Junmyeon screams. Tao snores.

“Okay, so there are security cameras here, here, and…here.” Jongin shakes out the blueprint, Jongdae leaning over his shoulder with a black marker.

“Anyone have a cuticle pusher? Or a coffee stirrer? I forgot to bring mine—Never mind, I’ll go ask Minseok. He probably has some.” Muttering to himself, Baekhyun climbs over Jongin and Jongdae, exiting the car.

“Hey, watch it!” Jongdae yells after him. “You could’ve ruined the map!”

Luhan sticks his head through the window, shades pulled down on his nose.

“You two done yet? Mission starts in ten minutes and we need those cameras disabled.”

“Stop trying to rush perfection, man,” Jongdae waves him off, pulling out his laptop and other equipment.

Luhan rolls his eyes and goes back to observing Minseok, who’s now trying to tell Baekhyun that just because he likes coffee does not mean he carries stirrers with him everywhere. He’s positive that something is different about him, but staring at Minseok too much earlier only served to made him kind of lightheaded.

Yixing is sitting on the hood of one of the minivans, ice pack held to his cheek and some tissues stuffed up his nose. Sehun and Tao are crowded around him as he briefs them on his new invention.

“It’s called the death drop,” Yixing explains in a nasally tone. Sehun rolls the unassuming vial around in his hands. The liquid inside is a pale blue shade and if he were to be honest, it looks like diluted mouthwash.

“What does it do?” Tao takes a photo of the bottle to post on Instagram later.

“One drop and you go out like a light.”

“So do you just get knocked out or do you die?”

Yixing tugs some bloodied tissues out of nose to inspect them.

“Remember that one time I slept for three days straight and Kyungsoo tried to bury me alive because he thought I was dead?”

“Yeah, that was last week,” Sehun nods.

“I had some of the death drop.”

“You tried it on yourself? You could have literally died.”

Yixing shrugs and flips the ice pack.

“Hardcore, ge,” Tao whistles.

“I’m just gonna have a healthy post-breakfast snack..” Chanyeol grabs a mysterious tin foil package from his duffel bag and unwraps it.

“Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll up?” Kyungsoo takes one step away from him.

“I mean, technically it’s called a breakfast burrito, but yeah.”

“You’re stupid.”

“..That’s it?”

“Oh, give it time. It’ll eat at you,” Kyungsoo promises, walking away in search of someone more sane.

“I can’t believe you guys really let me just walk into this dangerous building unarmed.”

“You have a water gun,” Jongdae cackles through his headpiece. “You’ll be fine.”

“I don’t have any water!” Chanyeol complains.

“I put some of Yixing’s poison in your gun,” Sehun tells him.

“What a waste,” Tao laments from his end of the line. “We all know Chanyeol can’t aim for .”

“Language!” Junmyeon’s voice crackles through.

In the safety of the minivan, Jongdae’s fingers fly across his keyboard at lightning speed. Jongin sits next to him with a book he hasn’t been able to concentrate on for the past ten minutes. Finally, he dog ears the page he was on and closes it.

“Hey Jongdae, why am I just sitting in the car? I want to help everyone retrieve ancient text from the middle east too.”

“Who told you that’s what we’re doing?” Jongdae snickers.

“Sehun. Why?”

“No reason. Just wondering. And don’t worry, you’re already helping us ‘retrieve ancient text from the middle east’,” he reassures with an excessive amount of air quotes.

“Hey Baekhyun, am I stupid?”

Baekhyun grabs the water gun out of Chanyeol’s hands and shoots before realizing it’s not an actual gun. He hits the guard’s face with the end of the gun instead, rendering him unconscious. “. Now’s not a good time, Yeol.”

“Just give me an honest answer.”

Handing the gun back to Chanyeol, Baekhyun lugs the body into a nearby closet and shoves it in unceremoniously. Wiping his hands on his pants, he runs a hand through his hair and checks his watch.

“Yeah, a little bit.”

“Damn him.”

“Oh my god, Tao. Look.” Sehun pulls Tao into a room by his sleeve. “It’s a dog! This dude has a dog!”

“Uh, we don’t have time to be distracted,” Tao reminds him.

“Kandy with a “K”. What kind of a name for a dog is that?” Sehun is hunched down by the dog’s cage and petting it.

“Hey, I like that name.”

“It’s a stripper name, Tao. It’s literally a stripper name.”

“Whatever. Can we move on now?”

“Hell no! Do you see this dump? Vivi does not deserve this.”

“Who?”

“The dog, Tao! Keep up!”

“I thought you just said its name is Kandy.”

“Yeah, and then I said it was a name. So I gave him a new one.”

Tao walks towards the door to make sure no one else has come around. Sehun is still playing with the dog.

“Right…you realize he’s not your dog?”

“I’m taking him home with me.”

“Junmyeon will have your head.”

Sehun rolls his eyes, but Jongdae’s voice coming through their earpieces cuts him off.

“Guys, fall back. We’ve got a problem.”

“, Kris,” Junmyeon wheezes. Kris’s arm is slung over his shoulder and his feet are dragging along the floor. “Why the hell did you do that?”

“You were about to get shot,” Kris slurs. “I can walk by myself.”

“I’m wearing a bulletproof vest! You know, like I always do? God, it’s like I’m talking to a bag of rocks.”

“I like rocks. Rocks are cool.”

“We were this close to finishing the mission,” Junmyeon rambles. “This damn close, and you had to go get yourself shot with a tranquilizer dart. Couldn’t you have at least waited until afterwards or something?”

“You know what else is cool? Trappist-1. I wanna go someday.”

“Where are Minseok and Luhan?!” Junmyeon hisses into his mouthpiece. “Tell them to get over here now.”

When Kris opens his eyes again, he’s back on the couch with Junmyeon and Minseok standing over him, the disappointment radiating off of them in waves. He rubs his head and looks around before sitting up.

“I told you I was good to drive.”

“…I drove, and you sat in the passenger seat steering with a paper plate,” Junmyeon sighs.

“Well…did we at least finish the mission?”

“Have a guess,” Minseok responds drily.

“Yes?”

“Have another guess.”

Luhan wakes up in a cold sweat halfway through the night and leaps out of bed to run to Yixing’s room and shake him awake. It takes a good five minutes, but eventually Yixing cracks open an eye.

“It’s three in the morning, Luhan,” he mumbles into his pillow.

“I figured it out! I finally realized!” Luhan’s eyes are wide and he’s getting his sweaty hands all over Yixing’s comforter. “Minseok didn’t wear his beanie today!”

“..Okay…”

“He always wears his beanie when we go out for missions. You know, identity protection and all that. But not today!”

“Are you going somewhere with this?”

“Minseok got a piercing! It’s on his left ear! He wasn’t wearing a hat because it would irritate his ear!”

“Good work, detective.” Yixing rolls onto his side and closes his eyes. “Good night.”

Luhan rolls him back.

“When did he get his ears pierced, Yixing? When? How long have I been blind?!”

“Nnn…” Yixing wonders why he lives one door down from Luhan.

“Oh my god. Xing…”

“What now?” Yixing only opens his eyes again because Luhan’s hands are no longer on his shoulders and he kind of sounds like he just got the wind knocked out of him. Through his bleary vision, he squints and can just barely make out Luhan kneeling on the floor, pale as death.

“Which ear is the gay ear?”

Notes:

i made you guys wait a literal month for this im so sorry omfg
i hope it was worth it