Such Great Heights Pt 2
Nayoung/Jieqiong

Friends do not capitalize on friends’ insecurities.

Jieqiong knows that as she pats Nayoung’s shaking back from outside the large group hug.

She should have made up something about dance practice or eating or being woken up in the morning although that would have been instantly seen through. But she could have easily gotten away with something specific and maybe even slightly strange since it was clear Nayoung-unnie had not been in the right mind to really reason things out.

Not part of us.

She wants to think she does not know where that came from, could put it down to being pressured on the spot and needing to say something but those are poor excuses.

They never talked about it but she knew Nayoung-unnie had been worrying about this and she said it out loud, on camera, in front of the whole team. And all for what, screentime? Saying anything would have gotten her that. Her own satisfaction? There was no satisfaction, is no satisfaction, cannot be any satisfaction in seeing Nayoung, kind, gracious, soft-hearted Nayoung have her heart ripped out on TV.

She is the worst.

She watches Nayoung from a distance for the next few hours, sticks to Mina and Doyeon and Somi as the evening wears on.

Nayoung slowly comes back to life, nursed by snuggles from Yoojung and Sejeong-unnie’s presence by her side. Even Doyeon and Somi are somewhat subdued, stopping the moment they are told to stop and only making the slightest of faces.

Jieqiong feels small all evening, catches Chaeyeon looking at her with what seem like pitying eyes, wonders why no one marches up to her and calls her an to her face.

She would feel better that way.

The second floor of their dorm is their refuge. It is where they go when they want to video chat parents away from the others, text friends without their messages being sometimes read over their shoulders, or simply be alone for a while.

Jieqiong was not intending to find anyone else there, was most certainly not searching for Nayoung but her foot scuffs the floor and makes a sound so it is too late for her to attempt to sneakily run away.

In the dim darkness Nayoung’s back looks small, as if she has somehow managed to fold herself into the prop she is sitting on. The faint rays of light from streetlamps outside make her shadow long and thin.

She should go find someone else, probably go tell Yoojung to come upstairs to keep Nayoung-unnie company. That would be right thing to do, to not hurt Nayoung-unnie any further, but Jieqiong is greedy and selfish and she has missed being close to Nayoung so she sits down, wraps her shaking hands around Nayoung’s waist, rests her head on Nayoung’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” the words escape before she is aware.

Nayoung shakes.

“I should probably have said something,” she hears herself say, “I knew you were worrying about this.”

You knew.

You knew she was worrying about this.

And you said it.

Out loud.

On national tv.

You knew it would hurt.

How could you not know, you who has watched her for so long, she who is soft-hearted, so afraid of the world not recognizing her, of not being good enough.

And you rubbed it into her face, said she was the exact thing she had always tried to not be.

You knew she felt that she was different, that she was afraid that she was too different, that the others would not understand her.

She hears Nayoung inhale sharply, “You knew?”

Look at you hurting now because she didn’t think you knew. That’s rich, you ungrateful little thing, hurting because she doesn’t know, hurting over such a small thing when you hurt her so much more.

Jieqiong stiffens, croaks, “y-yeah.”

“Ah,” Nayoung says, and Jieqiong feels her pulling away, “It’s ok. It was for the show. Doyeon doesn’t hate soondae soup, Yeonjung wasn’t actually hurt, Yoojung would never say those words. It’s alright.”

She knows.

She knows.

“Y-You knew I didn’t mean it either, right?” Jieqiong says, hates herself.

The silence does not seem to end but Nayoung eventually breaks it though she knows they both hear the lie.

She manages to avoid Nayoung-unnie for the most part of the next day but the guilt continues to eat at her and just looking in her direction brings it back up all over again until she feels it up the back of .

Jieqiong is utterly, entirely miserable.

Heck, for a second she manages to mistake Doyeon for Nayoung, something she has never done, ever, and it only makes her feel worse.

But she knows she deserves it.

Jieqiong makes it to her bed but no amount of tossing and turning makes her feel any better so she gives up and climbs back up the stairs to get a few moments to herself before the rest of the girls eventually wake up.

It would be Nayoung-unnie who finds her sitting alone in the sunrise, fists clenched tightly as she refuses to cry.

“Is there anything you want to talk to me about?”

Jieqiong shakes her head, puts on a smile, knows it does not reach her eyes but does not turn around.

“Ah,” Nayoung says, sits down next to her.

Jieqiong sneaks a glance out the corner of her eyes.

Up close Nayoung-unnie seems better now, much better than last night so Jieqiong takes it as an opportunity to further wallow in her guilt as punishment, or well, she would if Nayoung-unnie would only just leave now.

“Are you alright?”

“H-Huh?”

Her head jerks up and Jieqiong plasters the smile back onto her face, “Yeah, I’m pretty good.”

Nayoung looks at her.

Jieqiong cannot meet her eyes, drops her gaze to the floor.

“You’re not alright,” Nayoung says.

“I am.”

“You’re not.”

“Am too.”

“Are not.”

Bursting into tears now would be the worst thing to do because it would be horribly selfish and Jieqiong has been selfish enough for several lifetimes over already over the past two days even though she still doesn’t know why she said those words in the first place.

Nayoung puts an arm around her, “You can tell me about it, you know?”

Jieqiong shakes her head.

“I know,” Nayoung starts, “I know I’m not Sejeong but I’ll listen.”

Jieqiong’s heart breaks anew and she dabs at the tears that leak out, tries to turn away out of Nayoung’s warmth but Nayoung only grabs on tighter and refuses to let go.

Jieqiong hears herself sob.

“I-I’ll let go if you really want me to,” Nayoung says.

Jieqiong shakes her head, sniffles.

“Why,” Nayoung says.

Jieqiong waits for her to ask it, to ask that question.

“Why did you say that,” Nayoung says.

She does not have words to explain why. She does not know why it just spilled out, does not know what she can say, if anything at all.

“Why did you say that if you knew it was going to hurt you so much? You and Yoojung,” Nayoung says, “you silly children.”

Jieqiong is torn between wailing and laughing so she settles for letting her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces in the sunlight.

Nayoung holds her.

A/N: Going to try to avoid people crying in the next fic.