Taekwoon remained crying, burying his swollen puffy eyes harshly on his cold pale hands; body shaking from too much grief. Remembering the past had opened up his wounds that never healed. He felt his heart sank farther and farther; darkness enveloping him once again. That moment he wanted to run away from his grandpa; to abandon his kindness and warmth. The things he thought he didn’t deserve. But his grandfather’s embrace pulled him closer. “It was not your fault Taekwoon. Your mom and dad loved you more than anything, more than anyone. And you have loved them just the same. I know it’s painful. It’s never okay to lose the people you love. But no matter what we are here for you Taekwoon. I’m still here. You have friends who will remain by your side. We love you Taekwoon.   And I’m sure you’re mom and dad would want you to be happy. You deserve all the happiness in the world.” Grandpa Ben released the crying child from his hold and ruffled the little guy’s head lightly. A soft loving smile decorating the old man’s face.

“The pain of the past can be suffocating. But you have to move forward. Don’t let the past tie you down. Your wounds may still be bleeding now but like all wounds, with time, it will heal. It will get better. The scar that it will leave you, rather than the life you lost, it will remind you of the things and the people you want to live for. Life is so beautiful. Choose to be happy, choose to live Taekwoon.”  Grandpa Ben hugged his grandson again. He felt the young child’s sobs gradually dying down. His short outstretched arms gave the same comforting warmth.

When the old man felt Taekwoon calming down, he released him from his embrace giving the young boy some space to breathe. He gently wiped away the remnant of tears from the younger’s cheeks. “Come on buddy. Let’s go home? I’m really hungry. Haha.” The older said as he slowly stood up; reaching out his hand for Taekwoon to take. Without hesitation, Taekwoon grabbed the hand. He hugged his grandpa once again, silently thanking him for all the love and kindness he continued to shower him with. 

Before heading out of the cemetery, Taekwoon gave one last look at the dark gloomy gray stones bearing his parent’s name.  He placed his small hands on top of the two headstones, eyes closed, but this time, no more tears fell. He silently prayed, hoping that the whispers of his love to the wind could reach his mom and dad in heaven.

When they arrived home they were surprise to see Hakyeon, Jaehwan, Hyuk and Wonshik waiting by the door. “Hello Grandpa!” The four of them greeted cheerfully making the old man chuckle. “Hello my grandsons. Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho” Grandpa Ben gave his best impersonation of Santa Claus, hands placed on top of his belly. Everyone laughed, including Taekwoon surprising the four kids. Hakyeon immediately grabbed Taekwoon, smoldering the younger in his hold while fake wiping some happy tears from his eyes. “My Taekwoonie is laughing! Did you see that Jaehwan? ” Jaehwan joined in the hug, the forceful impact almost knocking them down. “Our Taekwoon is back! Our Taekwoon is back! Thank you Christmas” Jaehwan rejoiced, tightening his hold while nodding his head furiously in joy. Taekwoon looked like a cat, asking for help, wanting to get away from the two hyungs who were almost cutting off his air from squishing too hard. He sent desperate silent pleads at the youngest, hoping that Hyuk would get the message and help him out. Hyuk smirked, his smile a little menacing. Instead of helping out, he joined in the group hug, hugging Taekwoon and his hyungs tightly. “Okay okay. That’s enough guys. Let Taekwoon breath. Hahaha.” Wonshik said, laughing slightly while trying hard to pry off his friends away from the blushing child. When the three of them finally let the silent child go, Wonshik suddenly pulled him closer to his chest; embracing him tightly in his arms, not wanting to let go. He buried his face to the younger’s midnight black hair. “I missed you Taekwoon.” He whispered lovingly to the other. Taekwoon’s face turned ever redder from the affection. “Hey! You said to give him some air. But you’re hugging him even more tightly Wonshik.” Hakyeon protested trying to hug Taekwoon back again but failing since Wonshik kept on playfully pushing him away with his other hand, while his left arm still encircled Taekwoon against him. Jaehwan stealthily tried pulling Taekwoon to his side. Grandpa Ben couldn’t help but chuckle from the sight. While Wonshik, Jaehwan and Hakyeon were busy arguing about who gets to hug Taekwoon, Hyuk tugged on Grandpa Ben’s shirt and pulled him lightly so he could whisper into the old man’s ear. “Grandpa. We prepared a surprise for Taekwoon. We hid the gifts near the garden so he couldn’t see.” Hyuk giggled. The old man just nodded, a huge smile on his face. “Oh! I just remembered. I need to get something from the garden. You kids should come inside. It’s cold out here.” Grandpa Ben announced, giving a playful wink at Hyuk. Hakyeon, Hyuk and Wonshik stopped arguing and slowly released the poor smothered boy from their grasp. Hakyeon looked at Jaehwan, their eyes talking to each other without even words being uttered. Hakyeon giggled. “Okay Grandpa. We’re going inside. Please be careful.” Hakyeon sent a wink back to the older. Before going inside Taekwoon pulled the hem of Wonshik’s shirt to get his attention. He didn’t have his sketchpad with him so he just hoped that the tilt of his head and confused look on his face would be enough to get the message across. Where’s Hongbin?  Wonshik looked at him confusedly for a while but finally getting the idea after some time. “Oh! Hongbin couldn’t come today. He said he was going to the city with his mom. Now that you’ve mentioned it… hmm.. That’s odd. They don’t have any relatives in the city and he even texted me so early in the morning. Weird.” Wonshik placed his left hand on his chin, still contemplating on his best friend’s strange behavior. Taekwoon looked up to Wonshik with worry. “Don’t worry about it. I bet he’ll come home tonight. We’ll ask him tomorrow when he gets back.” Wonshik slightly ruffled Taekwoon’s hair and gave him a bright reassuring smile. The other smiled back in return and slightly nodded in agreement with Wonshik’s soft gentle hand still placed on top of his head.

