You should've raised a baby girl, I should've been a better son.

Mark sets his pickaxe into his tool bag and momentarily stared at the mess of his brothers sleeping in their cramped room. Bambam was on his bed, sleeping straight, unnaturally still. Youngjae and Jackson are cuddled on Youngjae’s bed or rather Youngjae was sleeping on his side and Jackson was hugging him so tightly that Mark was slightly worried, for Youngjae’s sake. Mark hadn’t been able to get any sleep and as soon as the sun began to peak, just enough for light to emit through his windows he was up, changing into his mining clothes, waiting for it to become bright enough to wake his brothers. He sat at the window, watching the forest awaken with sounds of birds and wild animals.

Just as he was about to turn away, he heard the front door open. Snow White walked out, in a thick cloak Mark knew was Jackson’s. Mark watched as she stretched, one hand still holding a mug of warm tea. Mark can hear her singing and whistling in a melodic voice, birds begin to crowd her. The events that unfold seem awfully familiar and Mark’s heart beats painfully in his chest.

Snow White reminded him of Jinyoung.

Or Prince Jinyoung, or whoever that lying bastard was supposed to be.

Mark grimaced. Jinyoung was a memory he wanted to erase. A memory of how his heart had fallen for a deceiving man who sang and looked like an angel. Jinyoung was beautiful. His smooth fair skin was a stark contrast to his dark hair and full red lips. It wasn’t just his beauty that had caught his attention; it was the way Jinyoung thought. It was the way he read to widen his horizons and the way he talked about what he read. It was the way the world fascinated Jinyoung that fascinated him.

But in the end, it all didn’t matter because Mark was blinded by his beauty to even notice he was lied to. How could he not know what the Prince of the Kingdom looked like? He was an idiot.

His eyes creep to the singing figure by the tree in front of their house. The dark locks of her hair fell short on her shoulders and the fair skin that was showing out of her short sleeves was almost glowing as the shy sunlight hit her complexion. She was beautiful and she sang and she cooks and she saw Mark with kind eyes no matter how harsh Mark was to her.

Alright, that was probably Mark’s fault. The moment he had saw Snow White sleeping in their house the first thought that had entered his mind was Jinyoung. And every moment after all he could think of was Jinyoung.

Jinyoung, Jinyoung, Jinyoung…

Mark ruffled his hair in frustration. He clenched his fist and immediately started kicking the side of the beds in the room. “Wake up! Wake up!”

He scream and shouted in rage as his brothers woke up feeling either really pissed (Bambam) or really scared (Youngjae).

“Chill, man” Jackson cooed, caging Mark in his strong arms. Jackson hair sticking out in places from sleep and his eyes still mostly closed as he evelopes Mark’s in his hands. His tone wasn’t threatening but rather tired and a hint of understanding. Mark didn’t stand a chance. “We are up”

Mark looked at Jackson’s large brown eyes and immediately felt shame. His rage dissipated and all that was left was remorse.
 

“Go get breakfast, cranky grandpa”

-o0o-

Mark sighed when he saw his house. Jackson had forced him to go back home because he was spacing out too much and causing trouble at work. His thoughts were simply too far away from him too catch today. He was too lost in his thoughts that he couldn’t seem to comprehend what was going on in reality. Thus, he had somehow ended up walking aimlessly into the forest.

He made a few stops. One, to the clearing he had intended to show to Jinyoung that day when Jinyoung had been carried away by the castle guards. There was an apple tree in the middle of the clearing, where Mark had spent the summer, playing with wild flowers. He had a fond memory of his father bringing him there when he was around. His siblings being too young for his father too bring them. So it was just him and the birds and insects that he chases around. His father casting a watchful eye over him playing as he sharpened his mining tools.

