Taeyeon picks up her phone on instinct without checking the caller ID, and that’s her first mistake.

“Hello?”

“Tae?”

She falters. That voice… It can’t be.

“…Who is this?” she asks, hoping to be proven wrong.

“Don’t play around now, we did enough of that yesterday. So I woke up in my apartment and it looks all weird. None of your stuff is here. And how did I get here? Did you drive me over when I was asleep or something?”

Taeyeon’s mind can’t even process all those words, said in a tone of voice that has just the edge of a whine, the kind of voice that Jessica would use when she talked to Tiffany or Yoona or one of the other members.

“…Jessica?”

“Yeah, I think we’ve established that this is me. Where are you? Are you back in the dorm?”

“Why are you…why are you calling me?”

“Um, who should I be calling instead?” Jessica asks, like Taeyeon is naturally the first person she would call, like it’s preposterous for her to call anyone else.

“I don’t know, one of your friends?”

“Are you not my friend, Tae?” Jessica asks, sounding mockingly hurt. “We seemed pretty friendly last night.”

“…I-I really don’t… Are you… What’s…”

Taeyeon feels like her tongue is tied into a knot and her insides are following suit, her mind swimming, unable to take any of this in. What on earth is going on? Is she being prank called? Is she having a weird dream? What…what is this?

She has no idea how to respond, so she calls for someone who she trusts to.

“TIFFANY!”

She doesn’t hear a reply from Tiffany, even though she yelled for her at a volume that surprised even herself.

“Tif—”

“Okay okay, I’m coming! And you guys complain I’m loud. Are you trying to take over fr—” Tiffany stills when she sees Taeyeon staring at her phone like it’s a bomb ready to explode. “Are you okay?” she asks cautiously.

“It’s—it’s her.” Taeyeon’s voice drops to a whisper involuntarily. “But it’s not her.”

Tiffany looks at her like she’s crazy. “It’s her but it’s not her? Is this one of your riddles again?”

As an answer, Taeyeon shoves the phone at her so forcefully that Tiffany almost staggers back.

“Seriously Taeyeon, what’s wrong?”

“Answer the phone. Talk to her and tell me I’m not crazy.”

Tiffany looks like she wants to say something along the lines of I can’t tell you a lie, but Taeyeon’s expression must be alarming enough for her to pick up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Steph?”

Taeyeon looks gratified when Tiffany looks at her with a similar expression as the one on her own face.

“Jessica?” Tiffany whispers, but her voice fades and it comes out sounding like ‘Jessi.’

“Steph, why was Tae being all weird? I mean, even weirder than usual.”

Tiffany returns her gaze to Taeyeon as if searching for the answer in her eyes, only for Taeyeon to stare back at her blankly.

“What do you mean?” Tiffany asks, her voice mercifully coming out normal.

“She was talking to me like I’m a stranger. Have you guys forgotten who I am or something?”

Tiffany can’t help the words that escape . “I thought you were the one who forgot about us.”

Jessica laughs, and the sound is so familiar yet foreign. “How could I forget about you guys? That’d be like forgetting who I am.”

“And who are you?”

“Steph, you’re being weird too.” She can almost see Jessica wrinkling her nose. “Did you guys all get amnesia or something?”

Tiffany looks numbly at Taeyeon. “She wants to know if we all got amnesia.”

“Ask her if—actually, give me the phone.”

“Are you sure?”

“Give me the phone,” Taeyeon repeats, her voice steely. Tiffany finds her hand moving of its own volition, obeying the leader tone that she hasn’t heard in a long time.

“Jessica.”

“Tae?” Her voice is so sweet, so fond, it makes Taeyeon’s chest ache for a reason she doesn’t want to examine. “Are you finally going to tell me what’s up with you guys now?”

“What…” Taeyeon means to say what is up with you, or maybe what is wrong with you, but what comes out instead is, “What am I to you? Answer me seriously. Please.” Her voice cracks on the last word.

“You’re…my girlfriend. My friend. My bandmate. My leader, if we’re going to be technical.” Jessica sounds concerned now. “Is there something wrong?”

My girlfriend. My friend. My bandmate. My leader.

