Yebin’s smiling face is the first they see once the gates of the community open.

Nayoung greets her old friend with an embrace full of conviction, relief, and pure genuine elation she hasn’t felt in weeks.

Grateful seems far too insufficient of a word to accurately and fully describe how Nayoung feels about the reunion. Jieqiong and Eunwoo break down in tears too as Yebin comforts them with words of reassurance. The three of them waste no time in returning to the old swing of things, teasing each other through relieved and joyful tears. It evokes an overwhelming sense of nostalgia in Nayoung for their past lives before the outbreak.

Yebin walks them around the community and introduces them to new faces they have never seen before. It turns out her uncle acts as sort of a leader to the community, resulting in Yebin’s inadvertent authority above others. She tells them she's in charge of lookout and communication. Nayoung wonders if she’ll ever get used to seeing the charismatic Yebin walk around with a rifle in her hands. 

The community is far from big; just a small rural residential area isolated in the countryside and heavily barricaded with makeshift gates. It’s different from what Nayoung expected. She imagined a heavily guarded military base, intimidating and unaccepting. Or at least, that was what the man in the supermarket all that time ago had made it sound like before she ruthlessly abandoned him.

The reality of the community doesn’t match the hearsay, but is decent nevertheless and Nayoung is satisfied enough to consider her main objective of getting Jieqiong and Eunwoo to a safe haven fulfilled.

For the next several days, Yebin has them occupied with tasks in order to integrate them into the community.

Eunwoo is sent to learn the ropes from their so-called medical specialist. A medical student in the past life aspiring to be a doctor, she introduced herself as Yewon. Jieqiong is given a gun and sent to a lookout tower on the perimeter under the authority of someone younger than her. A cheerful young woman who speaks enthusiastically, Sungyeon is also an exceptionally skilled marksman and Jieqiong wastes no time in obeying her.

Yebin had initially given Nayoung the same task as Jieqiong, but Nayoung insisted on being a scavenger. She tells Yebin she’s better at acting than watching, hunting than observing. Nayoung knows it’s because she won’t be able to bear being stuck in a watchtower all day with no one else but Jieqiong. And so Yebin puts her with Minkyung, Siyeon, and Kyungwon.

Nayoung fits in effortlessly well, or so Yebin tells her. Minkyung grows fond of her quickly as the older girl calls her ‘Minky’. Nayoung learns Kyungwon is quite affectionate beneath her rather aloof exterior. Siyeon teaches her how she fends off feral animals and in exchange, Nayoung teaches her hand-to-hand combat she has picked up along the way.

She moves in with them at their allocated house within the community, slightly relieved to have escaped the bedroom she had been sharing with Jieqiong and Eunwoo at Yebin’s place. She had felt rather suffocated there. With truck rides filled with Minkyung and Kyungwon’s childish bickering, they raid empty places and bring back supplies as Nayoung learns how to gain a sense of the terrain. 

For the first time in a long time, Nayoung feels recharged. Her exhaustion has been slowly dwindling and she finally feels as if she’s surviving with others rather than for others. She's been laughing more often around her new friends. It’s a small step towards recuperation, but a step nevertheless.

Which is why she doesn’t hesitate to ask if she could tag along when Siyeon tells her that they were leaving. For good.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Nayoung answers, already in the process of packing up her belongings.

“You do know we probably won’t be returning here, right?”

“I know, Siyeon. This is the third time you’ve said that.”

“This is a dangerous mission.”

Nayoung pauses and turns to look at her with a raised eyebrow. “Do you doubt me?”

“…No, no, not at all.” Siyeon blinks at her from the doorway of Nayoung’s bedroom. “What about Jieqiong and Eunwoo?”

“What about them?”

“Are they staying?”

Nayoung shrugs as she speaks quietly. “If they want to.”

“Alright then. We’re leaving after lunch.”

With that, Siyeon leaves her be as she retreats downstairs. 

/

“We gotta go soon, it’s about a five hour drive from here to there.”

Kyungwon’s voice comes from inside the truck as Minkyung loads the back with supplies.

Nayoung is told they’re leaving for a different place; a warehouse in the outskirts of a town. Siyeon tells her they know people in the group.

Two days prior, they had received an emergency message from the warehouse pleading for assistance against raiders. Since then, all attempts at further communication have been unsuccessful. Minkyung, Kyungwon, and Siyeon volunteered to go and check on them. Yebin was against it, of course. She still is, though it’s for selfish reasons, really.