He had also paid the hawthorn tree a visit. It was where he had first found Jinyoung. He was singing to birds blissfully unaware of Mark watching him. Mark had intended to go into town to buy supplies for the house, when he heard the sound of Jinyoung singing an unfamiliar tune. He was immediately mesmerized. The way Jinyoung had shifted when he was caught had alarmed Mark; the shift in his weight that made him look awkward but also strangely adorable. He had went home that day with no supplies and a stolen heart.

 It was the place Mark had spent his whole autumn, waiting for Jinyoung to appear. He waited without ever knowing if Jinyoung would appear. He waited for the smile on Jinyoung’s face when he saw Mark waiting for him. Then when it got too dark, Jinyoung would disappear to his mysterious world. Or rather the once mysterious world which turned out to consists of royalty. Mark was an idiot.

He passed by the tree in which he had hid while he watched the guard mock Jinyoung. He remembers what it felt like to be kicked into with armored boots and the sound of Jinyoung shouting for them to stop. He remembered the sharp apology Jinyoung had offered him before he had left. He remembered slumping into the ground, feeling nothing but betrayal burn in his chest.

He had been nothing but honest with Jinyoung but Jinyoung could barely tell him who he was.

“You’re back”

Mark snapped out of the train of his thought. Snow White was looking at him with a bright smile etched on her face. She carried a big basket of apples, donning Jackson’s ridiculously large cloak.

“Where did you go?” Mark croaked. He crossed his arms looking at anywhere but directly at Snow. She seemed to flail around for a moment, seemingly flustered by the question.

It takes a moment but soon she raises the basket.

“I went to get some apples” she smiled.

It was something about the way she handled herself that made Mark thinks of the one thing he didn’t want to. Jinyoung…

 “Why are you back so early?” her voice echoed above the silent sounds of the forest, her words precise despite her uncertain posture. “Are you sick?”

Mark looked at her approaching him and tries his best to not flinch away. His eyes scanned Snow’s features as she approached him. He watched her dark brown eyes and bright red lips. The darkness of her hair was a stark contrast to her fair skin. A voice he knew all too well echoed in his head.

A daughter who had skin white as snow, lips red as blood and hair black as night

Mark doesn’t know how he managed to do it but suddenly, Snow was on the ground looking at Mark with a mix of hurt and confusion. Mark had pushed her to the ground as he was too caught up in his thoughts. He had once again hurt Snow because Jinyoung was haunting him.

“I’m sorry” Mark stammered but Snow simply picks herself up and fluffs her dress.

“It’s ok. I shouldn’t have come so close” she smiled and Mark could see it didn’t reach her eyes.

-o0o-

Mark can’t sleep.

Thoughts of how he had pushed a girl to the ground because of how eerily similar she was to Jinyoung was haunting him. Jinyoung was haunting him. He wondered about where Jinyoung was. He wondered whether Jinyoung was ok. He wondered if the queen had punished him for sneaking out.

He wondered whether he was the only one losing his mind because all he could do was think of him.

He obviously isn’t thinking of you.

A dull pain courses through his chest as he picks up a warm blanket from the closet and decided to make some warm tea for himself. He glances at the figure of his three brothers sleeping and feels mildly jealous of the peace he lacks in his mind.

There is hot tea already brewing when he arrives in the kitchen. Mark should have known Snow White would be awake. It doesn’t seem like she could sleep either. Well, all the nights he had been creeping out of bed, he had bumped into Snow. And surely enough, Mark could see her looking into the sky with a glint of admiration. A cup clasped securely between her fingers.

He had caught Snow outside the house in the night more than once. So really he should have known.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Mark hears his voice break the icy air. The blanket that covered him wasn’t enough for these cruel temperatures. Snow turned to him in shock for a millisecond before relaxing at the knowledge of who it was.

“I didn’t want to miss the stars” she said. Her voice was barely a whisper. “In winter the skies are clearer”

Mark clasped his own cup of tea in his hands hoping it was enough as a heat source. He sits on the door step, watching Snow as she kept her eyes on the sky.

“I wish I could read the stars. I read about the star charts and I could name constellations but when I look at the sky all I see is stars” Snow said, hot breath making fog leave . “I wish I had read more on them”

“You read?”

