0 Days earlier

When Joohyun opened up her eyes, only seeing some seats occupied, she realized that much had happened in the span of a year. Many more moments than these had happened between them then the one she explicitly thought of in as she was sitting on the train – some were mundane like talking about daily stress from exams, projects, tunes that didn’t sound right or passages of writing that didn’t make sense to Seulgi’s critical self.

Sometimes they’d take a walk by the rivers, were the different hues of red, blue and white boats travelled through narrow paths. When spring came along they noticed the green bloom of the trees that were dangling above the water, mirroring blue skies and a dark-haired girl looking out to study it, maybe using the scenery as inspiration to write later when she was alone by the desk, only a light illuminating the cramped room.

Joohyun took a picture of that second, when Seulgi stretched her hand to try and catch one of the falling petals with white edges and yellow centers above the river. The moment was not taken with a camera or her phone, but with her memory, hoping that the image of the calmness she saw Seulgi in wouldn’t fade away by time. It might, she thought to herself, but for now it was enough to have it flash before her eyes when she remembered that moment.

Her head leaned backwards towards the window, it had been one hell of a ride during this past year.

The day she met Seulgi, was probably the beginning of a crush she had never experienced before and would maybe never experience again. Then, when Seulgi befriended her, things spun even more out of control for the unknowing Joohyun, because there were so many signs from Seulgi to read and too little time to translate them into what she wanted. It wasn’t before that ill-fated party that led them somewhere they hadn’t been before, where they turned into something more than just friends, though she wasn’t sure of exactly what. The two were never officially together in the sense that they never called their time at the coffee shop by the river, or their long walks, or their adventures for late night snacks/meals together for “dates”. Joohyun never held Seulgi’s hand, rarely initiated a kiss even when they were in private, and whenever they were with other people they didn’t give many signs of affection.

However, there were moments during lunch at the cafeteria where Seulgi would let Joohyun rest her leg upon her own. Seulgi would occasionally wait for her to finish her last class before buying her whatever she craved, whether it was ice cream or a cup of sweet tea. When they sat by the vending machines at the train station on worn out seats, a hand would suddenly push some of Joohyun’s falling hair from her face, since the wind was messing it up.

Their beds were also pushed together now with the desk occupying the corner after much work one random afternoon. They knew that when the time came, which wasn’t long enough, they’d have to redo the entire room back to square one when none of them obtained it or filled it with their memories. The guitar wouldn’t be by the corner anymore, Seulgi’s books and pens would all be stowed away, Joohyun’s laptop and Japanese dictionaries were now in her bag and not on the desk. Everything went back to what it was before they knew each other, before things changed Joohyun.

But did she really change? Sometimes, like now when she spots her reflection by the window, she feels like the same girl she was when she arrived. Her shyness has always been a part of her, her style of clothes hasn’t changed one bit, and the way she always wore an either confused or stoic expression was still present on her pale face. Maybe her hair had grown darker, her bangs are longer than before, but was there anything more that made her question the person she was back in Korea? Her mannerisms hadn’t changed one bit, she always wanted a cup of tea after class, and she still had trouble learning how to properly pronounce a Japanese word without her accent.

Maybe the changes had hid themselves better and weren’t as obvious as she’d like. She knew that Bae Joohyun hasn’t changed one bit from the one she was, the world was also pretty much the same it had always been, but it was still different in some twisted way. She seemed to view shows on television with different eyes, relating to characters who dreamt about how things could be with their love or how they’d act jealous when their interest was with someone else. She always made sure that when she picked up a pack of Pepero from the vending machine by herself, to also get a pack of Pringles, because Seulgi always liked munching on them when she studied. Her eyes would always wonder to the other woman during lunch to see if she drank enough water, or else she’d get a headache during the evening. She even caught herself most days singing along to songs Seulgi sang, absentmindedly wondering what she was writing about or doing.

Even now as she sits on the blue seats inside the moving train, leaving the city where she studied for only a year behind, she feels the need to make space for another presence. She even has Pringles in her purse with a bottle of water, despite not having anyone to give them to anymore. When her eyes gazed on the said items from the kiosk, she felt herself almost let out a sad smile. It felt as if they were telling her that now you have one less person to look out after in your everyday life.

When she would shower away the remainder of the day away back in Korea, she’d wait for cold hands to lay on her back teasingly. To be the cause of tingles down her spine and warmth between her bare legs, a soft kiss on her back, and her warmth soon disappearing as if to say you’ll get more in the bedroom.

At night, she came to realize when she would be alone in her own bed again, she’d probably reach out to warm skin only to find cold sheets. She’d probably catch herself adjusting her blanket to cover someone else, even if there was only herself to keep warm. She’d leave the window ajar, letting the cool night breeze enter the room because she’d gotten used to the crickets and the stillness of the small town. A light arm would drape over her body, as if to remind Joohyun that when you return to where you belong, you’ll miss the silence and your ordinary routines, you’ll miss the still breathing of someone beside you.

She’d even be quiet, waiting for a soft voice belonging to her one and only Seulgi, telling her about the day and then kiss her gently with warm lips to soothe the stress of everything away for the evening, and also make her chest tighten in woe. It was a kiss, that told Joohyun everything she wondered about, feared, loved, hated. A kiss from Seulgi that read people don’t need to know about us, because I know what we have, and one day they’ll see it too, so lie by me in our makeshift bed and hold me tight as if you will never leave, though we know you will, and I might never look for you, because you’re too stubborn to admit you need me and I’m too afraid to let myself need you.

