It has been 8 months since I came back to Seoul. I was trying my best to adjust to the life here again. None of my friends actually knew that I was back, I was careful not to let anyone know. I knew there will be one day when one of them will know but I wished it won't be soon. They only people who knew I was back are my parents, my little brother and my the only friend I have Kwon Jiyong. 

Jiyong and I met after I moved to the US, he was also living there to study. It happened that we were studying in the same university and since both of us were Korean we were friends almost immediately. I was really glad I met him, I don't know what would have happened to me if he weren't there I must have gone crazy. It was really hard being away from the people you love.

It was really hard telling my parents that I wanted to continue studying in the United States, and it was even harder when told them I would live there after graduating from university. The were always asking why I chose that but I refused to tell them. Only me and Yuna knew the real reason and I am not willing to break my promise to her. Even though I have been slowly dying after that day. 

I killed myself with that decision but I guess it was for the best, I mean Seung Hyun didn't love me and I was just a friend to him. I was the one who always builds up things in my mind. I know that if maybe I confessed first or said that I love him first things would have been different but there is no point in regretting things now. 

My biggest disappointment was when Yuna decided to stay away from me after everything I did for her. But I tried to convince myself that she has every right to that since I was the one who slept with the boy she loves. I am sure I was the first who loved him but I never admitted it and kept it for myself while she, on the other hand, was doing everything to get his attention. 

After I told Jiyong the truth, he told me that I was crazy and that I  shouldn't listen to her but I defended myself saying that I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Which was ruined anyways and now I only have Jiyong as my friend. Ever since the day we met, he was always there for me. In the bad and the good things. When I spent days and nights crying he was there to comfort me. He was the one who helped me get out of the depression mode I was in. 

With years passing, Jiyong eventually told me that he has feelings for me. But being the lovesick girl I was, I refused. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make me forget about Seung Hyun. I couldn't let go of him that's why I refused Jiyong. I didn't want to ruin our friendship and lose the only friend I have left. He was understanding and ever since then he never pressured me or forced me into anything. 

He got back to Seoul, one year before me and it was like hell living there alone. I did have friends there but they never compared to him. He was always asking me to come and have a new start here and forget about the things that happened when I was just a teenager but I refused. 

Until one day, I got a call from my father telling me that my mother was hospitalized and that I needed to come here as soon as possible. When I heard that, my mind was out of my head and I found myself on the first plane to Seoul. But less did I know that there was another surprise waiting for me here. After I met with my mother and crying my eyes out, my father gave me the bomb. My mother was suffering from cancer and she was refusing any kind of treatment. 

I almost had a heart attack when I heard that, and spent the next few days crying and regretting leaving my family behind in the first place. After much pleading and much crying, my mother finally accepted to started getting the right treatments before it was too late. But it was all in one condition, I had to stay here and never leave before. 

I didn't think about anything else when I accepted that other than my mother. I couldn't imagine my life without her. And if something happened to her when I wasn't there I would have died just after her. I spent years alone and away from my family and I thought that it was the time to stop that. 

I didn't have anything to do when I was there and since my mother refused to let me go with her to the hospital, I spent all my days at home. I was getting crazy until Jiyong told me that I should work. I loved food and I adored to cook so I decided to open my own restaurant. I was good at cooking and I had a degree in management so it wasn't a hard thing. Money wasn't hard to find too. After I told my family of my decision of staying, my father was willing to do anything for me, so when I asked him for money he didn't hesitate to give it to me. 

Thanks to Jiyong and his connection, I bought a place in just two weeks. And in two months my restaurant was open. I was really glad that I was finally having the life I wanted but inside I was missing something. Someone ... 

I knew it was a matter of time before I meet one of them but I just tried to stay away from everything related to them. I already knew that Yuna and Seung Hyun were together. I understand that let that happen when I took myself and left without fighting for my love but it still hurts a little knowing she got everything I wanted. 

You are probably wondering what happened and how I got here. So I'll tell you... 

Everything started when we entered high school. Yuna and I have been friends since we were in kindergarten. We were inseparable. It was then when we met Seung Hyun and his friends Daesung and Youngbae. We started hanging out together all the time. And since Seung Hyun and I were in the same class we were closer than the rest of them. We were always together and everyone thought we were dating. I loved him since the first time I saw him but I knew I was just a friend to him. He never said he loved me or did anything to show it.

With time, Yuna started to have a thing for him and just in the day I was about to tell her that I loved him she told me. I was shocked and then I decided to keep it just to myself. Upon knowing that my best friend was in love with the same boy as me, I decided to have a distance and let him be the one who chose. 

They starting hanging out together and it seemed that they went everywhere together. And on my 19th birthday party, Yuna told me that she was going to sleep with Seung Hyun that night. I was furious and I was jealous when I heard that so I put everything in the alcohol. I kept drinking nonstop and I ended up kissing a random guy then I remember being dragged by someone. The I didn't remember anything. 

And in the morning I got the shock of my life. It wasn't just that I woke up with the worst hangover ever, I also woke up in a hotel room covering in only the bed sheets and there was a boy sleeping next to me. And that boy wasn't supposed to be there ever. Seung Hyun wasn't supposed to be there. And then it hit me, I lost my ity to him, the boy that my best friend loved and wanted. 

I didn't think of myself and I only felt the guilt. I quickly and quietly changed my clothes and left without him knowing anything. And that was the last time I ever saw him...

That day, I couldn't handle the guilt I felt and decided to tell Yuna everything. And that's what I did. She almost killed me that day but I didn't do anything about it. The next day she called me again and asked me to meet her. I told her that I would do anything to prove to her that our friendship matters to me than all the other things and that's when she told me to leave. 

