In the middle of second period as she was working on a group project, Hari learned that the toughest thing to do in life is probably pretending you don't care and acting nonchalant towards a person you love with your whole heart.

Taehyung was sitting on the other side of the classroom cracking jokes with his friends and receiving reactions from the people surrounding him while Hari looked at them from afar. She felt a pang of jealousy as she watched Taehyung laughed to his heart's content even though she didn't think anything was funny enough for him to be on the verge of tears.

He's surrounded by many people. He doesn't need me. Hari bitterly thought as she tried to get his image out of her head. She tried to engage in a conversation with her friends but would be cut off every time she heard his laughter. She then tried to busy herself writing her report down on the big poster board but she couldn't even finish writing a sentence without hearing girls cooing over how cute Taehyung was or what kind of boyfriend he would be. She couldn't even feel at ease without hearing what type of person Taehyung was and how easygoing he was.

All she was hearing Taehyung, Taehyung, and Taehyung and just how good he was.

Hari felt as if she was going to throw up with all these pent up emotions.

"Hari are you okay? You look pale," Eunmi, one of her friends, pointed out. "And your hands are shaking. The words aren't written straight."

Hari looked down at her hand to see that it was trembling uncontrollably and that the words she have written was all messed up. Suddenly, she was snapped back to reality and the feeling of guilt quickly replaced all her other emotions. 

"S-sorry, I'll do it again," Hari picked up and eraser and attempted to erase her mistakes before realizing she had writen in sharpie the whole time. Embarrassed, she quickly picked up another colored sharpie and was about to fix it until someone grabbed her hand, stopping her from doing anything else. She looked up to see the person that grabed her hand was no other than Anna, another friend of hers

"If you're feeling unwell, you should stay home next week," Anna advised. Hari didn't really listen to what she was saying but nodded her head in response nonetheless.

"You've been out of this the whole week. Is there something going on? You know you can tell us," Eunmi said as she put her hands on top of Hari's.

Hari wanted to spill everything to them. She wanted to tell them how Taehyung has been affecting her moods lately and how he's the reason she haven't been having a good sleep at night. She wanted to tell them how he's been the reason why she's been having nightmares at night and the reason why she can't even tell reality from dreams anymore. She wanted to tell them he's the reason why she's been stuck in one place for the past 3 years. She wanted to tell them he's the reason for everything.

3 years of pent up frustration was driving her insane, but she knew even if she tells them all these things, it wouldn't change a thing.

He's gone and she's no longer considered an important person in his life.

So she kept quiet.

"I'm fine," Hari insisted. She tried to ignored her friend's worry stares as she picked up a pencil this time and continued finishing up with the poster before the period ended.

If her friends weren't convincd, they didn't say anything.

- - - 

Hari knew this day would come, but she didn't expect for it to happen during the middle of eating her lunch. She expected it for it to happen sometimes during the walk home or even during a sleepover at her house. But here she was, sitting on one side of the table while Eunmi and Anna sat on the opposite end. They declared that they wouldn't let her off until she spilled everything to them, something that she has always wanted to do since she met them, but couldn't bring herself to do because of her own irrational fears.

"It's nothing really. It's something really dumb," Hari took a bite of her sandwich. It tasted bland and only tasted like lettuce. She wondered why until she realized she had forgotten to put in the ham and mayonnaise in her sandwich. When the realization dawned on her, she finally realized she might have been out of it way much more than she thought she had been.

"Hari, if it's something really dumb, you wouldn't be moping about it for a long time," Anna frowned. Hari placed her sandwich down and let out a sigh. She rubbed her temples when she felt a headache coming.

"We know you and it's unusual for you to worry about something dumb for a couple of weeks. We know it's more than that. It may be uncomfortable for you to spill it out but we want you to trust us. Don't you?" Eunmi insisted. 

And how can Hari say no when the two people she have learned to trust wanted her to be honest with them? Besides, it was something that happened in the past. It wasn't like the world was going to end when she revealed what she have been pushing in the back of her head all these years. They were her friends and maybe, just maybe telling them will help her feel a little bit better and not as frustrated as before.

"Okay, I'll tell you. But I'm telling you, it's really dumb," Hari repeated. It really was something dumb though in her opinion. It was something that could be easily be fixed if she had thrown away her pride that day but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Her pride has always been the downfall of her life but she still can't get rid of it.

Her friend gave her a stern look and she took that as a cue for her to begin.

"How can I put this in words," Hari let out a heavy breath. Her head was starting to spin so she masaged her temples to make it feel better. "Kim Taehyung was my best friend in junior high but we grew apart after we entered high school and I may or may not been missing him for the past 3 years," she quickly blurted.

She almost regretted her choice of words when her friends' jaws almost dropped at her confession. Their eyes almost popped out of their socket and their mouth was hanging so low she was scared something was gonna fly in.

"Kim Taehyung?! The one in our—" Eunmi nearly screeched but Hari and Anna was quick enough to cover before she exposed for the whole world to hear.

"Yes, that one, that one," Hari's face reddened. She made sure to look around to make sure Taehyung wasn't around to here such an embarrassing outburst and she sighed in relief when she didn't see him sitting at any tables in the cafeteria. 

"You said you didn't know him though," Anna said. "Back when I kept catching you stare at him, you would always deny everything."

Hari let out a third sigh that day. It was going to be hard explaining everything to them when there's so much she wanted to tell but there was also so much she had to keep a secret. 

"Yeah, I know. During that time I thought that was the best thing to say. I thought I could just leave everything behind and move on but I guess life doesn't work that way," Hari shrugged. "I guess to forget someone takes much more than avoidance and ignoring your feelings."

Eunmi and Anna felt sympathetic toward their friend. Sure, it was a shocker she used to be friend with such a popular boy but what was more shocking was how dismayed Hari looked as she continued telling them she didn't mean to hide it and that she thought it was dumb moping over a guy that probably doesn't even care about her.

"He was really special to you huh?" Anna spoke up after Hari finished telling them all the reasons why she missed him.

Hari stopped midway into her sentence.

Her heart skipped a beat and with a smile, Hari replied, "Yeah. He really was."

What she don't plan on telling them or anybody else was that she may or may not have been in love with him for the past 6 years.

- - - 

That night, Hari locked herself in her room again. She was thankful her father didn't force her to come downstairs and eat dinner with him because she had no appetite or energy to eat anything right now.

Laying in bed with nothing to do and just a cellphone next to her, Hari decided to open up the gmail box to type in another message.

Hey Taehyung. I don't know why  I keep writing you messages even though I know I'm never gonna send them. Today I told Eunmi and Anna about us and they were shocked. If anyone else were to know, they would probably be shocked too huh? We're so different now it's so weird to imagine us together.You must think so too right? That's why you don't talk to me anymore and you look so happy with everybody else. There's just one thing I'm curious about though. Did you ever cared about me or was I just someone who you happened to meet in your life and nothing more? Did you ever considered me your best friend even once or was it all one sided? And most importantly, did you ever possibly consider me as something more than a friend...?

Hari went to sleep that night with a heavy heart.

- - - 

Hello! Thank you so much for supporting this fic and I'm sorry this chapter is so short. I planned to make it longer but I have to cut it off short because it's really late into the night and I have school tomorrow DX