Junmyeon couldn't help but fidget with his fingers. He don't know why he is getting so depressed when he had planned this all along. He realized he arrived way before the meeting time when he glanced the large clock at the café's entrance. He kind of walked three blocks from his home, absently kicking the piled snow, just so he can kill some time before coming to the café but still he came an hour earlier. He walked quietly to the seat near the windows and took off his jacket to lay it on the seat beside him. For a while he just sat there lost in thoughts before an all-smiles-today kind of cafe worker greeted him to get his attention. When the cheerful waitress asked for his orders he almost cringed at the mention of food, his stomach... more like his mind was giving him weird sensations on the thought of stomaching food. He even skipped breakfast and walked down the road but he can't seem to get hungry at all, so he just ordered a cold drink, which is not an ideal item to be taken at this type of weather. Though the waitress didn't comment she couldn't help but ask does he need anything warm to go with it, for which he replied with a shake of his head. He realized what a mistake that was when he took a large sip off the drink when his order arrived. The insides of his mouth got frozen shock and he swallowed the liquid with much difficulty.

While trying to nurse his brain freeze he started staring and spacing off the streets again. It started snowing again softly but he didn't actually enjoy the view given his mind was running many, many things inside his head at the moment. He was so consumed in his thoughts that he didn't even notice someone approaching his table and take off their coat to lay it on over his. He snapped into reality only when he heard the soft screech of the chair being pulled. He turned to look at the figure take the seat opposite to him. As if something struck him he muttered a meek ''Yi....fan'' under his breath with his mind reminding him why he is here today. 

He came here today to break up with Yifan.

Junmyeon simply stared at the tall handsome blonde talking to him without realising that the male was actually asking him a question. He was pulled off from his reverie when the handsome male waved a hand in front of him while calling his name seeing the distant look Junmyeon was giving him. Junmyeon blinked twice only to give him a choked 'huh?' as a reply. The tall male named Yifan asked him again ''Were you waiting for long Jun?'' with a smile gracing his handsome face.

He gave a slow headshake and finally stuttered a ''N-no, i-I came early.'' 

 Unable to look in the eyes, Junmyeon averted his gaze to his drink trying to take another sip from his drink to keep him busy. Though it still freezes his mouth, but the sensation now is better than the first time. Its kind of what he needs right now to soothe the frenzied nerves in him. But the way his face contorts slightly on the contact of the ice is not missed by the one sitting opposite to him.

Yifan eyes the droplets formed on the outer suface of the glass wondering why would Junmyeon order something cold at this weather. So when the same cheerful waitress comes for his orders, Yifan takes the liberty to order for both of them with hot choclate and turns to ask Junmyeon if he needs anything else. But once again it is answered by blinks follwed by slow shake of his head to tell him no. So when the waitress left them to bring his orders after paying, he turns to Junmyeon viewing the workers trying to clear off the snow piles.

When his attention is finally on him, Yifan starts with talking about how it suddenly started snowing from yesterday evening and how difficult it was to get across the snow covered roads with the slipperyness and all, subtly apologising again for comming late. Junmyeon's mind wordlessly remainded him of one big problem with Yifan - 'he is always considerate'. He could have cancelled the meeting if it was that difficult. Junmyeon even wished Yifan wouldn't show up and cancel their meeting on second thought. But then again why he, himself didn't, also poked him.

Before he could get lost in his thoughts again, Junmyeon absently brings the drink to his lips and trembled with the contact of cold liquid. Noticing the obvious reaction, Yifan gently held his wrist and brought the cup down before he could drink it. Junmyeon watched Yifan prying the cup off and wrapping his hands with the other free hand of his. Junmyeon's breath hitched with the gesture. When he looked up to Yifan, he was already bringing the cold drink which he took from him to his mouth asking ''Can I taste it? Is it that delicious that you ordered an iced milkshake at this weather?''

Without waiting for the permission Yifan took a sip of the drink and his face immediately cringed at the taste and his eyes crinkled shut at the coldness giving him an instant headache, his hand, which were holding Junmyeon's,  shot up to press on his ears to try and alleviate the bolts. In a tight voice he said ''You are never ordering it again!! How did you even finish half of it? Sweet tooth understandable, getting bolts from it is not at all acceptable!''

Yifan nagged a lot when provoked.