Upon entering the quaint house, the 3 kids started removing their coats and hanged them on the coat rack at the entry way. Taekwoon went straight to his room to change to his casual clothes. When Hyuk heard Taekwoon’s door closing, he silently called out to his hyungs to signal them to start their mission. Like little Santa helpers, the three children tiptoed around the living room while Grandpa Ben cautiously walked inside carrying gifts in different colors and shapes. Hakyeon and Jaehwan placed all the gifts at the small coffee table at the center of the living room. Hyuk, with all his might, scattered strings of confetti and décor inside the room, making it look like it rained glitters and strings of colorful papers inside the house. Wonshik placed the jar of cookies he brought at the table beside the gifts. “Ready?” Hakyeon asked in hushed tones, checking everything once again for a good measure. Jaehwan signaled by giving two thumbs up, Hyuk with a huge gummy smile on his face, and Wonshik nodding furiously with his game face on. Grandpa Ben accidentally chuckled. “Sssshhh Grandpa.” All the 4 children reprimanded. The old man muttered silent apologies, a huge smile plastered on his face.

Jaehwan tiptoed towards Taekwoon’s room. He placed his left ear by the door, trying hard to listen to the other kid inside. He heard a few steps walking forward. Jaehwan immediately dashed to join in the group signaling that it was already time. “Okay guys. Formation. Go!” Hakyeon said a little too loudly. The kids started scrambling in panic to form a line. Hakyeon was standing beside Jaehwan who was now eating a chocolate chip cookie, Hyuk stood in the middle, trying to send warning glares to his hyung who kept on eating and leaving crumbs on the floor. Wonshik stood beside Grandpa Ben, the young child brushed up his hair with his small hands, removing the hair strands away from his eyes. After a few seconds, he decided that he looked better with his hair down so he combed his bangs down to his forehead.  His eyebrows creased, getting a little irritated from the length of his bangs obstructing his view. “You look fine Wonshik” The old man said chuckling lightly, standing in line beside the 4 kids.

The door finally opened. “SURPRISE!” They all yelled with Wonshik yelling a little late since he was too caught up with ironing down the creases that formed on his red shirt. Taekwoon stood in awe. The white sweater he wore was a size bigger than him. It made him look even smaller and innocent. He pulled down his long white sleeves, using it to wipe down the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. The 4 kids dashed towards him, enveloping the silent child in a warm group hug.

