[ gif credit: https://www.tumbral.com/blog/nothingmorethanamoonchild ]

It was entirely coincidental that Yongguk saw it.

He’d been lurking around the school in his free time, and in an attempt to avoid running into Nara or any of her gang, he’d started coming earlier, instead of at the usual time when lessons ended and parents arrived to pick up their kids. He’d realized that if he came around slightly after lunchtime, he could peek into the schoolyard through the fence around the back of the school, and he could get an uninterrupted view of Howon playing with his friends.

He realized he looked like a creep, but he couldn’t help coming back whenever he had time. Just being able to watch his son run around, laughing and enjoying himself, was the sustenance he needed to get out of bed every morning and survive the day.

His son.

He’d likely never get used to the idea that he had a son. Just thinking about it warmed him up from somewhere deep inside his chest. Even if Yongguk had to just stay like this forever, watching him from afar, just knowing he was happy and healthy was a great comfort.

It was during one of these moments, when Yongguk witnessed the whole incident. Howon had been happily digging in the sand with a small plastic shovel, with another boy crouching before him, poking at the sand with a stick. Then, as if the boy had grown tired of the stick, he reached out and grabbed the shovel from Howon. For a moment, Howon just froze and blinked as the other boy laughed and started digging. Then, before Yongguk could register what was happening, Howon reached out with a little fist and decked the other boy in the face.

Yongguk gasped and started forward in shock as the other boy started to cry loudly. Unperturbed, Howon reached out again to shove him roughly, causing him to fall over, before snatching the shovel back. Luckily, there were alert teachers around, and before the commotion could startle the other kids, both boys were quickly separated. Two teachers led the boys into the school building, and that was the end of what Yongguk could see.

For a while, Yongguk stood there, at a loss. What he’d witnessed was a huge shock for him, and despite his situation, he couldn’t just walk away without doing anything. He knew that even if he went back to work right now, he’d just sit at his desk all day stewing in his anxiety. He chewed on a nail and quickly ran through his options in his head. Then, deciding Nara’s wrath was a risk he was willing to take, he made his way to the front of the school and marched inside.

A staff member obstructed his path before he could make it too far inside. Momentarily, Yongguk thought he was going to be turned away, but the lady’s face lit up in recognition when she saw him. “Oh, hello. Are you one of Howon’s uncles?”

The tips of Yongguk’s ears burned when he thought of how others must perceive his son, with all these ‘uncles’ hanging around him. He thought of how Nara used to lament about her father making her go to school with bodyguards, inviting whispers about her father being from the mob and causing her to have no friends. He couldn’t believe that she’d make her son go through the exact same thing.

When he didn’t respond, the lady raised her eyebrows questioningly and Yongguk snapped to his senses. “Uh, yeah. I am.”

“Ah, I called Howon’s umma and she said she’d be right here,” the lady said, guiding him inside. “I assumed she meant that she’d be here personally.”

And not send one of her lackeys, Yongguk finished in his head. Nevertheless, he forced a smile. “Yeah, well, maybe she’s on her way. I was in the neighborhood so I came first. That’s okay, right?”

“Yes, of course,” the lady said with a smile. “I’m really sorry that we had to call you guys down again. I’m sure you are all, uh… really busy. But we do want to send a strong message to Howon that such behavior is unacceptable, and the last time…”

Yongguk’s steps stalled. His brow furrowed. “Wait. You said ‘again’?”

The lady stopped beside him. “Yes. I mean, this is the first time he’s hit Yongjoon, which is surprising, since they’re supposedly best friends, but the way Howon expresses himself is…”

She paused, peering up at him with a hesitant look. It took a while for Yongguk to recognize the look, because it’d been a long time since he’d seen it, especially from a civilian. On top of that, he wasn’t expecting it, since he’d done nothing to warrant it. Since he’d returned to duty, regular citizens smiled at him, and if they weren’t quite so regular, the looks on their faces would be guilty at most. The only reason he’d even recognized it at all was because there was a period in his life when he inspired it everywhere he went.

It was fear.

She her lips and tried to force a smile, but it didn’t hide the way her bottom lip trembled as she finished her sentence. “…a little unconventional.”

“He has a perfectly normal family, you say? Really?”

Nara eyed Yongguk, who was leaning against the wall, his arms folded across his chest. “I thought I told you to off.”

