[ photo credit: https://itsbap.com/post/184457319914/yongguk-dazed-korea-may-issue ]

Thank you guys for sticking around.

xx

Daehyun sighed, lowering the hand that had been holding his phone to his ear, and looking across the living room to Nara for help. “Junhong says they’ve run into a bit of a snag. There’s a police road-block at the exit of the Olympic highway and—”

Nara didn’t even look up from the screen of her laptop. “Tell them to keep following Kim Taesong. We’ve lost him too many times. Tonight, we’re finding out where he meets his mistress no matter what.”

Daehyun hesitated. “Nara, they have goods on their car. I’ll send another car.”

Nara looked up, her eyes blazing. “You think you can send another car in time? That wily old fox has given us the slip so many times, it’s obvious that he’s going somewhere he doesn’t want us to know. We’re not letting him go.”

Daehyun exhaled loudly in frustration. “Then what? You’re saying I should tell Junhong to drive right into that road-block and get himself ing arrested?”

“Tell him to find some way to ditch whatever he has on his car,” Nara said dismissively. “We can afford to incur some losses if it’s just money, but I want them to keep following him even if it’s to the ends of the world.”

Daehyun couldn’t believe that she was making such a rash decision when they’d been so careful this whole time. He knew she wanted to get her revenge, but this just seemed downright crazy. “Are you being serious right now? We don’t have to get him tonight, and we’re talking about Junhong’s being on the line!”

“If not tonight, then when?” Nara shot back. “How long are we going to sit here and let that snake get the better of us?”

“You know they have that task force out watching us,” Daehyun reminded her. “I hardly think this is the time to take a gamble!”

“Why are you two yelling?”

They turned to see Youngjae coming down the stairs, his brow furrowed in concern. Both of them hadn’t even realized that they’d been raising their voices.

“I just managed to put Howon to sleep after two bedtime stories,” he said, swinging his head between the two of them. “So unless someone else wants to start all over again, I would suggest that you keep your voices down.”

Daehyun just glared at Nara before lifting his phone to his ear again. “Junhong, keep going. Don’t get off that highway. I’ll call you back when I find a safer route.”

“Those were not my orders,” Nara snapped, standing and moving to snatch the phone from Daehyun. “Who the do you think you are, Jung Daehyun?”

Daehyun hung up and moved his hand behind his back, keeping it out of reach. “I think I’m the sane one between the two of us. I’m not putting one of our brothers in danger just because you’re feeling impatient.”

“You think I don’t care about our brothers?” Nara argued. “Did I ask him to drive headfirst into the cops? I agreed to compromise and lose the goods!”

“And what’s the trade-off?” Daehyun fired back. “That we get to catch a glimpse of where Kim Taesong is potentially ing his latest ? You think the risk and reward works out?”

“What do you mean it doesn’t work out?” Nara demanded. “The whole point is to get revenge on Kim Taesong! What bigger rewards are there?”

“Wow,” Daehyun stated, staring at her. “Good to know that you’re putting your revenge above your brothers. It’s not like we put our ing lives on the line for you every single day.”

“Guys, I think we need to chill out for a second…” Youngjae tried to reason.

Nara ignored him, seething at Daehyun. “Just what are you accusing me of? Are you trying to say that I don’t care about the gang?”

“I’m not accusing you of anything.”

“Good,” Nara said venomously. “Because from what I understand about gangs, the leaders give orders and everyone else takes them.”

Daehyun’s jaw dropped. For a moment, he couldn’t even find the words to string together to express how insulting her words were. He blinked. “That’s how it is now, huh? You’re the boss and we’re your lackeys?”

Just for a split second, Nara’s eyes seemed to waver, and it looked like she’d realized the harshness of what she’d just said. But just as quickly as that looked had appeared, it was replaced with another of steely determination. She grabbed her jacket with one hand and her phone with the other, dialing as she stalked towards the front door.

“Junhong, send me your location.”

Both Youngjae and Daehyun were still reeling when the front door slammed shut behind her. Their eyes met, conveying similar looks of surprise.

“What’s wrong with her?” Youngjae asked.

Daehyun shook his head. “It’s not just me, right? She seems to be becoming a little… unhinged.”

“She must be stressed,” Youngjae reasoned. “With the cops on our tails, and her revenge plan going nowhere…”

“Since when has life not been stressful for us?” Daehyun questioned. “We’ve always been either running from something or chasing something. This time, it just seems like she’s so blinded by revenge that she’s out of control, and it’s just been getting worse since she saw…”

Daehyun quickly held his tongue when he realized that he was about to let slip something huge, but Youngjae was too astute for that. He straightened. “What? What did she see?”

“Nothing,” Daehyun said, waving a hand. “I’ll go check if Howon woke up from his mother slamming the door.”

