297 days earlier

The professor is only halfway through the lecture, his lips moving along with his arms to instruct them in proper grammar, as Joohyun feels herself zone out of the lecture again. Her eyes begin wandering, thinking about mindless things when she should be taking notes. However, she can’t help but view the sun rays that peaks through the large windows in the auditorium, the only shadow being her body as she sits by the purple seats. Grains of dust from the old auditorium linger in the air, only visible through the bright sunlight. Some land on the table, while some of them fly off.

She looks away from the sun and towards the rest of the vacant seats. There are few people in class today - mostly because the weather is so nice that some favor of staying out in the sun. That’s why Joohyun nearly occupies the whole row for herself, only a few people sitting towards the end. Although comfortable not having to deal with people today, she still feels a bit bored and almost regrets not skipping class like the rest. Although she tries to remind herself that good grades don’t come from slacking off, she still can’t seem to concentrate enough on the lecture. Her thoughts wander from the grammar, to her craving for strawberries, to wondering what her roommate was doing right now.

The thought makes her almost react with a surprised jump, although she contains herself first. Why is she even thinking of Seulgi right now? Sure, the following months made them friends, and it’s normal to think about them. Still, the questions and lingering thoughts has become a bit much according to herself. Lately, she hasn’t been alone with the said girl, always having Seulgi’s friends along. The only alone time they had was basically in the evening, but Joohyun has been too tired recently to stay up late to talk. Besides, Seulgi seems to use her nights to write in that book of hers. Joohyun doesn’t want to disturb that.

Class goes by with Joohyun merely thinking and analyzing things she doesn’t actually have to think of. They get dismissed a few minutes early to enjoy the weather. Although nice, it makes her sigh, knowing that she’s going to have to study to make up for the fact that she didn’t pay any attention. Placing her books in her bag, she gets up and slowly heads towards the exit. Humming a tune to herself, she walks through the glass doors only to see a familiar figure sitting by the stairs on thick stone. With her legs crossed together as if she’s meditating, her hands hold onto that same pen. The notebook rests on her thigh, which is clad in dark denim with a huge sweater on top. Seulgi has a thing for oversized sweaters, Joohyun can’t help but notice as she slowly stops walking.

Seulgi takes a moment to write down a sentence or two, before closing the pages away from Joohyun’s eyes. Then, the writer’s eyes turn towards her just awkwardly standing by the entrance. Still, Seulgi lets out a smile before standing up to hand her things towards Joohyun. “Carry these, I forgot my bag,” she doesn’t even ask, having her fair hands stretched out for Joohyun to take.

Said girl gives her a look, but doesn’t bother asking why and opens up her bag. As Seulgi dumps the notebook and the pen inside the messy interior, Joohyun can’t help but speak. “You sat here waiting just so I could carry your things?” she asks, sort of playful, sort of serious.

The dark-haired girl smiles again, zipping the bag shut before shrugging. “Not really,” Seulgi then says after a moment. “I came here because I want to show you something,” she continues. This, of course, leaves Joohyun curious although it’s not the first time they go on random adventures. Yet, before she can reply, Seulgi begins walking down the stairs towards the gates. “Come on, we don’t have all day!” she shouts a little in the distance, making Joohyun wonder for a split second why she’s friends with her. Then again, she catches up with her, not bothering to understand why, because there is no reason to anyway.

As they walk down the road, it appears as if they’re just going back to the dorms. They pass the small convenience store beside the university, to the familiar houses nearby, and towards the green trees that leads them to where they temporarily live. “If you’re going to show me the dorms, I’ve already been there,” Joohyun begins in their otherwise comfortable silence. The sound of cars driving by, people chatting, kids playing and the wind gracing the grass functions as white noise, making the sunny day even more enjoyable.

Seulgi laughs just a bit. “No, it’s just in the same direction,” she assures then, before crossing the street randomly. Joohyun just continues to follow, not really knowing what to expect as they walk down another concrete road. They walk the opposite way from the center of town with all the taller buildings and shops, where there are less houses and people overall. Yet, what hides behind the few houses is a river. There are boats lined in a row, probably for tourists and others to watch the beautiful scenery of the Yanagawa river. Come to think of it, this town is mostly known for this river, yet Joohyun actually hasn’t seen it with her own eyes before now. “I find it funny how you’ve been here for a while, yet haven’t seen this,” Seulgi says as they walk a pebble path along the river. Some men sit by their boats, probably waiting for anybody to pay them for a ride. There are even small shops nearby that Joohyun didn’t notice at all before now.

