“No it’s not Taekwoon. Please don’t think like that. It’s not your fault.” Grandpa Ben said after reading in horror what his grandson had written. He kept repeating the same words but Taekwoon just shook his head in disapproval. His head hanged low, tears started falling from his pale face down to his white cold hands.

It was. It was my fault grandpa. I’m sorry. It was my fault. I’m sorry. The young child kept repeating, his mind full of guilt and sorrow. The horrible past he wanted to forget slowly crept to his entire being. He clearly remembered that snowy December. The very day life had taken away everything from him.

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It was a snowy 25^th of December; Taekwoon had just finished his school’s stage play. His mom and dad came to watch their only son sing and dance to a Christmas Carol wearing an all-white garment with little angel wings at his back. The cute pale kid looked adorable that night many parents even praised the young kid on how well he sang his parts. Anna, Taekwoon’s mother, couldn’t be prouder. She was clapping all throughout the performance. Her husband Junwo recorder the whole play with their small video recorder.

“Hey there buddy! Good job!” Junwo said and gave a big high five to his son once he got off stage. Anna gave him a tight warm hug while giving praises to their little angel. Taekwoon beamed with pride and joy. He was glad that all the days he spent practicing was worth it. They were about to leave when her school teacher called out to his parents to say thank you and to congratulate them. Taekwoon went backstage to change to his normal clothes. “Taek! Good job! You were great!” A boy called out while running towards him. “Thank you Jun. You were great too!” Taekwoon replied with a huge smile. “Are you going to the park after this?” Jun asked while helping out his friend in removing the angel wings strapped behind his back. “We’re going home. Mom baked a Christmas cake!” Taekwoon answered excitedly. “I see. We’re going to the park first before returning home. They’re going to put the big star on top of the big Christmas tree tonight! They said it’s going to be this big.” Jun explained animatedly, stretching his arms to show how big the star was. “Cool right?!” He added, grabbing Taekwoon by the hand from excitement. “Wow! I want to see it too! I want to see it!” Taekwoon replied with the same enthusiasm.  

“Taekwoon? Are you ready to come home?” He heard his mother calling out for him so he immediately waved goodbye to his friend Jun. They were already inside their car, the engine already starting. Junwo turned to face the backseat to check up on his son. “Ready to come home buddy?” Junwo asked. Taekwoon hesitantly nodded, thinking of how to convince his parents to come to the park. Anna turned around as well noticing that his son was unusually quiet. “What’s the matter honey?” She asked worriedly. “Uhm.. I just… Uhm… Can we… Uhm.. Can we go to the park tonight?” The young child asked shyly. Anna and Junwo looked at each other and giggled slightly. Their son was never the type to ask for anything. He was a good kid who had accepted whatever he had and whatever was offered to him. Anna looked at his son again with a bright smile. When he saw his mother and father giggling, he tried explaining to them. “Uhm.. Jun told me they were going to put the star on the big Christmas tree at the park. I wanted to see it.” The cute child added dejectedly, a small shy blush adorning his face. “Of course we can go honey. Right Junwo?” Her mother replied while looking at his father. “Of course! Of course! We’ll go! Come on! We better hurry.” His father replied and started the engine once again.

Taekwoon was enthusiastic the whole ride and couldn’t sat still at the backseat. His face was almost plastered to the window. His eyes were wide with amazement and sparkle. The pretty dancing lights that decorated the streets, the white inviting smoke coming from food carts, dancing snow mans that waved at each passer’s by. It made Taekwoon giggle from joy. It was his first time seeing the town at night. But there was something that caught his attention the most. “Mom! Dad! Look! It’s Santa! It’s Santa! Mom look! Look!” He announced excitedly while pointing at a man dressed in a Santa suit. Anna chuckled while looking at his excited son. “Yeah! It’s Santa. Wave hello honey.” Anna said in reply. Taekwoon couldn’t contain his happiness. “Dad! Look! Look!” He added again wanting his father to look as well. “That’s great buddy.” Junwo replied, eyes still focused on the road. “But you’re not looking dad.” The young boy said with a pout, he wanted to share this experience with his dad too. “Sorry there buddy. Just a minute. Okay? Haha. Looks like our angel is very happy tonight” His father said in reply. When the traffic lights turned red, Junwo turned around to see what his son was referring to. “Oh! It’s Santa! I can see it now buddy!” Junwo excitedly informed and reached for his son at the backseat to ruffle the kid’s hair. Then suddenly. “Junwo! Look out!” Her mother screamed. It all happened in a flash. There was a huge bang that echoed throughout the street. Their car slid down the road, flipping a few times from the sudden impact. It stopped when it finally hit a lamp post. The next thing Taekwoon heard was the sound of an ambulance, people screaming in panic and horror.

“Are they any survivors?” He heard a man shouting.

“The kid. Go take the kid.” A woman shouted in reply.

