The campus library was quiet after the class hours were long dismissed. There were only a few students left, usually the ones who gave extra effort in their studies but there were some with urgent business, such as papers that had to be submitted by midnight.

Sunny and Sooyoung weren’t both. They were part of the library assistants and tonight were their last shift. Apparently, Sunny had applied for the job to gain a free access towards the books and the copy machine. Sooyoung, on the other hand, joined because of Sunny. She never knew Sunny applied for a late shift and couldn’t keep her eye open for the first night, and quite a few next.

Usually, they would arrange the books back to the shelves and sections, then Sunny would always grab some books for her class material and, comics and novels, if she didn’t need any.

Meanwhile, Sooyoung had the counter desk to supervise, but mostly staring at her phone. There weren’t so many visitors at night, she reasoned.  It was a boring job on most typical nights. Sunny would read, Sooyoung would ransack her brain for some games or funny stories, then Sunny always told her to quiet down. It was a cycle yet Sooyoung quite enjoyed it.

Because typical nights meant she shared Sunny with the books, not Taeyeon and books. When Taeyeon visited, Sooyoung would silently observe and sympathize. Seeing every sweet word, gesture and smile Sunny gave were wasted to someone who didn’t know better. At first she sympathized on Sunny’s behalf, but later Sooyoung had a time when she wasn’t sure if it was really sympathy as she couldn’t be in the same room with the two for a long time without raising her anger. She then realized the sympathy was developed into frustration because she wasn’t the recipient of Sunny’s affectionate gestures. 

Sooyoung  made the realization for quite a few months and was tortured by the thoughts and if scenarios.

She imagined how worse Sunny’s was. Hers was years.

So, that night, Sooyoung sat Sunny down at the most excluded place in the library. It was their last night after all, they would be graduated soon, and Sooyoung was afraid she wouldn’t have any chance after this.

Sooyoung confessed her feelings.

Sunny who thought Sooyoung was different in these past few months didn’t expect the sentence that just came out from Sooyoung’s lips, she was stunned.

Sunny could see Sooyoung was nervous, but so was she. Adding the confusion.

Sunny stood up from her chair and turned her back to Sooyoung. The scratch her chair made echoed in the near empty library.

Minutes passed with torturing silence. The feeling was like being inside a crashing plane with one parachute. Someone had to stay while the other would probably survive and lived with the guilt, or they would crash together and no one lived. Either you or me, the decision had to be made.

“I’m sorry, Soo. I can’t,” Sunny finally said. She couldn’t look at the Sooyoung right now.

Sunny lolled her head back and exhaled. She didn’t want to lose Sooyoung, she liked her, as friend. Sooyoung could be more, but Sunny’s heart was occupied by someone else.

Sooyoung approached Sunny, she remained calm as somehow she already expected the result at the back of her mind. “You know Taeyeon doesn’t even notice you.” But the preparation did not include if the main reason of rejection was her. Sooyoung had seen and listened enough to label. Not that brat.

Sunny knew her decision had hurt Sooyoung by the pressure on the latter’s voice. She really hated that they had to be in this situation.

But, Sunny wasn’t on the command of her own heart.

“I’m so sorry.” Sunny would apologize zillionth times if that was it took for Sooyoung to forgive her. She was too, afraid of rejection. And right now she was the cause of it. If Sunny could use her logic in this matter, she would accept Sooyoung. But, it felt wrong if she did.

Sunny felt Sooyoung’s hands landed on her shoulder. “I can’t accept this,” Sooyoung said and she spun Sunny to face her, “When you’ll stop loving someone who doesn’t even see you?”

Truth hurts. And the worse was Sunny had to keep her silence as couldn’t say anything on Sooyoung’s question; she too, didn’t know the answer. So, she bit her lips and tried to be strong. If only she could stop loving Taeyeon.

If only Taeyeon knew.

But would that mean better or worse?

“I truly like and care about you, Sunny.” Sooyoung’s hands loosen and fall. Sunny could hear the quivering breath Sooyoung exhaled. Sunny had to close her eyes and looked away, she didn’t like to hurt someone. She knew the feelings well enough.

“Confess to her,” Sooyoung said firmly. “Then I’ll let you go.”

Sunny found the seriousness in Sooyoung’s eyes.

“You know I couldn’t, Soo,” Sunny pleaded. “Don’t do this.”

“Why exactly? It wasn’t fair for me. You couldn’t reject me while you don’t even fight for your feelings.”

‘Was it worth to fight for?’ Sunny had been asked the same thing to herself for all these years. If confession only brought ending to precious people in your life, wasn’t it better to sacrifice instead?

Sooyoung slowly took steps back, “Please find someone who’ll reciprocate your feelings, not someone who only keeps you around and acts selfish. Put a closure for yourself.”

Then Sooyoung left.

Sunny’s shoulder fell as Sooyoung disappeared behind the bookshelves.

That was why exactly Sunny never confess. Because rejection never ended well.

And it always meant ending itself.

==== ==== ====

Sooyoung barely talked to Sunny till their library shift ended and they didn’t meet that frequently for the rest of their free days. Only some organization things that they took together and they didn’t spend more words more than necessary. Sunny had tried to prolong their conversation but her words were cut short by Sooyoung.

The burden of college finally left, but still Sunny was stressed out. Taeyeon had picked up some Sunny’s unusual behaviors and offered her ear.

“You want to talk?”

“I’m fine.”

Then Taeyeon would leave her alone. That was how Taeyeon and Sunny worked; they both respected each other’s privacy and believed that one would talk if they wanted to be heard. Sunny was grateful for that.

It would happen 180 degrees different with Sooyoung. She would pester Sunny until the latter gave up then she listened and offered an advice with some jokes. Sunny sometimes found them insightful. 

Sunny didn’t want to lose both, honestly. Both were dear to her. But the situation demanded something else.

==== ==== ====

Sunny walked out from the hall where their graduation party took place.

Her mind had been preoccupied by Sooyoung’s words. It was indeed unfair for Sooyoung to have someone like her to reject the confession. She had no ing guts to do the confession itself and she started to hate herself for it.

She didn’t want to cry but tears fell at their own accords and Sunny fastened her pace. She didn’t want anyone notice, especially Taeyeon who she left behind with a bathroom excuse.

Worse, she bumped into Sooyoung.

Talk never occurred between them, let alone that, it was their first time to meet again after the last club meeting. Sooyoung didn’t even bother to attend the farewell party that the meeting was for. Things with Sooyoung had been foreign yet stayed familiar for Sunny. She kept her head low and muttered an apology before walked away.

“Hey.” Sooyoung was trying to stop Sunny from leaving because she sensed something. “What’s wrong?” Sooyoung’s question sounded stern.

When Sunny was about moving her feet again, Sooyoung held her wrist. “Sunny?”

Sunny remained silence, she had to. If she talked, Sooyoung would know she was crying. She tried to calm herself down a bit and said, “I’m fine.” However, her voice betrayed her.

Sooyoung’s grip tightened. “Taeyeon?” Sooyoung asked, but it never did sound like question at all.

It wasn’t Taeyeon or Sooyoung. It was herself, Sunny wanted to yell. It was her cowardice and doubtful self.

Sooyoung hands tried to move Sunny's hair away but Sunny flinched even before Sooyoung touched them. Sunny tried to pry Sooyoung’s hands away. The latter held firm.

It was when a drop of tear landed on Sooyoung’s