How long has it been since she was even two of those things? As for all four… She wonders whether Jessica has come down with a serious case of—what would this even be? It can’t be a joke; Jessica wouldn’t pull such an extreme joke even when they were still friends.

“Taeyeon?”

She realizes, suddenly, that this is the first time that Jessica’s called her that this whole conversation. It’s beyond strange when Jessica has only ever called her that. On the rare occasions that they actually talked, anyway.

Tiffany grabs the phone away from Taeyeon, who is too deep in memories to react. “Jessi,” she says brightly, and Taeyeon marvels at how normal, how cheerful she sounds. “You should come over. I was going to order pasta.”

Jessica laughs. “Are you getting spaghetti again?”

“I haven’t had spaghetti in a long time, okay?” Taeyeon can’t believe the way Tiffany is talking to Jessica, like September had never happened, like they’re still best friends. But then again, Tiffany has always been a better actress than Taeyeon, a better idol than Taeyeon. “I need to satisfy my craving for real Parmesan.”

“I think it’s cute how you think they use real Parmesan.”

“You think I’m cute?” Tiffany’s voice shakes, but it’s only barely noticeable. “Aww, I’m flattered.”

“Don’t tell Taeyeon I said that though, she’ll be jealous.”

Taeyeon doesn’t know what to make of the way Tiffany looks at her, gaze heavy and dark. “I won’t. My lips are sealed.”

“I’ll come over in a bit then. I just need to get ready.”

“Yeah, just…be careful on your way here.”

“Be careful?”

“The fans have been very insane lately. Don’t let them catch you.”

“The fans are always insane. Don’t worry about me, just find out what’s wrong with Taengoo.”

“There are so many things wrong with TaeTae,” Tiffany laughs. Taeyeon doesn’t even protest, because she doesn’t feel like anything is right at the moment. “I’ll see you in a bit, Je-Jessi.”

“See you, Steph.” Jessica hangs up, and Tiffany is left holding the phone against her cheek. It’s only until Taeyeon reaches for it with a careful “Fany?” that she relinquishes it.

“Why did you ask her to come here?” Taeyeon blurts out. “How could you…”

“I had to,” Tiffany says, quiet but laced with iron. “I had to so we can get to the bottom of this. But don’t worry,” she adds. “I told her to be careful so that fans wouldn’t see her coming to the dorm. That would be very…questionable.”

Taeyeon can’t believe she still remembers to take precautions like that, but then again, she wouldn’t be Tiffany, wouldn’t be Manager Hwang, if she didn’t think of everything. “Better the fans than the paparazzi.”

Tiffany’s mouth quirks. “That would be something to explain to Dispatch, wouldn’t it?”

“I’d like someone to explain this to me.” Taeyeon fights the urge to bury her face in her hands. “What…what happened? Why is she talking like that? Do you think she was the one who got amnesia?”

“She seems to be under the impression that you two are dating. Unless that was true at one point in the past and you never told us, I don’t think she has amnesia.”

“It’s not true,” Taeyeon says immediately. “It was never true.”

Tiffany gazes at her for so long that it feels like she’s trying to have a staring contest with her. Taeyeon looks away first, so she supposes she loses.

“Then we have a much bigger problem at hand than amnesia,” Tiffany says.

“Why didn’t you just tell her that she was being crazy? She obviously needs to go to the hospital or something.”

“I can’t tell Jessi that,” Tiffany says, brow furrowing like Taeyeon had proposed something awful.

“Why are you even calling her that?” Taeyeon doesn’t realize how much her voice has risen until she feels protest. “She’s not your friend!”

“She used to be,” Tiffany says, unruffled by Taeyeon’s outburst, “and maybe I still want her to be.”

“Well—” Taeyeon doesn’t even know well what, she just has to raise an argument.

“Do you hate her that much, Taeyeon?” Tiffany sounds—sad. It makes Taeyeon’s stomach sink, along with that other reason, the one she’s more than happy to leave alone.

“I don’t hate her.” Sometimes she wishes she did. It would make things so much easier.

“Well, she’s going to be here soon and she’s obviously crazy about you, so you’d better put up the best act of your life.”

Taeyeon swallows. “I think we can just establish that she’s crazy, period. Maybe we should call a psychiatrist over.”