“Then it’s good that you’re showing me now,” Joohyun comments then as they walk. She wants to take in the branches that hang lowly towards the oddly gray water, and the traditional bridge a few meters in front of them that would be perfect to photograph. She also kind of wants to focus on the people that are actually taking it in, looking around with awe as if they haven’t seen it before. Yet, her gaze went towards Seulgi more than she wants to admit. Though short-lived glances, she still doesn’t seem to focus too much on her surroundings. It goes to the point that she nearly crashes on a tree, yet manages to avoid it with quick movements.

She can hear Seulgi let out another chuckle. “Your mind keeps wandering, huh?” she asks then as they slow down a bit. Her hands go inside the pockets of her huge sweater, and Joohyun wonders how she’s not sweating. She’s wearing a t-shirt and shorts, and still feels a bit hot.

Joohyun stops thinking about it though, just so she doesn’t look too unfocused. “Yeah, a lot of material to learn,” she blames it on school work, although she knows better. The courses she’s been through recently has honestly been the last thing on her mind, which she isn’t exactly proud of. That’s why she won’t admit the truth.

When they stop by one of the many boats, Seulgi’s gaze turns back to Joohyun. She gestures towards one of the white and red ones, wondering if she wants to take a ride. Knowing that Joohyun’s not going to have much more to do anyway, she agrees with a smile. Why she feels so weird inside and light weighted, she doesn’t know, but they pay and get on. The boat glides by the river slowly, but it’s a peaceful pace which Joohyun appreciates amidst all her stress. A gentle breeze meets them, making her hair flutter softly, and it feels refreshing even if it’s a bit hot. She places the bag between her feet, although they have lots of room since they are the only ones in the boat, along with the rower. He keeps his eyes on the horizon, although probably knowing the way by heart, he doesn’t seem too interested in what they are doing. “Aren’t they supposed to explain things like a tour?” Joohyun asks then as they glide beneath a bridge.

“He knows that I’ve been here many times and don’t need the tour,” Seulgi informs then. “I know where we’re heading, anyways,” she continues while placing some of her hair behind her ears. For a moment, her almond eyes rests on the view ahead of then, the river and the trees and the blue sky, almost as if she’s in a short daze. Yet, she snaps out of it soon enough. “I like to just take a ride and think, without concentrating on anything,” she shares then. It’s something of the most intimate things one can say, when they take you to a place where they like to relax.

Yet, at the same time, Joohyun has a feeling Seulgi has been on this road with people before. She just doesn’t know who, and doesn’t feel like asking either. “Well, can you give me the grand tour around the route then?” Joohyun asks playfully, already taking up her phone to snap some pictures at the process. The action seems to make Seulgi lighten up, as she softly nudges Joohyun. The action is brief and gentle, yet for some reason, it leaves faint fluttery feelings in her stomach. She wonders when she ever began to act like a high school girl with her sweetheart.

Seulgi explains the scenery around them, about how history had people live here and make their livings here. How they built multiple bridges mostly for people to cross through, but also for aesthetics as well. She even points out a few special trees and plants that people say mean different things, yet the definition changes from person to person, so one never knows. While Seulgi informs Joohyun about its history, she also finds time to take pictures. All from the sun reflecting on the river, to the leaves falling above it, and the old bridges ahead. She even takes pictures of her shoes as she sits inside the boat. Her phone moves around a lot, focusing on the right details and finding the right light.

It’s only when she turns around to take a picture of something to her left, that she notices Seulgi looking straight ahead. For a moment, Joohyun almost forgot that she stopped talking for a bit. Instead of guiding her, she only seemed focused on whatever was in front of her, a faint smile playing on her lips. Her fingers are tangles up in the hems of her gray sweater, probably unconsciously. Dark hair falls behind her shoulders, yet some still finds its way to her fair face. Without thinking, or even looking at her phone for that matter, Joohyun clicks the button which saves the moment. She captures the sun and shadows surrounding Seulgi, all the way to small parts of the river and nature visible in the background. The picture wasn’t perfect; Seulgi’s face is just too bright that it almost appears as if her eyebrows and lashes are missing. Still, it’s a memory that Joohyun has a feeling she won’t forget. Although, as of now, she doesn’t seem to know it yet. Seulgi turns around then, before making a grimace with her tongue sticking out and her nose crunched together. Joohyun laughs while taking another picture. “You are such a lovely model,” she comments as she locks her phone and tucks it away.