Snow looked at Mark and for a second she looked like she had said too much. But she fixes herself with a shallow cough and said, “Sometimes, I do. You couldn’t sleep? Are you hungry?”

“No” Mark said a little too quickly. Snow would rush to his care so fast if he was. She was like the mother figure he had never had. “I just wanted some tea” he said, raising his mug.

curved into a small smile before her eyes finds itself back at the stars in the dark night sky. They share a small silence that makes Mark’s stomach curl at the familiarity. If he closed his eyes he could pretend it was Jinyoung sitting next to him but that sounds insane because Snow was a woman.

And Jinyoung was a man.

They are not the same person.

“Mark”

His whole body tensing as he pretends to be calm by sipping his hot tea. It was scalding hot but he plays it off like it was nothing. “What is it?”

“Do you hate me?”

Mark choked on his tea. “What makes you say that?”

Snow looked at him and without even saying a word; Mark could tell what she meant. It’s pretty obvious isn’t it?

“I don’t hate you” Mark defends. He really doesn’t after all. “I’m just weird at the moment. It is something I rather not discuss”

Snow looked at her dirty feet which she swung in a rhythmic pattern as if it would calm her nerves. A flash of his memories remind him that Jinyoung did the exact same thing when he wanted to say something but was simply too nervous.

Stop thinking about him

“If you feel you need me to keep my distance, I would” she said. Her eyes still stuck to the motion of her swinging feet, not even meeting Mark’s eyes. A hint of hurt laced into her tone, though she was obviously trying her best to conceal it.

Mark dwells with the guilt that was heavy in his heart alone, watching as Snow stopped looking at her bare feet and back again at the sky, the glint of admiration Mark had seen just a second ago faded. It was still there, just not as shiny.

-o0o-

“What happened between the both of you?” Jackson voice invited silence at the dinner table. They were eating dinner and everyone was digging into the food Snow had worked so hard to cook until Jackson had to open his mouth and made everyone freeze.

Mark shifted in his seat. Snow was fussing over the small portion Mark had taken for himself and was force feeding him. It was a stark difference to the once ‘avoid her all you can’ drama that Mark had somehow willed upon himself.

“What do you mean what has happened?” Snow sings, finding her way back to her seat within seconds. “There is nothing odd”

Jackson squints at the both of them. Then his eyes meet Bambam and Youngjae who were trying to stay out of the whole issue. At least Youngjae was, Bambam was busy trying to steal the rest of the bread for himself (he didn’t manage to because Snow had swatted his hand away).

“You guys do seem closer than usual” Youngjae said carefully. Bless his soul for being so considerate of everyone’s feelings.

Mark watches the way Snow shakes nervously, her feet probably swinging or tapping her nerves away. So maybe he had been trying to be extra nice to Snow. He felt bad about all the misconceptions he had caused Snow to feel and wanted to make up for it. Maybe he had spent a lot of time under the starry night listening to Snow talk about stars. Maybe they have spent a bit of time in the early mornings watching the stars vanish as the sun rises. Maybe he was tumbling down into a pit he didn’t want to fall into.

“It’s nothing, Jackson.” Mark said sternly. Suddenly, feeling himself fall into a pit of his own thoughts again. “Drop it”

Jackson’s mouth opened for a moment as if he wanted to protest but Mark could see Snow shaking his head from the corner of his eyes. And his mouth falls shut.

-o0o-

“I’m sorry about Jackson”

Snow looked up at him for a moment before resuming to the sky. Her attention was apt on the glow of constellations with one hand tapping her knee and the other holding her tea.

“Why are you apologizing to me?” she said softly, soft chuckles sneaking between her words. “I was only afraid you would snap his neck”

Mark laughed but didn’t comment further. He sat down wishing he could paint the way Snow looked at the stars. The look in her eye no longer faded.