“I thought I told you I wasn’t going to.”

Nara growled when Yongguk stepped into her path, blocking her entry into the building. “I don’t have time for you. I have something important to do.”

“Like what? Intimidating our son’s teachers into not punishing him?” Yongguk spat out, feeling his anger boil over like a volcano. “Like some gangster? Oh, wait…”

“He’s not ‘our son’,” Nara shot back, trying to sidestep him. “Get the out of my way before I make you.”

“With what? Your gun?” Yongguk taunted, not budging. “There’s no point in you going in there. He’s in the principal’s office, getting a talking to. I gave them permission to punish him.”

Nara glared at him, furious. “You have no ing right to do that.”

“Don’t tell me what rights I have,” Yongguk stated, returning her stare. “You never gave me a chance to be a father to my son, and now…”

“Oh, sure,” Nara answered mockingly. “Tell me how you gave me a chance to find out that I was sleeping with a two-headed snake.”

Yongguk inhaled deeply. “These are two entirely different things.”

“Are they?” Nara asked, eyebrows raised. “The only thing that makes Howon ‘our son’ is that we slept together, and that whole thing turned out to be one fancy charade so you could stab me in the back and destroy everything I had. So pardon me if I have no desire to share my son with you.”

“Say whatever you want,” Yongguk said. “You’re not going to stop me from caring about Howon.”

“And what the do your feelings have to do with me?” she snarled, grabbing his collar so she could shove him aside.

Yongguk calmly let her. “Right. Solve your problems by swearing a lot and using your fists. I see where Howon gets it.”

Nara’s grip tightened, but he could see her hesitating. “What the are you accusing me of?”

“Nothing,” Yongguk said. “But perhaps you should reflect on why Howon is a bully. Where else would a four-year-old learn to threaten and intimidate his peers, and beat them up when he doesn’t get his way? Surely not in a ‘normal family’ with a mother and all these ‘uncles’ who do exactly that for a living?”

“You don’t know about how I raise him.”

“I don’t,” Yongguk agreed. “But I can draw some conclusions from what his teacher told me about all these other ‘incidents’.”

“You have no business talking to any of Howon’s teachers,” Nara glowered. “I’m not kidding around. Stay away, or I swear to god, you’ll rue the day you met me.”

Yongguk met her eyes levelly. “I could do it the legal way. Go to court. Do a DNA test. You know I have every right to his custody.”

Nara scoffed as she released him. “Try it. And you’ll see who the law really works for in this country.”

Yongguk’s jaw clenched as she brushed past him.

“Oh,” she turned back to him, a mocking smile on her lips. “Even if you get Howon, you think he’ll be happy? To him, his family is whole and complete. You’ll just be a random stranger who ripped him away from a happy home. So, be my guest and try whatever you want, Officer. There’s no ending to this story when you live happily ever after.”

“Something bothering you?”

Yongguk started when he heard the voice too close to his ears. He smiled sheepishly when he turned to see that Sleepy had entered the kitchen, probably wondering why he was taking so long.

“No, uh…” he said, denying it out of instinct. Then, he looked down at the carrots he’d been cutting up and realized that he’d been slicing the air for the past five minutes. He put down the knife, embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m just a little distracted.”

“I can tell,” Sleepy said sympathetically, moving over to the stove to turn the fire off. He made no comment about the pot of porridge that was boiling over. “Work stuff?”

Yongguk took a long inhale before shrugging. “Kind of, I guess.” He reached over to remove the pot lid and winced when he saw that his attempt at porridge was now a sticky, dry clump of something that vaguely resembled rice. The pungent smell that wafted from the pot indicated that the bottom was likely burnt. “I’m sorry. I seem to have ruined it. How about…”

“Nah, forget it,” Sleepy said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Yoomi already fell asleep. We can get takeout when she wakes up. I’m sure she’d prefer that over whatever healthy thing you were trying to make her. Appreciate the thought, though.”

Yongguk sighed guiltily. He’d been attempting a recipe he’d found online that was supposed to be good for kids, and when Sleepy had caught him, he hadn’t been able to admit that he was only scouring parenting sites because of Howon, so he’d offered to make it for Yoomi. Unfortunately, it seemed like he was such a mess that he couldn’t even do this right. “I’m really sorry. I’ll try it again another time.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sleepy assured him, moving the pot to the sink. “Let this soak for a couple of hours and it should be easier to scrub the bottom.”