The dark-haired girl flips said hair a little comically. “I am the best of the best, obviously,” she jokes around.

Later, after a couple of more pictures and lots of talking, they get off the boat. A bit wobbly on her feet from sitting so long, Joohyun finds herself walking awkwardly for a few steps. Seulgi, of course, seems just fine while commenting her poor walking technique. It causes Joohyun to retort something back, yet she still feels hot on the tip of her ears as she looks down. The sun is turning more golden by the minute, yet it’s still a while until it’s evening. Even the air is cooling down as they walk further towards the way home, only to be stopped by familiar voices. They both turn towards the sounds direction, only to see three familiar faces sitting outside, waving them to come over. Seulgi chuckles as she walks over, Joohyun following shortly. “Are you guys out to get drunk again?” she jokes as she stands by the table, separated by a small and short gate.

“Of course, what else is there to do on a Friday?” Mina retorts then, as Momo and Sana nod along. She then takes a sip of what seems to be sake, before putting it down. “Why don’t you two join us?” she asks then. It doesn’t take a lot of convincing for them to join, and it’s nice, although Joohyun still feels as if she’s being robbed for time. Time for what, exactly? She’s not really sure, though she doesn’t want to think that it might be because five’s a crowd. Sure, the girls are nicer and include her more now that Joohyun understands better, yet it’s not by much. Sometimes, like now, she almost feels left out.

They go on and on about studies, boys that annoy them, boys they like, boys they’ve already dated. Although Joohyun doesn’t understand the details, she understands as much, as they order more and more to drink. They gossip, ask Joohyun a question or two, though she doesn’t have much to say. Then they go back to another topic, Seulgi takes more to drink as well, laughing and being louder than usual. It goes to the point where Joohyun, who doesn’t contribute a lot to the conversation because of her lack of Japanese skills and love live, drinks a lot faster as well. Mostly just to have something to do, until she starts to feel a bit dizzy. “Are you alright?” she hears Sana ask out of the blue, causing a lull in the conversation they’re having.

Joohyun feels slightly embarrassed, and is probably red from that and the alcohol. Her tolerance has never been the best. “I’m fine,” she manages to reply in their native language. Waving her hand in the air, she tries to feel the fresh evening breeze and the darkening atmosphere. At least it makes her feel like she sobers up, instead of thinking about how dizzy and weird she feels. This will definitely give her a hangover the next morning.

When a moment passes by with more conversations, a head suddenly falls on Joohyun’s shoulders. A bit surprised, she notices the familiar hair and skin, only having a view of dark brows and lashes faced down to the ground. A hand goes to gently rub her nose, before a sigh escapes her lips. “I’m getting tired,” Seulgi announces then. “Let’s go home,” she says. Yet, she doesn’t remove her head from Joohyun’s shoulder, making a certain scent of slight sweetness enter her nose. It’s brief and faint, and it’s not like Joohyun wants to be caught actually sniffing the girl, so she moves her face away just a little. Again, she ignores the rush in the pit of her stomach and the slight tingling. It comes without reason, yet it’s not unwelcomed. All in all, it’s not something she can describe with words.

Joohyun inhales sharply. “Okay, sleepy head,” she says after exhaling the weird feelings away. “Let’s get you home,” she says. Only then does the dark-haired girl lift her head away, only to grab the handles of the chair to get up. Joohyun wonders then how much they had to drink, and how it still technically is very early. The sun had set a while ago, but it’s more of a light evening blue than a pitch-black blanket above them. Joohyun then looks back to earth as she notices Seulgi saying her goodbyes, Joohyun following shortly after.

“You guys are like a retired couple,” Momo teases with a chuckle. “Already getting drunk and going to bed before midnight,” she continues while the others giggle. Even Joohyun understands a bit and finds it funny, even if she’s not sure she understood correctly.

