CHAPTER I

To say Taehyung was relieved was understatement. He was beyond relieved after looking at the (finally) sleeping-forms of Jackson and Jesper. They finally drifted off to sleep after jumping on their bed while pretending to fight the monster V a.k.a their “dearest” Taehyung hyung for fifteen minutes straight. Taehyung wanted yell at them to stop but he couldn’t because his mommy Baekhyun would nag at him for being a baby.

“They are just kids, Taehyungah, you were like them when you were younger”. That was what his mom always said everytime it happened. That also silenced him everytime and then Jack and Jes would scream in victory and keep playing with him (read: hitting him). Sometimes with their plushies and other times, when his mom didn't see, those evils would throw their toys to him (that hurt like a but his mom didn’t know and his little brothers would always know how to act like the most innocent babies in the whole world everytime Taehyung told them off to Mama Baekhyun).

Glancing once again to make sure the little devils were really asleep (They were, thankfully.), Taehyung stood up to tidy the place up. After he had finished collecting his brothers’ scattered toys, Taehyung went to the room next to the evil duo’s room. From the slightly ajar door, he could see Jiwon sprawled on the matress on his baby bed with mouth slightly opened. Looking so peaceful in his sleep, which wass Taehyun’s favorite scene to see. His mom was sleeping on the chair beside the bed, upper body draped over the little space of Jiwon’s baby bed. Taehyung stepped inside their room silently, not wanting to wake either his mom or Jiwon. He kneeled near his mom, he could finally see his mom’s tired face, judging from those eyebags underneath his droopy eyes. He kissed his mom cheek softly, wishing him a nice sleep and also a beautiful dream. He wanted to hug his mom, because he had been missing his mom’s touch so much. He had been busy with the newcomer on their house, Jiwon, for the past few months. Taehyung loved his baby brother, he loved him so much. But he couldn’t deny that he missed his mom, he missed his hugs, he missed his goodnight kisses. But he couldn’t tell him that. Because it would only burden his mom who had been already burned with housechores and taking care of his three siblings.

He stood up to leave the room and went downstairs to the living toom. He plopped on the nearest couch. He felt his stomach growling, but he didn’t feel like eating.

“I’m tired” Taehyung sighed while laying down on the couch in the living room.

He checked the clock and it was just 2 in the afternoon. It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to this routine. Going to school. Listening to his “peers’” constant teasing. Listening to his boring teacher. Going back home. Sometimes he needed to  pick up the duo from kindergarten, owned by his uncle Joonmyeon, on the day his mom was too busy taking care of cranky Jiwon. Just like today. Once home, he had to help his mom taking care of his siblings then “entertain” them until they feel tired and put them down for nap. He could say that he totally used to this because he experienced this on daily basis, but lately he was just so tired. Physically. Emotionally. No amount of sleep could ease the tiredness.

From his “peers” at school, his evil brothers and his oblivious parents. Thinking about that made him even more tired.

Then, he saw on the wall, the family picture of six. In the picture was himself, his daddy Chanyeol, Jackson and Jesper. They were standing around his mom while smilling at the bundle smiling cutely on his mommy’s arms that was baby Jiwon. Taehyung was really happy that time. Taehyung didn’t know when did everything start to went downhill for him. Taehyung felt himself drifting to sleep with a frown on his face.

~**~

Taehyung opened his eyes. But he didn’t know where he was. He was in a dark room without any source of light. He looked around.

He heard some sound. “Mom. Where are you?”.

Another incoherent voice. “Appa? Dad?”.

He heard giggling “Ya! Jack! Jes! Stop playing”.

He heard baby cried. “Jiwon? Jiwonnie?!”.

Suddenly there was light out of nowhere. The light was so blinding so he shielded his eyes. When he opened his eyes he was in his living room, in front of him, there was a familiar picture, a family picture. But there was no him between them. Tears started to form at the corner of his eyes.

He heard some shuffling behind him. There was his mom.

“Mom!!!!!!!” He ran to hug his mom.