Yongguk nodded, and a moment of silence fell between the two men as they cleaned up the kitchen.

“You okay?” Sleepy asked casually, glancing at Yongguk. “You seem a little off lately. Anything you want to talk about?”

Yongguk looked down and fiddled with the tea towel in his hands. Over time, Sleepy had become a trusted friend and not just a neighbor. He knew that the older man genuinely cared about him, and he brought Yoomi and Tigger over all the time because he wanted him to have company. He thought back to the first time they’d met, out on his balcony. Sleepy had quite literally saved his life, and he’d been here every step of the way during his recovery process. Was he ready to let him in?

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Sleepy said when there was no answer. “But if it makes you feel better, I’m here. I know I talk a lot, but I’m a great listener too. I literally sit down for hours every day listening to Yoomi talk about all the drama happening between her dolls.”

Yongguk chuckled at that. “Oh yeah, you really can’t let Yoojin and Soomin get into the same room together. It’s just a bomb waiting to go off.”

“Well, Tigger chewed up Soomin yesterday,” Sleepy snorted. “So unless I can find an exact replica, that’s the last we’ll be hearing of Soomin for a while.”

The corners of Yongguk’s lips lifted. “That’s a relief. I heard that Soomin is a real stupidhead.”

Sleepy made a noise of disgust. “Eww, look at us talking about dolls like little girls. Shall we have a beer and talk some football to regain some masculinity?”

Yongguk laughed as he grabbed two bottles of beer from his fridge. “Hyung, you don’t even know the first thing about football.”

“Give me a break, I’m a father,” Sleepy protested as they exited the kitchen. He took a look Yoomi’s sleeping form on the couch. “Don’t judge me, but I really want her nap to last as long as possible. Can we go out on the balcony?”

“Sure.”

They headed outside to the balcony, and Yongguk pulled the sliding doors close so they wouldn’t disturb Yoomi, but leaving a gap so they could still hear her when she woke up.

“So, how about that football, eh?” Sleepy asked cheerfully, taking a seat with a heavy grunt. “So exciting, what’s happening with them goals… and goalkeepers…”

“Please stop,” Yongguk begged him with a laugh. “You don’t have to prove you anything to me.”

“Maybe I’m trying to prove something to myself,” Sleepy suggested. “I can’t tell you a thing about football but I can name every single LOL doll and sing every Paw Patrol song.”

“You’re a great father,” Yongguk commented. “Not a lot of fathers put this much effort into spending time with their kids.”

Sleepy noted the way Yongguk’s face fell as he said that. “Why are you saying it like it’s a bad thing?”

“No, no,” Yongguk said quickly. “It’s not about you. It’s just… I…” He took a deep breath to steady his voice. “When I… If I… get to be a father, I want to be one like you.”

Sleepy studied him carefully. “You will. I’m sure of that. You’re already great with Yoomi and Tigger. Whoever you end up marrying, she’ll be lucky because you’ll be a great husband and father.”

Yongguk swallowed the lump that had risen in his throat. “I… What if I’m… What if I can’t?”

“Why are you worrying about that now?” Sleepy asked with a laugh. “Unless… Are you trying to tell me that you got someone pregnant?” His face scrunched up as he tried to think of the last time he’d seen Yongguk bring home a woman, which was likely never. He waited for the denial, but watching Yongguk struggle for an answer, he gasped, the smile slipping off his face instantly. “Oh. Dear God. You really did, didn’t you? I’m so sorry. I wasn’t even aware that you had a girlfriend.”

“I don’t,” Yongguk replied, his grip tight on his beer bottle. “I mean, I did, but that was four years ago.”

Sleepy blinked in confusion. “What? So… you got someone pregnant four years ago? Or you met someone from four years ago and got her pregnant now? I’m going to need a bit of context here.”

Yongguk let out a long exhale and looked up at Sleepy mournfully. There was a pressure in his chest now that felt like it was about to explode at any moment, and never in his life had he wanted so badly to just tell someone what he was feeling. He just wanted to let it out so that someone could even vaguely understand the pain that he carried around with him all the time. But he knew it wasn’t fair to unload his burdens on anyone else. “I… It’s a long, crazy story. I’m trying to wrap my head around it myself.”