Still, they wave goodbye and start heading home. The way back isn’t long, yet it feels like forever with Joohyun’s dizzy head and Seulgi’s slightly uneven walking. She’s not exactly drunk, and neither is Joohyun, but she does believe they are past sober. Still, it leaves her feeling happy and carefree, as if she can put her hands in the air and reach the few stars in the sky just like that. There’s a jump to her step, and maybe Seulgi feels the same, as she waves her hands weirdly. “I’m gonna be a fish,” she suddenly exclaims, walking towards the nearest bridge. She waves her hands in the air while standing in the middle of said stone bridge.

Joohyun should be worried, yet she still laughs as she slowly follows. “Isn’t it supposed to be bird?” she retorts as she watches Seulgi make a fool out of herself, even if no one is watching. The street lights hanging on threads between the trees illuminate their surroundings, though the bridge is relatively dark. Another cold breeze seeps through them, and this time it’s not refreshing. It gives Joohyun goosebumps on her arms and legs, forgetting the fact that day isn’t as warm as night. She lets her arms cover her.

“Birds are overrated,” Seulgi then says later. “I mean sure, they can fly through the air and sing, which does fit my description,” she teases a bit while wiggling her body around. Her big sweater making the movements look more ridiculous by the minute. “But fishes can breathe under water, and explore the deepest depths of the oceans and find mermaids,” she says while making more avid movements with her arms. The sight makes Joohyun laugh. “Now that, is what I call awesome,” she admits then like a child. She turns around to fully face Joohyun, her hair now brushed to the side and her arms by her legs. A playful grin settles on her lips, although the more time passes, the more it seems to fade. It doesn’t match the slightly glossy coverage of her eyes, and for a moment, she almost looks sad.

They stand like this a bit more, just looking at each other, not saying much. Joohyun can’t decide if it’s awkward or not – the tension in the air is sort of hard to explain. When they stand this close to each other, yet not too close, it feels as if something is up. As if Seulgi is fighting a battle in her mind, one where many sides are arguing about what to do, although Joohyun can’t think of what their fighting about. It’s only when the arms covered in her sweater stretch out towards Joohyun, only to wrap themselves around her tinier frame, Seulgi’s head falling on the space between her neck and shoulder. She doesn’t say anything, she just keeps Joohyun in this sudden embrace that she can’t understand the reason for. Despite its randomness and out-of-place situation, the warmth spreads throughout her skin, making her freeze less. At the same time, that faint scent of Seulgi is more apparent – travelling through the air, towards Joohyun’s nose and straight to her memory. It’s a mixture of sweetness and alcohol, the outdoor scents covering some of it up like a blanket. Still, it’s easy to discover the fact that it’s Seulgi’s natural scent underneath it. Even if she’s in the present, experiencing the hug now, it makes her nostalgic. As if she’s already missing the person in front of her.

With time, the shorter girl builds the courage to place her arms around Seulgi, not knowing what this means. She has no reason to ask, for some reason, she thinks that it’s better that way. Just enjoying the moment of having someone so close to her is enough, something she hasn’t felt in a long time. The warmness continues to spread throughout her veins and makes her steadier than before. As if the energy between them brought her down to earth, even if she wasn’t flying around in the sky either. She almost compares it to living life without taking time to smell the roses, although she’s not sure where that thought comes from. “Am I waiting alone?” a question from Seulgi’s lips suddenly appears, though she doesn’t seem to be looking for a direct answer. Joohyun doesn’t know how to reply to that anyway, and just keeps still.

Time goes by, until the nostalgic scent disappears along with the warmth of her body. They let each other go, and as if she snapped out of a trance, Seulgi’s brows furrowed. “Aren’t you freezing to death?” she then exclaims the question, totally dismissing what just happened as if it never happened. Her eyes seem to study Joohyun’s bare legs and arms, and probably noticing the hairs slightly rising from the cool night. Before Joohyun can even say anything or deny it, she swiftly feels warmth surround her body as soft fabric shelters her from the cold. Though the sweater isn’t thick, it does do the trick to keep her warmer. Plus, it’s longer on her shorter frame, which covers up her legs a bit more.