But his mom just stood there without hugging him back. It was so unusual. His mom is a hugger, he would always hug him back whenever Taehyung hugs him.

Then he heard it.

“Who are you?” his mom asked with confused face.

“Mom. It is me. Taehyung. You had me when you were married to Dae Appa” Desperation was clear in his voice.

“No. I didn’t have son from my marriage with Daehyun.” He then continued.

“I am so glad that I divorced Daehyun. With no kid of course. Because I don’t want anything that would remind me of my failing marriage”. He smirked. Taehyung felt his world shattered in his ears. He couldn’t believe the words that came out from his mom’s lips.

“Furthermore, if I had one, it might only burden Chanyeol if that kid needed to live with us. And it also might hurt Chanyeol’s pride because it reminded him that he is not my first husband”

No! Chanyeol-appa always tells me that he loves me! He always says that I’m also his son! He always says….

Taehyung could no longer hold back his tears. His mother’s words hurt so bad. What if… What if everything is a lie? What if…?

He felt suffocated. But he could not do anything except watching his mom slowly disappeared from his sight.

“MOM! NO? Mom…don’t leave me….please….” He sobbed harder.

~~**~~

Taehyung woke up from his bad dream to the voices of his sibling right in front of his face- that was Jackson, because when he opened his eyes, he came face to face with Jackson upside down face- and someone jumping up and down on his chest. He groaned -no wonder he felt suffocated in his dream- it turned out Jiwon was jumping on his chest while giggling. What a beautiful way to wake up from really short nap.

After a few seconds, probably feeling pleased that Taehyung finally woke up, Jackson jumped off the head rest of the couch then disappeared into the kitchen direction  while shouting “Mom, monster V woke up!!! We need to hide!!!!”. He could hear his mom asked Jackson not to shout and another thing that he couldn’t hear clearly.

Taehyung sighed. He peeled Jiwon off of his chest. Jiwon giggled and that put a smile on Taehyung’s face. He then sat down on the couch with Jiwon on his lap. They sat in silent. Taehyung unconsciously play with Jiwon’s little fingers, while the little baby just mumbling to himself with the language he himself understood. Sometimes, he would giggle and it would make Taehyung giggling along with the little baby. He kissed Jiwon’s crown and the baby scent had a soothing effect on him. After a while, he felt Jiwon moving, wanted to be let down. Taehyung let Jiwon jumped off of his lap. Jiwon ran to the kitchen while shouting “Mamma! Mamma! Mamma”. He must be hungry.

Having nothing to do, Taehyung rested his still tired body on the headrest. He still needed some nap, he internally cried. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep again until he heard someone giggling. He checked behind the couch and saw Jesper with his coloring pen in his grip. Taehyung had a bad feeling because Jesper and coloring pen are bad news. True to his thought, he was checking his reflection on the glass window near the couch, he saw whiskers drawing on his cheeks and circles on his eyes’ area. Taehyung could already feel the upcoming headache.

“YA! Park Jesper! What did you do to my face!”Taehyung shout.

Jesper kept laughing, it was fun to draw on his brother’s face and he thought that his hyung’s face looked so funny with the “drawing” on his face. He suddenly stopped laughing when he saw that his hyung’s face was red without any sign of amusement, not even like he’s pretending to be annoyed. He could sense that his hyung was angry, really angry. Tears started to form on his eyes.

As if on cue, their mom came to the living room, then saw Taehyung hard stare towards his teary eyed brother.

“Guys, what happened?”Baekhyun almost laugh because his first son’s cute angry face if it wasn’t for the tense atmosphere. He tried to compose himself and he cleared his throat.

Then, Jesper ran to their mom while crying his eyes out.

“Monster hyung yells at me, hwaaaaaa”,

Baekhyun pick his third son to calm him.

“Taehyung, honey. What happened? Why did you yell at your brother?” Baekhyun tried to use sweet tone but it didn’t cover the fact that he was annoyed.

“He draw on my face, mom. I hate it” Taehyung avoided his mom’s eyes.

