WARNING: mention of eating disorders in this chapter 

Jimin knew better than most the pressures of being an idol. After revealing his abs at their debut there was a constant pressure to maintain that image, even though it meant he often went to bed hungry. At first, he accepted it as part of his job-his contribution to the team in a way- but as time began to progress and he began entrenched in social media, things began to change.

Suddenly he wasn’t following the diet plan, which while cut back severely on calories, still had semi-regular meals; he was going days without eating much more than a cracker or two. On top of that he went to work out all the time, it became his obsession and before he knew it, he had lost control completely. It only took a month and a half before the members finally came together to tell him something needed to change. The next few months were often tear filled, as Jimin struggled to accept the small increments of weight gain he was achieving, but eventually lead to not only a healthier Jimin, but a closer team.

It’s because of this that he knew something was wrong with Jungkook.

He wasn’t quite sure what because the boy was naturally fairly secretive, but he had an idea. Jungkook was spending so much time in the studio that even J-Hope and himself were struggling to keep up. Yet when it came to dinner, food was just more or less pushed around on his plate before he dumped it onto another member’s. Jimin knew the signs and so did the others, but this was more recent; and Jimin figured they were hoping the boy would remember what happened to Jimin and stop.

However Jimin knew that once you start down that path he becomes almost impossible to go back, it was a slippery slope that had you falling into its clutches before you realized what you were doing. It was with that idea in mind that he finally confronted the maknae.

The others had all gone out for the day, and though it was around noon; Jungkook was still sleeping. Jimin wasn’t really surprised though, he had heard him come back late last night, a little before three am. And while he wanted to let the boy sleep, they needed to have a talk before the others got back and this whole situation got out of hand.

Creeping quietly into the room, Jimin approached the bed. A fond smile grew across his face as he watched Kookie sleep, sprawled out over the bed and twisted in the covers. His breathing was soft and his hair which had began to look dull over the past month, looked soft and fluffy like it used to as the sunlight filtered through the blinds. A few more minutes wouldn’t hurt, Jimin told himself, plopping down on Namjoon’s bed. His eyes blinked slowly in the warm light, relaxed on the bed, and soon Jimin found himself getting sleepy.

“No…..no…..I’m sorry”

The words jolted Jimin awake, and after a few moments of disorientation-during which he saw it had only been 20 minutes since he first laid down-his eyes landed on the twitching figure of the maknae. Rolling out of the bed, he approached Jungkook carefully.

“Jungkook? Jungkookie?” Jimin spoke softly, gently shaking the boy to try and wake him up. However this only caused things to worsen as Jungkook began flailing in the bed; his legs were trapped in the covers, but a loose arm tried to push Jimin away, his breathing quickening.  “Please stop...I didn’t.”

Jimin’s heart stopped at the words, and he began speaking more loudly to try and wake Jungkook up. Which only caused the boy more panic and caused more desperate swings at Jimin whenever he touched him.

“I’m trying….I’m trying.” The words were mumbled but frantic and Jimin watched helplessly as tears welled in the boy’s eyes. And a few more failed attempts and Kookie grow progressively more stressed, Jimin figured that desperate times called for desperate measures. He ran out of the room, grabbing a water bottle from the kitchen counter. At this point it didn’t matter whose it was.

When Jimin re-entered the room Jungkook had fallen off the bed and his voice had risen in both volume and pitch.

“I’m sorry..I’m sorry...I’m sorry…” The boy repeated the words as if incapable of creating any other sounds. His body had stopped moving, but now it laid eerily still, curled in the fetal position.

“I’m the one who’s sorry Jungkookie, you aren’t gonna like this.” Jimin spoke, before unscrewing the cap and dumping the bottle on the maknae’s head.

Thankfully, the boy suddenly jerked awake, water droplets falling down in small rivulets along his face and neck. He seemed confused at first, looking around the room and running a hand over his wet face; then once he spotted Jimin, fear and concern fell across his features.

Jimin felt sick, he knew that Kook and him hadn’t always been super close; but they had become good friends and surely the boy knew that Jimin wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt him? Crouching, Jimin slowly inched toward the boy.

“Jimin-hyung?” Kookie asked, starting to calm down. Some of the fear had faded but it was clear that Jungkook knew he wasn’t getting off the hook this time.