It was damn hard choosing that but I accepted and in just two days I was already on my way to the US. Just like that without saying goodbye to anyone or explaining anything, I left everything and run away. I didn't talk to Seung Hyun because I was afraid I would change my mind if I did. I loved him so much but I still couldn't lose my best friend.

My brother told me that he always kept asking about me but told him not to tell him anything. And at the age of 19, I left my family, my friends, everything and everyone I knew, my country and the only person I left behind me... Just before I get to the plane, I took one last look at my country and I hoped that someone would come and stop me but that someone never came 

'' Just be happy and forget about me... '' 

June 11th, 2015, it was another normal day at the restaurant or so I thought. One of my favorite customers was having a dinner here with her friends. She said that she and her friends were celebrating something, and asked me to prepare something special for them. She was really nice and she always asked about me whenever she came. She always came alone and that day was the first time she would bring others with her. I came early and started to cook. Since she was always nice to me, I decided to prepare her dinner myself. 

Little did I know that I would be preparing dinner for the people I tried to avoid all these years... 

____________________

'' Come one we'll be late '' Seung Hyun yelled from downstairs

'' Coming coming! '' Yuna replied '' I can't lock my necklace, would you please help me? '' she said turning her back to him and moving her hair to the side. He didn't have any other option so he did but he knew what she really wanted with doing this so he never gave it to her.

She was waiting for a kiss on her neck or her shoulder but she never got it. She knew he didn't love her like she did but she wasn't going to let go of him. 

As they were in the car, Yuna was speaking like she always did

'' I can't believe this, I really love you '' she cheerfully said but he wasn't really listening to her. 

The girl next to him was soon going to be his wife and this whole dinner was to celebrate their engagement. He never loved her no matter how much he tried but he just couldn't. He was only with her because she was there for him when his heart was broken and he was only marrying her because he's mother was always nagging at him asking him to steal down. 

And since the girl he loved left him years ago, he just asked Yuna to marry him and she happily accepted. Usually when a guy proposes he would be the happiest man on earth to marry the girl he loves but that wasn't the case for him. He didn't feel anything and he knew he would never do. He stopped feeling years ago and he didn't mind spending the rest of his life with someone he didn't live. He thought it was better than marrying someone chosen for him or continuing his life alone. 

He loved these cheerful, happy, beautiful girl when he was a teenager. He adored everything about her but he was too afraid that she didn't feel the same and that he would lose her if he told her. So he never did. She was having a distance from him and it was killing him. And on her 19th birthday, he bought her a promise ring and he was about to confess everything. He already told Yuna to help him do that since she was her only friend and she accepted but when he got to the club where the party was held, he found her in another guy's lap and they were french kissing. 

When he saw her like that he couldn't stop himself and he dragged her out of there. She was dead drunk so he decided it was better to take her to a hotel. And in that night, she told him that she loved him and he couldn't believe how happy he felt that and how fortunate he was that he got the girl he wanted and loved all these years. 

He thought everything was going to be great after what happened between them that night. But he was wrong. In the morning when he woke up, he didn't find anyone in the room, the only thing he found was the box that contained their promise rings. He heart flinched. And in just minutes he was in his car driving to her house. But he never found her. He waited but she never came. He was too afraid that he hurt her and he did everything to reach her but he couldn't. 

A few days, after that he got the news that she left to the United States for good. He didn't accept it and kept looking for her. He wasn't able to understand anything and just kept looking for her even when all his friends told him not to. He was too in love with her to believe what Yuna told him. She said that Jae Eun left because she loved another boy and went after him to the US. 

He never believed her or his friends. Even when they told him that he was crazy for holding on someone who left him without caring about anything. But he still refused to let go. But years passed and she never came back nor she did call or ask, so he started to believe what they told him. But he wasn't able to forget about her. 

She was his first love and probably the last. She was the first girl who he experienced with, not just that she was so special to him. And was impossible for him to forget her. But with time he started to think that she actually didn't love him and what happened to them was just because she was drunk, that's what his mind told him but his heart told him otherwise. 

Even though he was about to get married, he still couldn't stop thinking about her. There were these times when he imagined his finacée as Jae Eun and that was the only time he would feel happy but just when he does everything comes back real and reality slaps him hard. 

All the car ride, Yuna was the only one speaking while he was just thinking about the past. She knew he wasn't listening to her but there was no point in arguing. She knew that he didn't love her and he was still holding on Jae Eun but she was too selfish to tell him the truth. She was about to get what she wanted and she was sure that if he found out after they get married he would forgive her. In the end of the day, she was the only one who was next to him all these years when he was hurt even though she was the one who caused that pain but she didn't care. 

She wanted him all to herself even if he didn't love her. She always wanted what Jae Eun had and he was the most thing she ever wanted so she was more than happy to steal him from her. They were friends, yes. But she was too blind and too jealous to think of that. She knew how much Jae Eun loved him and even though she didn't love him then, she decided to love him too. She also knew that he loved her when he asked her for help. And pretending to be the good friend she accepted. 

Just that night, she told Jae Eun that she was planning to bed Seung Hyun and she made sure to get her drunk. And just before Seung Hyun got there, she paid for a boy to go and kiss her. 

And just like she wanted, her plan worked. And in the next day, Jae Eun came begging her to forgive her so she took the chance and asked her to leave for good. At that time, she didn't have any mercy or love in her and she was only filled with greed. After that day, she got close to Seung Hyun until she was able to be engaged to him. 

There were nights when Seung Hyun would get drunk and call her Jae Eun, those are the only nights he would