Sleepy spread his arms. “I’m here. I’ve got a cold beer and my daughter is passed out. I’m in prime listening mode.”

And so, breaking down his walls for the first time in years, Yongguk told him everything. It felt good to talk about it for the first time, to someone who was completely detached from either world. True to his promise, Sleepy listened, completely enthralled, as Yongguk revealed everything: how he, an ambitious young cop, had gone undercover in Seoul’s biggest gang; how he’d lost sight of his own identity and killed others; how he’d fallen in love; how he’d betrayed the people who’d accepted him into their family, no questions asked; how he’d fallen from grace within the police force; how he’d eventually come across his son. By the time he finished, Yongguk was breathless, his chest heaving as he tried to stop the tears from completely overwhelming him. The whole time, Sleepy listened without judgment, only nodding sympathetically or reaching out to pat him on the back in comfort.

“Wow, this is crazy,” Sleepy said, when Yongguk stopped talking. He rubbed his face in disbelief. “This whole time, I just thought you were my boring neighbor who spent all his time between work and home, but you could make a movie out of your life.”

Yongguk wiped his eyes as he tried to count his breaths in his head. “It’d be the worst movie ever. There are no good guys in this story.”

“I think you need to cut yourself some slack,” Sleepy advised. “It sounds to me like you did everything you could given the position you were in.”

Yongguk shook his head. “Everyone thinks I was the most important factor in the whole thing, but the truth is, the only time I was ever in control of anything was when I accepted the job. Since then, there has been nothing in my life that I could control. I just feel so useless and powerless, and everything in my life just… happens. Even till now.”

“Hey, that’s not true,” Sleepy disagreed. “From the sound of it, you took down some pretty dangerous guys. You’re a hero and nobody even thanked you for it.”

“Am I?” Yongguk scoffed. “If I hadn’t gone and gotten her father killed, maybe Nara wouldn’t be the monster she is today. Before, I was confident that she’d think twice before hurting others, but she’s so different now. I’m afraid to even imagine what she’s capable of.”

“Well, she hates you now,” Sleepy said matter-of-factly. “So naturally, she’s going to be different. But I don’t think you should put all the responsibility on yourself. There were so many other people who were playing their own games. You said so yourself. There was that guy from the rival gang, and your boss. I’m sure they’re not losing sleep the way you are.”

“Yeah, but they’re not me,” Yongguk replied. “The time I spent undercover, the guys in the gang were my real family. They took me in and I stabbed them in the back. I left the woman I loved, while she was pregnant with my son…”

“You didn’t know,” Sleepy said. “You couldn’t have known, if she wanted to hide it from you.”

“But I do now. And there still isn’t a thing I can do about it.”

Sleepy sighed. “Not gonna lie. You’re in a really difficult position. You really don’t think you can talk her into letting you see your son even once a week?”

“If she sees me somewhere other than at the school, I’m pretty sure she’ll shoot me without blinking,” Yongguk answered blankly. “I’m only certain that she wouldn’t now because they seem to be busy with something else, and making the murder of a police officer go away would be unnecessarily troublesome, especially since I’m on the task force that’s investigating them.”

“That’s seriously insane,” Sleepy whistled, still finding it hard to wrap his head around the fact that the mother of Yongguk’s child was a dangerous criminal. “It sounds like your only option is to keep visiting Howon at the school so he can familiarize himself with you. She’s right, you know? You’re a stranger now, and even if you take him by force, he’s not going to be happy with you.”

“I know,” Yongguk nodded. “I just feel so helpless, knowing he’s right there, and that there’s so many things I want to do for him to make up for everything I missed, but I can’t.”

Sleepy gave him a reassuring pat on the back. “Take it slow. There’s plenty of time for you to make up for it. You’re a good father. He’ll see that someday.”

Yongguk buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know about that. If everything goes well with the task force, I’m about to arrest his mother and all his uncles. Maybe I should tell my boss about Howon and have myself removed from the case. I’m too personally invested in this.”

“I can’t offer you career advice,” Sleepy said honestly. “But I think you should go with your gut. Do what makes you feel best.”