Youngjae was quick to grab hold of Daehyun’s forearm, frowning with hurt. “So we’re keeping secrets from each other now? Just because I was locked up all these years?”

Daehyun averted his eyes. Despite Youngjae and Jongup being back for months now, their incarceration was still a sore spot that nobody talked about because there was too much guilt. “It’s not that. It’s just…” He took a deep breath and sighed. It was probably better that he had an ally in the house, especially if Nara was going to be so unpredictable. Besides, before everything had exploded in a massive ball of flames, Youngjae had been his closest friend. It didn’t seem right to shut him out now.

“We saw Bang Yongguk,” he said in a small voice. “He’s in that task force.”

Youngjae’s eyes widened. “What? Really?”

Daehyun nodded. “He was there. Part of the team that took us in. I don’t know if anything happened between them because she was kept separate from us, but she’s just been unusually tense since that day.”

Youngjae blinked, trying to process what he’d just been told. “You don’t think…”

“I don’t know what to think,” Daehyun admitted. “I just hope that when the time comes for her to confront her demons, she’s not going to implode.”

Yongguk pushed the cap lower on his forehead, trying to cover as much of his face as he could as he glanced around nervously. It’d been a long time since he’d done anything like this, his last big stake-out being a good four years ago, at least. He’d dressed thoughtlessly, in his usual all-black outfit, but he was fast realizing that in this place, it made him stick out like a sore thumb.

So much for being inconspicuous.

In the distance, thunder rumbled. Yongguk looked up at the sky, concerned, as the first drops of rain landed on his jacket. He’d ridden his bike, since it was his day off. He’d have to find a place to seek shelter.

“Sir, are you one of the parents? You can wait inside, to keep out of the rain. The children will be done with class in another five minutes.”

Yongguk looked down, startled at the young lady before him, who was smiling brightly at him. Her yellow flowery apron indicated that she was one of the staff at the daycare, and another glance around showed that there were several of her colleagues, similarly attired, who were ushering the waiting parents indoors. He hesitated for just a moment, worried that he’d blow his cover, but his curiosity won out. He nodded slowly.

“This way, please.”

He followed the lady into the small, one-story building that housed the daycare center, trying to blend in with the other parents and guardians. Once inside, everyone else seemed to know their way around, and so he followed a random cluster of adults, looking as natural as he could muster. His chosen group stopped in front of a classroom, where there was a large glass window that enabled them to look inside. The sight of the young children jumping and waving when they saw their parents brought a smile to his face, but a quick scan of the room confirmed that Howon was in fact not in this class, so he quickly moved on to the next window.

It didn’t take Yongguk long to find what he was looking for. His smile threatened to split his face when he spotted Howon standing amongst several other small children, his eyes eagerly searching the faces through the glass window. The little boy’s face soon crumpled in disappointment when he didn’t spot a familiar adult, and that sent a pang of pain shooting straight through Yongguk.

Of course. Howon didn’t recognize him. He had no idea who he was.

He watched, entranced, as Howon sat back down on the floor, his lips curled in a pout. In that moment, he felt such a strong connection to the boy that he was certain that his hunch had been right. No matter what Nara had insisted, Howon had to be his son. How else could anyone explain this feeling?

“W-wha… What are you doing here, hyung?”

Yongguk turned, his eyes meeting a flabbergasted Junhong’s. The younger man turned to look into the classroom before his eyes quickly returned to Yongguk’s. “How did… I mean, why…”

“Are you alone, Junhong?” Yongguk asked quietly, his eyes darting around to check himself.

“Yeah,” Junhong replied, still looking stunned. “What… why…”

“Not here,” Yongguk said. “Do you have time to grab a coffee?”

“Thank you for the meal, ahjusshi.”

Yongguk couldn’t stop smiling at Howon as he tucked into his burger. They’d decided on a fast food joint near Howon’s school, and even though he was acutely aware of Junhong’s nervous gaze darting around the place, Yongguk had eyes for nobody but Howon. His smile was so wide that his face almost hurt. He was sure he was using muscles in his cheeks that he hadn’t used for years.

“Why are you here?” Junhong finally asked, when he was sure that nobody was watching them. “You’re lucky I came alone to pick Howon up today. If it were someone else…”

“I wasn’t going to do anything,” Yongguk assured the younger man, attempting to put him at ease. “I just wanted to watch from the shadows.” He saw the hint of panic that flashed across Junhong’s face and he decided to push a little further. “I’m guessing you know why.”

Junhong’s rapid blinking all but gave Yongguk’s theory more ammunition. He glanced worriedly at Howon, but luckily, the boy was now preoccupied with tearing open the packaging of the toy that had come with his meal. “Hyung, I don’t…”

“I asked her,” Yongguk said softly, keeping his words vague for Howon’s sake. “The other night. I asked if he was mine.”