Yebin made no attempts at hiding her disappointment when Nayoung had told her that she was going with the other three. They had finally been reunited after a long time, alive and well, only for Nayoung to go off and separate herself. Despite the unhappiness, Yebin lets her go because she knows Nayoung wouldn’t have listened to her anyways. Despite Yebin now holding the authority in this life, Nayoung always got the last say in their previous lives. She was the eldest out of them after all.

Eunwoo hugs her tightly and Nayoung returns the embrace with a tight squeeze of her own as the younger girl sniffles into her shoulder.

“This isn’t goodbye,” Eunwoo says, her voice muffled by Nayoung’s shirt. “We’ll see each other again, won’t we?”

“Of course,” Nayoung answers her as she rubs Eunwoo’s back.

“Thank you for everything. I wouldn’t be here without you.” Eunwoo breaks apart the hug and rubs her tears away with her palms.

“Give yourself some credit too,” Nayoung tells her with a small smile.

“…I won’t be able to convince you to stay, huh? Your mind is set? 100%?” Eunwoo murmurs to which Nayoung replies with a solemn nod of her head. Eunwoo sighs understandingly as she takes Nayoung’s hands in her.

“I’m not going to make you promise me to come back because I know your stubborn won’t make promises you can’t keep,” Eunwoo rambles in between sniffles, prompting Nayoung to chuckle at her young friend. “So if you’re not returning, then I’ll be coming. I promise you that I’ll come. Me and Jieqiong. We’ll come to you, so you better wait for us, got it? You just stay put over there, okay?”

Nayoung gives her a sad smile with a nod of her head as she pulls Eunwoo in for another hug. “And promise me that you and Jieqiong will take care of each too, okay?”

Eunwoo nods into her shoulder as the sound of shoes pounding the pavement interrupts their embrace.

Nayoung had held off on telling Jieqiong until the last minute.

And literally, at the very last minute as she stands by the truck, Jieqiong comes running towards her with glassy eyes, seething in indignation.

“Why are you doing this?!”

Nayoung is taken aback by the anger in Jieqiong’s voice as the other girl halts to a stop in front of her. She looks like she’s on the verge of breakdown.

“Jieqiong–“

“After all we’ve been through, we finally find a place that keeps you and me safe, a real place to call home, and then you decide to leave for a damn suicide mission?”

Nayoung puts her hands on Jieqiong’s shoulders in an attempt to calm her down as she teeters on her feet in front of the Chinese girl. She looks over to Eunwoo, who has her gaze directed at the ground.

“It’s not a suicide mission, Jieqiong.”

“It is, you know it is. That warehouse could be overrun with zombies. What are you going to do then?” Jieqiong asks her through gritted teeth and Nayoung can tell she is holding back tears. “You’ll return, right? You’ll come back here?” Her tone takes a sad turn as Nayoung senses the tinge of desperation in Jieqiong’s words.

“It’s too long of a drive,” Nayoung answers her sadly. “We’re going and we’re staying over there Jieqiong, no matter the status and condition of the place. It’s already been decided. It’s a one-way trip.”

As her voice lowers into a mumble, Jieqiong’s initial anger fades into a sort of dejection that Nayoung feels like she hasn’t seen since before the outbreak; the same sort of dejection from failing an exam or finding out you can’t go home to your family for the holidays – dejection in memories from when everything was still normal. Nayoung doesn’t notice when Eunwoo steps away and leaves to give them privacy.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? That you were leaving?” Jieqiong asks, her voice quiet. “I only found out a couple of minutes ago from Yebin…”

“I’m sorry,” Nayoung tells her. She knows Jieqiong would’ve done anything to convince her to stay and she would’ve fallen for it, like always, but Nayoung knows this is something she has to do. She has to leave. It drains her mentally and emotionally to stay here. She doesn't feel the need to protect Jieqiong any more when they're safe behind walls and backed by an entire community of other survivors she knows she can trust. The main reason Nayoung still got out of bed every morning was because she looked forward to going out with Minkyung, Kyungwon, and Siyeon outside of the gates. 

“…When will I see you again?”

Nayoung feels her heart throbbing again as she looks into Jieqiong’s soft eyes. She straightens her back, determined not to let herself fall apart after she has diligently worked so hard gathering herself for the past few days.