What happened? Where’s mom? How about dad?  Taekwoon thought as he felt himself getting laid inside the ambulance. He couldn’t open his eyes from all the blood on his face. He felt an excruciating pain all over his body. He wanted to speak up but an oxygen mask was placed over his mouth. I want my mom and dad! Mom! Dad! He thought in a panic but the pain was too agonizing that it made him unconscious once again.

When Taekwoon woke up the first thing he saw was a white ceiling, the sound of machine beeping beside him. He tried opening his eyes more and saw wires connected to his body. He began panicking. He thrashed out in bed, trying to move every muscle with his might. He screamed on top of his lungs, stream of tears falling down from his eyes.  “Mom! Dad! Mom! Dad!” He called out repeatedly. A tall woman dressed in uniform rushed inside his room. “Hey there. It’s okay. It’s okay.” She said as she gently injected Taekwoon some medicine to calm himself down. “I want my mom and dad.” The young child said softly, the medicine finally kicking in. The tall woman couldn’t look at the young child, her heart broke upon seeing the child calling out for his parents. The nurse stayed with him the entire time until the young child fell asleep.

After a few hours, his aunt and uncle went inside his room. Taekwoon heard them talking. They all thought he was still asleep since his eyes were still closed.

“Such a tragedy. How could this happen on Christmas?!” His uncle said.

“Poor boy. Losing both his parents at such a young age.”

“Yeah! I heard they died on the spot. They were already dead when they were brought to the hospital.”

“What? What do you mean? Where’s mom? Where’s dad? No! This isn’t true! You’re lying! It’s not true! It’s not true! You’re lying! You’re lying! You’re lying! It’s not true! Mom! Dad!” Taekwoon shouted surprising everyone at the room. He started squirming. He tried getting up but the wires  painfully pulled him in. He tried scratching it away as his aunt watched in horror. His uncle tried holding him down, but he kept fighting back while screaming for his mom and dad. “You’re lying! It’s not true! Mom and dad are still alive! Mom and dad are still alive!” He screamed, sad and angry tears falling down. “Call the nurse! Call the nurse now!” his aunt said in a panic. His older cousin ran from the room to get help. After a few seconds, the same tall woman arrived; a man dressed in a white uniform came with her this time. The nurse injected him the same medicine to calm the young child. The child felt weak, he finally stopped squirming and screaming but still the tears didn’t die down. The doctor came forward and examined him. After a while, the doctor ushered everyone outside to deliver the news.

“He was in a critical condition when he was bought here. It was a miracle that he survived. He had broken bones and two broken ribs. He needs some time to recuperate. He needs to stay at the hospital for a few more weeks.” The doctor said to his aunt. “That would be very costly. Where are we going to get the money?” Her aunt said in reply. The nurse standing beside the doctor looked at her with disgust. How can she even worry about the money before worrying for his niece. “Don’t worry Nina. I’ll pay for everything.” An old man walked towards them. “Dad!” The old lady shouted. “That kid would need some therapy too. That would be costly.” Nina added in a worry. “That kid’s name is Taekwoon Nina. Think about the kid first. I’ll settle the bills.” The old man retorted and gave her daughter a stern look; finally shutting her up. “What about the funeral Ben? It’s going to be held next week.”  Joe, Nina’s husband, asked the old man. “Okay. Please help me arrange the funeral.” The old man said. After a few discussions with the doctor, they finally left.

Taekwoon woke up the next day, his face blank. No screaming, no tears. His eyes were void of any emotions. It was as if he was already dead inside. “Hey Taekwoon. Feeling better?” The nurse asked but the kid remained silent. “Eat your breakfast okay? I’ll return in a while.” She said, placing a plate of food in front of Taekwoon.  Taekwoon quietly obeyed and ate his breakfast.

He looked outside the window most of the time. His aunt and uncle often visited him but he still felt lonely, cold, guilty, angry and sad. All sorts of overwhelming emotion crushing down on him like waves but he never showed it on his face. He never said a word; he would only answer with a simple nod. He quietly obeyed what his doctor and nurse told him. But at night, it was completely different. His tears would come flowing down again. His dreams turned pitch black replacing it with the agonizing memory of the night he lost everything. He would always wake up crying. The same thoughts ran through his head. I shouldn’t have asked them to come to the park. I shouldn’t have. It was my fault. If only I didn’t ask dad to look. If only I stayed silent. I should have stayed silent. I shouldn’t have said anything. It was my fault. It was my fault. The pain and the guilt had swallowed the poor child, not leaving any room for his scars to heal.

For a month, Taekwoon had his therapy. He was able to walk again after the sessions but no treatment could bring his voice back. None of the doctors could explain why the kid suddenly turned silent. A child psychologist said that it was from his traumatic experience. She assured Taekwoon’s aunt that the young boy would eventually talk.

But that wasn’t the case at all. Even after a few months when Taekwoon was released from the hospital he never said a word again. He never let anyone hear his once angelic voice. He became afraid of speaking. He was afraid that he would cause the same problem if he talked to anyone again. He hated his voice. It felt like a curse. He believed it was his punishment.