That is something he picked up after dating the giant. Because in all those usual stoic self, nagging means Yifan actually cares. The thought unconsciously brought a smile on his lips amid all the things.

Yifan's face lit up with a smile of his own when he saw Junmyeon smiling fondly at his reaction. But that too disappeared when Yifan said ''Ah... there's the smile I didn't get since I got here.'' Not minding the drop in the expression he took Junmyeon's tiny hands resting on the table into his big warm hands with a fond smile and said ''You know its rare for you to ask me out.''

Junmyeon didn't know what to answer to that. Its true, if they are going out, it is almost always from Yifan's invitation. ''Ahh... Sorry did I disturb you?'' He asked meekly with guilt lacing his voice.

Yifan chuckled a bit and said ''No... its rather welcoming. And you know its gonna be a year since we met'' with a squeeze of his hands. His insides lurched again at the words Yifan said. Junmyeons eyes got a little misty over the fact that he deliberately forgot. Its going to be an year since they met and it is few months since they started dating. And once again the guilt overwhelmed him.

'It was not as though he had no other option but to date me. He could have rejected me saying it was a drunk session but he didn't. He is just a kind person who allowed me to date him. And here I am lying to the very man who has been so kind to me for over an year.'

The thought took him down the memory lane and here is his mind replaying it from when everything came down. 

My mom always said that a person's course of life changes when they enter university. Though it might seem mundane, whether it changes for good or takes a fall, depends on the choices of the individual. I realized how true her words were with an experience of my own.

I am Kim Junmyeon in my senior year of College. I came from a small town to this big city, like every other student, in dreams of pursuing a better education and if everything went well, for a better life too. Like any other university student I was entranced by the lifestyle here and like everyone else, fell in love too... fell in love with a man who never saw me as his lover. He was my first love and the first person I have ever dated. Almost an year ago, like every other university student history, I was too dumped by the person who I thought was my everything. But unlike others, my first love was stolen away from me. Rippped right off my heart leaving a bleeding hole in place of what suppposed to be my precious love. The words that crashed everything around me left a scar so big that still screams with pain in my every waking hour.

We met each other through a crash course we took a little into our freshmen year for extra credits. He was friendly, charming with a broad view on many things but still a little timid on the inside. Even after our short course ended he still looked out for me, telling me I'm a loner and included me in his group outings so I could make friends. Back then he saved me from numerous awkward situations and it is really thanks to him that I really came out of my shell. When he first confessed, he wanted me to go out with him even if I dint hold any feelings for him then. At first I found it forceful and overbearing. He was never overtly sweet or anything. But everytime we met I found myself falling a little deeper for him. The feeling of contentedness that you are someone elses priority, it was such a wonderful time. I became so blinded by my one sided love that I believed without a doubt that our happiness was absolute. I deluded myself that we would last forever. But then, it all came down to a sudden end crashing me on whole.

I saw him often going out with a boy in high school uniform but never confronted him being afraid that I would come out as a clingy and jealous person. Besides a high school uniform means that the boy is just a kid. He could be anyone, his neighbour or even a relative. How stupid of me. I believed in him blindly, thought our love was absolute. I believed if anything that disturbed him, he will talk it out to me so we would solve it togather. He did talk to me one day, not to solve but to end. 

''I think we should end this.'' those were his first words. I was clueless when he said that. At first I thought he was confessing his unfaithfulness to me. He said 'He will make this work out' 'He is more accepting now' 'we should come over any difficulties thats in our way'.

Even after hearing it, I foolishly thought they were directed at me when all of those words were for that kid. It all nailed through me when he said '...So I don't need a substitute anymore.' I stared at him speechless, my mind suddenly becoming numb.

All this time I saw him as my everything when all he saw in me was a... substitute. It broke me a little more in the inside. He said the kid I often saw him with was the one he has been seeing for a long time. He said his name is 'Huang Juntao' and 'he is a sweet kid just like me.'

We had nothing in common, our physic, our voice, our gestures, nothing, yet he said we are somehow similar. How... how could he laugh and tell me about it. How pathetic, he thanked me that because of me that kid had finally noticed him, he thanked me for the distraction I provided him with. I understood that even if I burst out in tears before him, he would still have told me his story as though I'm some friend he could confide in. All I could do was clench my fist and stare at him numbly.