-o0o-

“It’s been a week since you guys have let me stayed at your house” Snow chimed as they hiked to the spot they usually watched the sunset. Snow led the way with such ease. It was almost like she was one with her surroundings.

“Yeah, it’s been a week since I’ve been sharing a bed with Bambam”

Snow looked apologetic for a second but Mark immediately raised his hands. “Please don’t” he warned. An expression of mild shock passes by Snow’s feature but it’s quickly turned into a smile.

“It feels like I’ve known you all my life” she says quietly almost as if she was afraid Mark could hear her but her voice cut through the rustling of the branches clearly. Mark could hear her loud and clear and he didn’t know why his heart felt dread.

She would betray you. Just like Jinyoung did. You aren’t fit to be loved.

Mark shakes the words off as they reach their little spot. It was at the edge of a cliff and big rocks decorated the place, providing them seating. Snow had found it and had quickly invited Mark.

They settle down in the semi darkness, Snow snuggling herself into her cloak and Mark rubbing his hands together. There was a tension in the air that Mark hadn’t felt before. A shift in the way Snow was carrying herself that made Mark feel like she had something important to say; something that would make or break him.

“Have you ever been in love?”

Mark stared at Snow with wide eyes. She wasn’t looking at him but rather at the grass beneath her feet. Her hands were tapping her knees again.

“I’m not sure about it but I’ve read a lot about it” She said. Her eyes had finally found the courage to look Mark straight in the eye. The intensity she conveyed caused Mark to shy away almost immediately.

This can’t be happening.

“The way the heart beats faster and you can’t sleep or you can’t eat and they are all you can think about. The way your heart breaks when you separate and the way you feel happy they are just there,”

“It feels like that when I’m with you” her eyes round and expecting and Mark could feel his life crashing before him. He could understand it all. He knew what it was like to fall in love. He knew what it felt like to watch the one he loved walk away. He had felt it all with Snow. The only problem was it was for all the wrong reasons.

Snow was almost alike to what Jinyoung was. Her red lips, white skin and dark hair; The way her eyes crinkled into crescents when she laughed, leaving lines of eye whiskers; The way she talked about the world like it was the most fascinating thing in the world and the way she thought so deeply about things as to show her attentiveness to her surroundings. It was almost the same. But the one difference remained that Snow was a lady, and Jinyoung was a man. Jinyoung was the one who had his heart and there was no way he could simply give it up.

Because even though a big part of him had fell in love with the way Snow looked into the sky, Mark had fell in love with her for all the wrong reasons. Mark was in love with her because he reminded Mark of him.

“I can’t do this” Mark blurted. “I just can’t”

He could hear Snow shouting for him to come back. But he had run faster than ever. Tears were in his eyes as he shouted and screamed in frustration. He ran and ran till his feet couldn’t bring him anymore.

He slumped to the ground in exhaustion. His breath labored and the sun rising to illuminate the once dark forest. He scanned his surroundings feeling his heart thump painfully in his chest when he realized where he was.

The hawthorn tree

Here he was pathetically crying over Jinyoung, naturally gravitating toward him like Jinyoung was the centre of his world and yet, Jinyoung was nowhere to be found. Jinyoung was in a castle, living the luxury life far away from Mark.

-o0o-

The dread of realizing something was very wrong hits Mark square in the face when Jackson comes running to him. They had made it to work as usual that morning. Jackson had made his way to town to buy ingredients while everyone else had headed back.

The first sign that something was wrong was that Snow was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t cooking in the kitchen nor was she washing in the garden.

The second sign was Jackson running towards him with a panicked expression. It was as though he had seen a ghost. He shoved a piece of parchment into Mark’s chest. His silence made it all so very unnerving. Jackson was almost never silent.

Mark started reading the parchment and immediately felt a cold chill run through his body. There was a picture of Snow White drawn on the piece of parchment with big bold letters that read; WANTED WITH REWARD.

-----------//---------------

it's really late isn't it. i'm sorry. <3