“And what, sedate her and put her in a straitjacket? Lock her up in a padded cell? Is that what you want to do?”

“Well, what do you want me to do?” Taeyeon’s voice cracks again. “You want me to pretend to be her—girlfriend? Pretend that she’s still part of the group? Do you think that’s the right thing to do?”

“I don’t know what the right thing to do is,” Tiffany says quietly. “I just know that Jessica thinks that we’re still…what we used to be and I.”

“And you want that?”

“Do you not?” Tiffany asks, eyes soft but sharp.

“Things can’t go back to before, Tiffany.”

“What if they could?”

“You know I don’t like thinking about what ifs.”

The truth is that she thinks about them too much; she dwells on them until she can’t come out into reality. And when she finally manages to extricate herself, she feels so wistful that she regrets ever contemplating them in the first place.

But of course she’s back in them in no time at all.

“And what if something is really wrong?” Taeyeon asks, her voice fading. “What if she’s really convinced that she’s still a part of the group and that we’re—together? That doesn’t just randomly happen to a person, Tiffany. That’s not normal.”

Tiffany shakes her head, not like she’s denying what Taeyeon is saying but like she has to make some kind of movement. “We’ll just have to see how it goes, I guess.”

“What did you tell me to do? To put up the best act of my life?” Taeyeon gives a dry laugh. “You know I’m awful at acting, Fany.”

“Will it really be that hard to pretend that you have feelings for her?” Tiffany asks mildly.

Taeyeon gives her an incredulous look. “Of course it’s going to be hard. If you think it’s so easy, why don’t you do it?”

Tiffany shrugs. “She’s not in love with me.”

“She’s not in lo—she’s not with me either!”

“Maybe not the Jessica we know,” Tiffany concedes, “but this Jessica is.”

Who is this Jessica, Taeyeon wonders, and what does she want with them?

A part of Taeyeon is afraid that Jessica would go for a hug or a kiss when she saw her, but Jessica doesn’t even touch her. She just smiles, and yet it feels as intimate, if not more so, than a touch.

“Tae,” Jessica says, and somehow her voice sounds even more affectionate in person. “Are you over your weirdness now?”

Taeyeon opens to reply, but she can’t think of a single thing to say. Mercifully, Tiffany, being the amazing friend she is, steps up to the plate.

“How can TaeTae ever be over her weirdness? That’s an intrinsic part of her personality.”

“Wow Steph, you know the word ‘intrinsic.’ Your Korean has really improved.”

Tiffany’s laugh doesn’t even sound forced. Taeyeon wonders if it’s because it isn’t. “You didn’t get mobbed by any saesangs, did you?”

“Who do you think I am?” Jessica asks, wrinkling her nose. Taeyeon wishes she knew. “I’m an expert at dodging fans. But I mean, I’m just coming home, so it’s not like it’d create a scandal the next day.”

Tiffany’s laugh definitely sounds forced this time, albeit only at the very edges. Judging by the way Jessica’s eyes narrow minutely, Taeyeon knows that she catches it. She’s glad that Jessica’s eyes are on Tiffany, because she doesn’t know what her expression is like right now, what it was like at the word home.

“You were being pretty weird at first too,” Jessica says. “What was up with that?”

“Was I?” Tiffany murmurs.

“Yeah. Did you forget about it? I’m really starting to think you got temporary amnesia.”

“I think she did too,” Taeyeon says, “and she gave it to me.”

Jessica laughs. “I didn’t know amnesia was contagious.”

“Maybe you should test us to see if we have it,” Taeyeon suggests. “Ask us some basic questions, stuff like that.”

Taeyeon is a genius. Tiffany really underestimated her.

“Okay,” Jessica says, looking amused. “What year is it?”

“June 2015.”

“I only asked for the year, but wow Tae you’re such an overachiever.”

Taeyeon smiles, the real smile that makes her dimple show up, and Tiffany is starting to wonder if she’s such a good actress or if this is real. What is reality, even, and is it better than—whatever this is? (In a corner of her mind, she registers that Jessica had no reaction to the date, which means that this can’t be amnesia.)

Jessica continues her line of questioning.

“Who’s the current president?”

“Park Geunhye.”

“What’s our comeback song called?”