Their morning was filled with laughter and cheers. Even Taekwoon who had cried his heart out for the past days started joining in the fun. Grandpa Ben heaved a sigh of relief, feeling thankful for the friends his grandson was blessed with.  One by one, Hakyeon, Jaehwan, Hyuk and Wonshik presented their gifts to the silent child. The silent child, for a moment, looked a little confused when everyone formed a circle around him. Hyuk was the first friend to step forward. “Taekwoon hyung. Merry Christmas! Let’s be friends forever!” The youngest said as he handed his gift wrapped in a red glittery wrapper. Taekwoon shyly accepted, his hands shaking a little as he received his first gift. “Open! Open! Open!” The rest of the children cheered. “Come on Hyung. I know you’re going to like it!” Hyuk said, feeling confident on the gift he just gave. Taekwoon carefully opened his present; removing the ribbons and tapes carefully to not rip the red wrapper apart. He pulled out a navy blue pair of gloves from the box. It felt nice and warm to the touch. He gently rubbed it on his face and gave a wide smile at Hyuk. He enveloped the youngest in a tight embrace, trying to express his gratitude for the gift. “You’re welcome Hyung!” The youngest patted his hyung’s head lovingly and slowly released the other from his grasp. “My turn! My turn!” The ever energetic Jaehwan cheered. He pulled out a big box, covered in a Christmassy green wrapper, with childlike doodles of reindeers and Santa. “You’re going to love it! FOR SURE! Merry Christmas my cute Taekwoonie! Please smile more often” Jaehwan handed his gift with a huge smile. He kept his eyes glued on the other, as Taekwoon started opening his present. It was a pinkish white apron, with a face of cute kitten embroidered on the front. “I figured that you really like kittens since you have many shirts with a similar design. And I know that you really like cooking too! Please use this apron from now on! Please bake me some cookies again my Taekwoonie!” Jaehwan said while hugging the silent kid who was nodding happily. “Yah! Lee Jaehwan.. Come on.. Let Taekwoonie go. It’s my turn!” The oldest protested as he tried removing his best friend’s arms away from his ball of fluff. “Taekwoonie. My little ball of fluff” The eldest started, after successfully prying off his best friend. “I am very happy that we became friends. Let’s be good friends forever! We will always stay by your side. Fighting Taekwoon! Merry Christmas!”  Hakyeon handed his gift to the younger. It was inside a white paper bag, with glittery snow man drawn on the sides. Taekwoon reached inside the paper bag. He pulled out a long white knitted scarf. The younger hugged his hyung as thanks. “There there my Taekwoonie.” The eldest said as he softly patted the other’s back. “Uhm..” Wonshik shyly cleared his throat, drawing every body’s attention. “Taekwoon… Uhm..” He started nervously, hiding something behind his back. Taekwoon moved closer to the fidgeting boy. Wonshik all of sudden got cold feet, feeling his gift weren’t on par with what his friend had received so far. He hadn’t even wrapped it up or even had put it inside a gift bag. He had no money left and hadn’t been saving his allowance. He shyly and abruptly pushed a small bunny stuff toy to Taekwoon’s hands. “Merry Christmas Taekwoon! If ever you feel down, just hold this bunny tightly!” He shouted, his voice rising a little due to his nervousness.  “It will absorb all your sadness so that you can be happy again. I don’t like seeing you sad! I promise to make you smile and laugh always! So… just… uhm.. just…” He started but failed to continue, the words were getting stuck on his throat. His eyes suddenly grew wide when Taekwoon enveloped him in a warm tight hug. With shaking hands, and mind still on a daze, he wrapped his arms around the other’s body, leaning on Taekwoon for support.

Their small party continued until late in the afternoon. Taekwoon and Grandpa Ben accompanied each of the 4 kids home. Wonshik was the first they sent home since his house was near Taekwoon’s neighborhood, followed by Hakyeon and Jaehwan who were neighbors on the next street. The last was Hyuk. The youngest lived in the same street with Hongbin. Hyuk pointed to a house, a few blocks away from his. “This is where Hongbin hyung lives.” He said. Taekwoon couldn’t help but stare at the red door of the said house. “I wish Hongbin was there. I wish I can see Hongbin too.” Taekwoon thought to himself, missing his friend who was not able to spend the day with them.

When they finally managed to send his friends home, Taekwoon and Grandpa Ben stopped at a small store for a while and bought some ingredients they needed for the cake they planned to bake that night. With grocery bags on their hands, they walked side by side in the white pristine snow. Soon, the moon and the twinkling stars decorated the vast evening sky. They were already a few steps away from their house when the young kid noticed a figure slumped by the door. He took a closer look and immediately ran towards the figure. He almost dropped the grocery bag he was holding when he saw Hongbin, sitting by the door, his head buried in between his knees, shivering a little from the coldness of the night. Taekwoon slumped down and shook the other a little to get his attention. “Taekwoon…” Hongbin greeted, teeth chattering from the cold. “Oh my! Let’s go inside!” Grandpa Ben exclaimed upon seeing Hongbin.

