FAST FORWARD 8 MONTHS LATER

I am writing this on July 13th, 2017 and today,

He left me again.

But this time... with our baby.

''Oppa, please don't leave. Please don't leave me. Please don't leave us. What about our baby? What about our Min Hee? You can't go now!''

He pushed away my hand that was desperately holding on to his. As soon as he removed my hand away, I lost hope... I felt empty. This can't be happening. Not yet. Not right now.

''Don't wait for me.'' He left, forgetting our daily dimple kiss.

It's been barely a week he left for the army in Syria yet I feel so lonely. I fell into depression, after he left me like that. No goodbyes, no kisses. No affection I was seeking for. Depression to me is like having your mind replaced by another one that makes me feel worthless and numb to life—even to my own husband and daughter. It deprives me of feeling anything other than a sense of perpetual sadness, never quite knowing the source of it but knowing that feeling well. Depression has stolen my confidence and now I no longer feel I am worthy of anyone’s love. Depression calls me names and makes me have awful thoughts, and there have been times when depression has won and I’ve taken an overdose. Slipping into depression felt like falling down a dark bottomless shaft, wondering if and when your fall will ever be caught. And as you look back to where you fell from—which is where you know you need to get back to—you can see it receding further into the distance, the proverbial light becoming dimmer and dimmer, while the shaft into which you are falling becomes deeper, darker, and all the more enveloping.

''Please don't do this to me.''

''Let go of me, I have to leave.''

He shut the door and locked it firmly so that I wouldn't ever be able to take a step out the house. I knew that deep down he still loved me so why, why on earth would he ever do this to me? Was