Junhong’s eyes widened as he swallowed hard. “Y-you did? And what did she say?”

“She said no,” Yongguk responded. “But you know we spent a long time together. My gut tells me she’s lying.” He watched Junhong carefully. “You won’t lie to me too, will you?”

Junhong hesitated, and Yongguk almost laughed out loud at how easy he was to read. When he got all nervous, he started blinking furiously, and his shoulders tensed up as he wrung his hands. His bottom lip jutted out and his unfocused pupils started moving from left to right, as if he were struggling to come up with a lie. Sometimes, it was easy to forget just how young Junhong was and how young he’d been when he’d started hustling on the streets, but times like these made Yongguk think that he really was too innocent for his line of work. It made him wish he’d been able to do something – anything – to help Junhong stay out of trouble when he’d still been able to.

“Lying is bad, samchon,” Howon piped up innocently, looking up at Junhong. “You shouldn’t do it.”

Junhong looked down at Howon in surprise and despite himself, he laughed aloud as he patted the little boy on the head. “You’re right. Samchon won’t lie then.” He looked up at Yongguk, his smile fading. “But some truths are not mine to tell.”

“But you won’t lie,” Yongguk stated, jumping on the chance. “So you won’t tell me that he isn’t mine, right?”

Junhong exhaled loudly. He hesitated for a while longer, before meeting Yongguk’s eyes again. It looked like he’d let go of something, his face serious and tone resigned. “No, hyung. I won’t.”

That was all Yongguk needed to hear. It wasn’t surprising to him. He’d been pretty certain about his own deduction, and all he’d wanted was a confirmation. He’d assumed that when he did eventually get it, he’d be thunderstruck, but he wasn’t. The feeling was strangely anticlimactic and rather than strong emotions, all he could feel was a strange lightheadedness, as if his ability to feel anything at all had drained out of his body. It was now his turn to struggle for words. “I… I see.”

“I know it wasn’t right to keep it from you,” Junhong said, his words coming out in a rush now. “But we – she went through a lot. On top of losing everything, she had to deal with an unexpected pregnancy, and then you…” He looked pained. “It wasn’t easy for any of us, coming to terms with what you did.”

Yongguk swallowed hard, feeling guilty. “I know. I’m truly sorry. Not for what I did, because it had to be done, but I wish it could have been done a different way. You don’t have to forgive me, but thanks for being honest with me.”

“You can’t tell anyone I told, though,” Junhong warned. “They’ll kill me.”

“Killing is bad too,” Howon chimed in.

Yongguk looked at his son – it was strange, now, actually getting to call Howon his son, even if it were only in his head. All of a sudden, he felt a flash of anger. Even a boy, barely four, could tell that killing was wrong, and yet his mother had made a living out of it. His mother, who’d hated and been irreparably scarred by the life that her father had chosen to lead, was doing the exact same thing to him. She’d been powerless then, but she wasn’t powerless now, and she’d still chosen this path. It wasn’t fair to Howon, and it wasn’t fair to him.

“Hyung, promise me,” Junhong pleaded, desperation creeping into his voice when Yongguk said nothing. “You can’t say anything or do anything.”

Yongguk looked at Howon, feeling something strange swell in his chest. He knew he probably shouldn’t lie to Junhong, considering that the latter was the only person who was still willing to talk to him despite everything that had transpired between him and the Black Dragon. He knew that Junhong was the only one who’d remained sincere in spite of all the deceit on both sides. But he also knew that what Junhong wanted was a promise that he couldn’t deliver on. And so he lied.

“Okay, I promise. I won’t.”

Yongguk knew that he should probably have taken some time to think about his next course of action. After all, finding out the truth was only the first step. The bigger challenge was figuring out what to do with that information, because now it was his secret to decide whether to keep from both sides of the law. Finally getting the answer he sought had turned out to be a lot less satisfying than he’d anticipated and was in fact making him feel more restless.

And so, despite all the things he should and could do, Yongguk once again found himself following his heart.

He probably shouldn’t have gotten greedy. If he’d stayed outside the gates of the school and waited, he could have avoided being seen, but by the time that thought occurred to him, it was too late. He’d already entered the front gates and was about to enter the school building when he stopped short.

Standing just outside the front entrance, wearing a thunderous expression on her face, was Nara.

“I ing knew it.”

She’d said it under her breath, soft enough so the other parents couldn’t hear it, but he was merely a few feet away from her, and he heard it loud and clear. His blood ran cold and he his dry lips as he slowly met her eyes. He felt like he should say something, to make an excuse or to explain himself, but he found no words forthcoming.

Still glaring daggers at him, she tilted her head to the side, gesturing for him to follow her. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he followed her wordlessly. They rounded the corner, stopping at the side of the building, out of sight of the other parents and staff of the school. When they were far enough to be out of anyone’s earshot, Nara rounded on him.