“Party.”

Jessica claps her hands together. “Congratulations, you’re of sound mental health. I mean, memory. I don’t know about mental health.”

“I’m thrilled,” Taeyeon says dryly. “Thanks, Dr. Jung.”

Jessica wrinkles her nose. “You know, there was this famous psychiatrist named Carl Jung. I thought he was Korean when I first heard about him and then it turns out he was Swiss.”

Taeyeon laughs. “That must’ve been a disappointment to you.”

“Yeah, a massive one,” Jessica says. “Oh, didn’t I tell you this story when we—” She starts to turn red, and Taeyeon watches with rather too much fascination. “Or did I? I don’t even remember.”

“I have potential amnesia, right? I don’t remember either.”

Jessica grins. “Nice pun there.”

“What pu—oh.” Taeyeon smiles too. “I wasn’t even trying.”

“You don’t need to try.”

“Guys, can you lay off the flirting?” Tiffany asks. “I’m getting diabetes here.”

Jessica doesn’t even look abashed. “You can leave, you know. Nobody asked you to stick around.”

“Don’t leave,” Taeyeon says quickly. How is she supposed to survive being alone with Jessica? She’ll (give herself away) (freeze up) (reciprocate)—she can’t.

“Actually,” Jessica says, brightening. “You can order the pasta first, and then you can leave!”

Tiffany starts spluttering, while Taeyeon just laughs. “What am I, your personal chef?”

“No, if you were my personal chef you’d actually cook for me. And that’s—no thanks.”

“You wish I would cook for you.”

“Pretty sure that nobody wishes for food poisoning,” Jessica says wryly.

Tiffany gets that look on her face that usually has Taeyeon backing up a step or two, but then her expression softens and she looks at Jessica like she’s staring at a dream and doesn’t want to wake up. Taeyeon is 99% sure that the expression is genuine, and the 1% says more about her than it does about Tiffany.

“Jessi, I’ve mi—I was worried about you.”

“What, why?”

Tiffany swallows, being the one to look at Taeyeon for help for once.

“You know she worries sometimes,” Taeyeon says casually. “Manager Hwang and all.”

“Your worry makes me worry about you, Steph,” Jessica says, putting her hand on Tiffany’s arm. Tiffany makes herself hold still. “Take care of yourself before you try to take care of us.”

“How can I not try to take care of you?” Tiffany murmurs, and Taeyeon wonders whether she means ‘you’ as in all of them or just Jessica. Maybe for Tiffany, in this moment at least, all of them include Jessica.

“I have Taeyeon to take care of me.” Jessica’s smile is so sweet, so fond, it makes Taeyeon’s chest ache yet again. “Right, Taengoo?”

Taeyeon can say nothing to that except “yes, of course,” and to her horror, she finds that a part of her means it.

“I’ll…go order the pasta,” Tiffany says, looking between them.

“Don’t forget to order your ‘real’ Parmesan!” Jessica calls to her retreating figure.

Don’t leave me with her, Taeyeon tries to channel desperately, but it must not work because Tiffany doesn’t look back.

“Okay, now that she’s gone, are you going to tell me what’s up with you?” Jessica crosses her arms over her chest and raises an eyebrow in that commanding, rather frightening way of hers.

“Don’t you have Blanc & Eclare to think about?” Taeyeon blurts out.

Jessica looks confused. “You mean Blanc? Where did you get the Eclare part from?”

“I…”

“Are you hungry too? You have pastries on the mind already?” Jessica smiles. “I meant to get some cupcakes on the way here, but Tiffany warned me about fans so I didn’t want any delays.”

“You’re so obedient. Her ego will be happy that you listened to her.”

“Her ego could use a boost sometimes. Yours could too.”

“What are you going to do to inflate mine?”

Jessica takes a step closer, her eyes darkening. “What do you want me to do?”

Taeyeon swallows and takes a step back. “But really. What about Blanc?”

“It’s…fine?” Jessica looks confused. “Is there something wrong? I haven’t checked anything today, did you hear something?”

She starts to pull out her phone, and Taeyeon has a sudden vision of her finding Blanc & Eclare’s website, followed by news of their CEO Jessica Jung, who is a soloist and former member of Girls’ Generation. No. She can’t let Jessica find out.

