ONE

I never thought that my lack of confidence will grow, and grow and grow. At first, I thought it was a normal phase for every teenagers out there but insecurities keep building up inside me to the point that it suffocates me, it was a never ending cycle for me. I always thought that I was never worth it, which a girl, like me will never get an opportunity to feel loved by a man, nevertheless, be loved by the person I love. I have experienced one-sided feelings for someone that lasted for two years, but hey, I already moved on though, and the important thing is we’re friends. It was really hard at first that all he wanted for us is to just be friends. I never confessed my feelings too, I feel like when I like someone, I become a burden. Who wants a girl like me anyway?

Y’all gonna say “hey girl stop being pessimistic and have confidence, every girl is beautiful”. It’s not that easy. I, too, want to believe that. Insecurity is a bad thing, I know. But hey I’m not a depressed person, maybe I always kid around and say ‘hey I’m gorgeous, su-wegg’ but in my mind ‘I know I’m ugly tho’.

Not until someone actually pointed out that I am worth it, I am beautiful and that everything that I thought for myself were all just lies that I kept on believing. I, Park Jae Hee, was dumbfounded—, someone actually slapped me in to reality!

“Here is your change ma’am”

Jae Hee put her change in her wallet and made eye contact with the girl that’s working in the 7-Eleven. “Uh, yea thanks” The girl stared at her face for a few seconds but Jae Hee quickly avoided the eye contact and awkwardly bowed then rushed to go outside the convenience store.

“Why do people like to stare at my pimples, God! Don’t they know that it’s rude?” Jae Hee mumbled to herself and continued to mumble incoherent words. She adjusted her beanie and her scarf and then smiled when she took a sip of her hot chocolate. “Hershey’s hot chocolate though, never fails to amaze me”. She chuckled and stopped in front of the pedestrian lane. She looked at the moving cars and then to the sky, it was just about for the sun to rise. She started walking when the people started to walk too. After crossing the road she quickly put on her earphones and selected a song to play.

She sipped once again and started to sing in low voice. “I personify the adolescent on a phone, speaking like I’m bigger than my body~ I personify that lack of freedom in your life and I’m sure she’ll be gone in a second~”

She sang an English song by the 1975’s ‘This Must Be My Dream’ while walking towards her University. “Takes a particular type of girrrlll~ to put my heart under arrest, so why’s this feeling on my chest?”

She saw the University where she’s enrolled to and she smiled to herself as she stopped walking to stare at the said University. “This must be my dream”

“Annyeong!! My beloved su-wegg (swag) chingus!” Jae Hee bombarded the student council room with a big smile.

“Yah, Park Jae Hee, it’s only been a month but you’re still loud as ” one of her friends said while drawing something on his sketch pad. Jae Hee frowned and threw a sandwich at his face. “Yah, Park Chanyeol, weren’t you the one who begged me to buy that sandwich, eo??” Jae Hee tsk-ed and walked over to her seat. “Yah, Chanyeol, my service is expensive so please add some extra bill, eo?” Jae Hee grinned at Chanyeol while she placed her laptop at the table and opened it.

“This is not even expensive” Chanyeol said and started eating his sandwich. “Did you finished your sketch?” Jae Hee frowned as soon as Chanyeol asked. “Don’t even ask, I don’t even have the motivation to finish it”

“Why? Were you dumped?” Chanyeol grinned.

Jae Hee sipped the last contents of her hot chocolate and threw the cup to Chanyeol. “I’m not! I’m the one who dumped him!” Jae Hee hissed as she placed her pen-tab beside her laptop and connected it. “Ohooo—you’re finally moving on?” Chanyeol laughed after asking that.

“Ahhh—shut up!!” Jae Hee said and covered her ears. After two years, Jae Hee finally decided to put an end to her one-sided love towards her crush. For a month she did nothing but watched k-dramas, sketching everything that comes to her mind and eating to McDonald’s.

“Whooaa, Jae Hee-yah! There are new tenants eo?” She heard a girl laughed and sat down beside her. Jae Hee covered her cheeks and glared at the girl. “They were about to go so stop mentioning them okay?” Jae Hee said and she was implying about her pimples.

After a few minutes the room was filled with the student council members for their department and was about to start the meeting.

“Okay kids, be quiet, we will start the meeting!” the p