Yongguk chuckled bitterly. “The last time I went with my gut, I lost everything that mattered to me.”

“Come on, you had to try, right?” Sleepy reasoned. “Even if you knew that everything might explode in your face? Because there was a slight chance that things might end well. It could have been worse if you hadn’t even tried, don’t you think?”

Yongguk said nothing. He didn’t know if things could be worse. In the past four years, he’d been to hell and back and he couldn’t imagine any pain worse than what he’d experienced.

“And you know what the biggest difference is?” Sleepy asked with a smile. “You don’t have to go through everything alone this time. You have a nosy neighbor, his talkative daughter and a really dumb dog. We can’t help you out there, but we’ll be here when you come home and need to get things off your mind.”

Despite himself, Yongguk cracked a smile. “Thanks, hyung. I know all these tears and emotions aren’t the masculine conversation you wanted…”

“Nah, who was I kidding?” Sleepy asked, standing when he saw Yoomi stirring within the house. “There’s no need for toxic masculinity in our friendship. Now, let’s go inside because I promised Yoomi a tea party with her dolls. Just a heads up – Soomin won’t be attending today, so you’re taking her seat.”

Nara twirled the lighter in her hand, flicking it open, then close. The metallic clink that echoed in the empty warehouse did little to calm her jumpy nerves. She paused to pull her phone from the pocket of her jacket, clicking the screen on to check the time. Barely a minute had passed since the last time she’d checked it. Holding in a sigh, she stuffed her phone back into her pocket and resumed playing with the lighter.

Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink.

She strode to the window, grimacing at the smashed bits of glass that crunched under her boots and the thick layer of dust that coated the frames. Through the flimsy planks that had been hammered over the window to try to board it up, she could see the sky purpling from the setting sun. Angry streaks of pink and orange clouds painted the sky, but their beauty was lost on Nara. The dimming light only compounded her impatience. She looked out of the window for only a moment before whirling back around to face the center of the room.

“Still no news?”

Himchan held his phone up to show her. “They’re driving. It takes more than an hour to get out of the city, you know?”

“I know, I know.” She slumped back down onto the overturned crate she’d been sitting on. “I’m just worried that something will go wrong.”

Himchan’s eyebrows raised at that. “You are? Well, don’t let Daehyun hear that.”

Nara thought back to the massive fallout she’d had with Daehyun a few nights ago when she’d announced that she was going to push forward their plans to today. That would take almost a full month off from their initial date, leaving them much less time to put everything in place, and Daehyun had been very vocal about what he thought of that decision.

“We didn’t have a choice,” Nara said, almost defensively. “It’s the perfect time to do it, with Kim Tae Song out of town. He’s taken like, one vacation without his kids in the last three years. Who knows when we’ll get another opportunity like that again?”

“We didn’t need him to be away in our initial plan,” Himchan reminded her. “What we do need, however, is to make sure that everyone knows the part they’re playing. If it were just us, it wouldn’t be such a big problem, but our plan hinges heavily on a bunch of civilians not messing up. There are too many variables.”

“They can’t mess up,” she stated blankly. “They should know that even if we don’t get them, the police will.”

Himchan stared at her, his brow furrowing. “Did it not occur to you that maybe it’s precisely because they’re screwed either ways, that they’d crack under the pressure and mess up? They’re just regular people doing their jobs and suddenly they’re involved in a kidnapping scheme, Nara. It seems crazier to expect them to pull it off perfectly.”

Nara’s face hardened as she regarded Himchan. “So, you think this is crazy too? Then why’d you back me up?”

Himchan looked pained as he turned away. “It’s my job, as your Number 2, to always back you up. Daehyun was speaking out of line. We can’t have all our guys questioning your decisions.”

Nara said nothing for a moment. She understood perfectly what he was saying. Even though Daehyun had been the only one who had spoken up, she could tell from the expressions of the other guys that he wasn’t the only one who disagreed with her. She knew that they were worried, and she knew what about. Everything else they’d been doing so far in the gang, they had a structure and a system set up from decades of her father’s hard work. They knew the laws regarding vice operations inside out, and if all else failed, they had great lawyers. This, though, was something that she’d initiated and was leading them into. She knew that getting her men to trust her wasn’t going to be easy, especially not when it was a crime that warranted capital punishment.