“What the do you think you’re doing?”

Yongguk met her eyes bravely, determined not to let her intimidate him. “Visiting my son.”

Nara snorted. “I told you he’s not your son. He’s mine.”

“And I told you, if you’re so confident of that, let me do a paternity test,” Yongguk replied blankly. “I think it says a lot when you refuse to.”

Nara was seething with anger now. “What right do you have to request such a thing? Do you just go up to random strangers and ask them to—”

“Please don’t play this game with me,” Yongguk said, keeping his tone measured despite his frustration. “You know why I have my suspicions, and it’s out of respect for you that I didn’t go behind your back and do it anyway.”

Nara let out a bitter laugh. “Oh, so now you’re worried about doing things behind my back.”

Yongguk sighed deeply. “I know I have no right to ask anything of you, given our history. But I don’t think it’s very fair for you to keep my son from me.”

“And you’ve been fair to me, then?” Nara snarled venomously. “When you took me for a spin and then stabbed me in the back? When you put my brothers in jail and my father in a coffin? You expect me to come to you and introduce my son to you – my son, born out of a web of lies and deceit – and play happy ing family reunion?”

Yongguk was speechless for a moment. He felt the full weight of her words, and he knew she must have held them in for a long time. “I’m not asking you for forgiveness,” Yongguk said, choosing his words carefully. “I know I don’t deserve it. But now that I know Howon’s mine, I want to be part of his life. You can hate me, but—”

“I don’t need your permission to hate you,” Nara stated flatly. “If we weren’t standing in front of my son’s school, there would be a bullet in your head five minutes ago.”

“That’s fair enough,” Yongguk agreed. “I can’t argue with that. But I still hope that we can set aside our grudges and work something out so I can do my part as a father.”

“The best way you can do your part as a father is to stay away from Howon,” Nara insisted. “Howon has a perfectly normal family. He already has a father who loves him more than anything in the world. If you care about him at all, you wouldn’t try to take that away from him.”

Yongguk scoffed at that. “Is his family normal? He has a father who isn’t his real father, and four uncles that take turns parenting him. By night, his entire family goes out and commits all sorts of crimes. Have you considered what’s going to happen to him if any of you get arrested or worse, killed on the streets? Are you sure you want him to grow up the way you grew up?”

Nara stepped forward, pointing a threatening finger at Yongguk. “Don’t you dare tell me how to parent.”

He stood his ground, returning her steely glare. “And don’t you tell me that I can’t parent my son. I’m not even asking to take him away from your pseudo family. I just want to see him and be a part of his life.”

“No,” Nara declared firmly. “And I mean that. I don’t want to see your face around my son.”

Yongguk watched as she turned away, deciding that that was the end of their conversation. “You may be the leader in your gang, but I’m not one of your subordinates and I’m not scared of you. If I want to see my son, you can’t stop me.”

Nara didn’t bother to turn, but he could hear the threat in her voice as she barked out a laugh.

“Try me.”

Himchan was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white.

He tried to keep his breathing steady, tamping down the anger that was rising in his chest. He knew he had to keep his cool because he was parked right in front of his son’s school, and he was here in the capacity of a father, not a gang leader, but the longer he sat there watching Nara converse with Yongguk, the harder it was to stop himself from just grabbing his gun and marching right up to them. If he’d seen Bang Yongguk anywhere else but here, it wouldn’t have taken him more than two seconds to put a bullet between his eyes.

He wished he could hear what they were saying to each other. The longer the conversation dragged on, the more his blood boiled with an intense fury. How could she stand there and just talk to him? Shouldn’t she have been tempted to take him out too? Didn’t she hate him?

Himchan tore his eyes away, running his hands through his hair and trying to get his thoughts out of dangerous territory. He knew it was stupid to be jealous, when he and Nara had been a family for years. He knew that it was extremely irrational to think of Nara as some love-struck fool who was still carrying a torch for her ex, especially when he’d betrayed them in the worst way. But seeing Yongguk here, at Howon’s school, hit a raw nerve. No matter how much time passed, Yongguk was Howon’s biological father, and nothing could ever change that fact. No matter how much Himchan loved Howon, Howon would still always be Yongguk’s son. He existed because once upon a time, Yongguk and Nara loved each other.

How much he ing hated that.

Himchan couldn’t help training his eyes on Nara and Yongguk again. He wondered how Yongguk had found out about Howon. He wondered how long Nara had known that he’d found out. He wondered if Nara was letting Yongguk see Howon, and if Howon already knew who Yongguk was. Most of all, he wondered how many of the guys already knew about this and if they were deliberately trying to keep it from him.

He regretted swinging by to surprise Nara and Howon. Perhaps he would have been better off if he’d just remained in the dark forever. His jaw tight, he started his car without waiting for the school bell to go.