 Even after we broke up I couldn't bring myself to believe that we are over. That what I believed we had was just a fingement of my imagination. I couldn't help but care about his action and chased him foolishly. But all I could do was simply watch him happy with that kid. I watched the kid diligently wait for him. I watched the two of them meet up at the college entrance. I heard him calling the kid in the uniform 'Tao-tao' lovingly and carassed his cheeks with atmost care. Despite knowing I would be hurt beyond words I couldn't turn away but watch them walk home togather holding hands. I would stand there on the open, days togather only to watch him with that kid and be hurt more and more. What a fool I have become! 

But then I noticed. Well watching someone almost everyday will give away certain things. I noticed the kid waiting at our building's side entrance but never at the main entrance. I realised why Tao-shi came to our college, looking for him everyday. I found out who he was really staring at while holding on to his hands. When he looked across the pathway, his eyes held so much longing to that person, that I immediately understood what it was. It is the same wistful look I'm giving him. At times I saw him leaving the art building with such lonely and sullen expression. I wanted to know why that kid kept staring at someone else's direction when holding onto him. I learned from the girls in my lab who that person is.

He is Kris Wu Yifan. He is a Chinese-cannadian, majoring in business and art as his minor. Then I heard rumours how that person and the kid are childhood friends and how Tao-shi behaves all cute when that person talked with him.

Everything became clear to me. I realized Tao-shi's real motive is Kris-shi. That struck me like a lightning. I thought I had hope, that I can still salvage my love. I tried to talk to him about it, I tried to make him understand but he just brushed me off. He said I'm imagining things because I'm stressed and Tao-tao is not that kind of kid. I cried & cried and tried to make him see the truth. But when I finally lifted my head he was not even there. He didn't even listen to what I had to say completely. At that moment I should have realised that we were already over.

Still like a fool I tried to meet him again so many times but he always said he was busy and will talk later. I thought I will finally be able to talk to him if I waited for him at the entrance when school ended. But I saw the kid wait for him too, standing in his regular spot and staring across the pathway as usual. When he finally came out, he directly went to the kid completely ignoring my prescence. Even though he saw me, I was not even worth of his attention anymore that he went past me just like that. And then when they were leaving that kid began to cling to his arms while he stared at me eyes filled with pity.

Is pity the only thing I get after all this. That what snapped me. That kid, he could have chosen anybody. If he is only going to use him to get close to that person then he could have used anyone, instead he chose to take him away from me. Why does he have to pick him. Why does he have to steal my everything to get his love.

What about me? What about my destroyed love! I tried and tried to save it but I could not. Was my feelings that invalid for you to trample on it. Am I that unimportant that he took me for granted. 

Feeling defeated I searched what I could do for salvation. And as I was searching I found the answer. Revenge. I would definitely be berated beacuse of it. But when you can simply step on my feelings and ruin my precious love, nothing is more fair than it. And so I sought revenge in the name of Kris Wu Yifan. I found out more about Kris-shi from my roommate's boyfriend who is a junior to him. Kris-shi is the favourite student of a professor renowned for strictness. He has maintained a perfect score through out his university years and took art as a minor just because he is fond of it. He has great talent at that too. Jongdae said his art was really a masterpiece and Kris-shi always spends his free periods in the art studio if he is not busy with other stuffs.

Now all I need is get close to him. But how was the question here. I am a science student and I have no connection whatsoever with art or business other than the art building being next to our block. As if someone was answering me, the situation presented itself.

The art students from his year were looking for a model for their project and I jumped the opportunity. I was asked to come 3 hours for 3 days per week for 2 weeks. The sunbae-nims were really considrate that they asked me to come only after my class hours so as not to disturb my schedule and they were all friendly too. The first time when I entered the studio Kris-shi was no where to be found. But he was there when they started on the project on the second meet. They made me wear layers of worn out, hole filled clothes and they made me sit on a wooden block facing outside and my back facing them with white curtains swaying in air beside me. They said the idea for the project is about poor, longing or something like that. He was too positioned behind me and I was not able to do much as they wanted me to sit still. But after my model hours I still lingered there untill Kris-shi finally left. I found out his art hours were always the last class before school ends and he stayed longer than others in the studio to work on his other projects too. He doesn't quite stand out but he's tall and stoic, never participating in any of the gossips and only asnwers when asked an opinion of. He often comes out as a cold person but he's actually quite friendly and caring. He even put up with me prying on him.