“Kookie? You okay now? It’s just me, the others are gone for a couple hours.” Jimin told him, easing himself against the boy’s side. Kookie flinched at first from the contact, but as Jimin began gently rubbing his neck and back, the boy relaxed against him.

“I’m fine now, sorry for worrying you hyung.” Jungkook replied softly, head resting against Jimin’s neck.

“It’s okay, It’s our job as hyungs to worry. Although we need to have a talk, Kookie, about what’s been going on.” Jimin said. His fingers running along the maknae’s back, and with minimal pressure, counting the boy’s ribs.

“I know.” Jungkook spoke, his breath tickling Jimin’s neck, but the youngest made no indication of moving, simply shifting to be closer. Whatever his dream had been about, it had unnerved him enough to initiate skinship which was rare-even more rare as of lately. “Just give me a minute, please hyung?”

Jimin had always had a soft spot for the boy and it took less than a second for him to agree, but not without making them move to the living room. He was hoping the change of scenery would help relax the boy, and he even turned the tv on quietly to a cooking channel to help ease some of the stress in the boy’s arms as Jimin carried him to the couch. The maknae was surprisingly light, which only increased the hole that had made it’s home in Jimin’s stomach.

They sat like that for a couple minutes, and at some point the hand that had clung to his shirt earlier began to release and Jungkook eased his way back out of the hold. Jimin allowed him, even though his heart clenched at letting go. The dancer watched as the youngest suddenly looked very old, body hunched over, and running a hand over his face and through his hair as if preparing himself for a battle.

“Well, ask away.” Jungkook spoke, the words sound resigned and tired. And suddenly Jimin had the sudden sense that there was far more going on that what he had thought originally, what he bet any of the members thought originally.

“Jungkook, what happened? I don’t know what’s going on with you anymore, no one does. You’re distant and quiet to everyone, even me and Tae. Something’s not right, but I can’t help-no one can help- unless we know what’s wrong.” Jimin felt the words spill out , and as soon as he stops, he fears he’s said too much. Worried that Jungkook is going to push him away and refuse any help, but Jimin isn’t sure how much longer this can go on. The maknae has deep bags and his once lean frame is edging on dangerously skinny, he looks sick; and Jimin can’t imagine what’s brought him to this point.

“I’m so sorry hyung, I didn’t mean-I never meant-” Jungkook’s voice tightens and Jimin can tell he’s on the verge of tears. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I keep trying so hard.” There’s a pause a shuddering breath, “But I can’t do anything right.” Jimin pulls the boy close to him as he shakes with sobs.

“Shh, Shh, It’s okay, you’re okay.” Jimin tells him, running a hand through Jungkook’s hair; close to tears himself. For half a second he debates texting the other members about the situation, and instead grabs his phone and tells them to stay away from the dorm for a while. Jungkook hates crying in front of others and Jimin needs to find out what’s wrong before the youngest closes himself back up.

“I shouldn’t be doing this, hyung.” Jungkook says, pushing himself away and sniffling a little. “I’m being a burden, and I feel bad enough you guys have to put up with me anyway. I shouldn’t be ruining your day off.”

“No you don’t.” Jimin lightly scolds as Jungkook tries to get up from the couch, grabbing his arm gently and pulling him back. “You are going to sit here and tell me where you got such ridiculous ideas.”

The boy is just silent for a minute, partially stunned, but apprehensive of saying anything that could get him in trouble from any of the higher ups in the company. “I can’t say anything hyung, please don’t make me.”

Jimin feels nerves creep in, but speaks anyway, “Was it from the internet? I know we all say we won’t look at the negative stuff, but it happens-”

“It wasn’t from the internet, I mean that was part of it, but it was never just that.” Jungkook interjects unexpectedly, eyes focused on the ground and hands fiddling with each other anxiously.

“Was it one of the managers?” Jimin asks carefully, and has to observe closely for the maknae’s almost imperceptible head shake.

Jimin racks his brain for anyone else the group regularly comes in contact with or at least has regular access to. The thought pops into his head and is out of before he can stop it, and he knows with a sudden certainty that he’s right. “Choreographer-nim?”