When born we are brought into a world full of tons of expectations for us. Before we even begin to crawl, our parents have an idea of what they wish we become later on in life. Little kids are growing up being told to be doctors, teachers, nurses, firemen, etc. A serious job that will give you a stable salary and a decent life. Parents always hope for their children to do better in life than they had. They wish for their children to have the best of grades. To not make the same mistakes. To do better. To be better. So much pressure and so many expectations for children who are just trying to understand the world they live in. 

Beyond parents we have social media. An outlet that tells us what to eat, what to wear, what to look like. The new food trend is to eat non gluten food. The new food trend is kale. The new style is all black. The new style is loose fitting clothes. You should have muscles. Abs is a must. You should have nice teeth. Nice hair. Nice skin tone. Be tall. Be smart, but don't look like you are smart. Be athletic, but don't be cocky. Be flirty, but don't be a playboy. Be patient, but don't be a prude. All these things. Be this. Be that. How is one even suppose to know who they really are when all their life they have been told what they should be instead of be proud of who you already are?

School doesn't help either. Rumors. Social circles. Everyone wants to fit in and have friends, but there always has to be that one kid that gets bullied. That no one likes. He is poor. He is a nerd. He is short. He looks like a girl. He is a ert. He is a weirdo. He is gay. He is this....he is that. I sadly wasn't one of the popular kids. I grew up without much money. I grew up in a household where all my dad cared about was me getting great grades, so that one day I could work in a hospital and take care of my family with the money I made. My father knocked up my mother on accident when they were both seventeen. I can tell he regrets it. It hurts, but there is no changing what has happened and he knows that. I know that. My mother is no longer around. She passed away when she gave birth to me. I am still, to this day, surprised that my father didn't give me up for adoption. I guess he would of felt guilty if he had done so. 

Anyways, my name is Seungcheol. I am eighteen years old and I am about to graduate high school. The amount of pressure on me to go to a nice college, to go to medical school after and then to become a doctor is so huge, yet I don't want that. I don't want to be a doctor. I don't want to go to some fancy school. I just want to do what I want to do for once. I have always followed everyone's rules for me. I have always done what my father wanted for me.  I have always done what my teachers asked of me. I let the students pick on me, because that is just how everything works out. I even went on a diet and worker out like crazy just to gain some muscles, because that's how I am suppose to look, but none of this is me. 

I just want to rap. I want to make music. I want to share with the world my emotions, thoughts, and desires, but no one else wants that from me. It's liek I would have to break all the rules that I have followed all my life if I was to do this. If I was to go against everything and chase after my dream of becoming a famous rapper. My father would hate it. He would disown me and say he never had a son to begin with. My teachers would say that I was a waste of a good brain. My fellow students would say that I don't stand a chance in the music world. Even so, maybe it would be worth it. 

I only have one friend that Ii can really go to for advice. His name is Woozi. We have been friends since middle school.  Woozi was always picked on for his height. He is a lot shorter than all of the other males our age and even some of the females that we know. Not his fault though. He can't control his genes. That's how we became friends though. I bullied for being poor and too smart for my own good and Woozi getting bullied for his height. Woozi has always been a lot stronger than I am. He grew up as an orphan. People never expected him to do well in life. In anything really, but he has always proved them wrong. He is one of the smartest students in our grade. He is an amazing singer who composes and writes his on music and at the age of eighteen, he is already working a part time job and finishing up high school all while paying for his own apartment to live in. He never did get adopted. He just got shipped from one foster home to another, till he turned of age and was allowed to just support himself.

I saw him sitting at on of the tables in our large cafeteria. With an apple in hand, I made my way over to him. "Are you excited? Last day of school until we graduate". Woozi looked up at me and smiled a bit before nodding.

"Once we graduate I can focus on singing and saving up money more".

"I really do hope you get the chance to do something with your music abilities for a career one day".

"I hope the same for you with your rapping". I shook my head at his comment. He knew I loved to rap, but he also knew I was a rule follower. I was not the type to challenge the system. 

"You know that wont happen. I need to get a good job at a hospital around here so I can support my father".

"Seungcheol... your father is only thirty five years old and he is at full health. He can support himself now that you are graduating. He doesn't need you to be his money bag. You weren't born for that".

"I was though. He is my father Woozi".