“Don’t check your phone,” Taeyeon blurts out. “Just—you’re always on it.”

“Aww Tae. Are you jealous of my phone?”

“I—yes! Yes, I am. Just don’t check it. Please.”

Jessica looks concerned now. “Did the apocalypse happen while I was asleep or something?”

Taeyeon tries not to stare at Jessica’s phone, which she rather wants to grab and lock up. “You’d probably sleep through it.”

“Would you sleep with me?”

“I…”

Jessica giggles and nudges Taeyeon’s shoulder. “You’re cute when you get shy. Did you run out of innuendos after last night?”

Taeyeon desperately wishes that Tiffany would come back. Or any of the other girls. Or a lightning bolt would shoot down and smite her where she stands. Just—something. Give her something, please.

“And you never answered my question from earlier,” Jessica says. “What was up with you during my call? And with Fany too.”

“You’d have to ask Tiffany what was up with her.”

“I will, but right now I’m asking you what was up with you.” Jessica tilts her head to the side. “What’s wrong, Taeyeon?”

Taeyeon stares at her. She could say the truth: I’m not your girlfriend, Jessica. I’m not even your friend. I’m not your bandmate either, and definitely not your leader. I’m not anything to you, and you’re not… We’re not. She could lie through the pane of a truth: I’m tired, I’ve been tired for so long, I’m probably not myself these days, so don’t pay attention to me. She could lie with no regards to the truth: I’m perfectly fine, I’m happy with you, nothing’s wrong, nothing at all.

She doesn’t say any of those things. Instead she says, “Don’t ask me that. You don’t want to hear the answer.”

“What do you mean I don’t want to hear the answer? I asked you, that means I want to hear the answer.” Jessica reaches out and touches her forehead. “Are you burning up? You’re looking kind of feverish.”

“I’m not sick. Maybe you are.”

“Maybe I am,” Jessica says thoughtfully, putting a hand to her own forehead. “Maybe I sleepwalked and rearranged my furniture or something. Do you know what happened to all your stuff?”

Taeyeon shakes her head. She assumes that Jessica means Taeyeon keeps some of her things at Jessica’s apartment, which is just—how deep is Jessica’s delusion?

“I hope a fan didn’t break in. Again.” Jessica makes a face. “I don’t want to see our stuff for sale online.”

Taeyeon gapes. “That’s happened before?”

Jessica gives her a weird look. “What, did you forget? Maybe you really do have amnesia.”

“I think I might,” Taeyeon murmurs. “I think I’m not of sound mental health.”

“It’s okay, Dr. Jung will patch you up.” Jessica raps her knuckles against Taeyeon’s temple. “I’ll make sure everything is fine and dandy up there.”

Taeyeon pulls Jessica’s hand away from her face, not because she’s uncomfortable with her touch but because—she doesn’t even know. She doesn’t know what she’s doing anymore, doesn’t know how she’s feeling.

Jessica laces their fingers together. “You’re not going to tell me what’s wrong, are you?”

Taeyeon gives a short laugh. “I wish I could.”

“I’m sorry about what I said last week,” Jessica says in a small voice. “Are you still mad at me?”

Last week? What does Jessica think happened between them last week? Is that event, whatever it is, what caused her…episode?

“Tae?”

“No,” Taeyeon says. “How could I be mad at you?”

Jessica’s smile makes her stomach flip and she thinks oh no.

A/N: When I was writing What If, I inevitably wondered what would it be like for this Jessica to wake up in our Jessica's universe? I thought it would be way too angsty to write, but then I couldn't resist and wrote that snippet anyway. Then this happened. This actually turned out a lot happier than I thought it would, although tbh I feel like Taeyeon is kind of OOC here. But I mean, I can't have it too realistic.

I know this ends on a...not very completed note but I don't think I'll write anymore. (I say this now.) Taeyeon doesn't want to burst Jessica's bubble, and neither do I. Why not just leave them here, where they're relatively happy?

ETA: I wrote more and burst Jessica's bubble because I love pain. But don't worry - it actually gets much happier than this snippet. Once again, my fluff-loving heart has defied and trumped my logic-following brain in leading this fic down a path of happiness.