Joohyun almost smiled by those memories: it was her first time after all, being in love, if that’s what you call it. Seulgi had also admitted to never having a relationship before, maybe a fling here or there, a one-night stand regretted, but never had any actual feelings involved. With that said, they did may firsts together, at least for Joohyun. Seulgi wasn’t her first kiss, but she was the first kiss that made her insides spin out of control. Seulgi was however, her first time, and she was the first girl Seulgi had ever slept with. Though sadly haven experienced ual things in unwanted settings, it didn’t always come easy for her to let herself go. It was awkward at first, but once they found their rhythm eventually, it got better. Despite some tears from bad memories, shaking from Seulgi’s side and general nerves, it was nice being close to her. Nice trying to show her that things didn’t always have to be complicated, or forced. That she, if she wanted to, could always find comfort in Joohyun. Even if things weren’t clear between them, maybe it was for the best sometimes, because making things clear would also mean having to change everything around them.

They liked what they were, and what they are. And what they could become? Well, they could think about that later.

Her eyes went back to the crinkled note, as the skyline of different trees and buildings flashed beside her.

“A year has 365 days.

365 days means 8760 hours

8760 hours is the same as 525600 minutes.

If that was all I had…

I apologize for what I’ve done, yet
I will wait for you.”

Seulgi never said goodbye to her when she left. She had left the room early that morning, probably before the sun stood up during that moment Joohyun actually fell asleep. They had pushed their beds apart, the desk in the middle, and for once slept separately as if they needed an entire furniture-object to separate them. Joohyun had a feeling that none of them got much sleep that night, but it was still silent, no one dared move.

She never asked or called Seulgi, wondered why she left so early and didn’t seem to have any plans to return until after she’d gone. It felt as if she needed to be alone, to think things over, or maybe to forget Joohyun altogether. Maybe that was what the apology was for; being too afraid to admit that Joohyun was what she needed and could handle to see her leaving. She had grown distant the last week of her stay, suddenly insisting on sleeping on her side, and not taking her time with pecking her lips or hold her into the morning. Maybe she was tired of everything, of her, or maybe she protected herself just like Joohyun did when she stopped resting a leg on her during lunch, or when she fought the urge to lean her head upon Seulgi’s narrow shoulders.

Yes, maybe Seulgi would wait for her, but for how long? With time passing by, she’d get busy with her own life and so would Joohyun. They’d gradually lose contact and the faint connection they already had, maybe in favor for other relationships. Maybe Joohyun couldn’t wait, maybe she wanted more now. Maybe Seulgi didn’t want to give her that. Maybe she’d go by every single day wondering how patient Seulgi was, how much she’d take before they could meet again, or if they even could meet again.

Sometimes they were friends, sometimes they were lovers, and sometimes they were strangers. How could it ever last?

Still, she remembered all the days they shared… every day that mattered and made them what they were. She couldn’t be mad at Seulgi, she had no reason to, they were what they were. She could throw a fit for not getting what she probably wanted, she could cry for remembering things that would never happen again, or she could smile for everything she learned from that year.

And so, she smiled, as the world moved on, and she found herself sooner than later boarding a plane from foreign soil to her real home. One that felt far away from the one she’d temporarily occupied. In a land where there was no Kang Seulgi, half Japanese, half Korean woman to fill her days and make her feel something again. Maybe she’d find one like her, yet she doubted it.

Still, she smiled, even if the chapter of her first love was closing up and leaving itself behind, so Joohyun could grow stronger on her own.

But one day she came to discover that while time may pass them by, nothing would be forgotten.

Not even when Joohyun graduated college the following year, and Seulgi called to congratulate her, and the familiar sound of her voice would always give her the nostalgia of her first love.

Not even when Joohyun landed her first job at a firm as some assistant six months after graduating, where she one day went to get the morning’s coffee for her co-workers, and the bitter smell reminded her of Seulgi’s breath after they’d visited the coffee shop. She’d texted her that, and Seulgi replied with a smile.

Not even when she looked into the eyes of another, one that claimed to love her, yet she realized she maybe only loved one person that wasn’t him in front of her.

Not even when Joohyun was grocery shopping and saw a vending machine by the exit, thinking back to worn out seats and small hands pushing away her hair from the harsh wind.

Not even when Joohyun stepped out of the company building a late spring day to see a gray cladded coat, a matching skirt that reached her thighs and a crisp shirt adorning a woman with coffee like dark hair and almond eyes staring up at her with a knowing look. When, instead of asking where’d she been or what made her come all the way there, she instead hugged Seulgi as if her life depended on it. She hugged her tight, as if to never let go.

She hugged her as if this was going to be every day for the rest of their lives. As if it had been another day after Seulgi had spent countless hours at home without her pants and her fifth cup of americano typing away her newest novel, after the first one was such a success.

As if Joohyun had yet another boring day and a nagging boss who probably picked on her to pass the time.

As if they’d go shopping later, and go to an apartment in the city which they called home. Where Joohyun would sip her afternoon tea, and hand Seulgi a glass of water before one of them made dinner.

As if they’d go to bed together almost every single night, the balcony door slightly open to let some cool air in while Joohyun adjusted the blanket resting on Seulgi.

As if her first love was telling her that she still remembered the nostalgia, that Seulgi wasn’t just a passerby in her life, that Joohyun held her down like a force of gravity, and she’d always stand by her as long as Joohyun stood by her, every day.

And she was right.

A/N:

This chapter hasn't been proof-read yet so there is some mistakes. I felt myself that the ending probably was a bit rushed, but I had no desire to finish this text anymore yet didn't want to leave it undone. It took me some time, but here is the last chapter. It's a happy one for once.

Thank you for reading thus far, for subscribing and commenting and upvoting. I have loved every feedback and I hope I did this story some justice with the ending. 

- MyHeaven