Even after my modelling ended, I found excuses to enter the studio. Befriending the sunbae-nims by helping them. I even attended their group outings often which earned the concern of my roommate, Yixing. I always stayed near Kris-shi and watched him closely. Over time we became closer and I quietly confessed to him that I come here often just to see him. If he was hinted on anything he didn't show it out nor he pushed me away. 

In one particular outing, I made Kris-shi, who's weak against alcohol, drink. When he began to lose consciousness, I lured him to kiss me, making few of his batch mates see us stumbling on each other. Yeah it is ugly but a little witness will help my plan perfectly. Then I took him to the room upstairs and discarded his clothes randomly. To make it as if something has happened between us. By the time I undressed him he was completely knocked out. Even though I was the one who made all these, I couldn't help but feel disgusted with myself. I had a second thought of leaving the room and completely pretend like nothing happened but the thought of that kid smiling with him stopped me on my tracks. I locked the door, took out my clothes too and got under the blankets beside his sleeping figure. I simply layed and stared at the ceiling until sleep took me eventually late in the night. 

I was the first one to wake up next morning. I layed still in the bed willing the headache to go away while waiting for hell to unfold when he wakes up. Kris-shi woke up a little later with hangover and bewildered of his condition. He took in his state and mine before looking around the room. His hands were trembling slightly when he made me turn thinking I was still sleeping. When I looked at him, his eyes opened wide with realisation and was shell shocked with our condition. He splurted incoherent words and slowly backed away from the bed trying to search for his clothings. I expected him to be shocked but I dint expect it at this level. Unknowingly tears started flowing out of my eyes and he panicked at that. But when he tried to console me, I cried harder holding on to his shirt. I asked him unanswerable questions. I told a plethora of lies to the flustered male but I called him a liar. I told him he was the one who said that he liked me and he was the one who kissed me first and now everything is done that he wants to back out. I lied whiteley. I cried pathetically. I clung to him harder. Thats how I successfully became his lover.

Now that its set, all it is left is to make the kid taste his own medicine. He has to realize how hard it is for a person, when their love just walk out on them to be with someone else in front of their very own eyes. Thats why, I thought revenge had to be carried out at the percise moment. We will be togather for some time and then when I show the kid, I'll break up with Kris-shi. I can't keep lying to him forever. Thats my plan. But what I hadn't expected in this was Kris-shi to be sweet.

As far as I have known I was the first man Kris-shi ever dated. So I thought it would be a relationship only in the name. I didn't expect him to take it serious. His words always got me by surprise. He wanted me to call him 'Yifan' when I addressed him Kris-shi. He even made me drop the honorifics. He always texted me first when I didn’t even get his number even after getting into a relationship. He asked if he could call me 'Jun' for which I didn't object. Since we got busy in the mid year we weren't able to meet often. But he always finds time in his busy schedule to take me out, even if it is just a walk around the campus. He was so sweet and treated me so gently. It was as if he really fell in love.

Sometimes he will say sweeter things randomly like 'You should eat more' or 'You should let me get things because I am your boyfriend' or 'I will be worried if you didn't anwer my text' or 'Don't sleep late its bad for health' or 'Because I like you' or 'I'll always be by your side.' It never failed to make me smile, even if for a little. It felt as if its been a long time since someone actually cared about me on such mediocre things other than my parents and my roommate. He always calls me Jun, when asked why he said 'because I like you' again. I felt his love. It was like a gentle warmth for my haggered self.

I was so engrossed in the warmth that I actually forgot about my real intention. I never flaunted in front of Tao-shi, I mean me and Yifan never walked or even be in the same space as the kid. For some reason the Kid stopped waiting at his usual spot. Sometimes I wonder why am I even doing this. Then something wishpers 'for revenge' inside me and I keep quiet with it. That is supposed to be the actual agenda. 'Make the kid feel the pain by being in a relationship with the one he is yearningly in love.' But I wonder if the kid even knows us being in a relationshp. 