"I'm just saying... you deserve to live your life". I looked down as I knew what he was saying was true. I would forever understand that he wanted what was best for me as a friend. I wanted to just go off and take a risk and go after my dream of being a rapper, but could I really do it? I doubted myself. I always doubted myself. It was against everything I was suppose to be. I was suppose to be a good son. A smart student. A kind and caring doctor. Eventually a nice husband and a good father. My life was suppose to go like that, but it just felt so wrong. It felt like I as living someone else's life. "You want to know a secret"?

"Hmm what is it"?

"I am not going to our graduation tomorrow. I don't need the paper to show I finished high school".

"Then what are you doing"?

"I'm leaving town. There is a huge music company in one of the larger cities having audition soon and I want to take place in them. I want to go early, find a place to stay and just practice and practice. It may not work out, but at least  I will know I tried". I looked at him with an expression that said everything I wanted to say. I was going to miss him. My one and only friend leaving would hurt me, but I am glad for him at the same time. I want him to do well and I want him to succeed in his dreams. "You know you can come with me".

I knew he meant what he said, but I don't think I could ever do that. Just get up and leave my life behind. Leave my father behind. Leave all the rules and plans for my life behind. I sighed as I looked over at him, shaking my head. He knew my answer and decided not to push any further. School ended a few hours later and all I wanted to do was go home. I was exhausted and just needed time to think. When I got home my father was busy eating a snack in the kitchen, "Oh Seungcheol! Come here real quick".

I did as my father asked and found myself soon standing across from him at our dinner table. "I found an internship for you. One of my friends is close buddies with a doctor in town. He told him about you and how you want to be a doctor when you grow up. He said he will let you work with him over the summer.  Doesn't that sound good"?

I sighed as I listened to my father's words. Even for one day I could not get away from the plans my father had for me. "I guess yeah". 

"Seungcheol.. be thankful he is letting you work with him. You didn't try this hard in school to screw up an opportunity like this".

"I know but...what if I don't want to be a doctor"?

My father looked at me as if I had lost my mind. He places his sandwich down on his plate and stared at me for a few moments before speaking, "What else would you want to be then"?

"I don't know...maybe a rapper. I really like music". The way he stared at me scared me. His eyes burning through me. I hated it. I knew he hated what I just said, but I felt like I needed to say it. 

"Then you are no son of mine. Now, stop this nonsense and go upstairs to your room and study. Even if school is over you still need to be ready for when college starts in a few months".

With a heavy heart I went up to my room. I laid on my bed and just stared at the ceiling above me. I wasn't happy. Following my fathers rules was killing me slowly. Being a doctor... I would never like it. I never found anything about the field of medicine to be fascinating at all. Just a lot of words in a text book that made no sense to me. If I continued to live this way, what would I become? What would I feel? Or would I feel anything at all anymore after awhile? I let my eyes fall closed as I drifted into a deep sleep. Sleep being the only place where Ii could escape all of my troubles. 

When I woke up, my phone was ringing. I looked over and saw that it was Woozi. I thought he had left town already. Today would be our graduation and by now he should of been on the road to some big city. I answered and listened as he began to talk real fast, "Seungcheol listen to me okay? I am leaving in an hour. I know you don't want to break your father's rules, but you need to do something for yourself for once. Just come with me. We can audition and train together. Who knows, we may even become huge celebrities one day. Just please... come with me You deserve this". 

I looked around my room at all the trophies and books everywhere. I looked at how neat everything looked. The neatly folded clothes, the smell of vanilla coming from my wall plug in, the fact that everything in my room was white. My father's favorite color, not mine. I looked around once more. I was about to reply to Woozi and tell him that I couldn't take his offer, but then I saw my notebook of lyrics I had been working on. That notebook was the only thing in the room that actually showed who I was. I took in a deep breath before speaking, "Woozi... I'll be there soon". 

I would finally live my life. Even if I mess up along the way, at least I would be able to say I took a chance. I broke the rules. I lived my life. 

 

Word count: 2123

 

AUTHOR'S NOTE

I hope you enjoyed reading this. 

This is a lot less angsty and emotional than most of my other stuff I write, but I really wanted to write a Seventeen one shot and they are just too young for me to want to write about anything sad happening to them. 

Until next time, 

-Teentizzle