Snow started piling up in the streets, covering everything in white. The cold December seemed to be moving in an instant with Taekwoon growing distant at each passing day. Grandpa Ben tried his best to save his grandson. Every day, he made sure that the young kid would never feel lonely. Hakyeon, Jaehwan, Hongbin, Wonshik and Hyuk stood by the old man’s side and helped out in cheering on for their friend. But their efforts were fruitless, Taekwoon was already slipping away, the coldness of the weather had turned his heart ice cold, fragile and slowly cracking. 

And soon it was already the 25^th of December, the festive air had filled the town, thousands of twinkling lights decorated stores and houses a like. It was a time for merriment and cheer but to Taekwoon it was a moment grief and sorrow. Instead of the holiday spirit visiting him, the ghost of his past haunted him every waking moment, and even in his sleep it never left. He holed himself inside his room, covered himself up with warm blankets, hiding in its confines. The pain was too much to bear, he stifled his sobs, he wiped away the tears harshly every time it fell down his cheeks.

“Hey Taekwoon, can I come in?” He heard a soft knock at his door, his Grandpa called out in a worried voice. He wanted to get up; to open the door and throw himself out to his Grandpa’s warm embrace but his legs couldn’t move. He felt so weak and defeated. Soon after, he heard the door slightly opening. He hid himself under the covers more, holding onto the sheets tightly refusing to show his face to the old man. He felt the side of the bed deepen; his grandpa sat beside him quietly. “Hey there buddy.” Grandpa Ben started and softly patted his grandson under the sheets. “Do you…” The old man followed, careful not to startle the young boy. “Do you want to visit your mom and dad?” Grandpa Ben asked hesitantly. He felt the young child suddenly tensing as the whole room enveloped in silence. Grandpa Ben heaved a heavy sigh. He was about to get up when Taekwoon slowly peeled off the sheets; carefully sitting up as he wiped away the remnants of tears from his face. He tugged on his grandpa’s shirt and looked up to him with sad eyes. He gave a slight nod in reply. “Okay then. Dress warmly okay? I’ll wait for you.” Grandpa Ben said with a sad smile and started walking out of the room to give his grandson some time to prepare.

A few minutes later, Taekwoon went out of his room, all dressed in black. He started fidgeting, anxious and nervous. They got to the car and started heading off. The whole ride was silent. Grandpa Ben didn’t know what to say so he just took a few glances at the young boy beside him who was solemnly looking afar from the window. After an hour passed they finally got to their destination. “We’re here Taekwoon.” Grandpa Ben said as he stopped the car near a huge gate. Taekwoon was startled, finally waking up from his daze. He hesitantly opened the door. The giant black metal gate before him felt too intimidating. His legs were almost pleading him to turn back and ran away. The air felt even colder and heavier. His heart beat started pounding erratically on his chest. It was his first time there after all. He never had the chance to visit since he was confined at the hospital for a long time and when he got out his aunt never heed to his simple requests.  He was hesitant to take the first step; his fists clenched painfully. He was about to break down right there and then when he felt a strong hand holding his caringly. He looked up and saw his Grandpa Ben smiling down at him, but he can see the hurt hidden within his grandpa’s eyes. With heavy feet, he dragged himself to long and narrow path. The ground was covered in snow; the bouquet of flowers lying on the ground besides the gray stones added a beautiful contrast to the dark and gloomy air. The whole place was enveloped in silence as if time had stood still. Taekwoon started panicking as they got farther away from the safety of the gate. He held onto his grandfather tightly; the only warmth and the only strength he could cling to. Grandpa Ben finally stopped when they were in front of two gray stones lying side by side. He gently let go of the young kid’s hand and started dusting off the snow from the two stones. Taekwoon’s heart started pounding louder and louder as the letters began to unravel. He clenched his fists tightly again, tears streaming down his pale face as he read the words beautifully etched on the stones.

Anna Jung

January 17, 1981 – December 25, 2015

Junwo Jung

February 4, 1979 – December 25, 2015

Taekwoon’s knees felt like jelly and finally gave up. He knelt down in front of the two gravestones, the coldness of the ground felt like thousand needled pricking his skin. Thousands of emotions started swelling up in him. He felt his soul getting ripped to pieces. He became numb from the cold, all he felt was an unbearable pain.  His cries got even louder; tears were coming down like a waterfall. He cried and cried while trying his best to stretch out his arms to hug his parents’ gravestones.  His painful sobs echoed throughout the eerie silence. Grandpa Ben’s heart started falling apart as he watched his grandson. The old man knelt down with a loud thud. He cradled the young child; pulling away Taekwoon to stop him from embracing the cold gray stones. Stream of tears were falling down the old man’s face. “It’s okay Taekwoon. It’s okay. It’s okay. Please Taekwoon. It’s okay. Please let go Taekwoon. Please. It’s okay.” He kept repeating in a heavy quivering voice as his embrace tightened around his grandson. He knew it wasn’t okay. It was never okay but what can he do; what can he say. Grandpa Ben’s pleads started getting louder as the young child tried fighting back and kept on stretching his arms as if reaching out to his mom and dad.  Taekwoon had finally lost his strength after some time. He took solace on the warm embrace of his grandpa but his tears never stopped, his sobs never got silent.

It was only after an hour when Taekwoon’s cries finally died down. When Grandpa Ben deemed that his grandson was calm enough, he slowly got up and helped the young child to stand up. They walked to a nearby bench under a big umbrella tear. Not a single word uttered, not even a flinch when the sudden cold air blew passed them. Then out of nowhere Grandpa Ben felt a tug on his shirt. Taekwoon tightly clenching on them. He wanted to say something but he had no paper to write on. Grandpa Ben reached to his pocket and handed the young child his phone so that Taekwoon could type in what he wanted to say. With shaking hands, Taekwoon started typing down.

“I’m sorry grandpa.” The first lines read.

“What are you sorry for Taekwoon?” Grandpa asked curiously.

Taekwoon hesitantly typed down the next words as tears started falling down again. He raised the phone up so the old man could read.

“It was my fault. I’m sorry I took dad away from you. It was my fault grandpa. I’m sorry.”