A bit surprised by the sudden action, she looks up from the sweater that suddenly covers her body to see Seulgi in just a tank-top and jeans. “Idiot,” Joohyun finds herself muttering. “Now you’re going to freeze,” she playfully scolds Seulgi. She wants to shove her a bit, for some reason, yet doesn’t say more and just takes in the warmth and the scent again.

Seulgi only smiles mysteriously. “You need it more than I do right now,” she says as if it’s supposed to be an internal thing. Joohyun doesn’t understand, and isn’t sure if she wants to either. Soon enough they start walking again towards the dorms, small talk about studies and the weather, all the way to how their lives are and if ketchup really is a smoothie. It’s comfortable and nice, and Joohyun begins believing that she actually feels great about herself again. Not that she has ever been depressed, but she does feel more neutral than happy these days. It’s a nice change for once, to laugh and talk with someone, even if she’s not sure about that certain someone yet.

They quietly enter the dorms, although it’s no use because most people are up or outside anyway. Still, they whisper and giggle quietly as they stumble up the stairs towards their room. It’s like they’re in high school, sneaking in late as if not to get caught by their parents. Although it’s odd, because there is no curfew in adulthood. As Joohyun struggles unlocking the door a bit with shaky hands, she finally does, only to throw herself at her own messy bed. The mattress feels extra soft and nice on her skin, almost lulling her seemingly tired body to sleep right away. Still, she looks up to see Seulgi sitting on her own bed, calmly taking off her socks. Since they are roomies, they have changed in the same room without worrying too much – it’s not like the other stared at them changing. Still, this time it almost felt awkward watching Seulgi get up from the bed to remove her clothes and replace it with her sleepwear. Joohyun’s not exactly staring, except that she kind of is, only looking away a bit as if not to get caught. “You’re not going to change?” Seulgi asks as she sits down on her bed again, stretching her arms with a slight yawn.

Joohyun simply shakes her head before a yawn hits her as well. “I’m just going to sleep like this,” she utters and notices how tired she really is. Simply kicking her shorts off, probably in a weird way, she takes the covers and lets herself surround herself in Seulgi’s big sweater. Although she knows she’ll wake up in a few hours because the sweater is too hot, she doesn’t mind here and now. The scent, although creepy to think of, is sort of addicting. Her eyes nearly shut down, but not until she finds it in her to speak without thinking. “I had the best day with you today,” she says through her own hoarse and weirdly pitched voice. All probably bad combinations of alcohol and tiredness. “I hope this never changes,” she apparently also says, but is too intoxicated in that moment to actually register what she says. For a moment the room stays silent, and Joohyun figures Seulgi fell asleep already. She looks up to see that yes, her almond eyes were closed and her breathing was quite even. Maybe it’s better like this.

Still, a weird urge takes over her, wanting to get a closer look at the sleeping girl. Although it sounds stalkerish and slightly odd, she doesn’t have the decency to care this time as she slowly sits up. Then, when a few seconds pass, she slowly finds herself sitting on the wooden floor. She doesn’t even need to move a lot before she’s close to Seulgi’s face, noticing her unique features that made her who she is. From the straight eyebrows, to slanted eyes and a slightly large nose on her pale face. Not has Joohyun ever studied someone like this, but she keeps her distance, worrying she might wake Seulgi up by the simplest of moves. However, she does take one risk, letting her body control her as her lips suddenly feel the soft skin of Seulgi’s cheek. It’s faint and her lips barely touched her cheek, yet it sends several emotions through her veins and a pang through her chest. Though not too grand, it’s still noticeable. Enough to make her almost jump and sprint back to her bed, covering herself up, heart beating faster by the second. She keeps still, as if she could wake Seulgi just by breathing as heavily as she is now. It’s an unfamiliar feeling, one she hasn’t felt since… ever.

She closes her eyes, lets the warmth of the sweater surround her, and hopes that she will forget it in the morning like everything else.

It’s in retrospect that Joohyun realizes, although she has experienced much more later, that moment struck her the most. A sudden rush of feelings all at once calmed down by nostalgic elements that she still can’t quite phantom. Still, the scent of Seulgi will always awake memories, even if she doesn’t have it near her anymore. She’s not sure if she’ll ever have it nearly available again.