Taekwoon immediately ushered Hongbin inside his room and helped him out while Grandpa Ben dashed to the kitchen to get something warm for the poor boy. He wrapped Hongbin in two layers of blanket. Taekwoon desperately rubbed his hands together and blew his warm breathe on it. He placed his now warm hands on Hongbin’s cold face. Even though the other looked like he was about to cry from worry, Hongbin couldn’t help but find the other cute and adorable. Taekwoon was about to rub his hands again when Hongbin held on to him. He placed Taekwoon’s warm hand on his face and gave a gentle smile. “I’m glad you’re okay now Taekwoon. I was really worried you know.” He said, hands still holding the other’s small ones. Taekwoon couldn’t help but blush from the sudden contact but he noticed the sad smile the other was wearing. Taekwoon tilted his head a little in confusion, still not pulling away from Hongbin’s hold. “Why do you look sad Hongbin?” He thought to himself hoping his eyes were expressive enough to convey his feelings. “I’m fine Taek. I’m just relieved that you’re okay now. I missed you so much Taek.” Taekwoon blushed even redder this time, feeling a little shy when he heard the other calling him by a nickname he haven’t heard for a long time. When Hongbin noticed, he quickly let go of the other’s hand. He turned his head away from Taekwoon to hide his own blush, embarrassed from his sudden confession.  “Oh I almost forgot!” Hongbin exclaimed when he noticed his bag on the side, cutting off the awkward silence that filled the room.  

Hongbin slowly got up and reached for his bag. He pulled out a small rectangular box and gently handed it to the other. When Taekwoon opened it, there was a black notebook inside it. He turned the blank pages, a photograph fell. He picked it up from the floor and stared at it with a smile. It was the picture they took during his birthday. All 6 of them had cake icings on their faces. Everyone was wearing a huge smile. Even Grandpa Ben who was standing by the side looked like he was having a great time. “You can use the notebook to write anything that you want. You can write about the good things that you want to remember, the feelings you kept locked up inside your heart that you cannot express.  And the picture is to remind you that no matter what we will always be here for you Taekwoon.” Hongbin started, his eyes glued to his friend. “When the day comes that you finally find your courage to speak, please let me listen to the stories you’ve written. We can talk about the fun times, the sad times. Anything. I’ll listen. I’ll always be here for you Taek. I swear. Okay? No matter what. I’ll always be here for you.” Taekwoon couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, he hugged Hongbin tightly not noticing that Hongbin was crying with him. After a few minutes, they finally let go of each other. Hongbin secretly wiped away his own tears. Taekwoon was about to send a questioning look at Hongbin when he noticed traces of tears from the other but a few knocks on the door caught their attention.

“Hongbin. Your mom is here to pick you up.” Grandpa Ben called out from the other side. “Okay Grandpa. Thank you!” Hongbin replied and slowly got up. Taekwoon wanted to pull Hongbin with him but Hongbin was already by the door of his room. There was something odd about the other’s behavior, he noted, an ominous feeling enveloped him. Taekwoon quickly grabbed his sketchpad and pen. He dashed to the entry way where his friend was saying goodbye to his grandpa. He quickly tugged the other child’s shirt and in a split second had written down words he wanted to stay. “Thank you Hongbin! Let’s be friends forever.” It read. Hongbin gave a small smile, tears threatening to fall again but he tried hard not to cry. “Let’s stay together for a long time Taek. As long as we can.” Hongbin replied. Taekwoon shook his head furiously to say no. He wrote down another reply. “No! We’ll stay together forever!” He wrote down. Hongbin ruffled his head and gave a small smile. Hongbin’s mother couldn’t help but join in the conversation. She crouched down and held the Taekwoon in her arms. “You’re such a cute kid Taekwoon.  I hope you can be friends with Hongbin forever.” She gently released the young child and patted him lovingly at the head. “My son really likes you a lot Taekwoon.” She playfully winked and gave a bright smile similar to his son’s. Both children blushed furiously from the comment. Grandpa Ben chuckled fondly upon seeing his grandson’s reaction.

After waving goodbye when Taekwoon was about to close the door, Hongbin abruptly turned around and yelled. “We’ll be friends forever Taekwoon. Don’t forget okay? Forever!” Finally, Taekwoon giggled, feeling relieved seeing his friend’s cheerful side again.

That night, a calm peaceful sleep finally visited Taekwoon. The coldness of the December breeze felt warmer this time.

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I’m really sorry for the late update and for this very long chapter.  ･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.