But what made me more gultier is that Yifan is getting really deep into the relationship that he even took me to his family dinner last week. He texted me saying he is going to take me to dinner that day, as usual I refused, but then he called in the middle of his class hours, which he seldom does and pleaded that I should come. So I accepted his invitation. He picked me up around 6 pm near a café and when we were in the parking lot of the restraunt he told me that his family is waiting for us inside while getting off the car. I was kind of caught off gaurd and it really still bothers me that my first thoughts at hearing it was 'Will they accept me.' 'Am I dressed decent enough to make a good impression.' I was shocked by my own thoughts. Oh God! Why would I even think about it. Its not gonna make any difference. Our relationship is only temporary. 

 I was not given time to ponder on it when I saw Yifan had already opened the car door on my side and was waiting for me to get out. He even took my hands in his to squeeze it a little for assurance when he said ''Its alright, they don't bite.'' before walking me to the corner table which was already occupied by four people whom I supposed his family. He gently pushed me forward from back and intoduced me to his family. ''Everyone meet Jun, my boyfriend.'' and at that the said family greeted me with warm smiles and welcomed me as if I am some important person, like someone very close to them. They said they have been waiting, one even pulled a chair for me to sit and another women asked me what I want to order first. 

After the orders were placed, three slightly older people who looked like they are in their early forties introduced themselves as Yifan's parents and aunt. The guy who pulled the chair for me, whose name is Park Chanyeol, introduced himself as Yifan's adorable cousin and close friend with a blinding, full teeth smile. Yifan mocked him at the 'adorable' intro which got them all to laugh and chatter on.

I properly intoduced myself and after that they never asked me anything beyond myself or my interests. It was as if they don't care whether I am rich or poor or whether I come from a small town or what my parents do for living or other such things doesn't even mattered to them. I found myself relaxing with them. They were so accepting and involved me in all their conversation and jumped topic to topic on simple things the whole dinner. Even Yifan engaged in more convos and laughed too. Completely unlike his usual stoic self at college. That was the first time I saw him actually laugh with his gums peeking out and eyes crinkling a little. Unknowingly I felt my heart flutter at the simple gesture. 

If I could describe Yifan's family in two words, it would be lively and sweet. His family treated me as if I was one of them. They even said we should meet again soon and Yifan should bring me home next time. His cousin, Chanyeol-shi even got my number saying we should be friends since I'm going to be around often or something like that. When they left waving a final bye from the car window, Yifan said he will drop me at my dorm but I declined saying him to leave me at the bus stop. I said I need to do some walking after all the calories I ate. It was just an excuse to clear my head.

As asked he dropped me near the bus stop but we didn't talk the whole ride save for some directions and so. He parked his car a little before the stop and got out with me. He said he'll wait until my bus comes as it was already late. I let him be. He looked like he wanted to talk more but we still sat in silence untill I saw the headlights from a distance. I knew its the bus thats comming, so I stood up and told him that my bus is already here, also thanking him for tonight's dinner. But when I was about to move forward, he held my wrist and halted me. When I turned and gave him a questioning look, he stood up and came a little closer hesitantly asking if I have enough money for the ride.

I was a little taken a back by the sudden pull, 'i-I do, if I don't why would I take a bus ride home' is what I asked him rhetorically. I might have sounded little sarcastic but he chuckled nevertheless. It looked like he wanted to say more so I waited expectantly but when he leaned forward and closed in, I went stiff at the touch of his lips.

Yifan... kissed me. 

I was taken completely off gaurd again that day. It was a small peck only lasted for 5 seconds but it sent a flood of tingles throughout my body that I couldn't even move. I was so stunned that Yifan had to push me gently to indicate that the bus has arrived already. I boarded the bus in a haze and took a seat next to the door, from where I saw him waving at me, mouthing something with a smile. When the bus moved on I couldn't help but touch my lips with my fingertips. It was still tingling that I was in complete daze the whole ride.

When I reached home, I threw my thermals randomly and ploped on the bed curling to myself. My mind automatically wandered to the... kiss. It was nothing like our first kiss. It never held any feelings not even a spark. But now it felt as if everything inside me stood still for a moment. I can still feel the touch of his plush lips on mine and the warmth flooded along with it. Momentarily I was so lost in it that when my phone ringed that I was startled. The call went off before I could gather myself and reach for it. When I opened there were notifications for text messages, which I didn't even notice receiving and a missed call. But then again a new message greeted me when I unlocked it. All were from Yifan.