Silence enveloped the room, they could only hear Jesper’s low hiccupping. Baekhyun sighed. “You could have told him slowly” his mom told him calmly.

By now, Jepser had calmed down and he asked Baekhyun to be let down. Baekhyun let Jesper down then told him to go to his room to join his other brothers and they had to talk after this. He kissed his son and told him to be careful while climbing the stairs.

His mom went to sit beside him.

“Jung Taehyung” Taehyung  knew better, when his mom called him with his full name, it meant that he was disappointed. Taehyung chose to be silent and stared at the carpeted floor.

Seeing his son’s response, Baekhyun closed the distance. He hugged his son. Oh how he missed hugging his son, sometimes he wanted to do that, but he was afraid that Taehyung would reject him now that he was older. Sometimes teenagers were shy when it came to physical affection with their parents, especially teenage boys. Baekhyun just didn’t want Taehyung to be uncomfortable. But for this time, Baekhyun was sure the cure to his son’s silence was a hug. Like himself, Taehyun was a hugger. Definitely his son. Taehyung stiffened but after a few seconds he willed himself to be relaxed in his mom hug. Breathing in the scent of his mom’s bodywash mixed with the smell of today’s breakfast, but that didn’t make it any less relaxing.

“Have you eaten your lunch, Taehyungah?”

Taehyung shook his head.

“Why? Mommy has prepared lunch box for you?” He saw his mom frowned.

They throw it mom. “No. I gave it to my friends. He didn’t have money” Why was it so easy for me to lie, now.

“Ah~ do you want mommy to make extra lunch?”

“No, mom. I should have just bought some food from the canteen with my allowance money, but I….was just too…lazy” Another lie.

“You should eat, Tae. You still need to eat to grow up. And mommy doesn’t want you to get sick.”

“You need to take care of yourself, you are eighteen already”

Maybe I just wanted to be taken care of sometimes. Maybe I want to have your whole attention sometimes. “Yes, mom. I will not skip my lunch next time” He answered, just to please his mom.

“Good~ Now, What happened, Taehyungah? You seemed so moody. You aren’t usually like this, not even when your brother teased you a whole lot more before. You didn’t even bat an eyelashe at them.”

Taehyung wanted to break down and cried telling his mom life had been hard for him. But instead, “I’m fine, mom. It’s just…school…. has been….tiring”

“Why? What happened? Were you rejected by your crush at school?”

Taehyung immediately sat up straight, looking at his mom with wide eyes and reddened cheeks. Baekhyun only laughed at his son’s antics. “What? No, mom. Why? I didn’t even have anyone that I like!”

His mom squinted his eyes. “If that’s the case…. No one bully you, right?”

Yes. “No. They are all…good. It is just… Math is hard” Not a total lie. Math was always hard but he had actually had no problem with his grade on Math.

“Ah. Good then. I thought something bad was happened at school. Especially bullying, that is just so bad.”

They were silent for a moment and then his mom continued. “It is ok, Taehyungah. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t need to push yourself too hard. I remember from you last report, you did great enough on Math to pass. You’re a smart kid.” Of course.

“Anyway, have you made another friends? You never brought any friends home until now... And I, sadly, only know one of your friend, that…. Yoongi boy we met at the grocery store the other day? He seemed to treat you well, when we met him another day, he told how you guys are good friends”

If only you knew, mom. He was the worst bully.

“Of course I made new friends, mom. It’s just…my friends have been busy with school so they don’t have time to go hangout anymore.”

“Ah… so it’s like that. You guys need to have fun you know… School is important, but de-stress is also important too. To avoid stress, of course. So you guys should….”

With that, his mom kept going on and on about what he and his friends -like he had one, pft- should do when they were in highschool. He just tuned it out and thought about something else, like how to avoid bumping into Yoongi when he went to school tomorrow? Should he take detour to another gate? Or should he just jump the fence? Ugh.

~**~

a/n : start the story with angst; bcs we r both masochists like that ;;)