“Someday,” Nayoung murmurs. A short silence falls between them before Nayoung builds up the courage to ask a question she shouldn’t ask. “You can come with me, if you’d like. Do you want to?”

Jieqiong hesitates in her reply and Nayoung doesn’t let it falter her. “Eunwoo wants to stay here,” Jieqiong answers and Nayoung takes it as a ‘no’, just as she had expected.

Nayoung gives her an understanding nod as Jieqiong returns her gaze with an apologetic look. “It’s better if you two stay here. It’s safer and Yebin needs you guys.”

“Yebin needs you too!”

“Jieqiong…”

The younger girl’s shoulders drop dejectedly as she nods her head in acceptance of something she doesn’t want to accept.

“I guess I can’t stop you then,” Jieqiong mutters. “I don’t know how to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. You’ve always taken care of us.”

For you, it was mostly for you. Nayoung gives her a small smile. For you, Jieqiong.

“You’re alive. And so is Eunwoo. That’s the best compensation I could ask for.”

“Almost done loading!” Minkyung’s voice from behind breaks the stillness that had settled between Nayoung and Jieqiong, like the way a bubble would pop the moment it made contact with the ground.

Jieqiong envelopes her in a tight embrace and Nayoung lets her arms wrap around the younger girl’s body. All of a sudden, regret from the way she has been distancing herself for the past few days hits Nayoung like a train. Holding back her tears, she tightens her arms and buries her head in the crook of Jieqiong’s neck.

She breaks away from the hug first, knowing that the other three are waiting for her patiently in the truck. Nayoung puts on a brave face and regains her composure; she can no longer drag this out longer than it needs to be or else she’ll find herself second-guessing her decision.

“I have to go, Jieqiong.”

Jieqiong gives her a small nod, her lips protruding downwards like a petulant pout. “Do not hesitate to radio us here if you guys need help, okay? I will come,” she says, her hands cupping Nayoung’s face. “Thank you again. You took care of me and most importantly, you took care of Eunwoo. I promised myself I wouldn’t let anything hurt her. Thank you for helping me keep my promise.”

Nayoung feels as if her heart is perched on the edge of a cliff as it quakes beneath her chest. A subtle flame runs under her skin. She wonders if Jieqiong could hear her pounding heartbeats as loud as she could. Nayoung keeps herself from wincing. Her tongue breaks when she tries to say something. It startles her, to say the least; she never realized her love for Jieqiong was this great. But she can’t fall apart, not now.

“Make sure to keep up your promise even when I’m gone,” Nayoung manages to say, even offering an encouraging smile to the girl her world had been revolving around.

Jieqiong returns it with a beam of her own, radiant as always, before Nayoung turns away from her and hops on to the back of the truck.

Siyeon pulls the tailgate up as the pickup truck roars to a spluttering start.

“Stay safe!” Jieqiong shouts once the truck begins to pull away. “Remember to aim for the brain, not the heart!”

Nayoung waves at her for the last time as her heart throbs like never before.

That’s right; the most effective way to kill a zombie is to aim for the head, not the heart. Even if her heart doesn’t agree, Nayoung knows what she must do. She has to move on, just as everyone else has.  

Nayoung pulls herself together as she directs her gaze to the road straight ahead. If she has learned one thing from Jieqiong, it’s to keep her eyes set on the light at the end of the tunnel and to strive towards it.

Nayoung will continue to endure. Through all the exhaustion, the hopelessness, the obstacles, the stinging heartache. She will endure.

//

94. 

Honestly, I wish I were dead.
Weeping many tears, she left me and said,
“Alas, how terribly we suffer, Sappho.
I really leave you against my will.”

And I answered: “Farewell, go and remember me.
You know how we cared for you.

If not, I would remind you
...of our wonderful times.

For by my side you put on
many wreaths of roses
and garlands of flowers
around your soft neck.

And with precious and royal perfume
you anointed yourself.

On soft beds you satisfied your passion.

And there was no dance,
no holy place
from which we were absent.”

//

a/n: thank you for reading. please let me know what you guys think!!

for anyone interested, all of the excerpts i used are from here

also, just for future reference, would it have been better if i posted the entire story in one chapter or was it okay separating them into parts like this & posting all of them at the same time? please let me know which one you prefer, thanks :)