Yifan 11:05pm

Hiii...

Yifan 11:09pm

Hope you reached home safely.  

Yifan 11:15pm

So...

Hope you had fun earlier.

Yifan 11:18pm

I hope you like them too. Mom couldn't stop asking about you when I reached home. She likes you a lot already. 

Yifan 11:22pm

Jun??

Yifan 11:27pm

Y no reply??

11:29pm Missed call from Yifan

Yifan 11:30pm

You slept already?

Yifan 11:37pm

Message me when you wake up.

Good night...

Was his last message. I didn't reply to any of it. Why was he so concerned about me liking them. I have never felt so guiltier before, that the nerves attacked me from just thinking about the way they treated me. I don't deserve any of it. I am such a bad person who is just using Yifan for my own selfish reasons. The whole night I couldn't sleep a wink from all the thoughts that ran a havock in my mind. But when I got a 'Good morning' text from the same person who made me so sleepless, I couldn't help but reply. Replied with an apology... made of a lie. A lie, that I slept and didn't see his texts. And I realised all I have been doing lately is only lie, which brought a bitter taste in my tongue.

So after a lot of thinking I decided that I need to end this. It is ok I didn't manage to get the revenge as planned. That kid should've come to know about us by now. That is enough. I'm kind of satisfied too. I even recieved an alternate form of love. Thats why I should end everything before I hurt someone as sweet as Yifan more. I will break up with him and will explain if needed too. He is a good person, he will understand. Even if he hates me after that I will still manage.

But I don't know why the thought of Yifan hating me really churns my heart. It was like I was falling into my own trap. I couldn't keep calm of my own saddened feelings that I yearned for comfort. I even clinged and followed Yixing around to keep myself distracted. 

After moping around for long time, I finally called him on saturday afternoon. I beat around the bush so much that he had to ask me what was up. When I finally asked if we could meet up hesitantly, he chuckled a little on the other side and accepted to meet me on sunday in the Café down the block. As soon as the call ended I swallowed hard and from then on I stayed like I was desolated. I couldn't eat or sleep properly either. Though I made it clear to myself that this cannot continue anymore, I was still hazed. Even the sky started storming snow as if it understood my inner self.

I slowly watched the cloudy sky become darker and darker, pouring down the snow making everything grey and white. When morning finally came, it was all white wherever my eyes landed. The weather was surprisingly calm but the churning feelings came back as soon as I remembered what I was going to do. So I totally skipped the breakfast and walked the distance to the Café. So here I am... waiting for Yifan to come and put a stop to all that I started mindlessly. 

The memories flashed through his eyes that Junmyeon was staring at Yifan unfocused the entire time. His trance was only for a short while but it was like he relived the entire year. The colour drained from his face, his eyes still misty and clouded. Seeing the unresponsive male, Yifan squeezed his hands and called him ''Jun'' endearingly to get his attention.

Yifan asked him ''Are you okay?''

''Your complexion doesn't look so good... its like you turned paler than before.'' when Junmyeon finally looked in his eyes.

Junmyeon blinked little to dissipate the tears that formed. Yifan reached to brush his bangs lightly and cupped his cheeks when he saw Junmyeon blinking away. Junmyeon fluttered his eyes close and unconsciously leaned into the touch. But his eyes snapped open when he realized what he is doing. His mind mercilessly supplying that he was here to end everything between them not to confide into the comfort the other provided.

So if thats the case, why am I unable to say anything...

A sane part of him was telling him to say it but the words that formed in his throat is not passing his lips. The warmth spreading from where Yifan is touching him was too good to let go. He closed his eyes tightly and swallowed hard to make himself believe it all just a lie.

Thats right... everything is just a lie...

He raised his small hand and swated away the hand touching his cheek saying ''Its all been a lie.'' Yifan's hand stayed mid air and worriedly called ''Jun?'' at the sudden hostility. Junmyeon braced himself that this is the end of everything and looked up to meet Yifan's eyes to say ''Let's break up'' taking Yifan by surprise. Before he can even form a reply Junmyeon continued again. 

''At that time there was a lot that happened and I was confused. I was overwhelmed with everything that I approached you without thinking amuch'' he told it with a straight face. What he said dint make any sense even to him. But this has to be done. ''Thats why this has to end. If you have any questions you can ask Tao-shi.''