“You don’t have to back me up all the time,” Nara said instead. “You’re not my Number 2. We’re partners. We should be able to talk about things.”

Himchan’s eyes met hers, and for a moment, the sadness in them floored her. From the years they’d spent together, she could tell that he had a lot to say, but she couldn’t figure out what it was. “Sure. Partners.”

Before she could question him further on how weird he was being, his phone rang. He tore his eyes away from her so he could answer it. “Yeah.” He was silent for a while. “Okay. We’re ready.”

Nara got to her feet immediately, eyes hopeful, and Himchan nodded at her as he tucked his phone away. “Jongup and Junhong’s got them. Pulling up in ten.”

Without another word being exchanged, they started moving. They were so attuned to each other by now that they didn’t need words. While Nara started pulling the chains off, Himchan was already undoing the bolt so he could lift the heavy iron door on the floor of the warehouse. With a loud clang and and clouds of dust, he let the door fall open. He looked down at the makeshift wooden steps that led into the hidden space under them.

His expression was still unreadable when he looked back up at her. “You’re absolutely sure about this.”

If it were a question, the way he ended it sure didn’t sound like it. It would have been a pointless question anyway; they were too late for that now. But she knew the intention behind his words. He was giving her one last chance to think about it, to consider if revenge really meant that much to her. She knew that even at this late stage, if she really changed her mind, he’d do everything within his means to ensure that she got out of it unscathed. She knew that he’d walk through fire for her, and not for the first time, the power that she had over him scared her.

“This is everything I’ve wanted for the last three years,” she responded. “Everything we’ve worked for.”

Unexpectedly, he let his façade slip, and just for that split second, she saw the hurt that flashed across his handsome features. “Everything?”

“What’s gotten into you?” she asked, frowning. “Is something wrong? Lately, it feels like there are things that you’re thinking but not telling me.”

Just as quickly as they’d appeared, the emotions disappeared and his face assumed the calm of the cool, untouched surface of a frozen lake once again. “There’s nothing.” He turned to walk towards the door of the warehouse. “They should be here any minute.”

Nara stared after him, biting her tongue. She knew that something was definitely on his mind, but now really wasn’t the time to get into it with him. She could hear the distant rumble of a car’s engine approaching. Sighing, she followed him.

Opening the creaky door of the warehouse, they stepped outside into the dimming twilight. Amidst the loud, constant chirping of crickets, the only sounds that gave away human presence was the crunch of boots on gravel. It wasn’t long before the top of a black SUV appeared over the tall grass that covered the land. It moved slowly, no doubt hampered by the uneven ground of the deserted location. Finally, it rolled to a halt before Nara and Himchan.

The harsh headlights made Nara squint, but she continued to stare head-on at the car until the engine was cut. Then, the driver’s door opened and Jongup hopped out, grinning and waving at Nara and Himchan as if they were here for a casual outing with friends. Neither of them returned the greeting. Instead, Himchan just cocked his head in question and Jongup nodded before jogging around to the back passenger door on the other side of the car. He pulled it open and called inside, “We’re here.”

He stepped back to let the occupants of the car out. The first pair of feet that emerged were small, the owner’s legs too short to reach the floor. Jongup had to reach in and offer help. Seconds later, a little girl in a school uniform stood beside the car, looking like she was in a daze. Of course, that was guesswork, considering that she was blindfolded. Taking her hand, Jongup guided her forward. Then, Junhong emerged from the car holding a little boy, slightly smaller than the girl, who was similarly uniform-clad and blindfolded.

Nara crouched as both children were led before her. Carefully, she reached out to untie the blindfold on the girl. She was smiling as the girl blinked, trying to get used to the light around her. “Hi. You’re Minhee, aren’t you?”

The girl nodded as Nara undid her brother’s blindfold. “And this must be Jaemin.”

“Where are we?” Minhee asked, looking around. “The two uncles said we were playing a game.”

Nara’s grin widened. “We are. The game hasn’t ended yet. When we go inside, there’s going to be stuff that are so much more fun.”

Jaemin, the younger of the two, looked a little more confused. “Who are you? Where’s Appa? Are you his friend?”

“Oh, yes,” Nara cooed, a dangerous smirk taking over her face. “I’m a really good friend of your appa. This game we’re playing… he’s going to have so much fun too.”