At the mention of the Kid's name he clearly saw the expression change in Yifan. ''By Tao-shi do you mean Jun?'' At first Junmyeon was taken aback. In utter confusion he ''...Eh?''ed and blanked for a moment that Yifan's words went over his head.

''Thats right. Huang JunTao. He's my childhood friend, currently in High School. He has a lover from our college and its been several months since they started dating.'' Yifan paused for a moment as if he's stuck. 

Why are you telling this... now?

Then he added ''He is a... special person to me...'' as he ran his hands on the side of his face with a crestfallen expression. He muttered ''Probably more than special...'' with a voice so low that would have been inaudible if not for the silence that set upon them.

The moment those 'more than special' left Yifan's lips his insides screamed. Junmyeon sat shocked with the realisation hitting him like a bus. 'Yifan... that kid... they... He was... I...'  He wasn't able to finish his own thoughts. His hands started trembling with every word his mind dissolved in.

Still holding on to the side of his face, Yifan started ''Hey... when someone falls in love with another person and can't find happiness I wonder what they should do... I wonder if they will ever find peace?'' with deep regret lacing his voice. It was as if the question was directed to him rather than Yifan asking himself. Yifan released a deep sigh and said 'lets stop this conversation here' and as if to assure him, Yifan lifted his head to say 'okay, Jun?' with a small smile. But he was startled when Junmyeon banged his hands on the table as he stood up. Without even a second glance he bolted from the place not heeding the voice calling out on him. He even forgot his jacket that lied on the chair in his hurry to get out from there.

Junmyeon sprinted across the slippery road completely disregarding the passerbys he hit. He was so hurt, so pained, that all the cracks he managed to cover in his heart suddenly started doubling over. He wanted to just get away from the pain, get away from this heart break, get away from Yifan, just get away from everything simply. It was like everything is turning against him. His mind started to think all the if's to try and calm him.

'If only I let go of him when he said it was over.'

'If only I didn't think about seeking revenge...'

'If only he had been more sincere.'

'If only the kid had more courage.'

'If only...

At that he finally stopped in the middle of God knows where. The cold wind that blew was too harsh on him so as the ankle deep snow he is standing on. But he couldn't care about it with the onslaught of emotional pain that rushed throughout his body, given by his own thoughts. He wasn't able to move further even.

If only I hadn't noticed that I am falling in love with Yifan.

Junmyeon's hands trembled as he raised it up to cover his mouth from screaming. His own plan backfired on him. The foolish choices he made despite his mother's wise words. He brought this heartbreak upon himself. There is no one to blame but himself.

'This Is Karma.' 

''Jun...''

Called a deep voice from behind. He closed his eyes thightly and willed himself to move when he felt Yifan move closer to him. But before he can even take a step a forth, he was pulled back by his waist stilling him on place. Yifan leaned lower to place his forehead on Junmyeon's crown and said ''Don't run away Jun. Everything will be ok.'' He removed his hand from Junmyeon's waist and raised it to ruffle his hair gently. Tears fell from his eyes at the gentler gesture. He want nothing but to curl up to himself and cry.

 Yifan ran his hand gently from the top of Junmyeon's head to his cheek, gently wiping the tears that ran down with his thumb.

''You know, Tao kept on asking me whether I was really dating you or not. I told him I am. I wonder why he asked me such things.'' Yifan said as he slipped the jacket on Junmyeon's shoulder. He wrapped his hands on Junmyeon's waist again and brought him a little closer as he asked again ''This is good right.'' 

As tears started to fall again Yifan leaned closer to his ears to say ''Don't cry, Everything will be alright because...'' He paused for a moment only to wishper against Junmyeon's cheek as Yifan kissed the corner of his lips.

Even though the tears won't stop flowing, he still closed his and completely surrendered himself in the surrealiaty the words provided him. 

'No matter how much my heart screams in pain, No matter how hard I denied those feelings and no matter how distorted I will become because of this. The warmth that raidiates from your embrace, thats all I need right now.'

''I Love you, Jun.''

Are the only words that saved me from myself right now. 

A/N : And thats for the first chapter.

Phew... So what do you guyz think?? Should I continue or mark it?? Don't hesitate to ask me if you have any questions. :)

Thanks for the subscribers and comments are heartly welcomed... ^_^